oVeRwHeLmEd... :)

The evening started off with a great GREAT buka puasa with my loved ones...

Unfortunately Eddie had to cancel off due to his job @ Istana Budaya...kambing..Anyway...I however was late..hehe..sorry gurls...but everything turned out so darn superb..
I'm so glad n happy everyone showed up..as this will be my last Puasa+Raya in Malaysia...
Will be celebrating the next 2 come in Melbourne..uwaaaa how sad...The guys bagus btol..Smue taram baek nye perut kenyang cam ular sawa...after berbuka we went up to our room (thanx papa!) n as usual, became camera freaks..hehehehe...

eMmY...FaRrAh...fArAh...aL|a...Me...

sOf|e...HyD|r...bObBy...A.J....

Then at 12:30 am...

A call from mom came in..Saying that my sister is expected to give birth at 2:30am..
ya allah..i was so freakin excited....Got home, freshened up and pushed off...
By the time i got there, my lil sis SMSed me...

BABY ON BOARD!! IT'S A BOY!!!!

Dang!!! i missed all the screaming moaning baby uweking blablabla! hahaha
But fortunately, i got to take up the baby's pics b4 he was sent for his first bath! hehehe

Name : Mohd. Danish Eizal
Time of Birth : 2:10a.m.
Date of Birth : 8 Oct 2006
Weight : 3.45 kg

Aref n Syak, since u guys aren't here...i would like to share my joy by uploading the baby's pictures..isn't he cuteee!!

Alhamdulillah..everything went well....am so happy!!!

LoVe MoDe..hehe

Dream on... Dream away
I think I'm gonna have to stay
Stay forever

I adore... mi amor

You want to take his place
You say you'd treat me better
But, better I know for sure
You see he loves me
And i could never leave him
Never baby, never

Muchacho tu eres mi vida la ternura
Y alegria amor
Y este sueño
contigo sera verdad

Listen... my love, the guy of my dreams
And I will never leave
He's all that I need and more
I'll love him always
What more could a girl ask for
What more could I ask for

You know that I really love my baby
He can give me everything I need
There is no one to take his place
He's got my heart in his hands
Baby, I adore

Mi amor es por ti que yo vivo y por ti suspiro.
No solo hoy, solo hoy si no siempre.
Tu estrella brilla siempre en mi.
Y este sueño contigo sera realidad te quiero mucho
Baby te quiero mucho, mi amor.

you know i love you
you know i need you boy
you know that i really love my baby
he can give me everything i need
and there would never be no one that could take his place
he got my heart in his hands
you're the one that i adore
i'll be forever your love
you're the one that i wanna see
i want you to stay with me..yeah

:: edited lyrics ; I Adore Mi Amore...by Color Me Badd ::
:: dedicated just for my Nizam...i heart u.. ::

tHaNx kHa|ruL n|zAm...

sheila on 7

music song lyrics

pOnDeR pOnDeR pOnDeR...

gave a LOT of thought in my life...
of how i should become...who i should be...why i should be...when n where i should be...

typical of me to say that everything has just fell in its place...
alhamdulillah, endless gratitude to Allah...

through the years i've been wondering of how it would be...
when people often say...

:: Be with someone who loves u more than u love 'em ::

the thought first scares me...
i mean, how could u try to act as in ur in love as much as the other party does?...
now i know...
That it doesn't really "turns out" that way...
like everyone says...love will gradually grow...
believe it..cause it has just happened to me...

the thought that i would never love, trust n feel the warmth n comfort from a being...
made me push myself beyond borders of my own "standard" capabilities...
yah, everything sounds cheesy here...
but seriously...i could NOT believe a single moment of my life right now...

and to my dear friends...
i owe much of my happiness to u...
for u have been the strength on helping me devour my insecurities...
















The significant angelz by my side...

This entry is dedicated to my loved ones...

:: aL|a eMmY fArAh NaJwA fArAh NaDz aL|f FeEzAbELLe kHa|r I-mAn a|m| aReF sYak|rA sYaZaNa aL|yA a|dA cLaUd|nE aPeK eDd|e zAcK wAwA tHe tMn tUn gUyS n not to forget my everloving kHa|ruL n|zAm ::

mY hEaRt|eSt wEeKeNd...

Had a great weekend...
Making money...holiday with friends..and my first holiday with my Khairul Nizam... :)
It's super comforting to know that ur different clique of friends could actually, CLICK TOGETHER hehehe...

Emmy - my 5-year buddy and still going strong...from KJ
Wawa - my 6-year goodfriend who has int the recent years become my buddy...from KL
Aud - my 1-year friend who has also recently become a buddy...from Sarawak/Subang Jaya

Alia, Farah Najwa n Farah Nutz were missing due to own plans..hehe kiddinngg...
Next stop...DAMAI BEACH SARAWAK BAYBEEEEHH!!!

wHo wOuLd'vE tHoUgHt...

sheets cover subjects beneath it...
but do remember, sheets are made of cloth..
and no cloth aren't "see-thru"...
those that aren't will eventually be as they age...
what does that tell u?...
that underneath it all, eventually one day things will be clear...

there u were...
standing right before my eyes...
but covered with my own offensive shields...
when somehow u made me realize of who u are...
what u are...
u made me lower my defenses...
u made me uncover my shadows...
u made me flaunt credibilities...my passion...to live up my dreams...
u made me wanna trust again...
u made me think of how easy it is to be loved and cherished...
and to be trusted with miles of distance...

thank you...
Mohd. Khairul Nizam
Let September be a month to remember always...
yours truly...

eNdLeSs GrAt|tUdE...

alhamdulillah...i've finally graduated...
convo was held on 12th august...
and i'm grateful to my family for supporting me throughout my studying years and also for coming to my big day...Dad, stepmom, alia, farah, fiza n khair gave me gorgeous bouquet of flowers... thanx u guys sooooo much! had a long day, rite after convo, me, alia, farah najwa, farah nadz n aiza went to Nando's @ OU, pelahap like there's no tomorrow ok...hahah...then we went to shop @ Topshop (hahah farah nadz takde kesian heheheh)....

So many good things came my way, alhamdulillah...great friends, great achievements, great memories, great family....god, i wouldn't wanna change anything on what i have rite now...

One thing i realized...is that everybody needs a friend, a shoulder to cry on...AT LEAST one ok... and never EVER neglect ur family members....coz ur friend(s) might just bail on u, family, NEVER...u might think that ur family can be such pain in the arse, useless n so forth...in actual fact, they're the ones who really taught u on how to live ur life n not turn out to be a spoilt brat...I almost lost my bestfriend, and at that moment my world trembled so badly...i realized, the person concern plays a really HUGE part of my life...never have i ever choked n cried over a friend...and i want u 2 know, that u mean the world to me, and no one can ever replace u... EVER... and of course, i don't ever wanna lose my other close friends, u guys are my guardian angels....i wouldn't wanna lose u ever either...

:: Let it be that I die without a life companion, but I don't ever wanna die without being meaningful to others who treasure me and appreciates me 4 who I am ::

p|eRcEd mY hEaRt...HoPe 2 d|e....

