¿Donde es mi amor?

Blame it on my Spanish class...
Life gets lonely sometimes...But i thank God for crossing my path with friends, foes and acquaintances...Each of them plays significant roles in mylife, how it goes around and how it affects my adolescence...

To think about it, sometimes it makes me cry..sometimes tears of happiness and sometimes of sorrow...Then again, it makes me smile..As oppose to making me cry, as i grow up, someone has made me realize of the bright side of every negative points been dotted along my storyline... Couldn't be more thankful of all the things happening around me and the memoirs i planted in my sCRAPbook...

There are still a lot of questions in my life...

¿Con quien tuviera yo que encontrarme?....
¿Donde es mi amor?...

Pienso soy enojada...That's why i always end up doing things i never wanted to...Been outta my head a couple of times...

In my life..even with all these beautiful and sorry-ass people going in and out, there has always been that SOMEONE who i often conform with...not to say that i'm plain naive.. just that a lot of logical and sane decisions i made were mostly influenced by his way of perceiving things and how he adapts to it... and how he fusions it with all the insanity, chaos and madness the world has to offer...not that i'm idiotic enough not to be able to do that...just that i have a slight problem on controlling my emotions towards decision-making ONLY when it comes to matters regarding me...Hell yeah, if u ask people of the advices and truth beyond every word i said has always been VERY WISE...

Sometimes i thought after all the things that has happened, it would make me a more resilient lady...arghh...at times it does...but MOST of the time...man i just breakdown and cry...

I have practically everything within my reach...and alhamdulillah i've never been ostentatious...
But then again..there's this tiny dot missing...A significant dot which halts my phrases in order for me to catch a deep breath again...

¿DONDE ES MI AMOR?....

...sob....sob....

BuLL's eYe!!

Say What?!!
Well...people always have sumthin to say about one another eventually...
Hmm...all i can say is that...

::It takes One to know One::

heh....so if u say sumone is a total biatch...hits back on u...
and if u say sumone is a total sweetheart, Hey! hits back on u too!...u see! hehe

like my dear syazana said..."Be original, don't fake it!"...yeah right on sista...
at least i don't need no 6 " chems to make people turn around twice, or MORE! ehehehe

bak kate Aiman... "Ade SESUATU la dia!" hahahaha
oh snap out of it! " Jangan kau nak memondan kat sini!....KEJI!!..." aaaaaaaahahahhahah
Bloody hell!! Kill me sumone please!
BLEEEGHH!!!!

Sob...sob...

:: You're Beautiful
It's true...
I saw ur face...
In a crowded place...
And I don't know what to do...
Coz I'll never be with U... ::

*sob.....*sob......

tHe F|NaLLe...

and at last!! i've reached to the end of my training! weehoo!!!
oh man..this feels so good..no more 6:50 a.m. alarm clocks and RM2.70 of toll charges! argh!

anyway, i miss xybase already..SOMEHOW...as much as i hate the stress at work and the punctualities and datelines and blegh blegh blegh, there are loads of good memories there too...
thanx to the RMS team whom was there at my initial stage of training...

My bestfren at work... Hui Ling...Lady, i'm telling u, if u didn't start the conversation at the discussion room on 20th June, I'd practically be alienating myself there...hehe..thank u so much for being a buddy at work...i appreciate it very much..

Tay, i will not forget all the bully-ing, EVER hehehe...to others ; Lina, Gan, Shida, Skie, Hiew and Hasif...thanx a bunch...u guys made me feel at home... =)
My other bosses...Kim Hua, Yip and Ai Mei, thank u for drilling me on working professionally..
Yeah, i know...those are BIG projects... *wink

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of u who has been around me at work, helping me on sorting all these mambo jambo...Hey, i deserve a break don't u think! it's an international project for God sake, and I posses a sugar-sized knowledge on what was required...so Tay, where's my Haagen Dazs?...and plus plus? JAVA and SQL wasn't so hard after all! heheh...

:: SOEKARNO-HATTA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, JAKARTA ::

:: SISTEM KAWALAN DIESEL BERSUBSIDI, a project of KEMENTERIAN PERDAGANGAN DAN HAL EHWAL PENGGUNA ::

Thanx u guys...i never knew i had the ability to be a good graphic designer...and Yip, i'm flattered on the invitation to join u guys later as the company's graphic designer...
THANKS U GUYS.. SOO SOOO MUCH!!!

tH|s wEeK's aGeNdA...

22nd September

My sayang's birthday!!!

HaPpY brThDaY sAyAnG!!!!
Khairul Affendi Zainal

23rd September

My final training day!!!
Weeehhoooo!!!!

Un|vErSaL cOnTrOvErSy...

ok aiman...here goes...

ok...i've not been blogging for days..(je ok!)...been really busy not meman*** ok aiman my dear, but more like WORKING...thank u...
I've been sick really frequently too nowadays..no specific reason to why that occured but i guess it's the dry season and stress...Ok now this is something that i've been thinking about a lot these past few days...

People always come up to me and say...

Always abide ur instincts coz they're like the other U that went through the day just slightly faster so there's a tendency that things will turn out just the way it's supposed to be...
And think with ur brains, not ur heart...For our emotions are games of the satan...

But when these two thoughts collide, i feel that it's just about the same...
I mean, instincts come from the heart...and yet people told u not to listen to what ur heart tells u coz it might just cause catastrophe...Oh man...

Well...i had some really rough times myself few days back..
Not only pertaining me, but also pertaining my own fresh n blood AND the people i care about very much...
I realized that there's so much anger and rage in all of us...that's why nothing works well just enough...there's always these missing, neglected pieces of the bad puzzle laying somewhere..
Of course, we're just plain humans..born to make mistakes...and we often forget...not that we chose to forget, but more of the side effects of our lifestyle...I admit, i've not been a dedicated solehah muslim...and i realized...THAT'S where it all started from...the lack of devotion towards Allah S.W.T....

Hati selalu resah...
Minda selalu berceramuk...
Kening sering berkerut....
Jiwa dan raga hampir terpisah...

