:: The First Pillar ::

we tend to think too much, especially of a person you care for the most.

but have we ever try to stop and think, that most probably, the other person across that green green grass actually had always have us merely as a passing thought?

that's what makes us different. our hearts weren't the same. nor were our perceptions, assumptions, and level of tolerance AND honesty.

have you been honest to YOURSELF; first thing on the list.
it's about time we all do. i mean, who are we kidding, right?

honesty is the best policy; also the most horrendous act when it comes to applying to oneself.

ready, set, let's all hurt ourselves, then step back to reality and be great at it. :)

:: Di Antara Langit dan Bumi ::

"Kadang2 Allah sembunyikan matahari..
Dia datangkan petir dan kilat..
kita menangis dan tertanya-tanya
kemana hilangnya sinar..
Rupa-rupanya.. Allah nak hadiahkan kita pelangi.."

Tatkala ku merenung nasibku yang saling berlawanan diantara baik dan buruk, berita penitis air mata datang menimbun...

My mother, a retiree, and the only one supporting my ill grandfather, received bad news from MARA...no, not that she's in debts, but indirectly, out of an act of random kindness on being a guarantor, she's now stuck with tens of thousands of breached loan-contract.

Making matters worse, my grandfather collapsed at his home in Seberang Perai last night... and got admitted to the hospital, with yet another clogged artery. and this isn't the NATURAL artery, but merely a replacement vein taken from his leg...yes, one is allowed to have this ONCE in a lifetime, and the replacement could only last up to 11 years...it has been almost that long, to date...Grandpa turns 79 this year, and in my mom's bloodline, that's quite a young age... My great grandma died at the age of 90, and her other half died at 114.

i'm not here to seek for attention, but i just dont know what to think...i've not seen my grandpa for almost 3 years now, due to my studies and employment....i know those aren't good excuses but really, how could I ever get myself a leave when i just started working at some place new?

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah hari2 keluargaku....dan berilah yang terbaik untuk kami.

:: A Descent Reply to Miss Lalamansor ::

Dear all,

I think this Lalamansor is desperately seeking for our attention, via my blog. so i guess why not we contribute to satisfying her ego, ya? :)


Comment on post :: Doctor, anyone? ::

lalamansor said...

dpt masters from UNI mana? UNI sampah (i.e. not 100 world top uni) baik takyah bangga2.

well dear lalamansor,

again, why do u refuse to put up who you really are in the first place? so now u claim u know so much of the world and how things and everyone revolve around it? :)

uni sampah ke tak sampah, masih lagi di-recognize oleh kerajaan. bukan sahaja kerajaan malaysia, juga kerajaan negeri2 commonwealth.

haruslah saye bangga, sebab orang selalu ingat saye ni sampah, tapi sekarang everybody is happy i changed. so yes, master's was a big deal to me, and i believe i should be proud of it.

on top of that,i bangga sebab i made my father proud. this is what he has always hoped for; one of the daughters to go overseas, have a master's, and be an academician.

if u were my father, wouldn't u feel angry to have someone who has no idea whatsoever on what sort of life his daughter went through, before she got to where she is, judging his daughter as so? i could always go to world's top 100 uni with my results mind u, it's just that we're not that fortunate to have that much of money for the school fees and cost of living. on top of that, there isn't any other sources i.e. scholarships for master's. companies like petronas would only send their employees or their former degree scholar holders. don't think i've not done my research, i have. don't think i've not talked and seen many people in regards to this, i have.

so yeah, i believe everybody has their own 2 cents, and so would you. but if you believe you're so great, then be my guest :) i guess maybe people like you lack in attention and love, that's why u seek for them in every way u could. so here, u got my attention, and i hope you'll be happy now, ok? :)

peace y'all. i'm too a grown-up for this, and making enemies randomly is not what i call an ideal way of life. maybe it is for you, so until u realize that, i wish you the best, dear LALAMANSOR.

p/s: at least i want a better future for me, and doing something about it. thanks :)

editted:

oh apparently, a friend of mine found out about this Lalamansor. apparently, he/she (this case maybe it's a she due to the nature of the nickname, unless a trans :P) has been asking people around also about where to continue her master's/ phd. siap merendahkan orang lain bila org 'share' tentang "which university to pick", and highlighted so much on the FUNDING. clap clap dear lalamansor, and here you are, out of nowhere, judging me. u asked people via blogs? is that all the best that you could do? why not have the effort on going to all these FUNDING institutions and have a go urself? see, at least i've done a lot on my part. so before you say anything that may make you look even more pityful, better have your grounds and resources right next time yah? :)

:: Agro Calls... haba haba! ::

Yesterday, Sunday.
8.30am to 11.30pm

The day started off with me buzzing Aud a gezillion times, in the attempt to wake her up off of her night snooze. Erin was punctual, and I was not. I "assumed" that she would be late herself as history has made it clear on how unpunctual most of my friends are. hehehehhee....