Tertegun ku memandangmu
Saat kau tinggalkanku .. menangis
Bodohnya ku mangharapmu
Jelas sudah tak kau pedulikan cintaku

Mestinya telah kusadari
Betapa perih cinta tanpa balasmu
Harusnya tak ku paksakan
Bila akhirnya kan melukaiku

Mungkin ku tak akan bisa jadikan dirimu kekasih
Yang seutuhnya mencintaiku
Namun kurelakan diri
Jika hanya setengah hati
Kau sejukkan jiwa ini

Ku hanya terus berharap
Satu hari kau mampu .. sadari
Tiada yang pernah mengerti
Sepertiku setulus hati mencintaimu

:: Setengah Hati by Ada Band ::
~sob....

:....(

Ever since you left me
I've been trying to hide the pain
Painting on a smile with lipstick
Putting on a big charade
So difficult to keep pretending
It's getting harder everyday
It's plain to see I'm cold and heartsick
Since you turned and walked away
I just keep going round and round
And round in circles
Keep on tumbling down

Oh boy my world has changed
And I don't think I can make it without you
Nothing's the same
You got me running around in circles over you
(running around in circles over you)

Saturday I saw you
Holding hands with someone new
Somehow I kept my composure
Just like everything was cool
But inside I kept repeating
Don't you let them see you cry
So I casually turned my head
As the tears rolled down my eyes
I just keep going round and round
And round in circles
Keep on tumbling down

Everything is you
How can I pull through
My heart is consumed I'm so confused
Still caught up in you...love can be so cruel
Baby don't know how to turn you loose

:: Circles by Mariah Carey ::

Let's See Who's Go|n dOwN n WhO'S nOt...HAH!

well...well...well....
turns out God loves me after all! haha....
U fucked me up BIG TIME, now it's ur turn to pay....
oh how i love the sound of KARMA....
Manipulate, lie to both of us all u want, u just don't know what's coming after u....
We'll see how ur gonna end up twisting stories and manipulating urself...AHAH AHAH AHAH!

Oh let me enjoy this moment of glory....ALHAMDULILLAH...
Thank u God for snapping my head just in time....

YOU ARE SO FUCKED....and the best part is, U'LL BE FUCKED BY US....woohoo!!

TeArS fRoM mY HeArT....

It came over me in a rush
When I realized that I love you so much
That sometimes I cry, but I cant tell you why
why I feel what I feel inside

How I try to express what's been jugglin' my mind
But still can't find the words
But I know that something's got a hold of me

Baby, some day I'll find a way to say
just what you mean to me
But if that day never comes along
and you don't hear this song
I guess you'll never know that...

And when I say inside, I mean deep
You fill my soul with something I cannot explain
What's over me

thank u...everyone...

Baru ku sedari....
cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan....

and so the song goes....felt so devastated...heard n sang along to it @ RP....

thank u to all of u....for being so patient on making me realize what i've been missing, how i took my life for granted, and how i wasted my love for somebody who doesn't feel the same way, when i could actually save it for someone else who appreciates it...sacrificed my life for nothing....
thank u..thank u...thank u....for ur endless love n support...

:: Alia, Emmy Safina, Farah Nadz, Farah Najwa, Khair, Feeza, Aiman, Balee, Syazana, Azura, Imran, Kak Ina, Syakira, Aref, Bob, Nizar, Abg Aidi, Abg Wadi, Yan, Pak Din, and my lovely family ::

I really appreciate ur kindness and friendship...luv u guys very very much...

|t |s t|mE....

Monday...

Received an sms from my dear friend...told me that his gf left him...why? let me tell u why..

SHE : busy with events...work, work, work....calls and sms from him, BARELY answered... goes out with him for breakfast/lunch/dinner like at MOST twice a week...

HE : calls her like twice a WEEK to just say hi...sends her to work everytime she's posted here...

Suddenly....
SHE : didn't pick up his call, didn't answer his sms on a weekend...truth fact, she went out clubbing with friends n one of them happened to be his friend...didn't even tell him about it(not that it was a big fuss, but hell, at least sms him back n tell him la kan, susah sgt ke?)...n fact was they haven't seen each other for more than a week...

HE : found out she went out clubbing...sms-ed her n told her he knew about it...then received endless panic responses from her....

THEN...
SHE : called him up, tak puas ati...bcoz kene tegur by him...said goodbye, slams down the phone while he was talking, n turned off her phone right away...

HE : called her back constantly, failure...sms-ed Een for advice n comfort...

EEN : told him to just leave it..sebab she was too freakin childish...biase la, budak baru keje, dpt banyak duit, lupe dunia...she couldn't even bother to sms back saying maybe she's busy or just to say hi after office hours...couldn't even pick up his phone calls at nite, for god sake...CEO pon tak busy camtu la...

Rite after that, the most dreadful moment happened..i was strucked so badly from what i saw.. i was too broken to even cry a tear...got back to dad's n everything just flashed in front of my eyes...what the HELL am i doing?!! I'm giving advices to a friend of similar situation, n here i am, NOT doing anything of my own pathetic situation..REALITY just checked-in...and i knew at that moment, I HAD to do it....i had to take up all the risks to hurt, to lose and to just let go...if things were meant 2 be, then it'll happen again...but at this point, n i believe in even years to come, the subject in concern is n will be annoyed, angry at me....probably he'll just puke whenever we see each other...i'm sorry for what happened...put urself in my shoes n tell me that ur not living a pathetic life...can u?...no one can..coz that's just REALITY...n the old Liyana would be DENYING reality...so, no more old Liyana...

The new Liyana is emerging...and she's taking one step further everytime...n she's LEAVING...
From heart to head...i'm finally THINKING straight...for everyone's sake...it hurts me like FUCK i swear....cried so many tears...n did he?...i dun think so..coz he's too busy with his life n his precious one...oh well, at least he has a life...and so will i....u just don't know what u got til it's gone..and mine has gone for a year in actual fact..i felt it, but he didn't....n i'm not gonna play his game anymore...i'm breaking down...AGAIN...how pathetic...

So this is it...this is GOODBYE....

I LuV LuV LuuuuuV my L|fE!!!!

first n foremost... thank u Syakira Mazrah...4 dragging me along to meet up with the tmn tun peepz...ya allah best gile...made a dozen more friends...totally changed my world k...these guys r so freakin friendly...baru knal dah tiu masing2....God knows how happy these people made me!
And u know what else la kan Syak...ahahahaha....

