:)

"Just A Step From Heaven"

Tell me that we still belong
Tell me that the will is still alive
There must be another chance for us tonight
'Coz everyone who's walked upon
Trouble or lies, they come and go
We can be the lucky ones
And find love, after the storm

Don't let go
'Coz it's just a step from heaven
And the strength of love is on our side
Soon you'll find
That our faith will take us higher
'Coz we're just a step
Baby just a step from heaven

We don't need to justify our emotions
We don't need to worry 'coz if they hold on
There's a bigger destiny that was made for us
So don't let troubles bring you down
Believe in the foundation of our love
Can't you see my faith in you
Is forever and more

Baby can't you see
This love was meant to be
We can rise above this pain in our hearts

tO wHoM |t MaY cOnCeRn.. =)

Have you heard of the saying
For those who were playing
You don't know what you got till its gone

Well that was my calling
I knew what I was falling into
something that would be so wrong

But I got hold of myself
And changed for the better
I can't get you out of my mind
Cause something inside
made me realize you were fine

Each time we were alone
I guess I didn't know
How far we were apart
Should have spoken from my heart
I guess I didn't know
That each time you go away, I cry
I can't take all these goodbyes

I know from this feeling
Deep inside there's a healing
I know that i'm in control

Everyday I am yearning
This love I feel burning
Burning right through my soul

So let's make a start
Of something that cannot be broken
The mold its so strong

Treat this love as a child
That grows into something worthwhile

Deep love's so deep
Deep love's so deep, yea
I can't take all these goodbyes

Faithfully, I will be
You will see, please believe me
I can't take all these goodbyes

All the time we were alone
Guess I should have really known
Baby you have always been mine

<3...

CooL sHyTe!!

Hey! my BF looks like WENWORTH MILLER!! woohoo!!! wenworth is soooo to-die-for!
bangga ar tuh bob! pfftt!..and ALIA, jangan JEALOUS! wahahahahahah

UtMoSt GoOd Fa|tH?...

have u ever felt shitty of revealing the gruesome truth?...
how do i get to this....

one fine day..u feel that it's just not fair 4 an innocent being being lied to...
but to interfere is just risky...now, what to do?...shut up n leave..or get ur mouth into talking?

and i cleverly chose to get my mouth moving in sequence with certain shapes, while pouring out my voice to create some communication to be understood by the person concerned...yes, i TALKED...but failed to justify the infinite truth...coz somehow i was scared n bailed half-way..
yes, KILL ME..please do...am starting to hate myself overtime..wait, not to worry..i AM leaving soon...

here comes the best part...i know how to teach a person to make a GOOD tea...i gave a teabag, some sugar and a spoon...what's missing is H2O, teabag's brand, and some significant stirring...THAT IS ALL...turns out, my ingredients weren't good enuf...
God this is hard...

well i guess someday, the teabag's brand will be revealed..if the person being taught is hardworking enuf to try all the brands available at the nearest supermarket...and i don't think finding H2O is a problem...and i don't think stirring takes a lot of manpower...

I surrender to my will...i hand this dreadful responsibilty to God...i don't know what to do...
i'll put my sentences to halt...

:'(

My tRa|tS..cOuLd |t bE??...

Blood Type : O ---> HOT

Population
Roughly 38% of the world is O +ve and 6% O -ve.

Traits

Confident and Strong-Willed, Proud, Dedicated, Sociable, Energetic,Extroverted, Frank, Realist, Showy, Flighty, Generalist, Positive, Independent, Risk-Takers, Dislike taking orders, Insecure, Stubborn & Self-Centered.

Make friends easily and go with flow and grasp opportunity. Quick to start a project or chase an idea. Are good at organizing activities. May have short attention span, and expresses strong emotions. May quickly take opposite views that are deep but not always durable. Classic entrepreneurs and movers and shakers.

Express their emotions but can be swayed by other blood types. Have an intrinsic elegance. Sociable and showy. May be good at adapting to circumstances. Words come easily to them. Not self conscious and will frankly reveal inner feelings. Ambitious, but may have issues with detail.

Like to touch and be touched by others.

:: Extracted from Wan Aliaa's blog. hehe ::

My LuVLy NePhEwS...

Happy 1st month birthday Danish Eizal!! November 8th 2006

Welcome aboard.. Danial Iskandar November 3rd 2006

:: Love em to deaatthhh!!! muaaaahh!!! ::

FoRg|vE n FoRgEt?....

something from Oprah's caught my attention..

:: Anger is a cord that ties u to the past, of which holds you back from reaching out for your
future..
Forgiving is letting go of your past, hence allows you to pursue for your future... ::

It is, without a fact, hard to simply forgive and forget. Most people couldn't even forget, of course,
but to what extend are we gonna preserve these negative vibes inside of us? Some people took forever to just forgive too...There's no one to blame...everyone has to take their own time to deal with forgiveness, let go of any grudge...

The addiction towards anger is like exposing urself to cancer-prone environment.
I, however have my anger management to be done too...I get furious nowadays of the nonsense circling around me, of how i have to bare the sequences of not sticking my nose onto someone else's problems...sounds ridiculous? u have no idea...

Best part is, most of us had to undergo this absurd situation...absurd because someone else started the problem and at the end, fucked u up BIG TIME...why..why..why...

