:: December December, yonkey doinks! ::

Waazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappp....



Haih, where do I start..lemme see...Work is work, boring subject, don't wanna get too detailed in this, this time (watch me.) Been busy engaging myself with obligatory courses for the past 2 weeks, and as I get home from work, all I looked forward to was either my darling Bob, or coffee with friends, or the rectangular-huge-ass-hard "pillow" - THE BED. I've also purchased these two humongous books related to the service, and have only gone to page 117. and that's after quick flips and filters. yes yes i did extract the important ones ok. i'm still LEARNING the techniques of scheming through and focusing on the related info. well, not that anybody gives a hoot!




Ok moving along. Boyfriend has been on both upside and downside. What do u expect, we're both 25, still trying to get a stable income, and have been a couple for a little over 3 years. of course we choke on each other's neck sometimes! bwahahahahah. but the relationship is good. it's fun. and constructive. and good. and good. did i say great? yeap, great. yes yes u may be asking, WHEN. ok, give us maybe 2-3 years? we're getting there, we're getting there. stop pressuring pretty please? thanks.




I'm in a month's-salary-debt. yeap, 2 months of work without salary is no fun. thankfully they've wired my claims for November. sigh. And 4 days at the parliament is soooo not funny. thank god khair was on my side! and i bet feeza too..well u'd better be feezabelle! :)




Thousand apologies to everyone who had kindly invited me over for all sorts of celebrations. as u guys can see, my calendar forbids, and i'm left with frustrations too. :( Happy Birthday Kak Ija, Happy Birthday my little baby michelin Harith, Selamat Pengantin Baru Junainah, Congratulations Syed Munauwar, Congratulations little sister Nadia on ur engagement, Congratulations on the newborn son Iryana, and so many more...i'm sorry if i left anyone out, but this is really unintentionally yah?




I suddenly had the urge to visit Farah Nadz's old blog, since she mentioned about switching back to blogspot, and came across to the entry which brought sooooo many beautiful memories... it had all our pictures...all of us....when Farah was still "single", and Hydir too...and siblings Emmy and Hydir being a sport on tagging along with us "couples". And there was my birthday celebration, back when we were 23 *tears*, and the dinner session at the-person-who-shall-remain-unnamed's house, and the time when Farah got excited over her new Sony Ericsson (of which was a present from Sofie if i'm not mistaken!). and that got us jealous! hahahah...




Sigh...look at what a month could do to your life. and the people around u. and the relationships u've been holding on to. and the hopes and dreams that u've kept alive within u. and most importantly the faith that u held ever so tightly within your grasps...If only we had someone who leads, or maybe have led the same life we do. at least we could have someone to share with. the burdens, the heartaches, the joy, the sorrow, the gloom, the hype, the adrenalin. and maybe the experience. and ways of making life better each day without having to falter, or succumb to inauspicious fate.

CRAP is the word of the day. all together now:

.HOLY-MOTHER-of-CRAP.

:: December Reminder ::

Beep!

Wait for iiiiitttt.....wait for iiitttt......

Give me a few days, and i'll be back in a jiffy!

:: When Cream Turns Sour ::

and i thought i've got rid of IDIOTIC, IMMATURE "friends".

oh my god, GROW UP! no one harrased u in ANY way, and yet u SYOK SENDIRI, then started b****ing about everyone, as if they talked bad about u, when in fact they wanted NOTHING to do with u.

OH MY FREAKING GOD, GET A LIFE!

and i've known u like what, ALL MY LIFE? geez stop telling people to grow up, when u urself needed some teachings in ADOLESCENCE!



@%$@(*^$!_%(&~*^%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: The G Word ::

things happen when we least expect.
things falter when we least expect.
people cherish us, when we least expect.
people BUG us, when we never had a tiny speck of expectation.

could this be a result of absolute ignorance? unfortunately for me, ignorance has never been a bliss. i could never ignore agendas, nor things, nor persons, and especially not heart-thumping words. i for one, has always been a light-sleeper. according to doctors and psychiatrists (not that i have been to one, mind u), light-sleepers are of those whom are constantly bothered by their surroundings. in other words, overly-conscious of whatever's happening around them, whatever's perceptions were being thrown at them, and whatever's happening behind that pair of visual aids. this is added up with a constant brain activity, of which occurs when one had too much to worry, and not letting the sounds of the calming night hibernate the tired soul. could this also be a sign of aging? neh, not that i know of. been a light-sleeper eversince i could remember!

enough about that. told u i can't ignore things. stories circling around my network hasn't been too great. no no nothing to do with my life, nor my significant other's, but merely on dear friends. i'm worried, i always am. it's so hard being nice, moreover being friendly and warm towards people. i'm complaining because it may very well lead me to decisions i could not comprehend, nor make peace with.i would love to love me, for who i am. don't u? so please, can i please please please have MY breather, and cope with this average life i'm living?. thanks.

sacrifice all u want. after all, we only live once, yeah? love all u want. care, all u want.
say it once, say it twice, say it out loud for all i care. i only live one life, and that's one chance in this earth-galaxy game.

i know this entry serves no meaning to you. but try to have a little "care", and "walk" my life. i seek no hatred, i seek no revenge, i seek no mercy, i seek no truth.

ALL I SEEK FOR IS HUMANITY, AND THAT, AT IT'S BEST.

in the end, we were all meant to say goodbye; just like what the lady on the radio said in such rhythmic tones.

*a toast to the CCD TV3 team; may the good times remain within our hearts. that was quite a team aye? :) chin up, god has better plans for us. *

:: tingaling aaa ling ::

ok fiqa, u got your post, but i aint promising anything exciting okaaayy :)

alhamdulillah, i got THE job. yeap, am going for the government, for the creme de la creme of civil service, a.k.a. the administrative and diplomatic officer, better known with the grade of M41. Thank you, everyone for helping me, especially Papa whom i've bugged til 1 in the morning with questions i dont even know of the level of relevancy.

I'll be pushing off for my 5-day induction week in Kluang, Johor, this Saturday. Yeap it starts as early as 8.30am on Sunday and Subang Jaya will probably see my presence only on Thursday night, or Friday evening. If I was too tired, I might just drive by Subuh for duty on Friday, to wherever i'm posted to. hoping for Putrajaya of course :)

Ok what else is there...hmmm....Going broke as I've spent ALL my money these past 2 weeks with friends, and mostly with the significant other Bob. Funny this time, we look forward to seeing each other ever so often, eversince Alia Shafiza invited me to her open house on the 1st week of Aidilfitri. aaaaaa has been that long aye? Alhamdulillah...

I've also planted this habit of performing my Isha' and end my nights with Yasin, which has brought profound changes and meaningful agendas in my life....leading me to endlessly thanking Allah for everything that has happened, and not taking things super negatively everytime...I now seek for the "hidden messages" that Allah has been sending underneath those mishaps, subsequently having me to surrender and succumb to His decisions, willingly.