:: Alia just got back from UK...smuorg angau Alia hahahaha....damn u woman, jgn pegi lame2 lagi k! Now am gonna bug ur life to the fullest! ::
:: Emmy is forever busy with her endless events at LUCT...and her neverending social nites...haha My dear Emmy....SLOW DOWN woman! hahaha kang terbalik susah babe! ::
:: Farah Najwa, started class last week...so, goodbye lepaking with Farah...dammit... ::
:: Farah Nadz, forever has free time 4 me...entertaining me with her infectuous laughter hahaha... thanx for the swimming session, oh wait, make that sessionS as there r more to come! hehe Sofie, jgn kacau! i nak tenet ngan Farah plak, dah la u dok culik her 4 breakfast, mane aci!::
:: Syak's flying off this Sunday...Es tonto! why on earth do u have 2 go back to Perth too early! Xpe, she's off for a good reason, pursuing her Masters in politics..GO SYAK! am proud of u! ::
:: Aref's going back to Canberra on Sunday as well....man...TOO SOON i swear! too little time spent with him...sedey...Aref, nanti i'll give u more surprise phone calls k! :) 6 more months to go Boe, U CAN DO IT!! ::
:: Feeza is busy with her internship...miss u like hell....bile nak bagi her HRC stuff pon i tatau, ntah bile masing2 free....uwaaa :( ::
:: Khair is busy with classes and assignments...sorry khair i lame tak turun Cyber...nanti we'll meet up 4 lunch or sumthin k... ::
:: Zana, recently hooked up with this UIA guy...she's super happy n in love...am VERY happy 4 u lil sis...told ya one day "HE" will come....hehe ::
:: Alif tak reti2 nak balik from Ohio, working his ass off kat sane...ey, org smue nak convo la babe, and ur missing! Donkey!! Make sure u buzz us once u arrive, else we'll hunt u down u mofo! :p ::
:: Aimi is also busy with internship..well...it has been so long since we last lepak kan aimi... aimi bile dtg mood gile die mule la, ckp ngarut online...hahah it's so hard to catch her attention ahaha::

Been spending quite a lotta time with Bob n Mie over the past few days...melayan kerenah bodo diorg...endless...endless...hahaha...It's so good to have witty friends....Bob, jage sikit ur hair, i tarik kang tak jadi Ronaldinho dah! hahaha..Mie dah join the other side, his friends smue yg suke buat org tterperanjat tgh2 malam! ahahahhaha

As stated in my previous entry....u lose one, God replaces u with 10....and the figure is closing in... ahahahaha...i just lost one...and here comes few more! And currently am pretty happy with those who came along the line...i likey! hahahahaha...it's BAD to put up names and descriptions here as it may cause discretions and offences...so....BEEP...probably these people already knew what i have in mind! which appears to be relatively embarassing....eheh... :p

GOD IT'S GREAT BEING THIS WAY!! WOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOO!!!

Right back at...YOU! weehee

i'm happy...ur NOT
i'm laughing...ur NOT
i'm achieving...ur NOT
i'm healthy...ur NOT
i'm dealing with my life accordingly...ur NOT
i'm resilient...ur NOT

and one thing I'm NOT, but u r...
is LIVING IN DENIAL...
HAH!hehehehe

L|v|nG L|fE aS | sHouLd...

since valentine's day, a quote from syak's lovely card has been reminding me of what should be reminded to ALL...

:: Good things come to those who wait ::

couldn't agree more...my first few months were devastating, intolerable,painful...
i've waited...like a fool, i did...waited n waited but all that came swooming were BSs...
so i decided to stop waiting...n live my life as i should've...
putting up a smile was the hardest thing to do...

to a certain point, devastation will eventually becomes ignorance...substantially then becomes happiness...thank u syak...for the constant reminder...i'm grateful to u...
i thought too hard...too foolishly...and it brought me to a dead end...
a phrase that caught my eye the other day was from Feezabelle...but with a twist...

:: Being alone is so much better than to be in luv with sumbody who's not in luv with u...or probably sumone who's not even sure of his/her own capacity of luving the other ::

point taken...i am so happy with the life i'm leading rite now...i've never thought that life is as great as this...i've learned so much...and smiling...laughing so much...the last time i had all these was when i was 16...and gosh...how i would luv to keep my life this way forever...oh well, at least here i know how great n fair God is...

:: Lose one, He'll replace u with 10 ::

it's funny to see how fickle people are...not just on their attitude...fickle on thoughts, decisions, words...EVERYTHING...one minute they say they adore u...on the other minute they say they adore sumone else...hmm...MEN...oh how i wish they could just keep their birds in their pants.. :)

most of us often neglect the luv 4 ourselves...n i've never figured how signifant that is, until it stroke me hard...n i've learnt to not expect anything in return at all...ape ade, ambik je la..
alhamdulillah...smue kuase tuhan...

My deepest gratitude to all...thank u for believeing in me..supporting me and tolerating with me..
u guys played a huge roll on helping me become that happy person again... :)

my platforms of emotions...

it's true when they say, God will never give u what u ask for..
u gotta EARN it...strive for it...

things haven't been easy lately...
first it was my endless weekly presentations, quizzes, assignments and the BIG BROTHER final year project...
then came the remorse of an immediate family member...it was superbly unpredicted...
that night at about 9p.m., allahyarham's two children were just at the hotel spending time with him, when all of a sudden everything went wrong...
9a.m...
I was suddenly woken up from my sleep which lasted only for about 5 hours, by an irritating ringing tone..it was my mom...
For years, i have not heard that voice, so full of sorrow..mom was crying, grieving...told me that my uncle died...cause of death, suspected hyper pressure...i went speechless, ran down to wake my uncle up, who was snoring his way to la la land...
2006 is a s***ty year...everyone just..DIED...ya allah what on earth is happening...

His death opened up my eyes n heart...to live life to the fullest...
I've been waiting for things that aren't coming anywhere in the near future, or probably ever...
I should've instead grabbed every opportunity that came my way...not sitting there like a loser waiting 4 somebody to spoonfeed me...wasted my time there...
just when i feel so s***ty, with the continuous unfavourable dreams, an sms came in right after i slammed my precious notebook close...a goodnite sms from the 1 n only...made me smile n i had a pretty darn good dream... :) it was the same night my uncle died tragically...
The next morning was full of mourning, a sad sad morning...tried to just keep calm n be strong for my mother...after a few hours, an anonymous call came in...
It was my first puppy lover...Told me he misses me, n that he dreamt of me being so thin, as if my life has been superbly miserable..oh how sweet...he put up a smile back on my face... :)

all day long i was thinking..what the hell have i been doing?...what on earth have i been thinking, doing things that i've done?..its like i'm taking my LIFE for granted, BIG TIME...
til it just came to a point that i stop wondering...look back n smile...n that was all that i could do...
n how i wish it will never fade away...how i miss being in that state...where smiling was my favourite routine...n where my favourite fairytales come true... :...(

I just HATE it!!

i hate it when people kept giving me nonsense!
i hate to be in this s***!
i hate being an a**!
i hate being left behind!
i hate you!
i hate myself for the chances i gave u!
i hate myself for blindly believing in u!
i hate ur behaviour!
i hate u 4 using me like f***!
i don't ever wanna c ur goddamn face anywhere in the near future, or better off ever!
i don't wanna hear ur voice!
i don't wanna share any laughter and tears anymore with u!
ur killing me and i'm now turning into a horrible person!
i'm lack of patience and i hate that!
i hate to live in the same country as u!
now i'm hating myself for giving face at u!
i hate it i hate it i hate it!
f***ing grow up and get outta my life!!!

fUr|oS like nobody's business!

Nowadays, EVERY freakin human being is turning into an ARSE...
Sumpah, i don't know why..
Smue ckp tak serupe bikin...
Kaki tipu...
Kaki pusing cerita...
Freakin living in denial...
Gelojoh, dah dapat satu nak lebih...
Take others for granted BIG TIME...
Taking credits for someone else's work...
Cerita berapi padahal keje tak seberape...
Just because some ppl dah start keje, ade hati nak compare with others yg still on their degree level, when in fact yg keje awal tu higher education pon separuh jalan...Oh PLEASE!...
Ade yg muke cam half-constructed building ade hati nak kutuk others...
HOI REALITY CHECK...EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN FLAWS ASSHOLE!haa kan dah terkeluar...
Ade yang kene sepak ngan i kang...ya allah nasib baik tuhan bagi i ruang utk sabar lagi...Argh....