8.10am, Erin was on her way to meet me for breakfast and there I was, hussling myself onto getting everything chucked in my backpack and heating up the car engine. I knew I was screwed. 8.30am, as I was leaving the house, Erin texted: "Janji macam pariaaaaa weiiii. cepat skit! roti telur aku sedap ooooo!"

direct translation may cause misunderstanding and racial issues, UNINTENTIONALLY. hehehhehee.....

8.45am, I saw Erin at the mamak and ordered my Roti Sardin, taknak bawang :) we had a LONG breakfast, purposedly taking our own sweet time due to the still-snoozing Aud. 9.45am, Aud rang and called to join :)

10.15am and we're off to FRIM. Ayu called early in the morning to join, but decided to take a quick nap while waiting for Aud to wake up. Unfortunately her nap became a good sleep, hence did not realize I called. heheheh..sorry Ayu, blame Aud!

So yeah, got to FRIM, and amazed ourselves with tons of new stuff we got to learn. We also learnt that FRIM is huge. We walked and trail-trekked for a solid 2 hours OK! by the time we found the way out, our feet were so sore, that the sight of a bench was like ice-cold water on a hot sunny day! i sweaaarrrrr..... didnt take pictures except for these trees which impressed the hell out of us! hahahahaha.... After a good 15 minutes break, we walked back to the car and changed to a more comfortable gear - SLIPPERS! bwahahahhahaha! and had our good late lunch slash picnic before heading straight to SS2 for a superyummylicious SIX 'KAMPUNG' DURIANs! ooooo we were so bloated, and Erin had a hard time seating still and breathing LOL! by 4.30pm I reached home and had a warm bath before heading for the couch and watched TV til 9pm! :P oh did i forget to mention that my head was spinning as soon as I reached home? Yes I did. And that was the first sign of my beloved migraine :P

how cool is the first tree?! it's like painting! and it was cooling; speaking both metaphorically and literally.

this one is called Eucalyptus Deglupta, or better known as the Rainbow Eucalyptus, due to its rainbow-like bark. surf here for more info, or simply google them! i assure you'll be amazed by this rather unusual yet excitingly unique plant!

1. http://www.tradewindsfruit.com/rainbow_eucalyptus.htm
2. http://eucalyptusdeglupta.com/
3. http://www.worldagroforestrycentre.org/SEA/Products/AFDbases/AF/asp/SpeciesInfo.asp?SpID=770
4. http://eucalyptusdeglupta.com/aboutus.htm
   

oh see the "tumpang" tree an a random branch of this pine-like tree? cool aye? :P

Aaaa this is the great part. 9pm, I head out to Star Cafe to have dinner with Aud; spaghetti and chicken chop in tomato sauce. And that WASN'T ALL. 10pm, we found ourselves heading for ANOTHER ROUND of DURIAN at SS15! hahahahahha! this time, 4 KAMPUNG DURIAN for just the 2 of us! hahahahhahahahahha! oh, I had my huge share of Air Badak and plain water! thank god i did, else i wouldnt be able to sleep the whole night!

My Sunday was productive, and not to mention, AWESOME. Thanks Aud and Erin...we should do this again!

Oh oh during this lovely unemployment period, I also did some gardening :) I've planted the green beans (kacang hijau), solely because I've always wondered how it'll look like originally. Well, I've always planted it during my younger days, but they never really did grow. Now I know why; because they need a good space and very airy soil! Look at my babies now!

see the little pods jutting out? super cooooll!

I can't wait for them to grow more! yeeehhaaa!!!!

:: When The Heart and Mind Collides ::

sometimes i wonder why i'm out here, so far away from my comfort zone.
so far away from the people i grow up with.
so far from familiarity.
so far from my idea of a realistic and digestible life.

has it brought me good? fairly yes.
has it brought me negativity? partly yes too.
has it brought me out of the bad vibe i had in my own comfort zone? definitely yes.

then why am i complaining?
i don't know.

it's like having to explain why you still want that scoop of chocolate chip ice-cream after a heavy dinner. not that your fine dine sucked, but u just had to have it. not that the ice-cream would help in easing up your tummy, but u still wanna have it. not that ice-cream is healthy, it's fatty; but u still wanna have it.

could it be that this is a sign of me not thankful of what i have?
or is it a sign that i'm mentally depressed?
or is it a sign that i'm just growing older and have yet to accomplish what i had in mind?
or is it simply a sign of lacking in attention?

u tell me. because i just don't know.

and here i am, typing religiously, ignoring my surroundings. with reasons i'm still not sure of.
but one thing for sure is that..hell, i love to write.

maybe i'm an attention seeker. aaaaaa that's something else to ponder upon.

