:: Ramadhan, August 2010 ::

aih i've been gone for quite some time haven't i? sorry. really not because i've had a miserable time whatsoever, but literally because i had such a wonderful time with family, friends, and of course the one and only. too many great agendas that i seem to neglect this space, of which had served me superbly well for the past 5 years. thank u blogspot :)

no, i'm not writing (or in this case, typing) again because i have the sudden mishap, no. i had spare time off of work :) yes, part of the good agendas were my work trips, and this time accompanied by my one and only mother. Truth is i've always had this love-hate relationship with mom, but eversince i turned 25, i realized that my mother will always always be a nuisance, BUT she will always be MY mother, and that I am forever her daughter. The trips drew us closer, and funnily she had a great time travelling with me. Sometimes it's kinda annoying that she treats me like a kid still, but then as i complaint to Bob, his replies made so much sense. my mother has only I left, the only child left single, unwed, for her to spoil, tease, control and all those that parents do.

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makes me wonder what'll happen to me one day when i have my own. that is, if i get married. oh please i do not wish to become a spinster! i would love to have 10 kids with God's will, but the economy and the lifestyle of these final years of the Earth do not allow such "norm" anymore. I personally love watching Bob's family come together for dinners, parties, gatherings and such. yeap, there's 10 of them altogether. and it pleases my soul more than my eyes to witness such an institution.

now could this be signs of me wanting to have my own cool family soonest possible? i reckon. definitely. for to not have them would be a waste of sheer love and unconditional devotion.

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today marks my 9th month here at this new environment, new office. so far has been hectic, but great. i've learnt, i've swore, i've cursed, i've loved, i've dreaded, i've complaint, i've joked and haven't yet cried. although it did took up most of my time, but it has drew me closer to the ones i dearly love, and i would not substitute this for anything else. last time, hectic work left me estranged, far from social reach, far from truth, far from reality. and God knows how that tore me up to pieces that are now left glued, but with minuscule spaces that the eyes cannot see, but only the heart could bear. i pray each day to help myself forgive; for to err is human, and to forgive is divine. life must go on and my love for myself, for the Almighty, for my family, friends, and those so dear to me shall grow within time, and i shall not practice hatred, nor jealousy, nor vengeance, as they are merely the traits of the satan and its accomplices.

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Ya Allah.
murahkanlah rezeki kami.
bantulah kami mencari rezeki yang halal.
senangkanlah hidup dan mati kami.
panjangkanlah umur kami.
berilah kami kesihatan untuk menjalankan tanggungjawab kami kepadaMu, keluarga, dan masyarakat.
bantulah kami untuk sentiasa mensyukuri limpah rahmatMu.
bantulah kami untuk sentiasa redha dengan segala ketentuanMu.
jauhkanlah kami daripada terlalu taksub dengan harta keduniaan.
jauhkanlah kami dari perkara yang dilaknati olehMu, dan ciri yang dibenci olehMu.
jadikanlah kami orang yang mulia disisiMu.
kuatkanlah semangat dan keimanan kami.
kami insan yang lemah, banyak berbuat dosa padaMu setiap hari, terimalah abadat kami yang sedikit ini, itupun jika ada.

Ya Allah
jangan Kau matikan kami dalam kekufuran.
jika Kau matikan kami, matikanlah kami dalam keimanan, dan jangan Kau matikan kami di dalam kejahatan dan kemaksiatan padaMu Ya Allah.

Ya Allah
kami tidak layak memasuki syurgaMu, tetapi kami tidak mampu menghadapi api nerakaMu.
bantulah kami Ya Allah, bantulah kami seluruh umat Islam akhir zaman.

Amin, ya rabbal 'alamin.