Monday, December 29, 2008

:: Peace Note ::

My previous entry is to lepaskan kemarahan.
Coz i dont have the liberty to just shout it out in reality.

Sorry again, I feel so much better now :)
Thanks to Fiza. I love you Nur Hafizah A.P... sangat2.
Posted on by d|aBoL|c e'En | 2 comments

:: Sakit Hati ::

Kenapa kan, I have ZERO privacy and freedom on what i wanna do?

Yang kanan report, yang kiri report.
Sedar tak, ade org lain dlm NETWORK terdekat i.e. the immediate family and friends yang JAUH LAGI BURUK perangai dan hati dari aku? Smue pon nak point finger kat aku, sebab ape? mulut aku laser. u wanna know why? u sendiri tau i was never this bad. YOU pushed me to become who i am. Dulu aku selalu diam, simpan dalam hati, senyum, and end up satu dunia menyakitkan hati aku, smue igt diorg bagus sgt and whatsoever.

Penat aku dok PROVE to everyone i'm good in AT LEAST one thing. tak cukup ke aku blaja skit nye hebat, keje baru beberape bulan org atas dah note my increasingly positive performance dan banyak lagi? Konon org yang menutup aurat, yang konon berbahasa lembut depan muke tu baik. Hati die taknak investigate pulak? how these people punye la kutuk, punye la menjerumuskan diri ke lembah haram lagi teruk dari aku, yang bermuka dua tu jugak yg tak habis2 dpt pujian. ade ke org camni dibuat benchmark against me? WHAT THE?

Btol la, dunia skang ni, org mmg suke judge a book by its cover. suke hati korang la kan?
Nak take my ugly words against me? fikir dulu seribu kali, u, and ur social network, and your family smuenye jauh lagi hebat ke? just because i don't say my prayers 5 times a day means i am horrible?

How about me reciting Quran everyday during Ramadhan?
How about me reciting Yaasin everytime after prayers, sedekahkan kat saudara-mara di alam barzakh?
How about me praying for my parents' neverending wealth in terms of money, knowledge, patience and health?
How about me reciting al-fatihah, ayat kursi and selawat nabi everytime i step in and out of my car, and before going into the house, for my protection and to sedekah to my deceased family?
How about me constantly praying for my sister's success in graduating after so many years of study?

Nak sangat brag about orang lain punye baik and my kejahatan kan?
Do all these people u claim to be BAIK do all of the above? like seriously?
I know for a fact that tons of my close friends are like me. Yes, we don't wear tudung, we don't tutup aurat sepenuhnya, we can be laser-mouthed, but sorry, the last thing we want is to hurt others around us, unless you fellas aggravate us to act as so.


Yes i admit. I don't have the looks, I don't have the accent, I don't have the charms. All I have is my superbrains. And yes, the boys and the mean girls have always called me "busuk" back in school. Solely because I've always had bad hair, no sense of fashion and no superbody. But one fact they all know is that i'm on of the school's top student and athlete. Full stop.

p/s: Maafkan saye jika terkasar bahasa. lama sangat pendam.

:: Liyana, bragging about her good qualities. Over and out! ::
Posted on by d|aBoL|c e'En | 4 comments

:: The Normal Post ::

like always, at this time around, everybody will be wishing everyone else happy new year, happy holidays, selamat tahun baru untuk umat Islam... and then the ever-so-famous statement will appear in everyone's social network site(s), saying "My New Year resolution is.........blablablabla". This is where everybody strive to prove to others that they could achieve what's likely to be UNachieveable SLASH IMPOSSIBLE for them to achieve,....where the fact remains that nothing that they say is the UN or IM because seriously, it's all up to YOU, u know?

Yes, i am the cynical, sarcastic, annoying bitch ur neighbour has been blabbering about. hey, do u really care that much? dont u have anything better to do, STILL?

Ok, my NEW YEAR RESOLUTION is........(drum rolling, skaters crashing on each other, dogs reaping the trash plastics, engines starting....???) get rid of the negative vibes around me! oh yeah..a friend of mine bluntly told it to my face, on how so many of my so-called friends have been scorning me, criticizing me and bad-mouthing about me, when they themselves are the real culprits and attitude-criminals. Surprisingly, some of them who were so busuk hati towards me, remained still, busuk hati, and were so bad at keeping it underwraps that it took me less than 5 minutes to see what they've done behind my back. Ya Allah, mmg Tuhan Maha Kuasa, nak tunjuk orang2 mcm ni....and those friends whom i've kept distant with, has been nothing but NICE to me, and thank you so much..coz that's all that i ever asked for :)

A dear friend, also a mother-figure to me, has said this time and time again, and I will try to patch this on my already JAHAT attitude.

"Don't say anything about a person, if u have nothing good to say about him/her."