My 1st n Last Promenade..

It has been 4 years since I first became an MMU student...
Graduation is anticipated to be in June, 2006...
And I'm glad that I went through so so many phases during my years spent...
Thanx u guys 4 making my life in MMU so worthwhile...
U guys will always be in my heart...

sumthin 2 think about...

How many times
Are you gonna apologise about the same thing
And how many times can I take you back
When I'm not the one that's doin' wrong
I thought maybe if I started prayin'
That we would get better, but
When I would pray the answer would always come
Back to me bein' done
But we are so hard headed when we're in love
So I

I told myself that I would make some changes
But the more I change there's one thing that remains the same
I can't seem to shake ya
You seem to really have a hold on me
And everytime that we break up
We turn around and make up
This can't go on now
I gotta move on now
It's not the fact that I don't love you no more
But I gotta break this bad habit
Can't take his bad habit no more

I'm totally out of my element
Learnin' new ways to live, while you're in a comfort zone
Not even thinkin, (you couldn't think about me) to call
And then when I get mad you buy me gifts
Thinkin' it's gonna solve every issue
From the girl callin my phone, to the pictures that I saw
And every time you would break up with me for nothing at all
I've taken all I could take
But the way I live has gotta change

Let me break it down
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you was just too blind to see
Past, all of the pain they were causin' you
Ladies do you feel me
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you went against the
Right things that you should do
Then it's time to make a change

:: Bad Habit by Destiny's Child ::

Mr. KAZ...

thank u...
thank u...
thank u...

u made my day...
n i love u 4 that...

|'m bRoKeN...

For what is man,
What has he got?
If not himself,
Then he has not,
To say the things he truly feels,
And not the words,
Of one who kneels…

i owe this to Aiman...

are we doing things right?...
or are we just fooling ourselves KAZ?...
help....i'm broken...

YOU...

thanx for yesterday n the memorable nite...
i couldn't stop smiling...
n thinking of what a gentleman u were...

CAN WE DO THAT AGAIN?!!PLEEEEAASSEE heheheheh....
TI AMO!!

tW|sTeD...

am i right or am i wrong to feel this way?...
what if things turn back against me?...
is this for real or is it just a dream?...

for sure...this is TOO GOOD 2 BE TRUE...
coz most of the things going around don't tally...
is there any assurance 4 me to believe in?...
are u sure of what ur saying?...
I do believe in it...
But where are ur grounds to it?...

AffL|cTeD w|tH sOrRoWs...

there are a few agendas of which are definitely better off not to be told...

almost lost a goodfren because of a girl...let me just say that the person concerned managed to make me just throw my keys onto the body, yell and babble all the way up my stairs til i reach my bedroom n cried a few tears...i was so mad, seriously ok...ur just plain lucky u knew how to push the right button...i hate u! don't u do that to me again KAMBENG! yiihh....

lost a fren who was committed in a tragic accident, here in KJ...eventhough we've only talked for a few hours n shared few laughters, fate made me cry...i was sitting lazily at my dad's "royal" sofa, religiously changing channels on Astro, complaining on the sucky shows, when suddenly an SMS from Aussie came blinking...It was from Aref...

"En, Hani, Musta'in's brother just passed away...Please call Sue..."....

I started trembling...scrolled thru my mobile phone searching for Sue's number...Grabbed my cordless phone n started dialing Sue...She picked up, but with a very calm voice..As soon as she knew it was me calling, Sue started crying so badly, til she couldn't even speak out her words right...Ya allah...only God knows how shocking the news was...I couldn't help but stare at a blank spot while reminiscing about Hani and how funny he was, what a nice guy he was..and how young he was...Dad suddenly asked me of the blank n emotionless expression on my face... Tears started pouring as soon as I told Dad about what had happened...Dad held my hand, told me to be strong and to always remember Hani in my prayers...

"Een...every living soul has its journey...and God has ended his journey at that given moment.. Don't u cry tears of blood about it as nothing will bring himback..Sedekah Al-Fatihah banyak2 to Hani, just like what u did for Arwah Basirah..."

Ya allah..tuhan je tau how sad i was...one by one, the people i knew had left for good...And i regreted that i didn't say things that should've been said...

In Loving Memories...

Hani Adnan
Mohd. Ashraf
Basirah Baharuddin

2 Be or Not 2 Be...

ok..this is madness...it has been MONTHS since i last penned...ok here goes...

So much had happened...i stumbled, i fell, i cried tears both of joy n sorrow,i laughed at everything that has happened,i got so mad and almost outta hand AGAIN...oh gile..

What's important is that I've learned so much in that particular moment...of where I felt so devastated...i was crushed to million pieces...and God knows how hard it was 4 me to pick up the tiny pieces of my sanity shattered everywhere...

and of course, everything happens 4 a reason, thank u my dear Affendi...I mean it...

I learnt the hardest way to live on with my life...affiliating myself with all sorts of activites and events...Honestly, that helped only 50% upon recovering...
The act of being resilient...it's not about how u divert things and occupying urself...but the utmost important factor...UR INNERSELF...

::Yes, clubs play good music 4 u to sweat it all out n laugh about every ridiculous act...u get good exercise but u'll die soon of being the 2nd degree smoker, even if ur smoking...

::Alcohol n drugs drive u 2 a state of half-insane...makes u 4get about ur tight life, at least 4 the night...but when memories strike, u'll go more insane than ever...

::Karaoke makes u sing ur heart out, which in turn makes u sound like Ella in the end...no offense...

::Endless Milo O Ais n Teh O Ais with ur frens lets u have all the time in the world to just talk, in the end expands ur butt, bloats ur bladder n degrades the performance of bloodflow...

Has any of the above or of anything related to it plays any significant effect upon dealing with ur innerself? don't think so...

The ability to just sit calmly, have a peace of mind, breathing in n out in an ordered sequence of time...Reminiscing about everything that has happened...smile about it, cry about it n squeeze ur palm out of anger, in ur own space without the act of destroying urself n the things around u...
And at the end of the day, everything falls into place, even the most horrible, heart-aching memories puts out a smile in u...

If that's so hard, get a person of whom u know doesn't have bias thoughts, who can speak to u out of logical n matured thinking...express everything...n be glad of every dot jotted in ur storybook...smile n thank God 4 everything...

Just let urself go...let ur mind settle down, out from the commotions 4 once...

Now that's what u call being RESILIENT...love urself b4 u start 2 love anyone else, and so the saying goes...U were born alone, u'll die alone...

sometimes we oughtta think that being single is SUICIDAL especially when u've gained ur "ADULT" status...fact is, it's not...