Life somehow resembles the gambling in Las Vegas...U lose..u lose..u lose...DING DING u WIN...
and who gets the Gs? Las Vegas...Coz they swallow every penny while ur trying ur luck on every god damn slots and games...And also, take note that Las Vegas gets ROBBED sometimes...hah there u go...When someone else is enjoying the happiness out of ur misery, one day, it'll all get zapped...What do u have to do?..CORRECTO..start all over again...

Lets all take a moment to reminisce shall we...and figure what's worth letting go..what's worth to be kept..what's worth to be dealt with..and what's worth your happiness...

*s|gH...*

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

....sigh....

:: Everybody's Changing by Keane ::

Selamat Hari Raya...

To all my loyal readers...

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri..
Maaf Zahir je, no batin between us..hehe

Have a good one this year, and 4 many years to come...

Lotsa luv,
Liyana Zainudin...

MeMoR|eS rEm|n|sCeD...

can't help but to reminisce all the fun i had in malacca, back in year 2002...
oh god...

I miss the wackos of Group 49 (We rock! supposed to be the best group in the foundation year of management course, haha) and of course the wonkers of Group 50...

I made so many friends....
The point that i made friends with :

:: Fiza, the tragedy was that she asked me if I were Nadia's sister..haha...and i couldnt stop staring at her hypnotic watch hahaha

:: Khair, always with Fiza and Aiman..tak abis2 tersengih je when i started talking to Fiza. Never fail to not realizing whether she's in class or not coz she's the most petite..hehe no offence darls..

:: Aiman, he was the first one to talk to me...can't remember what was it regarding hehe... Anyway, Aiman, Fiza n Khair used to talk bad about me and called me and my so-called-gang, The Spoilt brats from KL hahahhaa....in the end, All three of em and me just couldn't live without each other..hhehehehe...

:: Aimi, was Eryl's housemate..the NERD in group 50..all she does is STUDY and she gets PMSed pretty quickly coz we wonkers had this habit of blasting the songs at Aimi's room and sang our heart out while dancing like monkeys..hehe

:: Eryl, is someone who has the most unique name.. Erlynna Erwin...i had trouble pronouncing her name at first haha...She and Aimi never fail to comfort me and give me motivating advices when it comes to my relationship back then...She was left alone with my ex in Malacca as all of us moved from there to Cyber for like a year? i think...hehe...

:: Nadia, was Woe's acquaintance, and i got to know her while lining up for hostel registration in Malacca...After sometime, Woe, me and her got close and ended up living in the same house in BBU...hehe...

:: Nasir, the all-italiano-wannabe guy hehe...used to have an endless big crush on Woe, every evening after orientation we'll be hearing his voice calling out for Eryl or Aimi (konon la coz their apartment was at the groundfloor, n that Nasir knew that Woe's gonna be there too hehehe)...

:: Jo Lynn and the gang hehe, the people of Group 49...the smart-asses who helped me A LOT on scoring...we all got close during the task of an English drama/act taken from a novel or so... hehe

:: Hanif Nipplez, my best buddy in Group 49...Will attend classes when i do, and will come out with excuses when i don't..heheh...all my assignments consisted of his name...and we would get "the sandwich" at Plaza Siswa EVERYDAY during break for morning classes..hahaha AND he calls himself Brandon Boyd oh perasan..hahah..still remember the time he did that...and it was the time we were on holidays in PD, all of a sudden he "emerged" from the sea behind zaza, n said "Za, cute tak, cam Brandon Boyd kan?"..hahahahhah

:: Zul, the all-time-nerd-in-disguise...all of us really believed that he's this goody goody tall guy with glasses who will never skip class or go socializing..WE WERE WRONG..hahaha He started lepaking with me, aiman, fiza n khair...and ended up being really close...me n zul would go up to any of the empty lecture/tutorial classes and studied there at night...most of the time fiza, khair, aiman and hanif would come to join in...if it wasn't for him, i won't be scoring my papers for my final semester in Malacca, i swear...hehehe

:: Evie, started being close to her during English class...somehow we became close, as she often lepak with Aiman, Fiza n Khair...Don't be fooled by this one...She looks freakin ladylike n innocent but...i dare not say more..hehe...just wait til she reveals herself to u..hahahha

:: Donna, the girl with the black Kembara..hehe...Super pemalas to go to class or to even go out lepaking...i have no idea on what she has been doing at home..hahaha...she is one wacko herself...
Now this is one person who i would proudly paste the phrase "Looks can be deceiving" on her forehead... aaaaaaahahahahahahahah

We had tons of fun...every evening you'll see the same faces at the same long table at RSU, having pisang goreng, cempedak goreng, keropok lekor and endless cigarette puffing activity...every afternoon, you'll see our faces at either Delimas or MesraMMU, gobbling our lunch...and every nite you'll see our faces at either RSU, Delimas or Bistro...hehehe...

how i wish i can go back to that time...endless laughter, endless smile, endless good food....
i miss all of u...so so much...

My 3 sToOgEs...