Friends have been great. My little sister got engaged recently, alhamdulillah...dont know when will her Big Day will be...Aimi's getting hitched this December 25th, and who are those monkeys all excited for that??? Yes, none other than us; Liyana, Fiza and Khair :) Yup, both Fiza and I went "kain" hunting few weeks ago for Aimi's wedding, and ended up buying lots more than we planned for :) Well, we both had GOOD reasons for it. Mine was "I need lots more baju kurung for the service ok!", and Fiza's was "One's for me momma, one's for me sista, and....".... hehehe.... Eventhough we were kinda in a rush, the time spent was SPLENDID. As for our not-so-little Khair, well she's in this love game of which is just waiting to come to climax. We're patiently waiting of course :) Aiman is starting to miss us... YESSSSS!!!!! hahahahhaha we will surely hang out soon ok aiman!

I'm happy with my life. and I sure will make it happy for the rest of my years as fated by Him :)

:: Let's Stay Together ::

i wanted to wait for the weekend to end before i post my next entry. really because i had nothing much to share, hence bundling up events would be the most appropriate :)

Tuesday saw me havinga massive gossip session with dearest Fiqa, although we had our break-fast quite late due to "fully-reserved" restaurants. So there I was, munching on Shihlin's spicy XXL crispy chicken (which WAS super XXL). I couldn't eat much, literally had only a fifth of it, while Fiqa managed to gobble down her spicy fried seafood tempura... (i got that right, right Fiqa?) hehehehe....so yeah, we had our dinner later at Johnny's and it was a GOOD one! we should do this more often u know Fiqa, since Shikin and Shahrin are such arses, saying "steamboat isn't fulfilling"! they surely don't know how to appreciate food kan kan! hehehe...

Wednesday say me gathering up with the BUS STAND CLAN! weehooo! the annual e-commerce buka-puasa session was held at Marche, but this time missing Po (had to stay back for work!) and Zaza (alhamdulillah, was doing her umrah)...So yeah, there was just myself, Farah, Ana, Aiza, Alif and Raimi...also accompanying us were Aiza's hubby and his client :) It was quite an overwhelming one, with so much foooood! I pity Farah who couldn't stand the sight of blocks and chunks of food as she is expecting *wink*. Six more months and Farah+Sofie junior will scream HELLLOOOOOO worlldd! hehehe...Thanks a bunch to Raimi who paid my share, as I am broke AS HELL :) thank you thank you thank you Raimi!

Miss Liyana then went to Menara MPPJ for a family gathering on Saturday. This time, super pity me, because not only my PMS was so bad, I ate just the mee rebus and dessert! Bob really believes that this is due to me being "overly-conscious" of my weight. Well, not that I'm gonna deny that fact though, but no, it isnt because of that sayang, really...It's just the fasting month i guess...oh well, goodie goodie because i'm like 500 grams to 48kg! weehooo!

Sunday Sunday Sunday! The day i've waited for! Not only was I soooo happy that beloved boyfie Bob volunteers to accompany me for grocery shopping (which brings nothing back to him), my 3 beloved girlfriends came by for a massive masak-masak and buka puasa!!! *sorry, no pictures yet, will update soon*. And so, it started with me on my attempt to work on the fishes from SCRATCH. yes people, i had to scrape the fins (they were all over the kitchen, mind u) and chuck out the guts. I managed to fillet one of the fishes only, as i ran out of time! (crucial time management this one!)...then came my the two angels; Fiza and Khair, Khair's famous brownies, AND Fiza's infamous camera! hahahahhah! So yeah we got started until we realized that there were significant absentees - the chilli, the kailan, and THE daun limau-. Thank God for Fiza and Khair who were kind enough to get them at the nearby grocer while I fry my fish, neverendingly :P .....3/4 of the way, Aimi came with supper-yummy-licious strawberries and cream, and my Hari Raya cookies! yipppee!!! So yeah, not only we played award-winning-housewives, we too played mrs. darcy's-tea-and-dessert session! (we even had a change of tops!) hahahahha i just HAD to get that out! It was just awesome! It literally was the most care-free day i've had after soooooo many years....it somehow reminded of the MMU years we had together, where nothing else could make our day but the simple space for teh o ais and goreng pisang, the mopped tiles, the funky sling-bags, and US.

*background music: Lemar's Let's Stay Together, Robin Thicke's Ask Myself, KRU's Apa Saja, Texas's Say What U Want*

I wouldn't wanna trade anything for these moments. OUR moments.
I miss you guys already; Fiza, Khair, and Aimi...and Aiman, where art thou? missing you too, always :)

:: Taik Kerbau, part 2 ::

Rase mcm nak penerajang diri sendiri.

Takpe, time to turn around and have a change of personality.

I shall do myself up super awesome-ly and make heads turn, not just due to physical facade, but also the charisma that i'm bringing with me.

Insya allah. In the meantime, save some money E'en. Farrah Najwa too.
We're going for holidays this December, and August next year. take note. anyone else is welcome to come along.

August itinerary: Melbourne + Brisbane (and maybe Adelaide too)

:: Peanut Butter Yoghurt ::

some of u may have known.

I went for my PTD interview last wednesday. In a nutshell, it was horrendous. don't ask why, but most of my trusted government allies told me of how gruesome these panels could be, simply because of their intentions of massive provocation and aggravation. yes, leading to people storming out of the room, even breaking people into tears. honestly, i for one, whom has been quite a hard-head myself, was not ruled out by these possibilities. yes, i almost cracked, but luckily i got to hold my tears up. else, well, u know what happens if i do.

anyway, i dont wanna talk about work. has been super slow for me, despite having that curiosity and enthusias like a few weeks before i was officially employed. call me ungrateful, but nothing was right since day one. not only that i had no sense of drive in every aspect, but it got bad to the extent of colleagues sexually harrassing me. like, what the hell? not only one of them, who's bloody OLD and bloody SHORT held his arms around my shoulders on my FIRST event, but he and his f***ed up, childish, immature clique was talking about my breasts! what the hell weiii!!! u think i'm one freaking cheap b****? bloody hell, ur mentality and even educational background is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY below mine, and u had the guts to put me down to ur level? get a grip stupid old, married MEN. and to add salt to injury, i will be working hand in hand with these bastards for as long as i'm in this department! crap. if dato' knows about this i swear, u guys are sooooo losing ur jobs. ur freaking lucky i'm not exercising my loop of network. seriously, u think i LOVE to brag? f*** you i don't. if i do, then the whole media prima would've known who i am, and that bloody dato' would have lost his job months ago when i left! u bloody bastards are so lucky i kept my mouth shut and pretended i am nothing. DON'T TEMPT NOR CHALLENGE ME. man, i just yapped about work. shit.

