:: My tWo cEnTs ::

to think that we can own all the greatness and whatever-ness in the world, does sound a bit ridiculous don't u think?...

watched a movie, "the guardian" on my lovely flatscreen, provided by the one and only astro. the phrase that was repeated over and over again from the movie caught my attention and had me relating it to my surroundings and the inevitable agendas, be it past, current and/or future.

" Save the ones u can save, and learn to let go..."

The all handsome Ashton of course, asked again "How do u know of which ones to save? How do u decide on who lives and who doesn't?"

Good set of questions.

In life, it's more like save ur dignity, pride, MONEY, blablabla...
I believe every sane human being shouldn't be too hard on him/herself...achieve and grab what u can, don't over do it, because if u do, it'll turn around and "eat" u up...macam islam kate, "berhentilah makan sebelum kenyang"...sbb kalau makan sampai rase dah kenyang, baru nak stop, mmg high chances u'll have stomach discomfort, or worse, muntah balik....

everything has a limit.to what extent, i do not know for sure...differs from a person to the other.
i never knew a limit on patience. i kept telling people that there's a fine line between patience and stupidity, and i, myself have so many times, crossed-over to the S line...bersabar lebih2 sampai jadi lurus bendul, senang2 kene pijak kepale and kena tipu dek orang...now i'm no longer mad at people who did those to me, but superbly angry at myself for not realizing this matter a looonnggg time ago. well, i can't turn back time now can i?...

Life IS a bitch. but being a bitch in a bitchy life is just plain horrendous. very unpleasant scene.
what can we do to change this? what significance does it bring if we were able to amend it? does it even bother u, on living a life that ur not mostly contented with?

i think i wanna change the world. slowly, of course. and only to those who think that this world needs to change for the better.also to those who believe they could work with me, day and night. and only to those who don't easily pass judgments on people, especially people like me.

:: BoBbY cHaCoNeZ ::

listening to bubbly by colbie caillat...
today..yes today...

i realized that my life went haywire, unmanageable and indescribably pathetic because i've been so...serious, and strict on myself...for reasons that i've finally figured out...

my past.

the insecurities, and everything negative, were so heavily influenced by my denials, and the refusal to let go of things that weren't meant to be, mine.

Mohd. Khairul Nizam, this entry is specially dedicated to u..be it that u read it some time soon, or donkey years to come, i won't care...as long as u will get to this one day...

U have been so kind, devoted, honest, truthful, and everything that every girl wished for in a man...u possess them all. This sounds cheesy, i know...but i can never escape the truth, not this time...U've never left me worrying, or doubting your loyalty towards the relationship, even when we were 4,800 miles apart. Now that's what i call a miracle, to me, because i've always had bad histories on trust issues.

U see...since we met, everything falls into place, as if u've promised God to help me lead an inspiring life and be grateful of what i have, and what i've lost...The fact that YOU made everything goes perfectly, everytime, makes me feel like i was born PERFECT.

Call me crazy, but when that suddenly hits me after 23 years of living, i got scared...
Scared that this may be a lie...because it's too perfect...
Scared because this could be too temporary that I won't have the chance to even realize how lucky i am, let alone thanking you for crossing my path...
Also, scared that someone may just intrude when things get just a little bit rough, hence leading me to singlehood once more. Not that I hate being single, but of course, it's a preference to most human beings to have a life companion.

Thank you, Mohd. Khairul Nizam..i could never ask for more :)

:: SuRpr|sE! ::

ehem..since the year started off being fairly kind to me, i've decided to be kind to myself..

and so...

i took my last nicotine+tar+otherhazardouschemicals today, at 5pm.

wasn't because of any bets/deals/resolution crap. This is just plain me, talking with content.

Ladies and gentlemen, i have officially quit smoking! weehooo!!!

p/s: aunty elly, do spread the news to papa. he'll be so proud of me. hahahah

:: OnE f|Ne BeG|nN|nG ::

alhamdulillah, 2008 started well....
just had my first job interview as a technology development researcher, and yes, it went well...
I got the thumbs up on the spot, but after some negotiations, the lady was kind enough to give me time...to think it over and really, REALLY consider lecturing...

YES, I've just been called up for another interview as LECTURER at LUCT (weehooo! big bucks big bucks!), this coming Monday....aaaaa takuuutttt!!! hey, my master's degree isn't a waste after all! yeehhaaaaaaaa!!! Come to think of it, quite young to be a lecturer isn't it? ngeehhh!! eh, hoping lebih2 plak, sekali tak dpt, nangis! hehehe...xpe, dah ade backup plan baeknye! ngeheheheh

Hope all goes well...pray for me u guys!!! Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim....

I LOVE MY LIFE, INDEFINITELY!