That's how bad i felt...Now i'm not entirely ok...
We all know that God will never help us, if we didn't help ourselves...
And that things happen coz we chose it to happen...
Sedar tak sedar sebenarnya the things that happen and revolve around us are the things that we have chosen...we have to learn to except the facts, the package...coz nothing is perfect...
There's yin and yang...Now THAT'S what makes it PERFECT...
The cure for my insecurity, low self-steem, and all these negative vibes in me is in front of my eyes...Kain sejadah yang senantiase berbau harum walau diletak di mana jua...
But we often neglect this...kerana ikutkan sangat hati...nak mengejar dunia...nak mengejar kebahagiaan alam yang sementara...walhal kita boleh kecapi semua itu for infinite time di alam syurga...

Not that we all are not aware of this..but that's the saddest part of being a human being...we are aware and yet we chose to divert our priorities to something else which brings happiness for years, when there's happiness that awaits us for the infinite of time...only some of us are being the true khalifah...but the majority are acting as if the other side is just an illusion...

And the pathetic phrase arises...LIFE STARTS AT 40...What if u were to be dead by 39? Now when does YOUR life starts? or more like WHERE does your life starts?...I chose to settle down now, at the age of 21...to have my own family...i've never felt how good it is to be in a FAMILY... not that i don't have one...but i have one that's more like a unity...not a family...think of the difference in that...

UNITY vs FAMILY...and all i wanted was a happy family...a family of my own...

HeLL yEaH!!!

13 more days to go and i'm off!!
No more internship blablabla...
Report settled, testscript for today settled, employer's evaluation...ooops oh shit...
hehehe..

Man! i miss my friends...my sayang...my sisters...MYSELF!!
Yeay pasni bole gi mandi sungai and go jungle-trekking and mandi laut! weehee!!

bReAkDoWn...

just when i thought life was going great again..arghh...
god backstabbers are like everywhere around me...
freakin dengki people tak habis2, takde keje lain ke weih...
patut ar malaysia tak maju, tgk ar perangai sekor2 camne...&*$684#$&w!!!
working life tak jadi, family tak jadi, anak2 tak jadi, diri sendiri lagi la jgn cite tak jadi ape!
F*** sial....

:: i need sumbody uplifting...sumbody to save me just when i'm a few inches above hell...
sumone who i can rely on everytime without any expectations of favour in return...

life is hard, i know...everything is...don't ask for too much, as i was told over and over again...
but when is it just enough?...when is it too little?...ya allah give me the strength...::

NeW rYtHm....

i've officially moved....
there's a new spark...
gonna take my chances...
no doubts, no regrets, just determination...
gonna heat things up...
let's see how this'll turn out...
bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

tHe sWeEtEsT sOnG...

I've been down
now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation coming around
I guess its right, it's so amazing
everytime I see you I'm alive
you're all I've got
you lift me up
all my dreams are in your eyes

I wanna be inside your heaven
take me to the place you cry from
where the storm blows your way
I wanna be earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When minutes turn to days and years
When mountains fall, I'll still be here
holdin you until the day I die
and I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way

** InS|dE uR hEaVen **

DeBuGg|nG hUmAnS..|s tHaT pOsS|bLe?

We often fail to realize that WE humans are equipped with "bugs"....We often forget who we are in the first place...Extreme insecurtity, neglectivity, naivity, vanity (this is my opinion), negativity and affirmitivity are the bugs i was referring to earlier on...

The reason why some of us managed to appear "superior" is because they're smart enough to wrap themsleves with a thin-almost transparent blinds as to avoid potraying their real-selves. It's not to say that this behaviour is wrong, but more to say that this acts as a "defensive" shield upon being condaminated by normal humans...People nowadays envy each other upon achieving success and superiority as they really think that this will show how "powerful and in control" they are... No doubt about it that some of these species really made it to the top with normal human problems, but as to others, they suffer a more complicated way of living...

Coming to the other "blinds" users, there are those who "misused" it for their selfish desires... The fact that they are so smart and slick makes them the "temporary-superiored-ones"... Despite all the "intelligence", these species somehow would get themselves caught in between their ass n shit...and when that time comes, they'll bring out their secret weapon of mass sympathy....The sob stories of what happened in the past, the rage, agony, upbringing and so forth just seem to work everytime...hmm....i wonder why...

And then comes the "extreme low self-esteem ones"...where all the "bugs" have invaded the human body, mind and soul severely...Its an almost "no god damn way to help u" kinda situation when it comes to them, as they succumb to ultimate negativity...I was in that area honestly....and believe that i am still 40% in there...which means..NOT GOOD....I despised myself so much all my teenage years as I tried too hard to make myself feel "belonged" to the people around me...yekhh...whatever...

And lastly my favourite species..the "moderate ones"...I see myself halfway there.. partly am still stuck in the "extreme low self-esteem species", which made me unhappy half of my life...Well time for a change...I see this species often gets everything in moderate..happiness, anger, sadness, whatvere u name it...It's good in everyway....Makes u a modest and kind person of which everyone loves and there's nothing too bad or too good to define these people...They're just..PLAIN MODERATE!...

Lets not be judgemental to others...As it is, we humans created these species ourselves so live with it...if ur not happy, then try to pick the species most likely to make u happy...I know I am so far..

sP|LL|nG uP tHe bEaNs....

Feeza and Khair..watch out...I've got terrifying news for both of U...
Told Emmy, Alia, Fara and Aiman...as usual, Aiman thought somehow it was a favour..

Because of u, Aiman..Ok..i'll stop it...come to think of it...hahah kinda baseless...
Childish behaviour i must say...

Good thing happened is that i'm no longer a half-filled glass..Next week, no more KJ...hope all turns out well.looking forward to it somehow...

This is MY LIFE...This is MY BLOG..These are MY WORDS..These are MY thoughts....
So if u feel like criticizing me upon my personality instead of my work, FUCK OFF...

God Bless...

A b|tCh w|LL aLwAyS bE a B|tCh...

read the title...whoever yg terase bende tuh nak kene kat die or sesape related dgn die bagus la.. sedar la sikit kite ni manusia, cerita senang sgt spread, jadi kalau nak menyundal ngan org tu pon fikir2 la sikit dulu ok...
If u are into "changing" ur stupid high school attitude, then do sumthing about it, prove people wrong, bukan buat bende sorok2, bodoh...Kan dah kate, sooner or later the truth will surface..

I don't know la why people find the pleasure of being with sumbody they "love", pas2 blakang bole share air liur ngan org lain..yg lagi best, dah commited lame, siap kate nak sehidup semati... ya allah gile sundal...