True, coz at the end of the day, that does nothing but to project who u really are in the eyes of others. Agree?. u should :)

Wawa's getting married this January 1st, then it's Farah Nadziah's, January 30th...elok lah tu, sekor awal bulan, sekor akhir bulan. Congratulations in advance, and NO, my turn is nowhere soon, thank you.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

:: 0100 hours ::

It's 1 a.m. and i just got back from Seri Pacific KL. Yes, the hotel beside PWTC. What was I doing there u ask? mcm biase la, bukan untuk bersuka ria, but merely untuk bekerja. Majalah 3 won the Anugerah Penerbitan TV (Dokumentari) Terbaik, for the entry "The Other Life of Japan", awarded by the Ministry of Agriculture.

Aaaa so now u know where I work. heh. I don't know the significance of mentioning where I'm attached to...and I'm still wondering why...I blame this on my superior, whom asked "Do your friends know where ur attached to now?". I bluntly said, "No, why? Penting ke?...I like to just keep it low..rase tak cukup penting untuk sesape lagi nak tahu i ni keje mane...bole?"

Ok, since I can't shut my eye, due to 2 straight cups of black coffee and excessive sugar, Faiza, here's the "questionnaire" u tagged. Damn u woman! Wait, i'll tag first aaahh...
haaaa besar2 daku bagi naaa...ok, ready, set, GO!

1) Do you think you're hot?
I've always had this super low self-esteem. Nope, i'm dead boring.

2) Upload your favorite picture of you!

3) Why do you like that picture?
Emmy snapped it, with Alia and Farrah (or was it Farah Nadz? ya allah, tak igt!). It was December 24th, 2006. It was our quality time together before I flew to Melbourne.

4) When was the last time you ate pizza?
Shyzers. Last month maybe?

5) The last song you listen to?
Sultans of Swing by Dire Straits.

6) What are you doing right now besides this?
Texting Mr. Bob goodnight. He worries so much about me..which is very comforting :)

7) What name you would prefer besides yours?
Aira. That'll be my future daughter's name, insyaallah :)

Tagged peeps:
  1. Feezabelle
  2. Khair
  3. Aiman
  4. Fiza Jai
  5. Anas Hazwan

8) Who is number one?
The girl with the swirly-background Swatch, who drove a black Kembara, and constantly bitched about me to her midget friend and "bengkok" mutant. hehe. Apart from that, she has always been my confidant, the one who soooo understands who i am, where i come from, and the rocky roads i've skated through. yeah skated, coz it was a bloody slow journey and had me suffer with tons of bums and bruises; and again, apart from the other two donkeys mentioned beforehand.

9) Number three is having a relationship with?
Oh, this one cannot say. He'll come himpap my face with his bum! :P But I am sooooo glad that he was who he was, is who he is, and will be, whom I strongly believe he will be...a great man with a great heart, apart from A-class sense of humour and sarcasm.

10) Say something about number five?
I knew him through Myspace, back in 2003 tak silap, right before he took off for Nottingham, UK. He was my long-distance bestie..He called me at least once a week from UK, not to flirt, never..but purely of great friendship. We were friends via Myspace, MSN and phone for a year before we actually met and had supper at Uptown. He is very protective of me, and will do almost anything to keep me away from those who have hurt/is hurting me. Yeap, he is the one and only, jambu Anas Hazwan.

11)How about number four
My bestie at BMW :) I love her for her selamba-ness, and the fact that she sells nice Bajoo online hehe. Dan die kurus, saye jeles ngan die ni sbb badan tak naik2 gak, walaupon setelah saye naik 5 kilo. grrrrrr. We like to consult each other on our career paths. Tak tahu kenape, but it seems to be helping A LOT! :)

12)Who is number two.
The midget I was talking about. Correct. She's my shoulder to cry on, apart from Fiza and Aiman that is...she is walking on that gewy and greasy thread of life..where if she pulls too hard, she may slip so quickly, she couldn't even remember how she got down there. She never, i mean never gives up on someone that easily. Yes, she holds strong faith on everyone, especially those she really cares about..because to her, life shouldn't be easy... at the same time shouldn't be too harsh.

Just because I didn't tag u, does not mean that I dont love u...
It's really because of the "quota" of this tagging session..else i would've tagged EVERYONE in my list!

Nite world. Work awaits me at 1000 hours.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

:: Calendar ::

:: Media Prima's Television Network Screenings 2009 ::
- with Marlia -

:: Muzik - Muzik Separuh Akhir ::
- with bestie at work, Shiks -

:: Aquaria, KLCC ::
- Khairul Nizam with the huge arse fishes -

:: One Utama Shopping Centre, PJ ::
- with the smallest Merry-go-round ever -

Work has not allowed me to spare more time for Bob and friends...
and yes Fiza, I do miss u, khair and aimi too...this is heartbreaking...
I managed to spend some time with Aref n Zana last Thursday...and we've missed each other so badly already :(
I'm still waiting for THE results; some of you are already aware of what's this about.
I'd better keep it under wraps first.
I don't wanna put too high on hopes. Bismillah...

