uLt|mAtE sAdNeSs...

First it was my love life...
Then it was my "delayed" exams....
Then it was my job of which I don't really know what to be done...
Then comes my super pathetic exam results of which my gpa dropped by 0.5 and my cgpa dropped by 0.06...

How shitty more can life be?!
Am so frustrated...tensed...agitated and hell yeah I'm pissed!

How the hell am I suppose to buck up my pointers within 3-packed sems?!

I'M SCREWED....HELP IN NEED....
BEEP...transmission disconnected by peer.....

t|cK...t|ck....BLEEGGHHH!!!

Counting the days gone by....Fixing every bits and pieces of the unsolved puzzle...Gone thru an American maze...Tried every fusion food...Painted every wall I walked by....

Life just couldn't get any more painful...Been holding myself back from so many things which most of them I believe would lead to the repetition of pathetic history..

If this keeps on going for another year, I swear I'll patheticly end up getting married at 40, or a worst-case scenario, an OLD LONELY FART...arrgghh...I just wish I knew what was going on in my dumb head everytime I thought of doing something so ridiculous...Everything seems so mystical, irrational, supernatural and everything indescribably nonsense...

God help me go on if these are the things meant to be for me...and please help me put aside the things that were just fantasies and things that I could never have or achieve...I don't know whether I was trying too hard, or just not been trying hard enough...Am I being too harsh on myself?...No answer is within my reach, not even clues or shadows....

I wanna understand life and make the best of it..But how am I going to if there aren't any guidance and support...Lately there are so many obligations to be done...To myself, mom, dad, sisters, work, school, friends, and the significant one...I truly wanna make things right, and I hope whatever it is that I'm doing now is leading me onto the right track...

If this doesn't go anywhere, I swear I'll just pass-out or just drop dead... :'(
I miss everything about us... *sob*... :(

tEars fRom My hEaRt...

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go...Somewhere only we know?

|ssUes...|ssUes..|ssUes...

Ok this is what long pathetic holidays do to u...U'll get bored doing nothing, ended up doing so many unnecessary stuff, create unnecessary issues, troubles and assumptions, everything starts to be so goddamn ridiculous and nowhere near logical thinking....

Thank god work starts next week! I'll be occupying myself again and be productive AGAIN! uuff holidays are killin me! owhhh shoot...exams are next week too...Mother of hell, haven't even taken a glimpse at my books...sumbody slap me!

Xybase here I come...one little route screwed, I'll be screwing up the entire Jakarta airport map! holly crap...I don't have a clue of why am I stuck with the "air industry"...Hated every single part of it, from the construction to the runaways to the flights and to the employees! Damn it now I'll be the person behind the curtains! yeekkkhhh....Well at least they pay me well! yehehe!

July is just around the corner...and I'll be moving my butt off to a new crib...yeaaahhh.. No more old KJ bullshitz! Let's breathe the new air! yeepee! Hope my final year goes well...oh please please let it be as planned...Gotta get outta this neighbourhood right away.. It's accumulating nonsense and shitz...


~Take a step further and U'll see beyond the thorns of the white rose...~

aG|tAtEd sNuG...

Sounds mixed up? yeah pretty much...I just couldn't figure out on what stand am I on now... Used to be a snug, then I became agitated, then a snug again, and now, I don't even recognize myself...

Phases of life and so they call it...which reminisced me about the old E'en...Hmm... Been a jerk, a half-bitch, full-blast angel when it comes to my boyfriend, a sarcastic, obnoxious and arrogant child, horrendously ugly and poorly taken care of, superbly active in both indoor and outdoor sports and tried so hard to keep up with the current trend (never was a trendsetter, too bad at it!)....

One thing that I disagree with my significant one is that life isn't always miserable...Because that would mean knowing me was a terrible mistake and it has made ur life miserable..heh... People always say, accept life as it is...Well, partly it is true, because waiting for a miracle to happen is tedious and almost...IMPOSSIBLE...

Couldn't keep up with changes, demands and expectations from the world... I thought I've done so much yet everything's so far from reach...and seems further n further away... There's so many unexplainable memoir.... *sigh*

OH no, I've just discovered that I'm having blood clot around my retina... been scratching my eyes because of my allergy towards haze...arggghh.... looked so damn scary...ABNORMAL I must say...

Nowadays everything moves so slowly, as if u could catch a falling rain... I missed my days during May 2000...uhhuu.....~ God knows why...

Thoughts to ponder...

Now I wonder if U should know..
Just how it feels...
To be left outside alone...
When it's cold out here...
-clip from a song...-

Somehow it makes me wonder...Has he ever felt this way...Does he have any idea of how indescribable this situation is...oh well, God has His own ways...

Come closer and I'll take my hand outta my pocket,
Just for you to see what I hid inside,
Hey it's nothin much, it's just a sachet,
With pastel flower prints...

Open the sachet and U'll find,
The debris and dusts trapped inside,
Why don't U bring it home,
Hence clean it with a vacuum cleaner,
At least the dusts go away but the colour stays...

Pay a visit to your one-acre garden of eden,
Drag the sachet while running through the flowers,
Don't forget to pick some pink daisies,
And hold it gently so they won't get flattened...

When we meet up for English tea and scones,
Bring along my sachet and daisies,
I am not of any type of Molly Jones,
Just the type U rarely see...

Diamonds are good, and good for life,
How about people who constantly strive?,
Eventhough 4 seasons repeats itself,
There will never be the same books on the shelf...

If both Men and Women are to last,
Which reef will U habitate?
If Women were to last and Men to extinct,
When will the war ever end?
If Men were to last and Women to extict,
When will there ever be "the man-of-the-house"...