Igt sikit, u buat kat org bukan pasal kononnye u kene banyak kali from org, tapi sememangnye ade sumthin wrong with u wahai setan, sedar2 la sikit...Gile sial, igt perangai high school dok share org tuh dah abis la bile dah besar ni, rupenye masih giat...Bukan nak mulut celupar ok, tapi fikir la, skang nih senang2 kene STD and etcetra...So u think by doing things behind ur "loved" ones skang doesn't mean that the person ur flirting with can't do that to u as well?..

Ya rabi, bukak la mate sikit..Face reality will u...If u can hurt person A n goes flirting with person B, why do u think person B can't do the same to u later on?...Tunggu la sampai one day u tetibe got attached so much with a person, pastu that person leaves u baek nye...Time tuh nak tersembam ke nak bunuh diri ke bagus gak la...Fikir la ape sial u dah buat....

Like i said before...dunia nih penuh ngan kaki report...so mesti la cerita senang spread..Yeah, u can be happy now coz u've "won" one part of a person sampai die sanggup tipu "the loved one"... tapi sampai bile?....heh...bodoh tuh tetap bodoh la..belaja la sampai mati pon sorry to say la, tuhan saje taknak bukak hati bagi pandai sebab ur genitals are made for free...

Lagi sedap malapetaka kene bile "kawan makan kawan"...Sebuta2 yg bole kite dibuatnye percaye that he/she is a true friend, takde nye nak buat sial ngan ur "loved one"..alih2 die pulak yg stim bile lepak ngan ur "loved" one...Gile fucked up sial perangai....ish ish ish...LAGI BEST bile ur "loved" one pon melayan...uuuhh terbaek nye! Lagi satu bonus point bile ur "friend" yg goes flirting with ur "loved" one tuh bole plak at the same time tunjuk konon die baek sgt kat ur "loved" one, bukan aje die dah commited, siap bole go holding hands ngan ur own bestfriend ( of which he/she is stupid enuf not to know la kan that the other person is ur bestfriend)Pastu ur "loved" one pon cam igt he/she tuh buat mcm2 ngan ur "loved" one tuh je...silap la kan, mesti la ur bestfriend report! Due2 bodoh....he/she ngan ur "loved" one...Same bodoh...

Now do u guys see why i don't have that many number of friends? This is why... banyak sangat kawan makan kawan...susah gile nak carik the good n trustworthy ones...
Thanx i shall say to Alia, Emmy, Farra, Feeza, Khair and Farah Nadz for being my TRUE girlfriends...Apek n Aiman thanx for being my TRUE guyfriends...

I speak on behalf of EVERYONE and especially my beloved friends and myself who have been cheated so many times...I wonder when will the good things come to the good ones? Wallahualam...

bLaMe FeEzA n ErKs...

You Are Edward From "Edward Scissorhands." You are very shy and often misunderstood. Innocent, sweet, and artistic, you like to pass your days by daydreaming and expressing yourself through the arts. You are a truly unique individual. Unfortunately, you are quite lonely, and few people truly understand you.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

FuS|oN Part II

THE THREE STOOGES CONTINUED...

FeEzABeLLe
i've just discovered that die nih bole tahan gatal..ehehe...don't get mad at me ok feeza, there were too many stories being fed...haha..Feeza bile datang mood gile die abis ar.. She'll start crapping like nobody's business...kang tetibe die gelak sorg2 pas2 muke jadi cam lobster panggang...
Feeza gets high demands from the other species of human called Pretty Boys...Its like the highway ok...Mane2 die jalan ke toleh ke belok ke lompat ke menonggeng ke ade aje bende baru...damn u..
Every single time pon she'll get to see the good ones...wait, correction..not only SEE but also GETS HOLD of em...argh....Feeza is the next head-shapeshifter...coz she always transform from neck up..
if not her earings, tetibe kang she has some new lip gloss or eyeliners or eyeshadows or the famous and paling frequently terjadi is the drastic haircuts...One semester u'll see her with the girlish long hair, then comes the japanese style then suddenly the short-hair then suddenly her hair becomes long again...I only knew her for like 3 years and she already have more than 5 goddamn hairstyles! gile nye feremfuan...
Feeza is like my twin, coz everywhere we go, org igt adek-beradek and we'll get this phrase everytime "ey, sape kakak? muke serupe la.." Kepale hotak korang! tgk dekat2, takde makne muke kitorg same...N plus our dresscode bile kuar melepak lebih kurang...She is like the makhluk yg paling bersopan n organized bile makan...She'll eat without a sound, mouth fully shut, and u can see her dish missing slowly portion by portion in a superb order...She'll always have a tissue in one hand in case tercomot, so die cepat2 wipe...Hah satu bende best gile! Feeza shares the same amount of love when it comes to "lepak"ing by the beach, eventhough when the sun is like 90 degrees above...
Lately Feeza loves OU so much that i often hear "En, aku dekat ngan ur place, nak gi OU nih, jom ar!" hehe all in all, she is my definition of the new-age contemporary lady...

kHa|r
khair jenis cam feeza...buat hal sendiri, buat keje sendiri memanjang..khair is a bit quiet when it comes to her personal life...She'll be telling feeza mostly about anything, but not me...agaknye i nih harsh sgt kot towards her..ye khair? i don't know la...khair nowadays slalu sangat "occupied" maklumlah org cinta sedang berputik....she is a lazy bum when it comes to studying, but rajin gile when it comes to getting involved in events, rugby and i think futsal too...
khair never fails to accessorize herself whenever she goes out...khair bile dtg bitch mode die abis ar, tolong jgn dekat...die nye attitude kalah spoilt brat, bahase die tiung tiung and she'll put up a super f***ed up face that no one dares to stare at! I have a strong feeling that khair will never grow taller nor expand any bigger...khair so far i can say is a quite happy-go-lucky kinda person coz you rarely see her in pms mode...
khair same cam feeza when it comes to attracting guys...die nih sebab die kecik chomei, laki mane la tak geram ngan die...and oh ya...don't be fooled by her innocent look, i must stress again ya...coz she is NOT what u think she is..wehehe..so far jarang la dgr khair ade pape masalah..probably bcoz she doesn't tell me often coz she has feeza to pour out to...i'll find out like yonks later la kan..jahat gile...khair is adventurous when it comes to food..even if the food looks gewwwy and disgusting, she'll still put up that cute disgusted face and places the food in her mouth..hehe..khair pon same cam me n feeza, kaki jalan...asal ade tempat bole gi je she'll go, tak kisah la last minute plan ke kamikaze ke...
khair banyak gile kisah2 menarik yg bole diceritakan kat kitorg coz she has been to many parts of the world...ye la, kate her dad works for the embassy, nak buat camne...luckily it happened like when she was still a kid, kalau tak mcm2 colour la ex boyfriend die..hehehhe kiddiinngg...
khair is unpredictable....sometimes she seems as if she has mellowed down, but pas2 amek kau, u'll be surprised of what she was up to...mulut die bertapis, tapi kalau dah bengang, oi tolong la tutup telinga bebudak kecik, malapetaka akibatnye kang...heheh all in all she's is my definition of cute and adorable...