On the other note, everything else remains stagnant. nothing's going greater nor is anything going worse. me and bob, still the same, going on our 3rd year this September 10th. yippie.
My little sister is getting engaged this October, and plans to get married by March. woohoo. Everyone in the family predicted accurately, that i'll be the last one standing, solo. oh well, guess my luck has never been great aye? will try to push it harder next time, just dont know when exactly. yeap, i'm losing my faith in "sky's awesome after rainy days", "there's nothing more wonderful that the exchange of love", blablabla. i'm a pessimist. nope, nothing new there. has always been. only managed to shrug it off for like 2 years or so, then i'm back to square one, due to people i'm attached with bombarding me with the same old attitude and story.

i am so giving up. i'm still quite sane, but having said that, insya allah i wont give up my life unwisely.

Congratulations to Nurul Mardziah Hamdan, a friend of 10 years who's getting married this 7th Syawal @ 27th September...thank you love for the invitation, I shall be there to witness your big day, before u fly off to land down under with dear husband :)

:: Idling ::

super sorry for disappearing too long.
i have yet to get my writing groove, hence the outdated entries.

wait for it.

:: Untitled ::

This week's awesome bestfriends:

Kleenex.
Minyak Cap Kapak.
Vicks.
Ubat Batuk Cap Ibu dan Anak.


........and more Kleenex for the broken heart.

:: Rants, part 10 ::

Bismillah....

work so far has been ok-ok. nothing too much to be excited about.
this is my first attempt in Branding, and last week has been a bit confusing. not just with the people, but also the procedures.

things haven't been quite fair to me, and so i feel. maybe i'm not grateful enough to Allah for everything that came my way....maybe because i've not bow down to His Almighty for quite sometime....

Like recent years, i plan not to miss any of my Terawikhs. Australia has thought me that the effort on not missing my 5-times prayer a day had helped so much in excelling in mostly everything i do. and i tend to forget that once i step foot back in good ol Malaysia 2 years ago. why did this happen, i can't quite figure why. but i am mostly sure that the reasons are of those that i'm not really fond of.

in relations to other matters, i believe i'm jumping too quickly. which in the end, i myself created a whole lot of vomitting-mess which i am not really keen on cleaning....YET. maybe i'm too stressed up with my surroundings. well, i stressed myself up actually. i didn't need to, but i subconsciously wanted to. i'm going coocoo. looking at friends who constantly make achievements in their lives seem to bring my morale straight down. not to mention self-esteem: negative on any scale that has ever made in history.

someone told me i watch too much TV, and that i'm becoming more pathetic and melodramatic every passing day. of course, that's just BAD.

and now i wonder if i'll ever get back on my feet, and actually take the initiative to execute all these proposals and ideas i have in my head. great ideas and proposals, i mean.

Still struggling to breathe and keeping my head.

:: The First Pillar ::

we tend to think too much, especially of a person you care for the most.

but have we ever try to stop and think, that most probably, the other person across that green green grass actually had always have us merely as a passing thought?

that's what makes us different. our hearts weren't the same. nor were our perceptions, assumptions, and level of tolerance AND honesty.

have you been honest to YOURSELF; first thing on the list.
it's about time we all do. i mean, who are we kidding, right?

honesty is the best policy; also the most horrendous act when it comes to applying to oneself.

ready, set, let's all hurt ourselves, then step back to reality and be great at it. :)

:: Di Antara Langit dan Bumi ::

"Kadang2 Allah sembunyikan matahari..
Dia datangkan petir dan kilat..
kita menangis dan tertanya-tanya
kemana hilangnya sinar..
Rupa-rupanya.. Allah nak hadiahkan kita pelangi.."

Tatkala ku merenung nasibku yang saling berlawanan diantara baik dan buruk, berita penitis air mata datang menimbun...

My mother, a retiree, and the only one supporting my ill grandfather, received bad news from MARA...no, not that she's in debts, but indirectly, out of an act of random kindness on being a guarantor, she's now stuck with tens of thousands of breached loan-contract.

Making matters worse, my grandfather collapsed at his home in Seberang Perai last night... and got admitted to the hospital, with yet another clogged artery. and this isn't the NATURAL artery, but merely a replacement vein taken from his leg...yes, one is allowed to have this ONCE in a lifetime, and the replacement could only last up to 11 years...it has been almost that long, to date...Grandpa turns 79 this year, and in my mom's bloodline, that's quite a young age... My great grandma died at the age of 90, and her other half died at 114.

i'm not here to seek for attention, but i just dont know what to think...i've not seen my grandpa for almost 3 years now, due to my studies and employment....i know those aren't good excuses but really, how could I ever get myself a leave when i just started working at some place new?

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah hari2 keluargaku....dan berilah yang terbaik untuk kami.

:: A Descent Reply to Miss Lalamansor ::

Dear all,

I think this Lalamansor is desperately seeking for our attention, via my blog. so i guess why not we contribute to satisfying her ego, ya? :)


Comment on post :: Doctor, anyone? ::

lalamansor said...

dpt masters from UNI mana? UNI sampah (i.e. not 100 world top uni) baik takyah bangga2.

well dear lalamansor,

again, why do u refuse to put up who you really are in the first place? so now u claim u know so much of the world and how things and everyone revolve around it? :)

uni sampah ke tak sampah, masih lagi di-recognize oleh kerajaan. bukan sahaja kerajaan malaysia, juga kerajaan negeri2 commonwealth.

haruslah saye bangga, sebab orang selalu ingat saye ni sampah, tapi sekarang everybody is happy i changed. so yes, master's was a big deal to me, and i believe i should be proud of it.

on top of that,i bangga sebab i made my father proud. this is what he has always hoped for; one of the daughters to go overseas, have a master's, and be an academician.

if u were my father, wouldn't u feel angry to have someone who has no idea whatsoever on what sort of life his daughter went through, before she got to where she is, judging his daughter as so? i could always go to world's top 100 uni with my results mind u, it's just that we're not that fortunate to have that much of money for the school fees and cost of living. on top of that, there isn't any other sources i.e. scholarships for master's. companies like petronas would only send their employees or their former degree scholar holders. don't think i've not done my research, i have. don't think i've not talked and seen many people in regards to this, i have.

so yeah, i believe everybody has their own 2 cents, and so would you. but if you believe you're so great, then be my guest :) i guess maybe people like you lack in attention and love, that's why u seek for them in every way u could. so here, u got my attention, and i hope you'll be happy now, ok? :)

peace y'all. i'm too a grown-up for this, and making enemies randomly is not what i call an ideal way of life. maybe it is for you, so until u realize that, i wish you the best, dear LALAMANSOR.

p/s: at least i want a better future for me, and doing something about it. thanks :)

editted:

oh apparently, a friend of mine found out about this Lalamansor. apparently, he/she (this case maybe it's a she due to the nature of the nickname, unless a trans :P) has been asking people around also about where to continue her master's/ phd. siap merendahkan orang lain bila org 'share' tentang "which university to pick", and highlighted so much on the FUNDING. clap clap dear lalamansor, and here you are, out of nowhere, judging me. u asked people via blogs? is that all the best that you could do? why not have the effort on going to all these FUNDING institutions and have a go urself? see, at least i've done a lot on my part. so before you say anything that may make you look even more pityful, better have your grounds and resources right next time yah? :)

:: Agro Calls... haba haba! ::

Yesterday, Sunday.
8.30am to 11.30pm

The day started off with me buzzing Aud a gezillion times, in the attempt to wake her up off of her night snooze. Erin was punctual, and I was not. I "assumed" that she would be late herself as history has made it clear on how unpunctual most of my friends are. hehehehhee....