U see...this is the actual point of life where u start to think maturedly, gradually...
U start working,earning ur own money n treasure it...start to pay 4 ur own car, ur own 300k apartment, ur monthly Chilli's and weekly Starbucks, ur MAC n Chanel, ur Vera Wang set, ur collection of Adidas trainers, Hush Puppies, Nine West, Bonia n all sorts of shoes, ur Guess, LV, Gucci, DKNY n Fendi bags n watches...Fuh...those r gonna cost a LOT...

n NO, i don't wanna rely on anybody 4 those...even IF i get married to a rich gentleman...

back 2 the old story...mak ai panjang gile ni...

I've learned n implied that...
:: If u LOVE someone, u gotta let him go...If he comes back, then he is meant 4 u::

n so it has...I have cried so badly, letting go that one person whom played so many significant roles in my life...i had so many drastic transitions of beyond my own awareness...but thank you, my dearest Khairul Affendi...the historical ups n downs we shared have helped me gain so much confidence in my life, to stand out in the crowd n be proud of who i am...n i can't do it without my circle of friends whom made it possible 4 me 2 make it thru the darkest storm of hurricanes n ice...yeap, that's how painful it was 4 me...

I received the Dean's list, of which appeared almost impossible with the kamikaze act of taking up 13 credit hours in the period of 8 weeks...alhamdulillah...n i'm so happy that my dear friends are also scoring well in theirs...

Made few new friends..Syak, welcome to the club hehe...I've managed to "merge" my KJ friends with my MMU friends n it turns out so darn GOOD...made peace with the people i had disagreements with...Met few guys of extremely different backgrounds n lifestyle haha...n ya, created some important agendas with Mr. KAZ...

Thank u...all of U...there are too many to thank...

My sisters n in-laws, Alia, Emmy Safina, Farah, Fiza, Aiman Sya'aban, Khair, Apek Jan, Aref, Zana, Aida, Farah Nadziah, Syakirah Mazrah, My Zainals including mak n abah, Alif n Muntz...n yes, i'm not leaving u out, KAZ...

Thank u so much...so so much...

I can finally smile again... :)

¿Donde es mi amor?

Blame it on my Spanish class...
Life gets lonely sometimes...But i thank God for crossing my path with friends, foes and acquaintances...Each of them plays significant roles in mylife, how it goes around and how it affects my adolescence...

To think about it, sometimes it makes me cry..sometimes tears of happiness and sometimes of sorrow...Then again, it makes me smile..As oppose to making me cry, as i grow up, someone has made me realize of the bright side of every negative points been dotted along my storyline... Couldn't be more thankful of all the things happening around me and the memoirs i planted in my sCRAPbook...

There are still a lot of questions in my life...

¿Con quien tuviera yo que encontrarme?....
¿Donde es mi amor?...

Pienso soy enojada...That's why i always end up doing things i never wanted to...Been outta my head a couple of times...

In my life..even with all these beautiful and sorry-ass people going in and out, there has always been that SOMEONE who i often conform with...not to say that i'm plain naive.. just that a lot of logical and sane decisions i made were mostly influenced by his way of perceiving things and how he adapts to it... and how he fusions it with all the insanity, chaos and madness the world has to offer...not that i'm idiotic enough not to be able to do that...just that i have a slight problem on controlling my emotions towards decision-making ONLY when it comes to matters regarding me...Hell yeah, if u ask people of the advices and truth beyond every word i said has always been VERY WISE...

Sometimes i thought after all the things that has happened, it would make me a more resilient lady...arghh...at times it does...but MOST of the time...man i just breakdown and cry...

I have practically everything within my reach...and alhamdulillah i've never been ostentatious...
But then again..there's this tiny dot missing...A significant dot which halts my phrases in order for me to catch a deep breath again...

¿DONDE ES MI AMOR?....

...sob....sob....

BuLL's eYe!!

Say What?!!
Well...people always have sumthin to say about one another eventually...
Hmm...all i can say is that...

::It takes One to know One::

heh....so if u say sumone is a total biatch...hits back on u...
and if u say sumone is a total sweetheart, Hey! hits back on u too!...u see! hehe

like my dear syazana said..."Be original, don't fake it!"...yeah right on sista...
at least i don't need no 6 " chems to make people turn around twice, or MORE! ehehehe

bak kate Aiman... "Ade SESUATU la dia!" hahahaha
oh snap out of it! " Jangan kau nak memondan kat sini!....KEJI!!..." aaaaaaaahahahhahah
Bloody hell!! Kill me sumone please!
BLEEEGHH!!!!

Sob...sob...

:: You're Beautiful
It's true...
I saw ur face...
In a crowded place...
And I don't know what to do...
Coz I'll never be with U... ::

*sob.....*sob......

tHe F|NaLLe...

and at last!! i've reached to the end of my training! weehoo!!!
oh man..this feels so good..no more 6:50 a.m. alarm clocks and RM2.70 of toll charges! argh!

anyway, i miss xybase already..SOMEHOW...as much as i hate the stress at work and the punctualities and datelines and blegh blegh blegh, there are loads of good memories there too...
thanx to the RMS team whom was there at my initial stage of training...

My bestfren at work... Hui Ling...Lady, i'm telling u, if u didn't start the conversation at the discussion room on 20th June, I'd practically be alienating myself there...hehe..thank u so much for being a buddy at work...i appreciate it very much..

Tay, i will not forget all the bully-ing, EVER hehehe...to others ; Lina, Gan, Shida, Skie, Hiew and Hasif...thanx a bunch...u guys made me feel at home... =)
My other bosses...Kim Hua, Yip and Ai Mei, thank u for drilling me on working professionally..
Yeah, i know...those are BIG projects... *wink

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of u who has been around me at work, helping me on sorting all these mambo jambo...Hey, i deserve a break don't u think! it's an international project for God sake, and I posses a sugar-sized knowledge on what was required...so Tay, where's my Haagen Dazs?...and plus plus? JAVA and SQL wasn't so hard after all! heheh...

:: SOEKARNO-HATTA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, JAKARTA ::

:: SISTEM KAWALAN DIESEL BERSUBSIDI, a project of KEMENTERIAN PERDAGANGAN DAN HAL EHWAL PENGGUNA ::

Thanx u guys...i never knew i had the ability to be a good graphic designer...and Yip, i'm flattered on the invitation to join u guys later as the company's graphic designer...
THANKS U GUYS.. SOO SOOO MUCH!!!

tH|s wEeK's aGeNdA...

22nd September

My sayang's birthday!!!

HaPpY brThDaY sAyAnG!!!!
Khairul Affendi Zainal

23rd September

My final training day!!!
Weeehhoooo!!!!

Un|vErSaL cOnTrOvErSy...

ok aiman...here goes...

ok...i've not been blogging for days..(je ok!)...been really busy not meman*** ok aiman my dear, but more like WORKING...thank u...
I've been sick really frequently too nowadays..no specific reason to why that occured but i guess it's the dry season and stress...Ok now this is something that i've been thinking about a lot these past few days...

People always come up to me and say...

Always abide ur instincts coz they're like the other U that went through the day just slightly faster so there's a tendency that things will turn out just the way it's supposed to be...
And think with ur brains, not ur heart...For our emotions are games of the satan...

But when these two thoughts collide, i feel that it's just about the same...
I mean, instincts come from the heart...and yet people told u not to listen to what ur heart tells u coz it might just cause catastrophe...Oh man...