Aiman
he is the most "keras kepale"-ed guy...taknak dgr ckp me n feeza n khair langsung.... ok not langsung la, but most of the time...nih mmg a true happy-go-lucky person..he doesn't give to shitz about what or how people think of him...he lives his life to the fullest...has no regrets of what he did as he has always been the positive thinker among us...
lately aiman starts talking like a "shrink"...he uses all those philosophical terms and languages as if he's writing a literature or giving a very formal speech....but somehow, his words gets to my attention everytime...
He projects himself as a good father (when he becomes one someday)...his love towards theatre is like the love of soulmates...he'll go all out for his stage performances and comes out with good plays...hey, his team didn't go to the nationals for nothing! I never knew this part of him before, but he is THE ULTIMATE DRAMAKING la for sure...hehe...Me and aiman loves to talk in a stupid British slang, lagi2 bile bab2 mengutuk org or each other..hahah somehow it sounds really "POLITE" kan aiman? wahahaa...
Aiman loves his food, very adventurous too...he is like our ultimate weapon when we visit a chinese place coz he could understand their SOS very well...ye la, kate alien camtuh ar die...hehe
when it comes to travelling, aiman is number one...he knows and been to so many places we never knew existed in this country ...I think if i didn't meet aiman back in 2002, i'll feel as if i'm the only alien alive on earth, so i thank god that he created another being just like me!
Year by year kitorg dok plan nak celebrate birthday sesame; me, aiman and khair... tapi disebabkan si cody berjantina lelaki nih tak abis2 ngan theatre die or balik kuantan, i think we'll celebrate it when we turn 40 k aiman...tuh pon if ur not "active" lagi la kan.. hehe
Aiman nih bole tahan gak sundalz die...mentang2 ar he knows how to play around with his words when it comes to approaching ladies, amboi amboi shakespeare pon kalah...But when it comes to giving advices, his words stabs u hard, not kidding....so tolong la jgn memain ngan aiman...
Even so, he is as sick in the head as the rest of us...sometimes sicker..hehehe... He knows exactly the cure for ur pain, mentally ke physically ke....he really knows howta make u feel good about urself and things evolved around u...He is a supportive and a caring muthafucka....
oh ya..if i'm not mistaken, aiman loves collar pins and fridge magnets...i still got a hardrock collar pin with me ok aiman, of which i bought LAST YEAR from MIAMI ok...sundal, tu la tak nak jumpe aku lagi..
One more thing i've just discovered about aiman is that he has a rather high vanity level.. Especially during that time when he got his hair long...mentang2 rambut lawa cam perempuan, lelebih plak nak show off! chit!heheh ok...all in all he is my definition of a classic-souled guy...

Adeeehh..adeehhh...adeehhh...

Sorry to say la kan...
Myspace, Friendster, Hi5, Ringo dan rakan2 sejawat mmg dok bagi masalah...
Especially in relationships...bukan i sorang ok, ramai gile start gado pasal bende bodo ni..

Yes, please do take note that I have permanently deleted my myspace, hi5, friendster blablabla for good...since tak abis2 ade hal timbul pasal these "programs" whatever la kan...
Pasal bende ni, bole gado, member start makan member..ihh bodo gile childish shitz...
Yeah i got into that at one point...mmg bodo ar, so baik kuar je terus...

So people, if ever u start bergado even SEKALI with anybody because it started initially with these "programs" i suggest baik cancel la account tuh...Don't jeapordize ur relationship with ur loved ones and friends for nothing..Manusia, biase la always have that jealousy...So don't feed it, coz it'll fill u up with hard-ass f***ed up shitz....Maklumlah, kalau tak sendiri jealous, ade je "kaki2 report" yg senantiase menjalankan their pathetic ass work, konon nak tunjuk "caring", pas2 kite pon 'TER'jealous membabi bute... OH PEGILAH MAMPOS.....

seriously...this is a f***ed up world we're living in...BLOODY ASS F***ED UP...

sHeMaLe??...

ok i've just read the news today...
there was this article about guys getting breast reduction surgeries...
Somewhere in the europe, there are about 150 men having this surgery because their "breast" had "fats"....hahah funny ain't it...

the article also says that there was a "mammary" gland found inside their breasts...
take note that this "gland" are the ones found ONLY in women, which actually enables them to produce breast milk...it says that these hormones were found excessively in tap water and fast food...Tap water coz it says there were a lot contraceptive pills dissolved in it, and fast food coz chicken nowadays were injected with hormones to make them bigger...

WAAHLLAAUUWWEEIIHH!! meaning now guys can have breasts milk and get pregnant! hahahaha! attention women, get ur men pregnant! weehoooo!!!
So, i think that's the most eye-catching news for today! hahahah

RoUgH eNdZ...

had a really rough week..
i was being really uptight with everyone, especially Mr significant other...
couldn't believe what i did, what happened....
Ya allah...i was beyond my ultimate nightmare...
Syukur alhamdulillah i still have my other half of me...but it's getting quite loose...

Sometimes to know everything kills u..and at the same time not to know everything f***s u up pretty badly...Things have not been of a favour to me this past week...Much often gone against me, made me feel like a rock being hit by a hard wave...

It hits me hard to think of the lovely days i had in year 2000...Everything was SO GREAT...
I was like the best student in my school in sub-arts stream (arts stream with add math that is)..
I had like one big clan of friends whom stick together in everything, everytime, everywhere...
I found the love of my life...of which still is holding onto me, and what we believe as true love and destined soulmates...