A|mAn sYa'AbAn
FeEzAbeLLe
kHa|r

i miss u guys so much...so so much...
:'(

NeVeR eXpEcT 2 mUcH oF eVeRyTh|n...

often times that we underestimate ourselves...
our credibilities, talents..and even the ability to bounce back again after a hard fall...
being perfect doesn't mean constituting all the good things in life....that is abnormal if u ask me...
what i call a normal human being is someone who is caring, loving, sensitive, hard-headed and pain-in-the-ass at times, not egocentric and most important ingredient of all...honest.

same goes for a perfect relationship..one that comprises of endless lovey-dovey months is what i call b.u.l.l.s.h.i.t....i dare u, give me one relationship that lasts let's say...a year without a fight...
u gotta be a person full of rage and denial at the end of your 1-year probation period, psycho...eheh

a friend of mine...whose relationship gave me all the smiles and the faith to be in a relationship once again, just ended his...never was i to expect such thing to happen...let me not say more...
when things like this happen, u stumble...u cry...u start 2 hate urself..pondering every single minute of which might appear worthy 2 u, what fault have u done...and this goes on for the next 24 hours to months to come...for some, it only took days...but for me..it took me a whole year...

after all that has happened during my lonely days, i took a glance at my past, of the days i left behind...i realized of how much time i wasted...how much love i've been restraining myself from , from the others that might have been...but i chose not to regret and fret about it... cause even though it ate up 365 days of my life, it made me a wiser person...a person that doesn't take things for granted anymore..a person who appreciates people's efforts...a person who sees time as golden nuggets laying in a definite set of distance-sequence waiting to be picked, sent down generously by the one and only, the Almighty...condition remains that u cannot turn back and pick up those u accidently missed...so just imagine how many golden nuggets have i left behind my tail...A LOT...

the past teaches u a lot on who 2 become, what 2 become..when and where are of ur own pick. if u ask me, there isn't any suitable time or place 4 anything 2 take place...u gotta make it happen coz in the end its up to ur surroundings to bring u the after-effect of such actions.. good surroundings, favourable results...bad surroundings, don't kill urself yet, everything happens 4 a reason...hehe

to my dear friend of whom i shall not reveal the name...u have been there 4 me 4 the past 2 years or so...and it is an honour that i'm the one u picked 2 be there 4 u now...i know how much it hurts...believe me, i do...and believe me when i say this...u'll get good things when u least expect it, when u don't expect anything in return and of course the most painful phrase of all, when u give urself time to heal...hold on to what u've got...hold on to that lil faith left inside of u...

just hold on...coz i'm here to help u pick up the shattered pieces...

oVeRwHeLmEd... :)

The evening started off with a great GREAT buka puasa with my loved ones...

Unfortunately Eddie had to cancel off due to his job @ Istana Budaya...kambing..Anyway...I however was late..hehe..sorry gurls...but everything turned out so darn superb..
I'm so glad n happy everyone showed up..as this will be my last Puasa+Raya in Malaysia...
Will be celebrating the next 2 come in Melbourne..uwaaaa how sad...The guys bagus btol..Smue taram baek nye perut kenyang cam ular sawa...after berbuka we went up to our room (thanx papa!) n as usual, became camera freaks..hehehehe...

eMmY...FaRrAh...fArAh...aL|a...Me...

sOf|e...HyD|r...bObBy...A.J....

Then at 12:30 am...

A call from mom came in..Saying that my sister is expected to give birth at 2:30am..
ya allah..i was so freakin excited....Got home, freshened up and pushed off...
By the time i got there, my lil sis SMSed me...

BABY ON BOARD!! IT'S A BOY!!!!

Dang!!! i missed all the screaming moaning baby uweking blablabla! hahaha
But fortunately, i got to take up the baby's pics b4 he was sent for his first bath! hehehe

Name : Mohd. Danish Eizal
Time of Birth : 2:10a.m.
Date of Birth : 8 Oct 2006
Weight : 3.45 kg

Aref n Syak, since u guys aren't here...i would like to share my joy by uploading the baby's pictures..isn't he cuteee!!

Alhamdulillah..everything went well....am so happy!!!

LoVe MoDe..hehe

Dream on... Dream away
I think I'm gonna have to stay
Stay forever

I adore... mi amor

You want to take his place
You say you'd treat me better
But, better I know for sure
You see he loves me
And i could never leave him
Never baby, never

Muchacho tu eres mi vida la ternura
Y alegria amor
Y este sueño
contigo sera verdad

Listen... my love, the guy of my dreams
And I will never leave
He's all that I need and more
I'll love him always
What more could a girl ask for
What more could I ask for

You know that I really love my baby
He can give me everything I need
There is no one to take his place
He's got my heart in his hands
Baby, I adore

Mi amor es por ti que yo vivo y por ti suspiro.
No solo hoy, solo hoy si no siempre.
Tu estrella brilla siempre en mi.
Y este sueño contigo sera realidad te quiero mucho
Baby te quiero mucho, mi amor.

you know i love you
you know i need you boy
you know that i really love my baby
he can give me everything i need
and there would never be no one that could take his place
he got my heart in his hands
you're the one that i adore
i'll be forever your love
you're the one that i wanna see
i want you to stay with me..yeah

:: edited lyrics ; I Adore Mi Amore...by Color Me Badd ::
:: dedicated just for my Nizam...i heart u.. ::

tHaNx kHa|ruL n|zAm...

sheila on 7

music song lyrics

pOnDeR pOnDeR pOnDeR...

gave a LOT of thought in my life...
of how i should become...who i should be...why i should be...when n where i should be...

typical of me to say that everything has just fell in its place...
alhamdulillah, endless gratitude to Allah...

through the years i've been wondering of how it would be...
when people often say...

:: Be with someone who loves u more than u love 'em ::

the thought first scares me...
i mean, how could u try to act as in ur in love as much as the other party does?...
now i know...
That it doesn't really "turns out" that way...
like everyone says...love will gradually grow...
believe it..cause it has just happened to me...

the thought that i would never love, trust n feel the warmth n comfort from a being...
made me push myself beyond borders of my own "standard" capabilities...
yah, everything sounds cheesy here...
but seriously...i could NOT believe a single moment of my life right now...

and to my dear friends...
i owe much of my happiness to u...
for u have been the strength on helping me devour my insecurities...
