8.10am, Erin was on her way to meet me for breakfast and there I was, hussling myself onto getting everything chucked in my backpack and heating up the car engine. I knew I was screwed. 8.30am, as I was leaving the house, Erin texted: "Janji macam pariaaaaa weiiii. cepat skit! roti telur aku sedap ooooo!"

direct translation may cause misunderstanding and racial issues, UNINTENTIONALLY. hehehhehee.....

8.45am, I saw Erin at the mamak and ordered my Roti Sardin, taknak bawang :) we had a LONG breakfast, purposedly taking our own sweet time due to the still-snoozing Aud. 9.45am, Aud rang and called to join :)

10.15am and we're off to FRIM. Ayu called early in the morning to join, but decided to take a quick nap while waiting for Aud to wake up. Unfortunately her nap became a good sleep, hence did not realize I called. heheheh..sorry Ayu, blame Aud!

So yeah, got to FRIM, and amazed ourselves with tons of new stuff we got to learn. We also learnt that FRIM is huge. We walked and trail-trekked for a solid 2 hours OK! by the time we found the way out, our feet were so sore, that the sight of a bench was like ice-cold water on a hot sunny day! i sweaaarrrrr..... didnt take pictures except for these trees which impressed the hell out of us! hahahahaha.... After a good 15 minutes break, we walked back to the car and changed to a more comfortable gear - SLIPPERS! bwahahahhahaha! and had our good late lunch slash picnic before heading straight to SS2 for a superyummylicious SIX 'KAMPUNG' DURIANs! ooooo we were so bloated, and Erin had a hard time seating still and breathing LOL! by 4.30pm I reached home and had a warm bath before heading for the couch and watched TV til 9pm! :P oh did i forget to mention that my head was spinning as soon as I reached home? Yes I did. And that was the first sign of my beloved migraine :P

how cool is the first tree?! it's like painting! and it was cooling; speaking both metaphorically and literally.

this one is called Eucalyptus Deglupta, or better known as the Rainbow Eucalyptus, due to its rainbow-like bark. surf here for more info, or simply google them! i assure you'll be amazed by this rather unusual yet excitingly unique plant!

1. http://www.tradewindsfruit.com/rainbow_eucalyptus.htm
2. http://eucalyptusdeglupta.com/
3. http://www.worldagroforestrycentre.org/SEA/Products/AFDbases/AF/asp/SpeciesInfo.asp?SpID=770
4. http://eucalyptusdeglupta.com/aboutus.htm
   

oh see the "tumpang" tree an a random branch of this pine-like tree? cool aye? :P

Aaaa this is the great part. 9pm, I head out to Star Cafe to have dinner with Aud; spaghetti and chicken chop in tomato sauce. And that WASN'T ALL. 10pm, we found ourselves heading for ANOTHER ROUND of DURIAN at SS15! hahahahahha! this time, 4 KAMPUNG DURIAN for just the 2 of us! hahahahhahahahahha! oh, I had my huge share of Air Badak and plain water! thank god i did, else i wouldnt be able to sleep the whole night!

My Sunday was productive, and not to mention, AWESOME. Thanks Aud and Erin...we should do this again!

Oh oh during this lovely unemployment period, I also did some gardening :) I've planted the green beans (kacang hijau), solely because I've always wondered how it'll look like originally. Well, I've always planted it during my younger days, but they never really did grow. Now I know why; because they need a good space and very airy soil! Look at my babies now!

see the little pods jutting out? super cooooll!

I can't wait for them to grow more! yeeehhaaa!!!!

:: When The Heart and Mind Collides ::

sometimes i wonder why i'm out here, so far away from my comfort zone.
so far away from the people i grow up with.
so far from familiarity.
so far from my idea of a realistic and digestible life.

has it brought me good? fairly yes.
has it brought me negativity? partly yes too.
has it brought me out of the bad vibe i had in my own comfort zone? definitely yes.

then why am i complaining?
i don't know.

it's like having to explain why you still want that scoop of chocolate chip ice-cream after a heavy dinner. not that your fine dine sucked, but u just had to have it. not that the ice-cream would help in easing up your tummy, but u still wanna have it. not that ice-cream is healthy, it's fatty; but u still wanna have it.

could it be that this is a sign of me not thankful of what i have?
or is it a sign that i'm mentally depressed?
or is it a sign that i'm just growing older and have yet to accomplish what i had in mind?
or is it simply a sign of lacking in attention?

u tell me. because i just don't know.

and here i am, typing religiously, ignoring my surroundings. with reasons i'm still not sure of.
but one thing for sure is that..hell, i love to write.

maybe i'm an attention seeker. aaaaaa that's something else to ponder upon.

:: From KL, to the Highlands, to the East Coast ::

cough cough.

been quite sometime since i updated, so here goes.

had a series of movie watching+genting highlands with Bob and family, also friends. was the best genting trip, throughout alllllll the trips i've made all my life, so i thank you everyone :)

heard so many good news from friends..with zana and aida in the europe, making great stops at the UK, Ibiza and Amsterdam (damn u people!). i think has been close to 2 weeks? oh how sometimes i wish i have THE priviledge of MAS people i tell u! envy, envy :)

just got back from INTAN Wilayah Timur in Kemaman, for what u say? for a ONE DAY assessment prior to me climbing to the next step on becoming an Administrative and Diplomatic Officer, or famously known amongst us, a PTD (Pegawai Tadbir dan Diplomatik). :) haa bocor rahsia..yes alhamdulillah i've passed the FIVE back-to-back exam papers in February, and only been called for this assessment last month. I think I did fairly well in 3 sections including the fitness test, but not so good in my Sahsiah Diri papers. blame the facilitator for not making clear cut instructions! gggrrrrrrrrr!!! But other than that, it was a GREAT trip, a bonding session between Papa and I :) I "burn" my flight tickets due to my really really bad cough, and decided to take the road. thank god i did, coz it turned out that Papa was alone, as i was assuming Aunty Elly would be tagging along..took us a good solid 4 hours to reach the hotel, just to realize that the place i booked SUCKED big time! So after a good lunch, Papa decided to gamble our way through, touring the city and scouting for more descent hotels, and voila, found one. it is called the Homestay Hotel. RM98 for a twin bed room, but super worth it! that sort of room in KL would've cost AT LEAST RM150 i swear! so yeah settled for that, and went out to get dinner and snacks. then off to bed. the next day (Friday) was THE day for me...toughened myself up for everything, despite coughing til i had tears, and almost lost my voice, but I didnt care, i had one goal, one determination. that is to succeed in this the best i could, and making my father proud, for he has sacrificed so much just to get me there. This is why, my father will always be, my life mentor, even after whatever that has happened, whatever disagreements we had, and even after all the sets of predicaments. me love me papa! oh yeah, the drive home could've been just 2.5 hours, but due to KL's massive traffic (i suppose everyone in KL goes out on Friday nights! damn u KL people!!!!), we took yet another 4 hours to reach home...and we got ourselves good keropok lekors, keropok ikan, and keropok ikan madu!!!! yuuummm!!!!