My dear dear Taymen and i had a talk yesterday...I couldn't believe at first that someone was really really concern about me and Mr significant other...Its so sweet to see someone who could actually cry with you, at least that's what i see in Taymen...

This is the things that strikes me...Why do good guys often get the bad girls and hard life, vice versa?...Things are always a favour to the "good looking ones", bastards and bitches...
Now where is the fairness in that?...hmmm....

Despite the shittiness the past week had been giving me..i also got fed with a whole log of things which made me laughed EVILLY...discovered a whole lump of truth about few people... Of which i've always regard as the good ones...They really really had me fooled with their angelic words of wisdom, not for a year or two, but literally my whole teenage life...How sucky is that?
It made me feel pathetic to see myself as a naive person all of a sudden...

Thank God Feeza came to the rescue last night...She was like 100 metres away from my house coz a "friend" of hers got into an accident...Went out for dinner and sent her back to Bukit Jalil... It was SOOOO NICCCEEE to see her...ya allah, lame gile sey tak jumpe...since i started working ok...Her haircut is similar to mine hahah....Gile adek-beradek sial kite...Seriously rindu gile si perempuan gile tuh..n khair n ESPECIALLY aiman sya'aban...tuh babi tonyok yg susah sgt nak turun kj, nak kene terajang baru turun agaknye...hehe...I miss MMU!!! argghh... As much as i hate to admit it, but i do miss that stupid MMU! rindu gile nak gi lecture halls, gi tutorials, lepak makan kat bus-stand n streetmall...argghhh...Working life ni mmg memeningkan kepale... Lagi2 ar kene jadi "designer" ya allah tuhan je tau camne susah nak carik creativity... Everyday i'll be staring at the scenery outside my window just to get some ideas...Adeeehhh.... Dah ar kat MMU dok blaja buat business online, alih2 keje jadi designer plak...Susah nak mampos sial....

SPECIFICALLY TO "THE ANONYMOUS"

ok i don't know who u are, and how u got "linked" to my blog... why is it so hard for u to just put up yer name or sumthin...And plus, WHY do u wanna know so much of WHOM i was referring to - Mr significant one and my sayang? Whether or not they are the same person between each other and AFFENDI, will it ever affect u?

Anyway, this is MY blog to begin with...Whatever i wrote, NO ONE should be asking or questioning or "campur tangan" in my thoughts, feelings and so forth...So since u asked, it shows that u are nowhere near to being a friend of mine, coz my friends DO know what or whom i'm referring to...
This blog serves as a past-time thingy, so if u DO have questions or whatsoever, please consider this...WHO ARE YOU TO ME?

Thank you and have a nice day.

Mood of the Week..

Had a pretty rough week...insecurity emerges itself again in me...i just can't explained the havoc and commosion going on in me.It would be wrong to say that my work didn't have anything to do with these sick feelings...Come to think of it, i've become my own ultimate nightmare since i started my internship..God knows how i could easily succumb to anger, frustration and depression.
Mr. significant one said sumthin really endearing...

"Sometimes we think too much...and that we're too careful in everything...It's like you're wearing a white pair of pants...U know how easily it'll get stained, and because of that you're being really cautious on everything u touch, everywhere u sit or walk et cetera...The more you get worried and cautious, the bigger the tendency of u staining you're pants..U chose to wear that pair of pants, so just ...wear it...Don't bother too much, instead wear it and treat it like u treat your other pants in the closet.Less chances of getting it dirty. Even if u do, hey, probably it's just not ur day!That shouldn't stop u from doing anything, right?"

RIGHT!...i kinda spoilt so many things...really...just because i was being too careful..I was too scared of making mistakes.

And just when i though life was being so bitchy, Mr significant one held me up and had me put up a joyous smile and to an extend, cried a happy tear....He had my back eversince, never bailed on me, not even once even after some misunderstandings and quarrelings.
So far, things have been quite easy on me, less stress as i've got used to my work and its surroundings...People at work has been nice to me...hehe..well, i'm enjoying it though!

Hope things will be different when i move to my new crib. Can't wait...even after the fact that i'll be far from EVERYONE...even my own dad and sisters...Oh well, it's a new start..
I miss my friends...soooo much...i miss myself too...and jgn cite la, of course i miss u, sayang...

To my 3 stooges...

Life is full of lots of ups and downs
but the distance feels further
when it's headed for the ground
and there's nothing more painful
than to let your feelings take
you down

It's so hard to know
the way you feel inside
when there's many thoughts
and feelings that you hide
but you might feel better
if you let me walk with you
by your side

And when you need
A shoulder to cry on
when you need
a friend to rely on
and the whole world is gone
you won't be alone
'cause I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be your friend to rely on
When the whole world's gone
you won't be alone 'cause I'll be there

All of the times
when everything is wrong
and you're feeling like
there's no use going on
You can't give it up
I'll help you work it out
and carry on

Side by side
with you till the end
I'll always be the one
to firmly hold your hand
no matter what is said or done
our love will always continue on

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on
Everyone needs a friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone, you won't be alone
'cause I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be your friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone,
You won't be alone
'cause I'll be there
You'll have my shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be the one to rely on
When the whole world is gone, you won't be alone
'cause I'll be there

And when the whole world's gone
You'll always have my shoulder to cry on

:: ToMmY PaGe ::
p/s: yes aiman, i know u love this song too... :)

...

hate work...
my big boss ain't really happy...
my boss is becoming more stupid as he didn't know what the big boss wanted...so he ended up jeopardizing my reputation as well...fucker...
i'm having my period pain..
i'm hungry...
i feel like a kambeng...

pffft!!!....

NuLL...

super tired...
been designing icons for bloody airport desktop for 2 weeks already..still there are about 30 more to go... damn it...
patience patience....2 months to go and i'm out! hell yeah i love MMU! wahaha

some funny shitz happened last weekend..some of which I've never knew would happen and some that I've been longing for to happen! Overall...SATISFIED...
Some of the things I've really realized...