The significant angelz by my side...

This entry is dedicated to my loved ones...

:: aL|a eMmY fArAh NaJwA fArAh NaDz aL|f FeEzAbELLe kHa|r I-mAn a|m| aReF sYak|rA sYaZaNa aL|yA a|dA cLaUd|nE aPeK eDd|e zAcK wAwA tHe tMn tUn gUyS n not to forget my everloving kHa|ruL n|zAm ::

mY hEaRt|eSt wEeKeNd...

Had a great weekend...
Making money...holiday with friends..and my first holiday with my Khairul Nizam... :)
It's super comforting to know that ur different clique of friends could actually, CLICK TOGETHER hehehe...

Emmy - my 5-year buddy and still going strong...from KJ
Wawa - my 6-year goodfriend who has int the recent years become my buddy...from KL
Aud - my 1-year friend who has also recently become a buddy...from Sarawak/Subang Jaya

Alia, Farah Najwa n Farah Nutz were missing due to own plans..hehe kiddinngg...
Next stop...DAMAI BEACH SARAWAK BAYBEEEEHH!!!

wHo wOuLd'vE tHoUgHt...

sheets cover subjects beneath it...
but do remember, sheets are made of cloth..
and no cloth aren't "see-thru"...
those that aren't will eventually be as they age...
what does that tell u?...
that underneath it all, eventually one day things will be clear...

there u were...
standing right before my eyes...
but covered with my own offensive shields...
when somehow u made me realize of who u are...
what u are...
u made me lower my defenses...
u made me uncover my shadows...
u made me flaunt credibilities...my passion...to live up my dreams...
u made me wanna trust again...
u made me think of how easy it is to be loved and cherished...
and to be trusted with miles of distance...

thank you...
Mohd. Khairul Nizam
Let September be a month to remember always...
yours truly...

eNdLeSs GrAt|tUdE...

alhamdulillah...i've finally graduated...
convo was held on 12th august...
and i'm grateful to my family for supporting me throughout my studying years and also for coming to my big day...Dad, stepmom, alia, farah, fiza n khair gave me gorgeous bouquet of flowers... thanx u guys sooooo much! had a long day, rite after convo, me, alia, farah najwa, farah nadz n aiza went to Nando's @ OU, pelahap like there's no tomorrow ok...hahah...then we went to shop @ Topshop (hahah farah nadz takde kesian heheheh)....

So many good things came my way, alhamdulillah...great friends, great achievements, great memories, great family....god, i wouldn't wanna change anything on what i have rite now...

One thing i realized...is that everybody needs a friend, a shoulder to cry on...AT LEAST one ok... and never EVER neglect ur family members....coz ur friend(s) might just bail on u, family, NEVER...u might think that ur family can be such pain in the arse, useless n so forth...in actual fact, they're the ones who really taught u on how to live ur life n not turn out to be a spoilt brat...I almost lost my bestfriend, and at that moment my world trembled so badly...i realized, the person concern plays a really HUGE part of my life...never have i ever choked n cried over a friend...and i want u 2 know, that u mean the world to me, and no one can ever replace u... EVER... and of course, i don't ever wanna lose my other close friends, u guys are my guardian angels....i wouldn't wanna lose u ever either...

:: Let it be that I die without a life companion, but I don't ever wanna die without being meaningful to others who treasure me and appreciates me 4 who I am ::

p|eRcEd mY hEaRt...HoPe 2 d|e....

Tertegun ku memandangmu
Saat kau tinggalkanku .. menangis
Bodohnya ku mangharapmu
Jelas sudah tak kau pedulikan cintaku

Mestinya telah kusadari
Betapa perih cinta tanpa balasmu
Harusnya tak ku paksakan
Bila akhirnya kan melukaiku

Mungkin ku tak akan bisa jadikan dirimu kekasih
Yang seutuhnya mencintaiku
Namun kurelakan diri
Jika hanya setengah hati
Kau sejukkan jiwa ini

Ku hanya terus berharap
Satu hari kau mampu .. sadari
Tiada yang pernah mengerti
Sepertiku setulus hati mencintaimu

:: Setengah Hati by Ada Band ::
~sob....

:....(

Ever since you left me
I've been trying to hide the pain
Painting on a smile with lipstick
Putting on a big charade
So difficult to keep pretending
It's getting harder everyday
It's plain to see I'm cold and heartsick
Since you turned and walked away
I just keep going round and round
And round in circles
Keep on tumbling down

Oh boy my world has changed
And I don't think I can make it without you
Nothing's the same
You got me running around in circles over you
(running around in circles over you)

Saturday I saw you
Holding hands with someone new
Somehow I kept my composure
Just like everything was cool
But inside I kept repeating
Don't you let them see you cry
So I casually turned my head
As the tears rolled down my eyes
I just keep going round and round
And round in circles
Keep on tumbling down

Everything is you
How can I pull through
My heart is consumed I'm so confused
Still caught up in you...love can be so cruel
Baby don't know how to turn you loose

:: Circles by Mariah Carey ::

Let's See Who's Go|n dOwN n WhO'S nOt...HAH!

well...well...well....
turns out God loves me after all! haha....
U fucked me up BIG TIME, now it's ur turn to pay....
oh how i love the sound of KARMA....
Manipulate, lie to both of us all u want, u just don't know what's coming after u....
We'll see how ur gonna end up twisting stories and manipulating urself...AHAH AHAH AHAH!