:: From KL, to the Highlands, to the East Coast ::

cough cough.

been quite sometime since i updated, so here goes.

had a series of movie watching+genting highlands with Bob and family, also friends. was the best genting trip, throughout alllllll the trips i've made all my life, so i thank you everyone :)

heard so many good news from friends..with zana and aida in the europe, making great stops at the UK, Ibiza and Amsterdam (damn u people!). i think has been close to 2 weeks? oh how sometimes i wish i have THE priviledge of MAS people i tell u! envy, envy :)

just got back from INTAN Wilayah Timur in Kemaman, for what u say? for a ONE DAY assessment prior to me climbing to the next step on becoming an Administrative and Diplomatic Officer, or famously known amongst us, a PTD (Pegawai Tadbir dan Diplomatik). :) haa bocor rahsia..yes alhamdulillah i've passed the FIVE back-to-back exam papers in February, and only been called for this assessment last month. I think I did fairly well in 3 sections including the fitness test, but not so good in my Sahsiah Diri papers. blame the facilitator for not making clear cut instructions! gggrrrrrrrrr!!! But other than that, it was a GREAT trip, a bonding session between Papa and I :) I "burn" my flight tickets due to my really really bad cough, and decided to take the road. thank god i did, coz it turned out that Papa was alone, as i was assuming Aunty Elly would be tagging along..took us a good solid 4 hours to reach the hotel, just to realize that the place i booked SUCKED big time! So after a good lunch, Papa decided to gamble our way through, touring the city and scouting for more descent hotels, and voila, found one. it is called the Homestay Hotel. RM98 for a twin bed room, but super worth it! that sort of room in KL would've cost AT LEAST RM150 i swear! so yeah settled for that, and went out to get dinner and snacks. then off to bed. the next day (Friday) was THE day for me...toughened myself up for everything, despite coughing til i had tears, and almost lost my voice, but I didnt care, i had one goal, one determination. that is to succeed in this the best i could, and making my father proud, for he has sacrificed so much just to get me there. This is why, my father will always be, my life mentor, even after whatever that has happened, whatever disagreements we had, and even after all the sets of predicaments. me love me papa! oh yeah, the drive home could've been just 2.5 hours, but due to KL's massive traffic (i suppose everyone in KL goes out on Friday nights! damn u KL people!!!!), we took yet another 4 hours to reach home...and we got ourselves good keropok lekors, keropok ikan, and keropok ikan madu!!!! yuuummm!!!!

p/s: Papa sempat bersantai dan lepak ngan kawan lame from PKNS, terjumpa plak kat sane. from 7.50am (my drop-off), til 12.15pm, Papa lepak di tepi pantai depan INTAN itu sahaja, belasah borak dan teh tarik. nasib baik papa had fun! :)

moving away from that, life has been quite kind to me also. i've just been offered a Brand Exec position in yet another media company. this may sound a bit crazy, but this company is under the same media-integrated company i was with. yeap, the print media company under Media Prima. hehehehehe.... Alhamdulillah, i was recommended by a former colleague, (WITHOUT me knowing at the first place!) and hence had my first interview with the CEO himself, along with the company's Director of Brand & Marketing. i do feel lucky, i do :) so, discussion on my employment will be this Tuesday, bismillah, wish me luck on getting the big G y'aaalll!!! hehehehheheh....

Today, oh today. I'm off to watch Ice Age 3D!!!!!! yahoooo!!!! again, thanks to my father's credit card, i managed to get the tickets via online as all bookings are a NO GO. waahh orang Malaysia ni suka juga kartun ye! bagus, bagus.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAFIZA AZALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and SELAMAT BERTUNANG my loveee!!! woohoooo!!!! after how many years eh babe? 8? 9 years of relationship? myyyy goodness! cepat kawen please! hehehehe.... whatever it is, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! nanti update kaayy.. sorry sangat tak dpt turun ke selatan, sangat penat la yang :) takpe, nanti kite exchange mental pictures of our "engagement" rings k! hehehehehhehe

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND PEOPLE!

lotsa love,
Liyana ZZA