1. Pretty girls don't last
2. People who are full of shit, hatred, nonsense and "hati busuk" somehow have their own physical appearances to speak for them! I saw many of 'em for the past 10 years!
3. Friends who only stick up til schooling days aren't really your FRIENDS...
4. There is such thing called "karma"
5. You should never think that whatever it is that u achieved after yonks trying is gonna stay...
6. You should really GROW UP after high school
7. There are split-personalities and twisted-minds
8. There has always been SOMEONE to marry u later
9. Intimate love before 21 is BEE YOU ELLE ELLE shit
10. Addiction to coffee, cookies, ice-cream and chocolate keeps me happy
11. I love my three stooges; feeza, khair and aiman, alia, emmy, farra, my lil sis adeq and my recently reunited bestfriend apek jan
12. And of course my SAYANG, u were never deleted from my number 1 spot
13. I'm good at designing
14. I have to start saving, I wanna get married soon
15. I spend thousands on food everytime.. :P
16. I'm a baby-magnet and chinese-magnet (God knows what's with these sepets)
17. Everyone at the office wants me back after I graduate
18. The correct way to spell "outstanding" is VA VA VOOM
19. I miss my friends and my sayang so much since I started my intern
20. I can't live without vege

Too many things I've realized..and that's not good...Shows how much updating I have more to do! bleeghhh!!!!

ploooot.....POOF!!

FuS|on Part I

now here goes...

THE THREE STOOGES

FEEZABELLE.... -the Split-Personality Ipoh @ Parit Buntar DIVA
Known her for three years..we "shared" my bed...hehe...shared mostly everything; food, interests, stories, problems, ups and downs, erm boyfriend not yet :P and the list goes on.. One thing for sure is that I could talk about ALMOST anything to Feeza without having the guilt of "tersalah cakap" u know... Well eventually I know that she'll always gives me this lecturing to toughen myself when i reach my point of nervous breakdown..Hey, we've been through a lot together didn't we Feeza? Lately she's in love with OU and i'm happy for that as this gives me the chance to bug her more! haha... I made her and Khair meet my four outta six close friends here in KJ... So far, things have been really great especially when none of them made anyone felt like an alien...Feeza goes along with my friends here very well..cam dah kenal setahun ek?! hehe...Oh ya..FEEZA suke melayan I makan, best sebab die pon kaki pelahap skali! haha Feeza has a whole factory of LEVI's jeans, and orange stuff! and oh ya..A whole factory of ADIDAS shoes and trainers and also NIKE and ADIDAS stuff! damn u woman...:P

KHAIR... - the two-faced Tokyo @ Ampang ANGEL
My petite insecure devil...I found her in the CLC...erm blablabla in Malacca...She tags along with Feeza and Aiman..One thing I just found out about two years back was that these three stooges couldn't stand my guts in class! haha...They said that I looked like one hell of a stuck up spoilt KL brat whose wallet is filled with 50 dollar notes...hahah amik sebijik kan dah jadi bestfrens! hahah..Khair is my dustbin, cause she likes to have my last straw of food..Orang offer awal2 tak nak, dah nak abis baru mintak! ape ar!hehe...Khair is my other twin of ice-cream lover...and lately Feeza just joined in so now it's a triplet! Khair super duper petite that she could fit into her primary school-ed sister's clothes..Khair, GROW UP...:P kiddiiinn...She tends to just listen to me whenever I was down..She never really gave me lectures like Feeza did cause she is most of the time surprised by the things that happened to me..So, she'll come up with sentences like "apsal jadi camtu En?"...heheh I love that part of her..enhances her cuteness... :P Khair loves the colour purple so much that u can see a walking ornament in shades of purple regardless whether it's daytime or nighttime...And she loves the girlish flower power stuff! heheh

AIMAN SYA'ABAN - the Kuantan DEVIL...
This is the father of all devils...He has done the craziest, stupidest and the most daring acts ever made in history!...Knew him of course when I knew Feeza and Khair..They sit together in the class EVERYTIME...and bitches about me a lot in CLC...hahaha...Kurang aja korang! Ha, skang sape yg kau sayang? BAM on the face! hahahha...Aiman is my bestfren in gobbling food...We often eat at this chinese restaurant called "mesra MMU" in Malacca...Surprisingly, we became vegetarians as the veges were the ultimate mouth-watering dishes!hahah kan aiman kan?! We even buka puase there ok! Aiman THINKS and TALKS and ACTS like me! We could talk about ANYTHING, literally, cause he IS as BAD as me...TRUE GEMINIs ha?! well, what can i say! We were just destined to meet! hehe It never gets bored whenever Aiman, Feeza,Khair and myself hang out...It's like we have never-ending laughter... It has been like a year since I last met Aiman.. :( i miss uuuuu!!!! Die dok turun cyber tapi tak reti nak singgah KJ! Ey, aku skang sebok keje, hang mai la sinih! Cimpanzee! :P There's not much about to talk about Aiman coz if I do, it'll mean that I'm bragging about myself! hahahah Seriously people, Aiman is the reflection of me, living in Malacca and Kuantan...i swear! hehe

to be continued....

uLt|mAtE sAdNeSs...

First it was my love life...
Then it was my "delayed" exams....
Then it was my job of which I don't really know what to be done...
Then comes my super pathetic exam results of which my gpa dropped by 0.5 and my cgpa dropped by 0.06...

How shitty more can life be?!
Am so frustrated...tensed...agitated and hell yeah I'm pissed!

How the hell am I suppose to buck up my pointers within 3-packed sems?!

I'M SCREWED....HELP IN NEED....
BEEP...transmission disconnected by peer.....

t|cK...t|ck....BLEEGGHHH!!!

Counting the days gone by....Fixing every bits and pieces of the unsolved puzzle...Gone thru an American maze...Tried every fusion food...Painted every wall I walked by....

Life just couldn't get any more painful...Been holding myself back from so many things which most of them I believe would lead to the repetition of pathetic history..

If this keeps on going for another year, I swear I'll patheticly end up getting married at 40, or a worst-case scenario, an OLD LONELY FART...arrgghh...I just wish I knew what was going on in my dumb head everytime I thought of doing something so ridiculous...Everything seems so mystical, irrational, supernatural and everything indescribably nonsense...

God help me go on if these are the things meant to be for me...and please help me put aside the things that were just fantasies and things that I could never have or achieve...I don't know whether I was trying too hard, or just not been trying hard enough...Am I being too harsh on myself?...No answer is within my reach, not even clues or shadows....

I wanna understand life and make the best of it..But how am I going to if there aren't any guidance and support...Lately there are so many obligations to be done...To myself, mom, dad, sisters, work, school, friends, and the significant one...I truly wanna make things right, and I hope whatever it is that I'm doing now is leading me onto the right track...