p/s: Papa sempat bersantai dan lepak ngan kawan lame from PKNS, terjumpa plak kat sane. from 7.50am (my drop-off), til 12.15pm, Papa lepak di tepi pantai depan INTAN itu sahaja, belasah borak dan teh tarik. nasib baik papa had fun! :)

moving away from that, life has been quite kind to me also. i've just been offered a Brand Exec position in yet another media company. this may sound a bit crazy, but this company is under the same media-integrated company i was with. yeap, the print media company under Media Prima. hehehehehe.... Alhamdulillah, i was recommended by a former colleague, (WITHOUT me knowing at the first place!) and hence had my first interview with the CEO himself, along with the company's Director of Brand & Marketing. i do feel lucky, i do :) so, discussion on my employment will be this Tuesday, bismillah, wish me luck on getting the big G y'aaalll!!! hehehehheheh....

Today, oh today. I'm off to watch Ice Age 3D!!!!!! yahoooo!!!! again, thanks to my father's credit card, i managed to get the tickets via online as all bookings are a NO GO. waahh orang Malaysia ni suka juga kartun ye! bagus, bagus.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAFIZA AZALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and SELAMAT BERTUNANG my loveee!!! woohoooo!!!! after how many years eh babe? 8? 9 years of relationship? myyyy goodness! cepat kawen please! hehehehe.... whatever it is, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! nanti update kaayy.. sorry sangat tak dpt turun ke selatan, sangat penat la yang :) takpe, nanti kite exchange mental pictures of our "engagement" rings k! hehehehehhehe

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND PEOPLE!

lotsa love,
Liyana ZZA

:: The Ultimate Prime ::

TRANSFORMERS GETS MY 5 FREAKIN STARS!

i want to watch it again. i want i want i want!

:: The Long-Needed Date ::

.the sky is literally, the limit to this bond we're both comfortably holding on to.

.even the van couldn't separate us.
and i would love for this to stay as it is, for the longest time, insyaallah :)

:: Happy Happy May and June! ::

World of the unemployed has so far been nice to me :) hikkkk!
Not only that I got the chance to bring my mother out for hi-tea, i also got the chance to catch up with dear boyfriend and friends...my goodness, my outdated-self is unexceptable! roaaaarrr!

Oh well, guess everything happens for a reason. :) My birthday was a good descent one. With Bob splurging on food and entertainment for me @ Hard Rock Cafe, and close friends to sing our hearts out and dance the night away to the sounds of good ol' band from the Philipines :) As soon as I got home from KL, mom came up to me and......let the pictures do the talking aye? :)


aaaaaaaa....see the bling-bling? oops, please excuse the lack of cloth on me self yah. hehe...
Yeah so there it was...mom had it in a small cream-coloured box with a huge ribbon on it. It was very very unexpected because all my life, this is the first time that mom had bought me something, instead of the usual "here's some cash for u to splurge on". and so, as soon as i opened it, my heart dropped as my eyes focused on the familiar blue-box with silver ribbon. yeap, it's none other than...tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...Diamonds and Platinums baybeeeeee!!! AND, the best part was that this ring was the ring we both liked, and mom said that it would be the perfect engagement ring :) yeah, maybe some of u have heard, we were supposed to get engaged last January or February, but due to ME not having enough money for anything, we decided to cancel it off and save money for the BIG day. no no, it's not soon my dear friends, moreover that i'm now unemployed, i'd be kidding my parents if i do. hahahhahahahhah! back to where i was, mom wanted to surprise both Bob and I about the ring she bought for me, in other words, and engagement present of course, but since the plans were off, she decided to simply hand it as a good, descent, very adult birthday present. I literally had so much tears and of course, gave mommy a good bear hug for understanding me, and as person I really am.

No people, this entry is not about bragging the average wealth my family has, or the "fortunate events" that I get to experience, but merely on sharing my heartfelt joy and love for my family, and great friends whom I share my tears and laughter with throughout my rebellious years.

Thank you, so much.

:: Reason #1 : Why I hate to work ::

my family's off to Prague tonight, to see my sister, her hubby, and most importantly my darling little nephew Danish. Then they're off to the UK. and my dad just told me that they'll be visiting OLD TRAFFORD.



UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! :'(





BENCI aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ni smue keje nye pasal!
#$*#$P^%@)^&@#%^(_@^_(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: Isi Hatiku Yang Kosong ::

haruskah ku menangis.
haruskah ku berdiam.
haruskah ku hidup begini.

HARUSKAH SEMUA INI MENJADI REALITI?

:: Double Whoopedy Doo! ::

No. 1.

My mom published her book. At just RM23, (without postage fee of course!), this book of more than 200 pages is yours! aiceehhh marketing sangat lame. yeah, anyone interested, just sms me or msg me here kaayy.... :) COD can be arranged, no problemo, pada yang dekat2, or "coincidentally" berada dekat2 ngan saye ye! hehehehe....thanks u guys!



No. 2.

Last Friday was my ever-so-sweating day. I was literally "brisk-walking" in and around One Utama, dragging dear Fiqa, in my attempt to grab the MU Asia Tour tickets. We got there at the Nike shop by 11am, and dear oh dear, the line was already up to 3/4 of the shop!!! The best part was, the promoter mentioned that CREDIT CARD USAGE is a NO GO. NO GO???? wtf? ok fine, maybe they were trying to make ticket sales fair across the nation. whatever. I got furiosed. With just RM200 in my wallet, u really think i could grab even ONE ticket? HELL NO. so. Plan B.

Handphone out, phonebook on, scroll-down..... PAPA.
I was just plain lucky that my father is an fan of MU too. oh and in relations to that, get this; My family's off to Prague and the UK this coming 27th, and my dad decided to visit OLD TRAFFORD. oh heartache! pity me, i had to work!!! blooddyyy heellllll!!!!! oh well, back to the story. yeah, so i kinda ASKED for ticket sponsor. heheheh....Since i couldn't come along, and it's my birthday just next week, Papa decided to give it a GO. He wired some cash for me to buy the oh-so-lovely-paper-ticket! yaahoooo!!!! and so, i quickly get my job done with fiqa at the banks, then split up; fiqa to the office, and me, back to the Nike shop. oh wait, before that, i withdrew a whole lot of $$$$! Panting and dropping sweats within my thin blouse, i quickly got myself to the shop, with utmost surprise that the line has now reduced to just 1/4 of the shop.