Oh let me enjoy this moment of glory....ALHAMDULILLAH...
Thank u God for snapping my head just in time....

YOU ARE SO FUCKED....and the best part is, U'LL BE FUCKED BY US....woohoo!!

TeArS fRoM mY HeArT....

It came over me in a rush
When I realized that I love you so much
That sometimes I cry, but I cant tell you why
why I feel what I feel inside

How I try to express what's been jugglin' my mind
But still can't find the words
But I know that something's got a hold of me

Baby, some day I'll find a way to say
just what you mean to me
But if that day never comes along
and you don't hear this song
I guess you'll never know that...

And when I say inside, I mean deep
You fill my soul with something I cannot explain
What's over me

thank u...everyone...

Baru ku sedari....
cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan....

and so the song goes....felt so devastated...heard n sang along to it @ RP....

thank u to all of u....for being so patient on making me realize what i've been missing, how i took my life for granted, and how i wasted my love for somebody who doesn't feel the same way, when i could actually save it for someone else who appreciates it...sacrificed my life for nothing....
thank u..thank u...thank u....for ur endless love n support...

:: Alia, Emmy Safina, Farah Nadz, Farah Najwa, Khair, Feeza, Aiman, Balee, Syazana, Azura, Imran, Kak Ina, Syakira, Aref, Bob, Nizar, Abg Aidi, Abg Wadi, Yan, Pak Din, and my lovely family ::

I really appreciate ur kindness and friendship...luv u guys very very much...

|t |s t|mE....

Monday...

Received an sms from my dear friend...told me that his gf left him...why? let me tell u why..

SHE : busy with events...work, work, work....calls and sms from him, BARELY answered... goes out with him for breakfast/lunch/dinner like at MOST twice a week...

HE : calls her like twice a WEEK to just say hi...sends her to work everytime she's posted here...

Suddenly....
SHE : didn't pick up his call, didn't answer his sms on a weekend...truth fact, she went out clubbing with friends n one of them happened to be his friend...didn't even tell him about it(not that it was a big fuss, but hell, at least sms him back n tell him la kan, susah sgt ke?)...n fact was they haven't seen each other for more than a week...

HE : found out she went out clubbing...sms-ed her n told her he knew about it...then received endless panic responses from her....

THEN...
SHE : called him up, tak puas ati...bcoz kene tegur by him...said goodbye, slams down the phone while he was talking, n turned off her phone right away...

HE : called her back constantly, failure...sms-ed Een for advice n comfort...

EEN : told him to just leave it..sebab she was too freakin childish...biase la, budak baru keje, dpt banyak duit, lupe dunia...she couldn't even bother to sms back saying maybe she's busy or just to say hi after office hours...couldn't even pick up his phone calls at nite, for god sake...CEO pon tak busy camtu la...

Rite after that, the most dreadful moment happened..i was strucked so badly from what i saw.. i was too broken to even cry a tear...got back to dad's n everything just flashed in front of my eyes...what the HELL am i doing?!! I'm giving advices to a friend of similar situation, n here i am, NOT doing anything of my own pathetic situation..REALITY just checked-in...and i knew at that moment, I HAD to do it....i had to take up all the risks to hurt, to lose and to just let go...if things were meant 2 be, then it'll happen again...but at this point, n i believe in even years to come, the subject in concern is n will be annoyed, angry at me....probably he'll just puke whenever we see each other...i'm sorry for what happened...put urself in my shoes n tell me that ur not living a pathetic life...can u?...no one can..coz that's just REALITY...n the old Liyana would be DENYING reality...so, no more old Liyana...

The new Liyana is emerging...and she's taking one step further everytime...n she's LEAVING...
From heart to head...i'm finally THINKING straight...for everyone's sake...it hurts me like FUCK i swear....cried so many tears...n did he?...i dun think so..coz he's too busy with his life n his precious one...oh well, at least he has a life...and so will i....u just don't know what u got til it's gone..and mine has gone for a year in actual fact..i felt it, but he didn't....n i'm not gonna play his game anymore...i'm breaking down...AGAIN...how pathetic...

So this is it...this is GOODBYE....

I LuV LuV LuuuuuV my L|fE!!!!

first n foremost... thank u Syakira Mazrah...4 dragging me along to meet up with the tmn tun peepz...ya allah best gile...made a dozen more friends...totally changed my world k...these guys r so freakin friendly...baru knal dah tiu masing2....God knows how happy these people made me!
And u know what else la kan Syak...ahahahaha....