If this doesn't go anywhere, I swear I'll just pass-out or just drop dead... :'(
I miss everything about us... *sob*... :(

tEars fRom My hEaRt...

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go...Somewhere only we know?

|ssUes...|ssUes..|ssUes...

Ok this is what long pathetic holidays do to u...U'll get bored doing nothing, ended up doing so many unnecessary stuff, create unnecessary issues, troubles and assumptions, everything starts to be so goddamn ridiculous and nowhere near logical thinking....

Thank god work starts next week! I'll be occupying myself again and be productive AGAIN! uuff holidays are killin me! owhhh shoot...exams are next week too...Mother of hell, haven't even taken a glimpse at my books...sumbody slap me!

Xybase here I come...one little route screwed, I'll be screwing up the entire Jakarta airport map! holly crap...I don't have a clue of why am I stuck with the "air industry"...Hated every single part of it, from the construction to the runaways to the flights and to the employees! Damn it now I'll be the person behind the curtains! yeekkkhhh....Well at least they pay me well! yehehe!

July is just around the corner...and I'll be moving my butt off to a new crib...yeaaahhh.. No more old KJ bullshitz! Let's breathe the new air! yeepee! Hope my final year goes well...oh please please let it be as planned...Gotta get outta this neighbourhood right away.. It's accumulating nonsense and shitz...


~Take a step further and U'll see beyond the thorns of the white rose...~

aG|tAtEd sNuG...

Sounds mixed up? yeah pretty much...I just couldn't figure out on what stand am I on now... Used to be a snug, then I became agitated, then a snug again, and now, I don't even recognize myself...

Phases of life and so they call it...which reminisced me about the old E'en...Hmm... Been a jerk, a half-bitch, full-blast angel when it comes to my boyfriend, a sarcastic, obnoxious and arrogant child, horrendously ugly and poorly taken care of, superbly active in both indoor and outdoor sports and tried so hard to keep up with the current trend (never was a trendsetter, too bad at it!)....

One thing that I disagree with my significant one is that life isn't always miserable...Because that would mean knowing me was a terrible mistake and it has made ur life miserable..heh... People always say, accept life as it is...Well, partly it is true, because waiting for a miracle to happen is tedious and almost...IMPOSSIBLE...

Couldn't keep up with changes, demands and expectations from the world... I thought I've done so much yet everything's so far from reach...and seems further n further away... There's so many unexplainable memoir.... *sigh*

OH no, I've just discovered that I'm having blood clot around my retina... been scratching my eyes because of my allergy towards haze...arggghh.... looked so damn scary...ABNORMAL I must say...

Nowadays everything moves so slowly, as if u could catch a falling rain... I missed my days during May 2000...uhhuu.....~ God knows why...

Thoughts to ponder...

Now I wonder if U should know..
Just how it feels...
To be left outside alone...
When it's cold out here...
-clip from a song...-

Somehow it makes me wonder...Has he ever felt this way...Does he have any idea of how indescribable this situation is...oh well, God has His own ways...

Come closer and I'll take my hand outta my pocket,
Just for you to see what I hid inside,
Hey it's nothin much, it's just a sachet,
With pastel flower prints...

Open the sachet and U'll find,
The debris and dusts trapped inside,
Why don't U bring it home,
Hence clean it with a vacuum cleaner,
At least the dusts go away but the colour stays...

Pay a visit to your one-acre garden of eden,
Drag the sachet while running through the flowers,
Don't forget to pick some pink daisies,
And hold it gently so they won't get flattened...

When we meet up for English tea and scones,
Bring along my sachet and daisies,
I am not of any type of Molly Jones,
Just the type U rarely see...

Diamonds are good, and good for life,
How about people who constantly strive?,
Eventhough 4 seasons repeats itself,
There will never be the same books on the shelf...

If both Men and Women are to last,
Which reef will U habitate?
If Women were to last and Men to extinct,
When will the war ever end?
If Men were to last and Women to extict,
When will there ever be "the man-of-the-house"...

aLhAmdULiLLaH....21 years n counting..

Hey hey...am 21 today! yeay!...

So much I have been thru...and yet so much more to come..Had a tremendously fun holiday with Feezabelle, Khair n my luvly sister Adeq...Luv u guys so much...Life as usual, been bitchy to me.. I'm sick on my birthday, how pathetic is that!...

One good thing about being 21 is that I'M ON MY FINAL YEAR of DEGREE!! oh yeaahh!! Coming up, internship...Looking forward to it...Then, 2 more sems and I'M DONE baby! Like ding donnggg...one more year to go! Can't wait...

My significant other (who shall remain nameless), is off to Aussie somewhere on the 4th quarter of this year...Hope all goes well and good things come along...We need a super change.. Sorta like a life turnover i must say...

Everything seems so oblivious nowadays...I don't know why, but sure as hell I'm pissed with everything...ergghh... Few days ago, met this old schoolmate of mine who suddenly looked like she has been making conspicuous consumption and telling the world about it...well, well, turns out that Miss Suddenly Happening isn't the next Donald Trump after all! hah! Excuse me lady, I have enough friends, contacts and cables to all sorts of business FYI...Sheesshh I may appear like a stupid spoilt-brat, but hey, please conduct some background check before you make any assumptions ok?! Now who's the ultimate idiot? Four of your fingers are pointing at yourself isn't that right?....blegghh...

And one more thing that has been bugging me nowadays, fusillade....I don't know why, suddenly all these nonsense came swooming at me like bees...yeekkhh freaky....

Oh no, now that I'm 21, I'll be going straight to jail for any illegality! Mommmm!!! help! No more juvenille status..jeng jeng jeng...But everything else, HELLO LEGAL world! heheh

Crappin nonstop...I'm hungry...Where's my significant other?! Arghh bring me out makan please i need FOOD!

blegh blegh.... -OUT-

My Fellow Roddens...hehe

My lovely lovely May buddies and cousins... Thanks for being a part of my life... Lotsa Luv...

MAY 8, 1984
Cousin Azree Zharif Ozair a.k.a. Ajib

MAY 12, 1984
Cousin Mohd. Ezzany Yusof a.k.a. Zany a.k.a. Zany Depp

MAY 18, 1984
Buddy Gal Sharifah Khairiyah Syed Abdul Hamid a.k.a. Khair

MAY 28, 1984
Buddy Man Aiman Sya'aban Mohd. Azahari a.k.a. I-man

May God bless us...

