my platforms of emotions...

it's true when they say, God will never give u what u ask for..
u gotta EARN it...strive for it...

things haven't been easy lately...
first it was my endless weekly presentations, quizzes, assignments and the BIG BROTHER final year project...
then came the remorse of an immediate family member...it was superbly unpredicted...
that night at about 9p.m., allahyarham's two children were just at the hotel spending time with him, when all of a sudden everything went wrong...
9a.m...
I was suddenly woken up from my sleep which lasted only for about 5 hours, by an irritating ringing tone..it was my mom...
For years, i have not heard that voice, so full of sorrow..mom was crying, grieving...told me that my uncle died...cause of death, suspected hyper pressure...i went speechless, ran down to wake my uncle up, who was snoring his way to la la land...
2006 is a s***ty year...everyone just..DIED...ya allah what on earth is happening...

His death opened up my eyes n heart...to live life to the fullest...
I've been waiting for things that aren't coming anywhere in the near future, or probably ever...
I should've instead grabbed every opportunity that came my way...not sitting there like a loser waiting 4 somebody to spoonfeed me...wasted my time there...
just when i feel so s***ty, with the continuous unfavourable dreams, an sms came in right after i slammed my precious notebook close...a goodnite sms from the 1 n only...made me smile n i had a pretty darn good dream... :) it was the same night my uncle died tragically...
The next morning was full of mourning, a sad sad morning...tried to just keep calm n be strong for my mother...after a few hours, an anonymous call came in...
It was my first puppy lover...Told me he misses me, n that he dreamt of me being so thin, as if my life has been superbly miserable..oh how sweet...he put up a smile back on my face... :)

all day long i was thinking..what the hell have i been doing?...what on earth have i been thinking, doing things that i've done?..its like i'm taking my LIFE for granted, BIG TIME...
til it just came to a point that i stop wondering...look back n smile...n that was all that i could do...
n how i wish it will never fade away...how i miss being in that state...where smiling was my favourite routine...n where my favourite fairytales come true... :...(