:: Alia just got back from UK...smuorg angau Alia hahahaha....damn u woman, jgn pegi lame2 lagi k! Now am gonna bug ur life to the fullest! ::
:: Emmy is forever busy with her endless events at LUCT...and her neverending social nites...haha My dear Emmy....SLOW DOWN woman! hahaha kang terbalik susah babe! ::
:: Farah Najwa, started class last week...so, goodbye lepaking with Farah...dammit... ::
:: Farah Nadz, forever has free time 4 me...entertaining me with her infectuous laughter hahaha... thanx for the swimming session, oh wait, make that sessionS as there r more to come! hehe Sofie, jgn kacau! i nak tenet ngan Farah plak, dah la u dok culik her 4 breakfast, mane aci!::
:: Syak's flying off this Sunday...Es tonto! why on earth do u have 2 go back to Perth too early! Xpe, she's off for a good reason, pursuing her Masters in politics..GO SYAK! am proud of u! ::
:: Aref's going back to Canberra on Sunday as well....man...TOO SOON i swear! too little time spent with him...sedey...Aref, nanti i'll give u more surprise phone calls k! :) 6 more months to go Boe, U CAN DO IT!! ::
:: Feeza is busy with her internship...miss u like hell....bile nak bagi her HRC stuff pon i tatau, ntah bile masing2 free....uwaaa :( ::
:: Khair is busy with classes and assignments...sorry khair i lame tak turun Cyber...nanti we'll meet up 4 lunch or sumthin k... ::
:: Zana, recently hooked up with this UIA guy...she's super happy n in love...am VERY happy 4 u lil sis...told ya one day "HE" will come....hehe ::
:: Alif tak reti2 nak balik from Ohio, working his ass off kat sane...ey, org smue nak convo la babe, and ur missing! Donkey!! Make sure u buzz us once u arrive, else we'll hunt u down u mofo! :p ::
:: Aimi is also busy with internship..well...it has been so long since we last lepak kan aimi... aimi bile dtg mood gile die mule la, ckp ngarut online...hahah it's so hard to catch her attention ahaha::

Been spending quite a lotta time with Bob n Mie over the past few days...melayan kerenah bodo diorg...endless...endless...hahaha...It's so good to have witty friends....Bob, jage sikit ur hair, i tarik kang tak jadi Ronaldinho dah! hahaha..Mie dah join the other side, his friends smue yg suke buat org tterperanjat tgh2 malam! ahahahhaha

As stated in my previous entry....u lose one, God replaces u with 10....and the figure is closing in... ahahahaha...i just lost one...and here comes few more! And currently am pretty happy with those who came along the line...i likey! hahahahaha...it's BAD to put up names and descriptions here as it may cause discretions and offences...so....BEEP...probably these people already knew what i have in mind! which appears to be relatively embarassing....eheh... :p

GOD IT'S GREAT BEING THIS WAY!! WOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOO!!!

Right back at...YOU! weehee

i'm happy...ur NOT
i'm laughing...ur NOT
i'm achieving...ur NOT
i'm healthy...ur NOT
i'm dealing with my life accordingly...ur NOT
i'm resilient...ur NOT

and one thing I'm NOT, but u r...
is LIVING IN DENIAL...
HAH!hehehehe

L|v|nG L|fE aS | sHouLd...

since valentine's day, a quote from syak's lovely card has been reminding me of what should be reminded to ALL...

:: Good things come to those who wait ::

couldn't agree more...my first few months were devastating, intolerable,painful...
i've waited...like a fool, i did...waited n waited but all that came swooming were BSs...
so i decided to stop waiting...n live my life as i should've...
putting up a smile was the hardest thing to do...

to a certain point, devastation will eventually becomes ignorance...substantially then becomes happiness...thank u syak...for the constant reminder...i'm grateful to u...
i thought too hard...too foolishly...and it brought me to a dead end...
a phrase that caught my eye the other day was from Feezabelle...but with a twist...

:: Being alone is so much better than to be in luv with sumbody who's not in luv with u...or probably sumone who's not even sure of his/her own capacity of luving the other ::

point taken...i am so happy with the life i'm leading rite now...i've never thought that life is as great as this...i've learned so much...and smiling...laughing so much...the last time i had all these was when i was 16...and gosh...how i would luv to keep my life this way forever...oh well, at least here i know how great n fair God is...

:: Lose one, He'll replace u with 10 ::

it's funny to see how fickle people are...not just on their attitude...fickle on thoughts, decisions, words...EVERYTHING...one minute they say they adore u...on the other minute they say they adore sumone else...hmm...MEN...oh how i wish they could just keep their birds in their pants.. :)

most of us often neglect the luv 4 ourselves...n i've never figured how signifant that is, until it stroke me hard...n i've learnt to not expect anything in return at all...ape ade, ambik je la..
alhamdulillah...smue kuase tuhan...

My deepest gratitude to all...thank u for believeing in me..supporting me and tolerating with me..
u guys played a huge roll on helping me become that happy person again... :)

my platforms of emotions...

it's true when they say, God will never give u what u ask for..
u gotta EARN it...strive for it...

things haven't been easy lately...
first it was my endless weekly presentations, quizzes, assignments and the BIG BROTHER final year project...
then came the remorse of an immediate family member...it was superbly unpredicted...
that night at about 9p.m., allahyarham's two children were just at the hotel spending time with him, when all of a sudden everything went wrong...
9a.m...
I was suddenly woken up from my sleep which lasted only for about 5 hours, by an irritating ringing tone..it was my mom...
For years, i have not heard that voice, so full of sorrow..mom was crying, grieving...told me that my uncle died...cause of death, suspected hyper pressure...i went speechless, ran down to wake my uncle up, who was snoring his way to la la land...
2006 is a s***ty year...everyone just..DIED...ya allah what on earth is happening...