Suddenly by then my mind boggled. Why are there so few people? Is it because of the NO-NO usage of credit card? OR HAD THE TICKETS BEEN SOLD OUT? oooooo my heart was thumping so badly, it showed through my pale lips and frantic-like gestures. I keep hearing the supervisor mentioning "RM98 tickets are sold out for today, but bookings can be done la, just that u have to come collect the tickets next Monday. But make sure u pay la today!" OKAY, good sign, because that's not what i want. then i saw the list. holy crap. someone actually purchased NINE RM308 tickets. GILLEEE!!!! u brought THAT much of cash? geez. So, MY TURN. The supervisor put up a super grumpy look, and had his mouth half-open, ready to say the exact same words, when i suddenly say,

"RM308 tickets please? For 2?"

And his expressions turned sweet.
"Adaaaa adaaa....Of course we have, how many miss? Two? Ey you two, get the training passes and langyards ready for this miss. Two ah!"

And I....Oh I put up a BIG BIG SMILE and slowly handed over my money...

"Thank you very much sir", i said.

"You're very welcome miss", said the supervisor.

Indeed, Malaysians are quite pathetic. Whenever someone gets something RATHER expensive, they mutan-ated into something RATHER nice. Pathetic. whatever.

I was sooo happy that i smiled to every passer-by. Oh what a jolly good day!

Handphone out, text: Bob Sayang.

"I got the tickets sayaannggg! Weehoooo!!! Siap dapat training sessions lagi siot. AND AND, seating kite berNOMBOR okaayy..takde makne nak berebut seat! yesss laaaahhhh!!!"


and the rest is history. :)

CAN'T WAIT!

:: Doctor, anyone? ::

Bismillah....

Harap Tuhan buka rezeki saya untuk plans ini. Telahku bercadang dengan encik-cita-cita-tinggi-dan-ade-determinations-tinggi-mcm-saye, yakni zack a.k.a. teman lelaki rusky a.k.a. faiza, untuk sit down and gather up all the options for SLAB/SLAI. Indeed, we are PLANNING to undergo that Skim Latihan Akademik Bumiputera/IPTA, since we both kurang ada duit untuk melanjutkan pelajaran dalam bidang "Permanent head Damage" ini. ye, cita2 kami berdua adalah untuk bergelar Doctor, sejurus kemudian Associate Professor, kemudian Professor, dan paling gempak of course, nak jadi Professor Emeritus (which is close to impossible, unless we have our own goddamn university!). Insya allah, jika ade rezeki kami di dalam bidang ini, kami akan pursue dengan sungguh2...

Saya sendiri tak percaya saye sedang berbicara tentang becoming a Prof, or even to have a freakin Master's at such a young age to begin with! Can u imagine, if I were to succeed within time frame (3 years in exact, insyaallah), i'll be bringing the title Dr. everywhere I go, at the age of 28 or 29!!! gileeeee weeiiiiiihh!!! and if all goes well, Prof. Dr. by the age of 40/45? DOUBLE GILE WEEEIII!!!!!

Ok kaum lelaki, sila jangan takut untuk mengambil isteri yg cita2 tinggi mcm saye. Kami baek hatiiii..betoolll....hehehhee...see see, Bob stayed! hahahhaahahaa!

To Encik Zaakir (saye tau die tak bace ni, so Faiza, tolong sampaikan pesanan ya! hehe),

Mari la kita same2 push each other untuk berusaha mencapai cita2 kita ya! Remember, we NEVER did want to go up to Master's but look at us now, look at WHERE we are. It's such an honour to have step up high on this pedestal, don't u think? :) Ape kate, just one more step, before we actually have the chance to publish our own academic, tertiary books, with OUR respective names, printed on it? Dude, it's just bloody wicked!!!

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim. Ya Allah, Tuhan Yang Maha Kuasa Lagi Maha Mengetahui, berikanlah yang terbaik untuk hamba-hamba mu ini. Amin. :)

:: To Whom It May Concern ::

.PEACE.

:: A Round of Congratulatory Wishes ::

setelah sekian lama saye mendiam, saya akan menghampakan para pembaca saye kali ini. bukan sahaja entry ini mungkin kurang menarik. akan tetapi, saye tahu bahawa ade segelintir pembaca yang akan excited dengan post ini, kerana ia melibatkan kawan rapat kita.


The other toast goes to my dear friend, whom I knew back when he was in the UK (what's with me and UK friends???), Anas Hazwan. 3rd May 2009 was his day of joy and the beginning of his great storybook on life. Anas Hazwan got engaged to Nina (whom i have yet to get to know hehe) and to date, Anas and I have been friends for 6 years now...which seemed like it was just yesterday that he picked me up from home, with him wearing his Man Utd jersey. hahahaha... dude, what happened to the jersey la wei...Tarikh perkahwinan Anas masih lagi tidak saye ketahui, maka haruslah kita ber-Starbucks sebelom kamu berkahwin ye Anas :) ehem, kenal2kan la saye ngan ur new fiance wei :)

I would like to also congratulate Amira Alim who got engaged to Hafeez Nazri quite recently too... Subhanallah ramai nye kawan saye yang dah bertunang ye! :) Fyi, I am just a DAY older than Amira, hehehe....which makes it relatively easy to have that constant alert when it comes to the month of May. Amira, i wish for a lifetime happiness and thank you, for keeping me in the loop, especially when it comes to celebrating the significant days of your life. :)

Oh MAY. 25 days and i turn 25. eeehh what a coincidence! hehehe..I wish ME a good life ahead. Bismillah...

:: Breather... ::

ku sudah bisa terbit dari lembah kemurungan, setelah tujuh kali pusingan hari.

I'm OK. :)

quoting the emerging local singer, slash Amar's brother..

"...hanya engkau yang mampu, taklukkan hati ini..."

AKU CINTAAAAAAAA oOooOoOooOOOoo

:: E'en being emotional. this time, happily. alhamdulillah ::

:: Song of the Month ::

The very first time that I saw your brown eyes
Your lips said hello and I said hi
I knew right then you were the one
But I was caught up in physical attraction
But to my satisfaction
Baby you were more than just a friend

And if you ever fall in love again
You must make sure that the lady is a friend
And if you ever fall in love so true
You must be sure that she feels the same way too

If I said that I would be your one and only
Promise that you'd never leave me lonely
I just want to be the one you need
I just want to be the one to serve you
Sometimes I feel as if I dont deserve you
I cherish every moment that we share


East 17 feat. Gabrielle
:: If You Ever ::

:: Like a Widow In Denial ::

everything that i have hoped for, vanished.

kuasa Allah tiada bandingan. sekali petik, and u end up drowning in your own comfort zone. And now i wanna become everyone else around me. I really do.

i'm eating my heart out. i don't know how to change things for the better anymore. nothing impresses me anymore. i tried so hard...still trying to make myself happy, and simply be content with everything that i have.

the only thing that stalls me from taking a glance at my watch is work. u got it. i am officially a pathetic, no-life, workahlic.

and i'm slowly losing everything, and everyone around me.
thanks JOB. u've done a great JOB indeed.
my life is a joke. a BIG ass joke. let us all laugh, the more the merrier. and now i'm back to the negative me.