Well...i had some really rough times myself few days back..
Not only pertaining me, but also pertaining my own fresh n blood AND the people i care about very much...
I realized that there's so much anger and rage in all of us...that's why nothing works well just enough...there's always these missing, neglected pieces of the bad puzzle laying somewhere..
Of course, we're just plain humans..born to make mistakes...and we often forget...not that we chose to forget, but more of the side effects of our lifestyle...I admit, i've not been a dedicated solehah muslim...and i realized...THAT'S where it all started from...the lack of devotion towards Allah S.W.T....

Hati selalu resah...
Minda selalu berceramuk...
Kening sering berkerut....
Jiwa dan raga hampir terpisah...

That's how bad i felt...Now i'm not entirely ok...
We all know that God will never help us, if we didn't help ourselves...
And that things happen coz we chose it to happen...
Sedar tak sedar sebenarnya the things that happen and revolve around us are the things that we have chosen...we have to learn to except the facts, the package...coz nothing is perfect...
There's yin and yang...Now THAT'S what makes it PERFECT...
The cure for my insecurity, low self-steem, and all these negative vibes in me is in front of my eyes...Kain sejadah yang senantiase berbau harum walau diletak di mana jua...
But we often neglect this...kerana ikutkan sangat hati...nak mengejar dunia...nak mengejar kebahagiaan alam yang sementara...walhal kita boleh kecapi semua itu for infinite time di alam syurga...

Not that we all are not aware of this..but that's the saddest part of being a human being...we are aware and yet we chose to divert our priorities to something else which brings happiness for years, when there's happiness that awaits us for the infinite of time...only some of us are being the true khalifah...but the majority are acting as if the other side is just an illusion...

And the pathetic phrase arises...LIFE STARTS AT 40...What if u were to be dead by 39? Now when does YOUR life starts? or more like WHERE does your life starts?...I chose to settle down now, at the age of 21...to have my own family...i've never felt how good it is to be in a FAMILY... not that i don't have one...but i have one that's more like a unity...not a family...think of the difference in that...

UNITY vs FAMILY...and all i wanted was a happy family...a family of my own...

HeLL yEaH!!!

13 more days to go and i'm off!!
No more internship blablabla...
Report settled, testscript for today settled, employer's evaluation...ooops oh shit...
hehehe..

Man! i miss my friends...my sayang...my sisters...MYSELF!!
Yeay pasni bole gi mandi sungai and go jungle-trekking and mandi laut! weehee!!

bReAkDoWn...

just when i thought life was going great again..arghh...
god backstabbers are like everywhere around me...
freakin dengki people tak habis2, takde keje lain ke weih...
patut ar malaysia tak maju, tgk ar perangai sekor2 camne...&*$684#$&w!!!
working life tak jadi, family tak jadi, anak2 tak jadi, diri sendiri lagi la jgn cite tak jadi ape!
F*** sial....

:: i need sumbody uplifting...sumbody to save me just when i'm a few inches above hell...
sumone who i can rely on everytime without any expectations of favour in return...

life is hard, i know...everything is...don't ask for too much, as i was told over and over again...
but when is it just enough?...when is it too little?...ya allah give me the strength...::

NeW rYtHm....

i've officially moved....
there's a new spark...
gonna take my chances...
no doubts, no regrets, just determination...
gonna heat things up...
let's see how this'll turn out...
bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

tHe sWeEtEsT sOnG...

I've been down
now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation coming around
I guess its right, it's so amazing
everytime I see you I'm alive
you're all I've got
you lift me up
all my dreams are in your eyes

I wanna be inside your heaven
take me to the place you cry from
where the storm blows your way
I wanna be earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When minutes turn to days and years
When mountains fall, I'll still be here
holdin you until the day I die
and I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way

** InS|dE uR hEaVen **

DeBuGg|nG hUmAnS..|s tHaT pOsS|bLe?

We often fail to realize that WE humans are equipped with "bugs"....We often forget who we are in the first place...Extreme insecurtity, neglectivity, naivity, vanity (this is my opinion), negativity and affirmitivity are the bugs i was referring to earlier on...

The reason why some of us managed to appear "superior" is because they're smart enough to wrap themsleves with a thin-almost transparent blinds as to avoid potraying their real-selves. It's not to say that this behaviour is wrong, but more to say that this acts as a "defensive" shield upon being condaminated by normal humans...People nowadays envy each other upon achieving success and superiority as they really think that this will show how "powerful and in control" they are... No doubt about it that some of these species really made it to the top with normal human problems, but as to others, they suffer a more complicated way of living...

Coming to the other "blinds" users, there are those who "misused" it for their selfish desires... The fact that they are so smart and slick makes them the "temporary-superiored-ones"... Despite all the "intelligence", these species somehow would get themselves caught in between their ass n shit...and when that time comes, they'll bring out their secret weapon of mass sympathy....The sob stories of what happened in the past, the rage, agony, upbringing and so forth just seem to work everytime...hmm....i wonder why...

And then comes the "extreme low self-esteem ones"...where all the "bugs" have invaded the human body, mind and soul severely...Its an almost "no god damn way to help u" kinda situation when it comes to them, as they succumb to ultimate negativity...I was in that area honestly....and believe that i am still 40% in there...which means..NOT GOOD....I despised myself so much all my teenage years as I tried too hard to make myself feel "belonged" to the people around me...yekhh...whatever...

And lastly my favourite species..the "moderate ones"...I see myself halfway there.. partly am still stuck in the "extreme low self-esteem species", which made me unhappy half of my life...Well time for a change...I see this species often gets everything in moderate..happiness, anger, sadness, whatvere u name it...It's good in everyway....Makes u a modest and kind person of which everyone loves and there's nothing too bad or too good to define these people...They're just..PLAIN MODERATE!...

Lets not be judgemental to others...As it is, we humans created these species ourselves so live with it...if ur not happy, then try to pick the species most likely to make u happy...I know I am so far..

sP|LL|nG uP tHe bEaNs....

Feeza and Khair..watch out...I've got terrifying news for both of U...
Told Emmy, Alia, Fara and Aiman...as usual, Aiman thought somehow it was a favour..

Because of u, Aiman..Ok..i'll stop it...come to think of it...hahah kinda baseless...
Childish behaviour i must say...

Good thing happened is that i'm no longer a half-filled glass..Next week, no more KJ...hope all turns out well.looking forward to it somehow...

This is MY LIFE...This is MY BLOG..These are MY WORDS..These are MY thoughts....
So if u feel like criticizing me upon my personality instead of my work, FUCK OFF...

God Bless...

A b|tCh w|LL aLwAyS bE a B|tCh...

read the title...whoever yg terase bende tuh nak kene kat die or sesape related dgn die bagus la.. sedar la sikit kite ni manusia, cerita senang sgt spread, jadi kalau nak menyundal ngan org tu pon fikir2 la sikit dulu ok...
If u are into "changing" ur stupid high school attitude, then do sumthing about it, prove people wrong, bukan buat bende sorok2, bodoh...Kan dah kate, sooner or later the truth will surface..

I don't know la why people find the pleasure of being with sumbody they "love", pas2 blakang bole share air liur ngan org lain..yg lagi best, dah commited lame, siap kate nak sehidup semati... ya allah gile sundal...