Life's a Bitch? Tell me about it..

I can't stop thinking of how bitchy life has been for me this year...So many endless crap shit been served in my dinner plates...And bloody hell i have to consume it!...

Ok, one thing that I believe in...everything happens for a reason, and that KARMA does exist...And one more thing...Don't blame others for fucking up on you, instead look at yourself from every perspective and angles...Where'd u go wrong?... Talk to people, not just ur goddamn click of frenz! U ain't goin nowhere if u keep that routine!

Probably shit happens to u because of the shittyness u caused a person...
OR
It could be because God wants u to realize of the unnecessary bullshits and unfavourable life ahead if u keep pursuing on what u were doing...Sounds complicated and a whole lot of effort? Of course u idiot! U think God would make it as easy? Hell no!

Whichever the reason is, of course it'll lead u to a better life in the end.. It's just the matter of opening up your heart, mind and soul to consequences and opportunities. U take the bad one then it's a lesson to be learned, U take the good one hey, u'll luv urself more than ever!

I hope that my intern will be all well and good...and I hope to have some changes in the way I perceive things from then on...I can't afford to lose another precious thing in my life ever again..

I'll always luv U...

my supporters...thank u...

Just felt so grateful for having such wonderful "supporters" in my life... Eventhough sometimes they "left me out" in some outtings, but they still were there at times i felt like killing myself overnight...

Thank u for all the love and support...Love u guys....

Alia...Emmy...Feezabelle...Khair...I-man... Arefbimb...Zanabitch...MySisters...

N not to forget....someone who I've loved all these while, n still is strongly in my heart...Things didn't workout as favoured, but we still are trying to mend the broken pieces, bit by bit... Thanks for not losing the love n trust in me...Love u very much...

Khairul Affendi Zainal

|mPoSs|bLe...

It's impossible..
To love u..
Let me know what ur feelin...
It's impossible, for me to give u what u need..
If ur always hiding from me...
I dunno what hurts u, i just
wanna make it rite..
boy i'm sick n tired of tryin to read ur mind...

It's impossible to make it easy
If u always try to make it so damn hard..
how can i give u all my love baby..
if ur always put up ur guard...
this is not a circus..
don't u play me for a fad..
how can emotions keep goin up and down...

It's impossible for me
to love u this way...
It's impossible..
if u keep on treating me that way..
over and over...

a MoMeNt oF s|LeNcE...

Without realizing...sumtimes we think too much, wonder too much, questioning too much...
Most of the time, life has been really simple and easy...it's us ourselves who made it a hassle...
My significant other used to tell me, "Things happen only when u allow them to happen"... On which, so far, has never been more true...

I've also realized that everytime I pray for something, it will never come to me as I hoped it to... What I'm trying to say is that I do, of course often have my prays come true, but it doesn't appear as if it is a good thing if u see and think of it naively.. U often "feel" that bad luck has been cursed upon u, but actually when u think of WHY it happened... VOALA! it's actually an answer to ur prayer! It's just a matter of time that u open up ur heart and mind to really understand what was the cause for these things happening around u! See, GOD is fair!

So my dear friends...
I suggest that u start opening up to urselves...and who knows... u might just have a new perogative, well, that's what I have now... :) n everything has been tremendously kind and beautiful to me...

|'m |n cUp|d MoDe...

there's a lady who loves u.. more than u would ever have imagined..

sumtimes she doesn't know how to express it..and there are times when she was left clueless, another ladybug comes by..

if only she would've known what 2 say or do... to win that beautiful heart which exists with only one soul...

if only u could hear what her heart really feels inside...for she has not planned for any wrong-doings...

she's openning up to u...maybe it's a bit later than anticipated...but she's still in that period of time...nothing is easy when it comes to expressing ur true, absolute love to that special one...for only He knows....

this lady hopes that one day..that one fine miraculous day, she will outshine others around...
as she knows out of reality, she is nowhere compared to the ones visiting....

she saw that one person, whom not only shined outrageously, but glittered like the stars in te sky... and she planned to keep giving life to those stars, to show to the world how beautiful it is... n stare n cry beneath it....

she is that person who loved u half a decade ago...and still is holding strong to what she believes to be her true soulmate...

and this goes to my luvely Affendi....and to all the lovers out there... eventhough valentine's has passed...let us all retain the warmth all life long...
God bless u sayang...for u have given me all the love in the world...

Life...Me...

If I were a bird...
I'll fly in the blue sky..
If i were a flipper...
I'll swim in the deep blue ocean...
Exploring God's blue coral...
Free my mind and soul...
While enjoying God's creations around me...

I'm a girl...
Confused, lost and trying to overcome my fears...
Fears in life and love...
Haunting me dusk 'til dawn...
Lack of confidence has always been my problem...
In everything i do, everywhere i go, with anyone i talk to...
God gave me strength and will...
Of which i've not used for reasons i couldn't explain...

What's with me?
What's playing in my heart?
Nobody could ever explain...
Not even words dictionaries contain...

I've been seeking love all my life..
God gave me a person to love...
To care for, understand another being just like me...
And get myself outta this immaturity...
Understand about life and its ways...
All through my coming years...

It was thee, who made me feel free..
Out of my misery, slowly and smoothly...
Thee were nothing like i've ever seen..
Someone who does everything with keen...
His love and words like Shakespeare...
So romantic...so strong...
Like a liquid that will never smear...

Praise the Lord for giving and showing me...
All the wonderful things life could bring...
And all that's worth to sing..
The world is like a bun...
And i'm just the sesame seed...
Now so eager to know what the world has to bring...
Now i know...now i see...
That life and me...
Are two tremendously beautiful things...

HeLLo HeLLo..

ok...i didn't know what to do...so i started this thing...good i guess.. since i myself have so many things buried inside..it's killin me so damn slowly...
Life has been so hard...i don't know what to to..where to go...what to think...
This anger inside of me is bubbling like a volcano waiting to erupt...god have mercy upon me..
It's like whatever i feel or think or do don't matter anymore to anyone...
For the first time i feel so empty... The emptiness is always filled half-way thru n it doesn't stay... Often times it lasts for a few hours...then POOF! back to normal...
SNAP SNAP reality check! what the hell is going on nowadays? This is super pathetic!
What ever man...LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE A BITCH n yes, i agree with u Feeza...