NOW THAT'S JUST GREAT.

:: Aku Yang Hilang, Juga Kehilangan ::

As I was about to have that sweet serendipity....reality had to kick in and pull me out.
Bloody hell.

The last 3 months have not been so kind. This is the 1st weekend after three freaking months of serving my employment contract. And just when I'm about to breathe, Jom Heboh calls. Thursday til Monday people, i'll be burning my bloody skin and increasing the frequency of my migraine. Great.

Indeed I am lost. Lost in my own world. Even after countless moral support from practically everyone I am in contact with.

I am envious. Envious of my friends. Practically everyone is either enjoying their well-paying job, or just okay with their very-good-paying job. and where am i as compared to them? nowhere shit ass near, despite me having the highest fucking qualifications and most industrial exposure before i stepped into this thing called EMPLOYMENT.

No, I AM NOT HAPPY. I can be sometimes, but most of the time, i hate it.
I hate for being "too smart". Not only I wasted hundreds of thousands for my bloody Master's, I've wasted my years in this stupid thing in companies called "seniority". A degree holder, who seeks for MY, I repeat, MY expertise gets paid higher. Fucking hell. I can get a senior exec's job done within hours yet that bloody person wasn't even aware of the details! AND gets paid almost double my salary! WHAT THE FUCK MAN? WHAT THE BLOODY ASS FUCK?

Another DISADVATAGE of being "too smart" is that (quoting my friends and relatives):
"Kau ni belajar pandai2 ni, nanti susah laki nak siot....Laki mane yg pandai mcm kau, nak level up with u. Kang mamat 'pandai' pon bole seems like a bloody 'katak bawah tempurung' sebab takleh keep up ngan ape terngiang dalam kepala kau". U see, pandai salah, bangang salah.

ANOTHER DISADVANTAGE:
"Erm, you have a Master's...It's a bit unfair if i offer u a junior level executive right? Coz we can't afford to pay for your level of qualifications..."

OR

"Hmmm....u have a Master's Degree...why wanna work here? There are tons of opportunities for you out there, which also could pay you waayyy better".

FACT:
No one wants to hire a Master's graduate.
Solely because companies are under strict budget. They dont have money to pay you, and if they do still hire you, their "credibility" could be questioned, as a result of not matching someone's qualifications with the basic, floor salary.

Lama-kelamaan saya hilang segalanya.
I slowly lose my hype, my confidence, my interest, my hope, my dreams, my self-esteem, my drive, my focus, my everything, towards my used-to-be goals.

I've got to find something new.
Shit.

:: Dream Job? ::

Adding insult to injury.
I am complaining about my job; the job that most people would go.. WOooOoaAaaHhHHhh.....
but..i don't know....
I have not had a good, descent weekend for the past 2 months. God damn it, i've been working on every goddamn weekend!!!! Ingat dah terlepas from Jom Heboh in Malacca, sekali kene gi duty kat Shah Alam plak. hak elaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Now u tell me, is it really worth it? If I get paid AT LEAST RM300 a day in the weekends then fine, i'll do it. dah la bayar sikit, pastu replacement off pon takde! the best they could give was "come to work by 11am tomorrow ya!" ....WHAT THE?!!!!!

Tiap2 minggu dah keje weekend, habuk pon takde? agak-agak ar weeeiiiiiiii...ingat kitorg ni semua kuli batak takde life ke...ingat korang je yang ade family and life ke.......????!!!!

Bak kate Bob, "Gi makan taik ah!"

:: Bagai Menelan Duri Yang Manis ::

how do u deal with people who are super addicted to having "split personality"?
i am speechless.
i am utterly disappointed.
i am having an enormous empathy, so enormous that i wish i could turn back time, and not grow up...and be accounted for every little teeny-weeny finger up-ping hair-flicking snorting gestures u make; which inevitably WILL back fire u.


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

no, my dear loyal readers. i did not screw anything up. it's just the biggest ironic agenda to ever, and i mean EVER take place in my life, so far. having the truth to revealed has never been this hurtful. i mean, it didn't happen to me. but the fact that it happened to someone so so so close to me, and had ME revealing the truth FOR her..just..breaks...me....

ya allah...please help us be better in our judgements.
help us be the best in what we can be.
help us abstain from accommodating our desires too much and end up getting hurt too much, that getting back on our feet seem impossible.

i feel sick. i am sad. i am....i am....i think i just lost myself.

:: Message In A Bottle ::

sorry No Doubt n Brandon Boyd of Incubus, for "borrowing" ur song title.

Dear Little One,

U have bluntly deceived me.

Worst still, I feel utterly deceived.

I can't believe you'd go to the extent of creating "fitnah" to a super holy man, whom taught us how to recite the Quran. The best part is, the "fitnah" was pertaining your own flesh and blood.

And off u go, indulging on the temporary bliss u gained from being all ignorant and arrogant, while u let the others gulping nails and thorns that you've camouflaged with our favourite strawberry shortcake.

And u still have the chicks to ask the holy man to persuade us onto blessing you on your social-encounter-that-turned-out-wrong? Good lord, what have you done?

That's why people call u the LITTLE ONE. your thinking capacity and maturity are too "little". You've just added insult to injury. Get a grip. Orang yang ingat Allah takde perangai macam ni, maka tak payah la nak berpura ingat tuhan walhal kamu hanya insan yang hipokrit.

Oh, if you're wondering why "Message In A Bottle"?. It's because I can't give it to the Little One straight in the face. I've just told you, Little One is such a hypocrite. So, the only resort left is this...having the "ocean" bringing the bottle to the rightful receiver.

........woaaaahhhhh..........

:: Plain Old Saturday ::

Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate. Me? As much as I would love to, have not been celebrating since...erm.....2005? Bob doesn't like the idea of us celebrating something that has to do with another religion..well, not that he's being all racial or religious, but yeah...He doesn't even celebrate birthdays! but i have to admit, that i'm simply thankful due to his efforts on still bringing me out for a simple, romantic dinner for my birthday, just because he knows it means a lot to me :)

And yeah, as much as we want to just relax and enjoy our saturday, today had to be the day of the lovers....which means traffic jam and tons of people everywhere. now that'll be the LEAST relaxing. plus, my boss just mentioned about me having to report for duty for the "Hutan Kita" event at Bukit Kiara. there goes my weekend, AGAIN.

Work has been good. i think. I've migrated from Planning unit to Government Relations. yeah, more outdoor stuff and CSR for me. mor exposure ain't it? good for my portfolio that's for sure!

Oh ya, the girls and I have made a point to have a weekly activity of Literati a.k.a. Scrabble, via online yahoo games :) It may sound a bit nerdish, but hell it has been fun! at least we're improving our vocabulary every week okaaayyyy :) my vocab is running shitier and shitier, so yeah, i NEED the exercise.