Igt sikit, u buat kat org bukan pasal kononnye u kene banyak kali from org, tapi sememangnye ade sumthin wrong with u wahai setan, sedar2 la sikit...Gile sial, igt perangai high school dok share org tuh dah abis la bile dah besar ni, rupenye masih giat...Bukan nak mulut celupar ok, tapi fikir la, skang nih senang2 kene STD and etcetra...So u think by doing things behind ur "loved" ones skang doesn't mean that the person ur flirting with can't do that to u as well?..

Ya rabi, bukak la mate sikit..Face reality will u...If u can hurt person A n goes flirting with person B, why do u think person B can't do the same to u later on?...Tunggu la sampai one day u tetibe got attached so much with a person, pastu that person leaves u baek nye...Time tuh nak tersembam ke nak bunuh diri ke bagus gak la...Fikir la ape sial u dah buat....

Like i said before...dunia nih penuh ngan kaki report...so mesti la cerita senang spread..Yeah, u can be happy now coz u've "won" one part of a person sampai die sanggup tipu "the loved one"... tapi sampai bile?....heh...bodoh tuh tetap bodoh la..belaja la sampai mati pon sorry to say la, tuhan saje taknak bukak hati bagi pandai sebab ur genitals are made for free...

Lagi sedap malapetaka kene bile "kawan makan kawan"...Sebuta2 yg bole kite dibuatnye percaye that he/she is a true friend, takde nye nak buat sial ngan ur "loved one"..alih2 die pulak yg stim bile lepak ngan ur "loved" one...Gile fucked up sial perangai....ish ish ish...LAGI BEST bile ur "loved" one pon melayan...uuuhh terbaek nye! Lagi satu bonus point bile ur "friend" yg goes flirting with ur "loved" one tuh bole plak at the same time tunjuk konon die baek sgt kat ur "loved" one, bukan aje die dah commited, siap bole go holding hands ngan ur own bestfriend ( of which he/she is stupid enuf not to know la kan that the other person is ur bestfriend)Pastu ur "loved" one pon cam igt he/she tuh buat mcm2 ngan ur "loved" one tuh je...silap la kan, mesti la ur bestfriend report! Due2 bodoh....he/she ngan ur "loved" one...Same bodoh...

Now do u guys see why i don't have that many number of friends? This is why... banyak sangat kawan makan kawan...susah gile nak carik the good n trustworthy ones...
Thanx i shall say to Alia, Emmy, Farra, Feeza, Khair and Farah Nadz for being my TRUE girlfriends...Apek n Aiman thanx for being my TRUE guyfriends...

I speak on behalf of EVERYONE and especially my beloved friends and myself who have been cheated so many times...I wonder when will the good things come to the good ones? Wallahualam...

bLaMe FeEzA n ErKs...

You Are Edward From "Edward Scissorhands." You are very shy and often misunderstood. Innocent, sweet, and artistic, you like to pass your days by daydreaming and expressing yourself through the arts. You are a truly unique individual. Unfortunately, you are quite lonely, and few people truly understand you.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

FuS|oN Part II

THE THREE STOOGES CONTINUED...

FeEzABeLLe
i've just discovered that die nih bole tahan gatal..ehehe...don't get mad at me ok feeza, there were too many stories being fed...haha..Feeza bile datang mood gile die abis ar.. She'll start crapping like nobody's business...kang tetibe die gelak sorg2 pas2 muke jadi cam lobster panggang...
Feeza gets high demands from the other species of human called Pretty Boys...Its like the highway ok...Mane2 die jalan ke toleh ke belok ke lompat ke menonggeng ke ade aje bende baru...damn u..
Every single time pon she'll get to see the good ones...wait, correction..not only SEE but also GETS HOLD of em...argh....Feeza is the next head-shapeshifter...coz she always transform from neck up..
if not her earings, tetibe kang she has some new lip gloss or eyeliners or eyeshadows or the famous and paling frequently terjadi is the drastic haircuts...One semester u'll see her with the girlish long hair, then comes the japanese style then suddenly the short-hair then suddenly her hair becomes long again...I only knew her for like 3 years and she already have more than 5 goddamn hairstyles! gile nye feremfuan...
Feeza is like my twin, coz everywhere we go, org igt adek-beradek and we'll get this phrase everytime "ey, sape kakak? muke serupe la.." Kepale hotak korang! tgk dekat2, takde makne muke kitorg same...N plus our dresscode bile kuar melepak lebih kurang...She is like the makhluk yg paling bersopan n organized bile makan...She'll eat without a sound, mouth fully shut, and u can see her dish missing slowly portion by portion in a superb order...She'll always have a tissue in one hand in case tercomot, so die cepat2 wipe...Hah satu bende best gile! Feeza shares the same amount of love when it comes to "lepak"ing by the beach, eventhough when the sun is like 90 degrees above...
Lately Feeza loves OU so much that i often hear "En, aku dekat ngan ur place, nak gi OU nih, jom ar!" hehe all in all, she is my definition of the new-age contemporary lady...

kHa|r
khair jenis cam feeza...buat hal sendiri, buat keje sendiri memanjang..khair is a bit quiet when it comes to her personal life...She'll be telling feeza mostly about anything, but not me...agaknye i nih harsh sgt kot towards her..ye khair? i don't know la...khair nowadays slalu sangat "occupied" maklumlah org cinta sedang berputik....she is a lazy bum when it comes to studying, but rajin gile when it comes to getting involved in events, rugby and i think futsal too...
khair never fails to accessorize herself whenever she goes out...khair bile dtg bitch mode die abis ar, tolong jgn dekat...die nye attitude kalah spoilt brat, bahase die tiung tiung and she'll put up a super f***ed up face that no one dares to stare at! I have a strong feeling that khair will never grow taller nor expand any bigger...khair so far i can say is a quite happy-go-lucky kinda person coz you rarely see her in pms mode...
khair same cam feeza when it comes to attracting guys...die nih sebab die kecik chomei, laki mane la tak geram ngan die...and oh ya...don't be fooled by her innocent look, i must stress again ya...coz she is NOT what u think she is..wehehe..so far jarang la dgr khair ade pape masalah..probably bcoz she doesn't tell me often coz she has feeza to pour out to...i'll find out like yonks later la kan..jahat gile...khair is adventurous when it comes to food..even if the food looks gewwwy and disgusting, she'll still put up that cute disgusted face and places the food in her mouth..hehe..khair pon same cam me n feeza, kaki jalan...asal ade tempat bole gi je she'll go, tak kisah la last minute plan ke kamikaze ke...
khair banyak gile kisah2 menarik yg bole diceritakan kat kitorg coz she has been to many parts of the world...ye la, kate her dad works for the embassy, nak buat camne...luckily it happened like when she was still a kid, kalau tak mcm2 colour la ex boyfriend die..hehehhe kiddiinngg...
khair is unpredictable....sometimes she seems as if she has mellowed down, but pas2 amek kau, u'll be surprised of what she was up to...mulut die bertapis, tapi kalau dah bengang, oi tolong la tutup telinga bebudak kecik, malapetaka akibatnye kang...heheh all in all she's is my definition of cute and adorable...