It's 12am and I'm still staring at the box lined with LEDs, and hands pushing ever so lightly on this square, plastic PVC-like plank scattered with boxy pop-up buttons.

I need coffee. tomorrow, indeed.
Shit. Training n meeting tomorrow.


Posted on by d|aBoL|c e'En | 5 comments

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

:: HoLLow ::

I was alone on eid adha.
No food, no mom, no bf, no friends, no one, no-thing with me.

I was also alone yesterday...and will be again today...
Where has everyone gone, i ask.
There is nothing but mere silence.

Guess no one's answering my call.
Nobody's coming to my rescue anymore.
Posted on by d|aBoL|c e'En | 1 comment

Monday, December 08, 2008

:: Memoir of the Heart ::

you're the first thing that crosses my mind.

and you're the last thing i want to be recorded in my mind...

Inevitably true, i have an abundance of brain cells, neurons and storage capacity to record everything that has happened since September 10th, 2006, 'til the day God decides to part us...
Posted on by d|aBoL|c e'En | 3 comments

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

:: Kentang Demam ::

I am, the all brown, stemmy-firm, juicy couch potato, recovering from fever.
Yes, I spent the whole day, i.e. from 10.30 a.m. to now, and still on-going 9.10p.m., staring and blinking thousands of times, in front of my mom's flatscreen, jumping between channels 411, 412, 413, 703, 707 and 711. I could press the buttons without even looking at the remote; yeap, i'm getting skillful at this!

Oh well, it's not always that i get to do this. everyday is work work work. supposedly 9-6, but the "normal" people at my workplace would stay at least til 7, and especially on fridays, we'll be at places til late at night. yup, my work is hectic, but i ensure u, i am still thankful that it's not as hectic as Boe's or Syak's, which lasts up to 11.30pm everyday. so ya, i'm still thankful.

Boss just broke it up to us, unlike the past years, next year's bonus would only be a max of 2 months, in contrast to the normal 8 months. babi, aku bawak malapetaka ke? recession it seems next year.great. now i have to make more side income don't i?! *grin*

I miss Bob. I miss Bob. I miss Bob.
Illness does this to me. everytime.
I want Bob. I NEED BOB.

oh, panjang umur! my cell's ringing! :)
Posted on by d|aBoL|c e'En | 2 comments

:: Serba Tak Kena ::

dah dua hari saye takgi keje...demam, batuk, selsema sangkut kat blakang tekak. annoying.
malam tadi tak sempat nak bermimpi pon...tido tak nyenyak, badan tak selesa. minda juga berceramuk (pegi la mampos kalau takde perkataan tu kat kamus dewan bahasa, BM saye cam cipan).

the past few weeks nothing has been quite like it seemed. i was practically too much in love, then my habit of going into "deep thinking" has not done anything good to me. I really have no idea how Bob tolerates me, seriously. He seems to be the only positive-minded human being right now. well, apart from my besties khair, fiza n aiman of course, just that i've not been in touch with them for quite a while now...

Lyn's getting married this December. So is my Uncle Nafi.
Then comes Farah Nadz's turn in January, along with another Lynn, and my buddy Wawa.
Then it's Hawa's in June, and also Erin. Aimi's somewhere in that time frame too.
Then comes the big news. Dad says my little sister, Nadia is getting hitched next year too. My reluctant Papa said she has been pestering so much that he couldn't say anything to stop her anymore. He told her to wait for her sister (me of course) to "jalan dulu", but Nadia being Nadia, insists on making her decisions a reality. Well, if she has to wait for me, would mean that she'll have to wait for 2-3 more years aye? Guess she "dah tak tahan"? :P
Alia is also seeing someone, and giving it a year. Yes, if all goes well, she'll get hitched too. As for Emmy, well, I guess she's just waiting Muneeb to propose. Farrah, hmm...this one is far too rebellious. And both Farrah and I are so sure that "it's still too early". hehe.

See, everyone around me is getting married. Ewa and Nana are already 5 months pregnant. While Riena is counting the days, anytime now, to give birth to a lovely baby boy. *tears*
Nak kate our relationship tak bagus, tak juga. kami sangat happy. cuma duit menjadi issue, coz it's a pity we're not as fortunate as everyone around us. Yeap, Papa expects both of us to fork up our own money for the "hantaran", and wedding dress AND "tolong sikit2 untuk jamuan makan". I don't need to worry about make-up though coz my sister's an artist herself. But the hantaran itself...*faint* will mean a 5 figure "present" consisting of money and stuff. Bob already has a few thousands with him, and me... I only have a few hundreds for now. How the hell am I supposed to get those thousands in time? shit ass. There's car installment, servicing, insurance, food, fuel, toiletries...then in about 5 years time I gotta build my own house. yes, BUILD ok. peluh nak cari duit. mmg andartu la saye camni. uwaaaaaaa!!!!

Does it always have to be THIS HARD to make money and be happy?... :'(
Posted on by d|aBoL|c e'En | 3 comments