:: Aku Yang Hilang, Juga Kehilangan ::

As I was about to have that sweet serendipity....reality had to kick in and pull me out.
Bloody hell.

The last 3 months have not been so kind. This is the 1st weekend after three freaking months of serving my employment contract. And just when I'm about to breathe, Jom Heboh calls. Thursday til Monday people, i'll be burning my bloody skin and increasing the frequency of my migraine. Great.

Indeed I am lost. Lost in my own world. Even after countless moral support from practically everyone I am in contact with.

I am envious. Envious of my friends. Practically everyone is either enjoying their well-paying job, or just okay with their very-good-paying job. and where am i as compared to them? nowhere shit ass near, despite me having the highest fucking qualifications and most industrial exposure before i stepped into this thing called EMPLOYMENT.

No, I AM NOT HAPPY. I can be sometimes, but most of the time, i hate it.
I hate for being "too smart". Not only I wasted hundreds of thousands for my bloody Master's, I've wasted my years in this stupid thing in companies called "seniority". A degree holder, who seeks for MY, I repeat, MY expertise gets paid higher. Fucking hell. I can get a senior exec's job done within hours yet that bloody person wasn't even aware of the details! AND gets paid almost double my salary! WHAT THE FUCK MAN? WHAT THE BLOODY ASS FUCK?

Another DISADVATAGE of being "too smart" is that (quoting my friends and relatives):
"Kau ni belajar pandai2 ni, nanti susah laki nak siot....Laki mane yg pandai mcm kau, nak level up with u. Kang mamat 'pandai' pon bole seems like a bloody 'katak bawah tempurung' sebab takleh keep up ngan ape terngiang dalam kepala kau". U see, pandai salah, bangang salah.

ANOTHER DISADVANTAGE:
"Erm, you have a Master's...It's a bit unfair if i offer u a junior level executive right? Coz we can't afford to pay for your level of qualifications..."

OR

"Hmmm....u have a Master's Degree...why wanna work here? There are tons of opportunities for you out there, which also could pay you waayyy better".

FACT:
No one wants to hire a Master's graduate.
Solely because companies are under strict budget. They dont have money to pay you, and if they do still hire you, their "credibility" could be questioned, as a result of not matching someone's qualifications with the basic, floor salary.

Lama-kelamaan saya hilang segalanya.
I slowly lose my hype, my confidence, my interest, my hope, my dreams, my self-esteem, my drive, my focus, my everything, towards my used-to-be goals.

I've got to find something new.
Shit.