Aiman
he is the most "keras kepale"-ed guy...taknak dgr ckp me n feeza n khair langsung.... ok not langsung la, but most of the time...nih mmg a true happy-go-lucky person..he doesn't give to shitz about what or how people think of him...he lives his life to the fullest...has no regrets of what he did as he has always been the positive thinker among us...
lately aiman starts talking like a "shrink"...he uses all those philosophical terms and languages as if he's writing a literature or giving a very formal speech....but somehow, his words gets to my attention everytime...
He projects himself as a good father (when he becomes one someday)...his love towards theatre is like the love of soulmates...he'll go all out for his stage performances and comes out with good plays...hey, his team didn't go to the nationals for nothing! I never knew this part of him before, but he is THE ULTIMATE DRAMAKING la for sure...hehe...Me and aiman loves to talk in a stupid British slang, lagi2 bile bab2 mengutuk org or each other..hahah somehow it sounds really "POLITE" kan aiman? wahahaa...
Aiman loves his food, very adventurous too...he is like our ultimate weapon when we visit a chinese place coz he could understand their SOS very well...ye la, kate alien camtuh ar die...hehe
when it comes to travelling, aiman is number one...he knows and been to so many places we never knew existed in this country ...I think if i didn't meet aiman back in 2002, i'll feel as if i'm the only alien alive on earth, so i thank god that he created another being just like me!
Year by year kitorg dok plan nak celebrate birthday sesame; me, aiman and khair... tapi disebabkan si cody berjantina lelaki nih tak abis2 ngan theatre die or balik kuantan, i think we'll celebrate it when we turn 40 k aiman...tuh pon if ur not "active" lagi la kan.. hehe
Aiman nih bole tahan gak sundalz die...mentang2 ar he knows how to play around with his words when it comes to approaching ladies, amboi amboi shakespeare pon kalah...But when it comes to giving advices, his words stabs u hard, not kidding....so tolong la jgn memain ngan aiman...
Even so, he is as sick in the head as the rest of us...sometimes sicker..hehehe... He knows exactly the cure for ur pain, mentally ke physically ke....he really knows howta make u feel good about urself and things evolved around u...He is a supportive and a caring muthafucka....
oh ya..if i'm not mistaken, aiman loves collar pins and fridge magnets...i still got a hardrock collar pin with me ok aiman, of which i bought LAST YEAR from MIAMI ok...sundal, tu la tak nak jumpe aku lagi..
One more thing i've just discovered about aiman is that he has a rather high vanity level.. Especially during that time when he got his hair long...mentang2 rambut lawa cam perempuan, lelebih plak nak show off! chit!heheh ok...all in all he is my definition of a classic-souled guy...

Adeeehh..adeehhh...adeehhh...

Sorry to say la kan...
Myspace, Friendster, Hi5, Ringo dan rakan2 sejawat mmg dok bagi masalah...
Especially in relationships...bukan i sorang ok, ramai gile start gado pasal bende bodo ni..

Yes, please do take note that I have permanently deleted my myspace, hi5, friendster blablabla for good...since tak abis2 ade hal timbul pasal these "programs" whatever la kan...
Pasal bende ni, bole gado, member start makan member..ihh bodo gile childish shitz...
Yeah i got into that at one point...mmg bodo ar, so baik kuar je terus...

So people, if ever u start bergado even SEKALI with anybody because it started initially with these "programs" i suggest baik cancel la account tuh...Don't jeapordize ur relationship with ur loved ones and friends for nothing..Manusia, biase la always have that jealousy...So don't feed it, coz it'll fill u up with hard-ass f***ed up shitz....Maklumlah, kalau tak sendiri jealous, ade je "kaki2 report" yg senantiase menjalankan their pathetic ass work, konon nak tunjuk "caring", pas2 kite pon 'TER'jealous membabi bute... OH PEGILAH MAMPOS.....

seriously...this is a f***ed up world we're living in...BLOODY ASS F***ED UP...

sHeMaLe??...

ok i've just read the news today...
there was this article about guys getting breast reduction surgeries...
Somewhere in the europe, there are about 150 men having this surgery because their "breast" had "fats"....hahah funny ain't it...

the article also says that there was a "mammary" gland found inside their breasts...
take note that this "gland" are the ones found ONLY in women, which actually enables them to produce breast milk...it says that these hormones were found excessively in tap water and fast food...Tap water coz it says there were a lot contraceptive pills dissolved in it, and fast food coz chicken nowadays were injected with hormones to make them bigger...

WAAHLLAAUUWWEEIIHH!! meaning now guys can have breasts milk and get pregnant! hahahaha! attention women, get ur men pregnant! weehoooo!!!
So, i think that's the most eye-catching news for today! hahahah

RoUgH eNdZ...

had a really rough week..
i was being really uptight with everyone, especially Mr significant other...
couldn't believe what i did, what happened....
Ya allah...i was beyond my ultimate nightmare...
Syukur alhamdulillah i still have my other half of me...but it's getting quite loose...

Sometimes to know everything kills u..and at the same time not to know everything f***s u up pretty badly...Things have not been of a favour to me this past week...Much often gone against me, made me feel like a rock being hit by a hard wave...

It hits me hard to think of the lovely days i had in year 2000...Everything was SO GREAT...
I was like the best student in my school in sub-arts stream (arts stream with add math that is)..
I had like one big clan of friends whom stick together in everything, everytime, everywhere...
I found the love of my life...of which still is holding onto me, and what we believe as true love and destined soulmates...

My dear dear Taymen and i had a talk yesterday...I couldn't believe at first that someone was really really concern about me and Mr significant other...Its so sweet to see someone who could actually cry with you, at least that's what i see in Taymen...

This is the things that strikes me...Why do good guys often get the bad girls and hard life, vice versa?...Things are always a favour to the "good looking ones", bastards and bitches...
Now where is the fairness in that?...hmmm....

Despite the shittiness the past week had been giving me..i also got fed with a whole log of things which made me laughed EVILLY...discovered a whole lump of truth about few people... Of which i've always regard as the good ones...They really really had me fooled with their angelic words of wisdom, not for a year or two, but literally my whole teenage life...How sucky is that?
It made me feel pathetic to see myself as a naive person all of a sudden...

Thank God Feeza came to the rescue last night...She was like 100 metres away from my house coz a "friend" of hers got into an accident...Went out for dinner and sent her back to Bukit Jalil... It was SOOOO NICCCEEE to see her...ya allah, lame gile sey tak jumpe...since i started working ok...Her haircut is similar to mine hahah....Gile adek-beradek sial kite...Seriously rindu gile si perempuan gile tuh..n khair n ESPECIALLY aiman sya'aban...tuh babi tonyok yg susah sgt nak turun kj, nak kene terajang baru turun agaknye...hehe...I miss MMU!!! argghh... As much as i hate to admit it, but i do miss that stupid MMU! rindu gile nak gi lecture halls, gi tutorials, lepak makan kat bus-stand n streetmall...argghhh...Working life ni mmg memeningkan kepale... Lagi2 ar kene jadi "designer" ya allah tuhan je tau camne susah nak carik creativity... Everyday i'll be staring at the scenery outside my window just to get some ideas...Adeeehhh.... Dah ar kat MMU dok blaja buat business online, alih2 keje jadi designer plak...Susah nak mampos sial....