I'm thinking of another Master's. Media and Communication perhaps, with AIBD. But that'll mean forking up about RM40k (if i'm not mistaken) ON TOP OF getting the scholarship. Mane nak cari duit ah? Nak buat PhD lagi la mahal! grrrrr.....if only my dad was Warren Buffet or Donald Trump. I won't have to worry about money for education...or better still, not having to worry about getting super great education prior to getting a well-paying job! haaiiihhh.....

Ok enough. Liyana, sila bersyukur dengan ape yg kamu ade.
ALHAMDULILLAAAHHHHHHH.............

*beep* your battery is running low.

:: The Solemnization ::

Thank u Farah for having me at your big day :)
And Khair, these are some of the pictures for u to see, nanti yg lain kene tunggu facebook la i guess :P

:: Boeh Sun ::

Saye nak spread my virus in the office.

I know ur reading this Fiqa, GET BACK TO WORK! :P
Fiza Jai, u too!
And u too Shikin!

ngahahahahahhahahahhahahhaha

- entry ini tidak membawa sebarang erti, sekian -

:: Sharifah Khairiyah ::

I know i've not spent a lot of time with u, khair...
No, i'm not gonna use "work", or "health" or "boyfriend" as excuse(s)...
I know, has been my fault on not sparing that 2-quality-minutes of my time just to say hi or asking u out for an afternoon cuppa....

I hope Sydney will treat u well...
Please do sms me ur Aussie number a.s.a.p. ok?

Have fun, break a leg..eventhough it's work :) I'm sure you'll have tons of stories to tell us...
Hope to see u my little midget, soon, come April 24th...or maybe 6 months from now....

I will always miss u, and yes, I will always be there for u, just like how u were there for me during my times in Melbourne...

Thank you for being an angel...have a safe trip Khair.

I LOVE YOU TO BITS!

yours sincerely,
The one u guys nicked "SuperBrain" *wink*

:: Confessions of a Fat E'en ::

Just a month ago, i realized that i've put on too much weight.
Yes, i eat and eat AND eat, when i'm stressed out. Tak masuk bile period lagi, lagi la byk makan!
So. I weighed myself. Subhanallah, i was 53.5kg!!!!! Mofo.

So. I started dieting. No nasi until i reach my used-to-be weight of 49kg. Ye kawan2, i put on 4.freakin.5 kg within 2 months. Smue salah tempat keje yg sgt stressful. ish!

So. diet punye diet, 2 days ago, berat dah turun 50.9kg..ya allah happy gile babi. I'm talkin that much of weight within a month's diet of NO NASI ok. erm, chocolates tu still byk la consumption nye, takleh buat ape :P

SEMALAM. saye pergi Zuup kat OU with dear Shikin, Shahrin n Fiqa. LEPAS TU. order la chicken confetti soup. AND fries. I wanted to order a starter-sized soup, tapi my colleagues ni kate "woi, kicik sgt la...agak2 laaa". so yeah, i then ordered REGULAR sized soup. Yg datang nye, bowl mcm DUA E'EN boleh makan. tapi, saye habiskan juga, kerana sayang bayar mahal2, DAN saye habiskan HALF of my Chips in Pail. ERK.

HARI INI. I weighed myself. Subhanallah.....I'm back at 52kg!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#W*^*%#_)*%@$(%@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After all the hardwork?!!!! Oh cmon man, cut me some slack!!!! Why can't i be like my friends? The type that losses appetite when in stress?! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh benci! All my friends are getting skinnier, and getting a whole lot more money, a whole lot prettier, etc etc, while i stay STAGNANT, and even worse, FATTER and FATTER?! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh not faiiirrr!!!!!

I'm depressed. Seriously.
I AM A FAT HUMAN. I AM 52KG and 159CM IN HEIGHT. AND I CAN NO LONGER FIT INTO ANY OF MY SIZE-24 JEANS.
I AM SUPER FAT.

:: Kerenah Manusia ::

Macam smuorg kate, kite keje mane2 pon mesti ade politik.
To some, it's just minor, to others, might just be a good solid reason for suicide.

Me? i swallow thorns everyday.
My lepak hours have gone down so significantly. and that includes my weekends too.

I always wonder why people work so hard just to get proper living (which varies according to individuals of course). I get slighted most of the time, not only because so many amongst us (including your sincerely) do not get that "acknowledgement" for our work, but instead, adding insult to injury, our work is being "altered" by a few "touch-ups", subsequently having the "superior" party jumping and shouting hallelujah! How sick can the world be? Why must there be people such as these? Why can't anyone just be happy and accept the fact that there are others "smarter" than u?...oh c'mon, even with my Master's, i still consider myself an infant in every way.

Ade pula manusia yg suka cerita "gebang". Cerita letup2 bagai nak rak, seperti die tahu all the nitty-gritty details of the udang di sebalik the batu. orang lain tahu cume ade udang sebalik batu kan? die ni nak gempak, bole kate sbnarnye udang galah baru umur 3 minggu sorok blakang batu tu. yih!

I get so annoyed when someone brings up the conversation about work (and organizational culture of course), then tells the whole world how stressful it is,and then comparing others' experiences of which seems to be of a super minor component of his/her encounters with Mr Pressure. Eh hello, you think you're the only one ke yang bekerja and alami smue ni?

Emmy would know about this person. Person A ni tak habis2 cakap "ala, rilek ajeee" to me. Imagine this; i have been in the company for like 3 months ONLY, as compared to Person A who has been around for years. But, the funny thing is, i know sooooo much more, and deal with a wider scope of clients. Remember, i've only been there for 3 months, and i have a lot more beneficial contributions to the company than Person A. Worst thing is that I've found out 3 of the people before me, whom had the same job scope as I do, quit just after 2-3 months of service. Lots of people also have been mentioning how hard it is to be in my department, and that so far, i'm the most "cekal hati". Ok, we'll see how long this "cekal"ness can stay ahhh...

ok, i'm sleepy. gnite.
Ya Allah berikanlah umatMu kekuatan untuk menempuh cabaran dunia akhir zaman. Amin.

:: Hormones At Playgrounds ::

In my mid 20s, my hormones has yet to stabilize, hence bringing chaos not just to my behaviour, but of course also to the quality of my judgements.

What happens when kids go to playgrounds? They have fun....and, they get hurt.
Dear friends would know what's up with me, and this entry.

Quoting songs.

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream

kuberanjak dari tidurku
mencoba melukis pagiku
berharap keajaibankan datang
daun tak bergerak
sang burung terdiam menanti senyuman

berdiri termangu membisu
apakah yang akan terjadi
akankah keindahan menyapa
rumput tak berpisah
tunduk tak bergoyang menanti sentuhan

berat tuk melangkah
memulai hari ini
namun semua itu sirna
kau kini ada

semua kecupan darimu cukup membuat duniaku terasa lebih terang
secangkir teh hangat darimu cukup tuk awali hari terindah dalam hidupku

Happy 2009.
A toast to us, the small, quite insignificant group of people striving for a good meal, and being promised a thousand roses; with thorns.