His death opened up my eyes n heart...to live life to the fullest...
I've been waiting for things that aren't coming anywhere in the near future, or probably ever...
I should've instead grabbed every opportunity that came my way...not sitting there like a loser waiting 4 somebody to spoonfeed me...wasted my time there...
just when i feel so s***ty, with the continuous unfavourable dreams, an sms came in right after i slammed my precious notebook close...a goodnite sms from the 1 n only...made me smile n i had a pretty darn good dream... :) it was the same night my uncle died tragically...
The next morning was full of mourning, a sad sad morning...tried to just keep calm n be strong for my mother...after a few hours, an anonymous call came in...
It was my first puppy lover...Told me he misses me, n that he dreamt of me being so thin, as if my life has been superbly miserable..oh how sweet...he put up a smile back on my face... :)

all day long i was thinking..what the hell have i been doing?...what on earth have i been thinking, doing things that i've done?..its like i'm taking my LIFE for granted, BIG TIME...
til it just came to a point that i stop wondering...look back n smile...n that was all that i could do...
n how i wish it will never fade away...how i miss being in that state...where smiling was my favourite routine...n where my favourite fairytales come true... :...(

I just HATE it!!

i hate it when people kept giving me nonsense!
i hate to be in this s***!
i hate being an a**!
i hate being left behind!
i hate you!
i hate myself for the chances i gave u!
i hate myself for blindly believing in u!
i hate ur behaviour!
i hate u 4 using me like f***!
i don't ever wanna c ur goddamn face anywhere in the near future, or better off ever!
i don't wanna hear ur voice!
i don't wanna share any laughter and tears anymore with u!
ur killing me and i'm now turning into a horrible person!
i'm lack of patience and i hate that!
i hate to live in the same country as u!
now i'm hating myself for giving face at u!
i hate it i hate it i hate it!
f***ing grow up and get outta my life!!!

fUr|oS like nobody's business!

Nowadays, EVERY freakin human being is turning into an ARSE...
Sumpah, i don't know why..
Smue ckp tak serupe bikin...
Kaki tipu...
Kaki pusing cerita...
Freakin living in denial...
Gelojoh, dah dapat satu nak lebih...
Take others for granted BIG TIME...
Taking credits for someone else's work...
Cerita berapi padahal keje tak seberape...
Just because some ppl dah start keje, ade hati nak compare with others yg still on their degree level, when in fact yg keje awal tu higher education pon separuh jalan...Oh PLEASE!...
Ade yg muke cam half-constructed building ade hati nak kutuk others...
HOI REALITY CHECK...EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN FLAWS ASSHOLE!haa kan dah terkeluar...
Ade yang kene sepak ngan i kang...ya allah nasib baik tuhan bagi i ruang utk sabar lagi...Argh....

My 1st n Last Promenade..

It has been 4 years since I first became an MMU student...
Graduation is anticipated to be in June, 2006...
And I'm glad that I went through so so many phases during my years spent...
Thanx u guys 4 making my life in MMU so worthwhile...
U guys will always be in my heart...

sumthin 2 think about...

How many times
Are you gonna apologise about the same thing
And how many times can I take you back
When I'm not the one that's doin' wrong
I thought maybe if I started prayin'
That we would get better, but
When I would pray the answer would always come
Back to me bein' done
But we are so hard headed when we're in love
So I

I told myself that I would make some changes
But the more I change there's one thing that remains the same
I can't seem to shake ya
You seem to really have a hold on me
And everytime that we break up
We turn around and make up
This can't go on now
I gotta move on now
It's not the fact that I don't love you no more
But I gotta break this bad habit
Can't take his bad habit no more

I'm totally out of my element
Learnin' new ways to live, while you're in a comfort zone
Not even thinkin, (you couldn't think about me) to call
And then when I get mad you buy me gifts
Thinkin' it's gonna solve every issue
From the girl callin my phone, to the pictures that I saw
And every time you would break up with me for nothing at all
I've taken all I could take
But the way I live has gotta change

Let me break it down
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you was just too blind to see
Past, all of the pain they were causin' you
Ladies do you feel me
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you went against the
Right things that you should do
Then it's time to make a change

:: Bad Habit by Destiny's Child ::

Mr. KAZ...

thank u...
thank u...
thank u...

u made my day...
n i love u 4 that...

|'m bRoKeN...

For what is man,
What has he got?
If not himself,
Then he has not,
To say the things he truly feels,
And not the words,
Of one who kneels…

i owe this to Aiman...

are we doing things right?...
or are we just fooling ourselves KAZ?...
help....i'm broken...

YOU...

thanx for yesterday n the memorable nite...
i couldn't stop smiling...
n thinking of what a gentleman u were...

CAN WE DO THAT AGAIN?!!PLEEEEAASSEE heheheheh....
TI AMO!!

tW|sTeD...

am i right or am i wrong to feel this way?...
what if things turn back against me?...
is this for real or is it just a dream?...

for sure...this is TOO GOOD 2 BE TRUE...
coz most of the things going around don't tally...
is there any assurance 4 me to believe in?...
are u sure of what ur saying?...
I do believe in it...
But where are ur grounds to it?...

AffL|cTeD w|tH sOrRoWs...

there are a few agendas of which are definitely better off not to be told...

almost lost a goodfren because of a girl...let me just say that the person concerned managed to make me just throw my keys onto the body, yell and babble all the way up my stairs til i reach my bedroom n cried a few tears...i was so mad, seriously ok...ur just plain lucky u knew how to push the right button...i hate u! don't u do that to me again KAMBENG! yiihh....

lost a fren who was committed in a tragic accident, here in KJ...eventhough we've only talked for a few hours n shared few laughters, fate made me cry...i was sitting lazily at my dad's "royal" sofa, religiously changing channels on Astro, complaining on the sucky shows, when suddenly an SMS from Aussie came blinking...It was from Aref...

"En, Hani, Musta'in's brother just passed away...Please call Sue..."....

