2 Be or Not 2 Be...

ok..this is madness...it has been MONTHS since i last penned...ok here goes...

So much had happened...i stumbled, i fell, i cried tears both of joy n sorrow,i laughed at everything that has happened,i got so mad and almost outta hand AGAIN...oh gile..

What's important is that I've learned so much in that particular moment...of where I felt so devastated...i was crushed to million pieces...and God knows how hard it was 4 me to pick up the tiny pieces of my sanity shattered everywhere...

and of course, everything happens 4 a reason, thank u my dear Affendi...I mean it...

I learnt the hardest way to live on with my life...affiliating myself with all sorts of activites and events...Honestly, that helped only 50% upon recovering...
The act of being resilient...it's not about how u divert things and occupying urself...but the utmost important factor...UR INNERSELF...

::Yes, clubs play good music 4 u to sweat it all out n laugh about every ridiculous act...u get good exercise but u'll die soon of being the 2nd degree smoker, even if ur smoking...

::Alcohol n drugs drive u 2 a state of half-insane...makes u 4get about ur tight life, at least 4 the night...but when memories strike, u'll go more insane than ever...

::Karaoke makes u sing ur heart out, which in turn makes u sound like Ella in the end...no offense...

::Endless Milo O Ais n Teh O Ais with ur frens lets u have all the time in the world to just talk, in the end expands ur butt, bloats ur bladder n degrades the performance of bloodflow...

Has any of the above or of anything related to it plays any significant effect upon dealing with ur innerself? don't think so...

The ability to just sit calmly, have a peace of mind, breathing in n out in an ordered sequence of time...Reminiscing about everything that has happened...smile about it, cry about it n squeeze ur palm out of anger, in ur own space without the act of destroying urself n the things around u...
And at the end of the day, everything falls into place, even the most horrible, heart-aching memories puts out a smile in u...

If that's so hard, get a person of whom u know doesn't have bias thoughts, who can speak to u out of logical n matured thinking...express everything...n be glad of every dot jotted in ur storybook...smile n thank God 4 everything...

Just let urself go...let ur mind settle down, out from the commotions 4 once...

Now that's what u call being RESILIENT...love urself b4 u start 2 love anyone else, and so the saying goes...U were born alone, u'll die alone...

sometimes we oughtta think that being single is SUICIDAL especially when u've gained ur "ADULT" status...fact is, it's not...

U see...this is the actual point of life where u start to think maturedly, gradually...
U start working,earning ur own money n treasure it...start to pay 4 ur own car, ur own 300k apartment, ur monthly Chilli's and weekly Starbucks, ur MAC n Chanel, ur Vera Wang set, ur collection of Adidas trainers, Hush Puppies, Nine West, Bonia n all sorts of shoes, ur Guess, LV, Gucci, DKNY n Fendi bags n watches...Fuh...those r gonna cost a LOT...

n NO, i don't wanna rely on anybody 4 those...even IF i get married to a rich gentleman...

back 2 the old story...mak ai panjang gile ni...

I've learned n implied that...
:: If u LOVE someone, u gotta let him go...If he comes back, then he is meant 4 u::

n so it has...I have cried so badly, letting go that one person whom played so many significant roles in my life...i had so many drastic transitions of beyond my own awareness...but thank you, my dearest Khairul Affendi...the historical ups n downs we shared have helped me gain so much confidence in my life, to stand out in the crowd n be proud of who i am...n i can't do it without my circle of friends whom made it possible 4 me 2 make it thru the darkest storm of hurricanes n ice...yeap, that's how painful it was 4 me...

I received the Dean's list, of which appeared almost impossible with the kamikaze act of taking up 13 credit hours in the period of 8 weeks...alhamdulillah...n i'm so happy that my dear friends are also scoring well in theirs...

Made few new friends..Syak, welcome to the club hehe...I've managed to "merge" my KJ friends with my MMU friends n it turns out so darn GOOD...made peace with the people i had disagreements with...Met few guys of extremely different backgrounds n lifestyle haha...n ya, created some important agendas with Mr. KAZ...

Thank u...all of U...there are too many to thank...

My sisters n in-laws, Alia, Emmy Safina, Farah, Fiza, Aiman Sya'aban, Khair, Apek Jan, Aref, Zana, Aida, Farah Nadziah, Syakirah Mazrah, My Zainals including mak n abah, Alif n Muntz...n yes, i'm not leaving u out, KAZ...

Thank u so much...so so much...

I can finally smile again... :)