Counting the days gone by....Fixing every bits and pieces of the unsolved puzzle...Gone thru an American maze...Tried every fusion food...Painted every wall I walked by....
Life just couldn't get any more painful...Been holding myself back from so many things which most of them I believe would lead to the repetition of pathetic history..
If this keeps on going for another year, I swear I'll patheticly end up getting married at 40, or a worst-case scenario, an OLD LONELY FART...arrgghh...I just wish I knew what was going on in my dumb head everytime I thought of doing something so ridiculous...Everything seems so mystical, irrational, supernatural and everything indescribably nonsense...
God help me go on if these are the things meant to be for me...and please help me put aside the things that were just fantasies and things that I could never have or achieve...I don't know whether I was trying too hard, or just not been trying hard enough...Am I being too harsh on myself?...No answer is within my reach, not even clues or shadows....
I wanna understand life and make the best of it..But how am I going to if there aren't any guidance and support...Lately there are so many obligations to be done...To myself, mom, dad, sisters, work, school, friends, and the significant one...I truly wanna make things right, and I hope whatever it is that I'm doing now is leading me onto the right track...
If this doesn't go anywhere, I swear I'll just pass-out or just drop dead... :'(
I miss everything about us... *sob*... :(
Saturday, June 11, 2005
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u wont be lonely when u are 40, u'll have a lots of cats, and be the old lady with cats, a bunch of them... ngahahha... no lah u wont...
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