I started trembling...scrolled thru my mobile phone searching for Sue's number...Grabbed my cordless phone n started dialing Sue...She picked up, but with a very calm voice..As soon as she knew it was me calling, Sue started crying so badly, til she couldn't even speak out her words right...Ya allah...only God knows how shocking the news was...I couldn't help but stare at a blank spot while reminiscing about Hani and how funny he was, what a nice guy he was..and how young he was...Dad suddenly asked me of the blank n emotionless expression on my face... Tears started pouring as soon as I told Dad about what had happened...Dad held my hand, told me to be strong and to always remember Hani in my prayers...

"Een...every living soul has its journey...and God has ended his journey at that given moment.. Don't u cry tears of blood about it as nothing will bring himback..Sedekah Al-Fatihah banyak2 to Hani, just like what u did for Arwah Basirah..."

Ya allah..tuhan je tau how sad i was...one by one, the people i knew had left for good...And i regreted that i didn't say things that should've been said...

In Loving Memories...

Hani Adnan
Mohd. Ashraf
Basirah Baharuddin

2 Be or Not 2 Be...

ok..this is madness...it has been MONTHS since i last penned...ok here goes...

So much had happened...i stumbled, i fell, i cried tears both of joy n sorrow,i laughed at everything that has happened,i got so mad and almost outta hand AGAIN...oh gile..

What's important is that I've learned so much in that particular moment...of where I felt so devastated...i was crushed to million pieces...and God knows how hard it was 4 me to pick up the tiny pieces of my sanity shattered everywhere...

and of course, everything happens 4 a reason, thank u my dear Affendi...I mean it...

I learnt the hardest way to live on with my life...affiliating myself with all sorts of activites and events...Honestly, that helped only 50% upon recovering...
The act of being resilient...it's not about how u divert things and occupying urself...but the utmost important factor...UR INNERSELF...

::Yes, clubs play good music 4 u to sweat it all out n laugh about every ridiculous act...u get good exercise but u'll die soon of being the 2nd degree smoker, even if ur smoking...

::Alcohol n drugs drive u 2 a state of half-insane...makes u 4get about ur tight life, at least 4 the night...but when memories strike, u'll go more insane than ever...

::Karaoke makes u sing ur heart out, which in turn makes u sound like Ella in the end...no offense...

::Endless Milo O Ais n Teh O Ais with ur frens lets u have all the time in the world to just talk, in the end expands ur butt, bloats ur bladder n degrades the performance of bloodflow...

Has any of the above or of anything related to it plays any significant effect upon dealing with ur innerself? don't think so...

The ability to just sit calmly, have a peace of mind, breathing in n out in an ordered sequence of time...Reminiscing about everything that has happened...smile about it, cry about it n squeeze ur palm out of anger, in ur own space without the act of destroying urself n the things around u...
And at the end of the day, everything falls into place, even the most horrible, heart-aching memories puts out a smile in u...

If that's so hard, get a person of whom u know doesn't have bias thoughts, who can speak to u out of logical n matured thinking...express everything...n be glad of every dot jotted in ur storybook...smile n thank God 4 everything...

Just let urself go...let ur mind settle down, out from the commotions 4 once...

Now that's what u call being RESILIENT...love urself b4 u start 2 love anyone else, and so the saying goes...U were born alone, u'll die alone...

sometimes we oughtta think that being single is SUICIDAL especially when u've gained ur "ADULT" status...fact is, it's not...

U see...this is the actual point of life where u start to think maturedly, gradually...
U start working,earning ur own money n treasure it...start to pay 4 ur own car, ur own 300k apartment, ur monthly Chilli's and weekly Starbucks, ur MAC n Chanel, ur Vera Wang set, ur collection of Adidas trainers, Hush Puppies, Nine West, Bonia n all sorts of shoes, ur Guess, LV, Gucci, DKNY n Fendi bags n watches...Fuh...those r gonna cost a LOT...

n NO, i don't wanna rely on anybody 4 those...even IF i get married to a rich gentleman...

back 2 the old story...mak ai panjang gile ni...

I've learned n implied that...
:: If u LOVE someone, u gotta let him go...If he comes back, then he is meant 4 u::

n so it has...I have cried so badly, letting go that one person whom played so many significant roles in my life...i had so many drastic transitions of beyond my own awareness...but thank you, my dearest Khairul Affendi...the historical ups n downs we shared have helped me gain so much confidence in my life, to stand out in the crowd n be proud of who i am...n i can't do it without my circle of friends whom made it possible 4 me 2 make it thru the darkest storm of hurricanes n ice...yeap, that's how painful it was 4 me...

I received the Dean's list, of which appeared almost impossible with the kamikaze act of taking up 13 credit hours in the period of 8 weeks...alhamdulillah...n i'm so happy that my dear friends are also scoring well in theirs...

Made few new friends..Syak, welcome to the club hehe...I've managed to "merge" my KJ friends with my MMU friends n it turns out so darn GOOD...made peace with the people i had disagreements with...Met few guys of extremely different backgrounds n lifestyle haha...n ya, created some important agendas with Mr. KAZ...

Thank u...all of U...there are too many to thank...

My sisters n in-laws, Alia, Emmy Safina, Farah, Fiza, Aiman Sya'aban, Khair, Apek Jan, Aref, Zana, Aida, Farah Nadziah, Syakirah Mazrah, My Zainals including mak n abah, Alif n Muntz...n yes, i'm not leaving u out, KAZ...

Thank u so much...so so much...

I can finally smile again... :)