Sometimes you just don't recognize who you are anymore.
You dont know who your friends really are.
You dont know who your family(s) are.
You dont know why you chose that profession as a living.
But one thing you know for sure is that you are breathing, and living. By what motivation, or whose order, you are left clueless. It isnt that I question what god has showered me with. It isnt that I am not thankful for what everyone has done for me. And it is surely isnt because I am living in my own world.
Questions flood my caved head for reasons I cannot explain. People have been saying that I question because I lack in iman. That is of no doubt, but really is that all there is to it? Can we ever stop blaming and punishing ourselves for the unfavourable things that happen to us, around us?
There was a time in life that we were all happy. INFINITELY HAPPY. now what was it that contributed to that, i question. Even if we were young, carefree, there were still problems lurking somewhere. BUT WE WERE HAPPY. A person's state of contentment varies amongst others of course, but what is it about being happy that made us want to continue living as if it never fades?
Could it be that the suicidal cases are profoundly linked to unhappiness? In which state one does not, or rather could not, deal with the period of happiness that weren't meant to stay forever?
People say that until one has truly found themselves that they are able to find contentment. Enlighten me.
How is it anywhere possible that when you've made that self-discovery and came to terms with it, you will eventually end up "believing" in that state of contentment? Then how does one retain such zone given the fact that variables change ever so quickly.
How will anyone understand anyone when we are all plain human beings seeking for some sort of "contentment" in our own terms? How will I, understand what makes my family happy, my friends happy, my colleague happy, whilst having a mutual level of happiness, all at the same time?.
How do I cope?....
Friday, November 27, 2015
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
It's Personal. Entirely that.
Well I have been blogging at tomboyjambu.blogspot.com for a while since it's my humble collaboration with my infamous bestie..until it came to a halt. I guess we were just too busy.
I guess i'll continue my rants, thoughts or whatever it is you call it here. My, personal space. Hey and look, i've changed the layout! Used to be quite good at editting the html myself but lost the skills over the years. Mind you, has been more than 5 years since i've practiced.
So Ramadhan is coming to an end. 3 days countdown to Syawal and here I am still not "feeling" it just yet. Probably because I no longer have grandparents...things haven't been the same eversince grandpa passed on 2 years ago, followed by grandma last year...They both passed away in January, just a year apart...
We used to have celebrations in Rawang, and Nibong Tebal.. Now it's solely Klang Valley. Which bores me of course and so I chose not to take any annual leave this year.
I gotta get my groove in writing back. This post is probably by far the lamest. As I speak as myself, not as a narrator.
Oh well. til then.
I guess i'll continue my rants, thoughts or whatever it is you call it here. My, personal space. Hey and look, i've changed the layout! Used to be quite good at editting the html myself but lost the skills over the years. Mind you, has been more than 5 years since i've practiced.
So Ramadhan is coming to an end. 3 days countdown to Syawal and here I am still not "feeling" it just yet. Probably because I no longer have grandparents...things haven't been the same eversince grandpa passed on 2 years ago, followed by grandma last year...They both passed away in January, just a year apart...
We used to have celebrations in Rawang, and Nibong Tebal.. Now it's solely Klang Valley. Which bores me of course and so I chose not to take any annual leave this year.
I gotta get my groove in writing back. This post is probably by far the lamest. As I speak as myself, not as a narrator.
Oh well. til then.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
:: In the pursue of the Middle East ::
Alhamdulillah syukur, a supplier turned friend of 4 years have decided to give it a shot. To give ME, a shot, at impressing him with the business. Of course having someone with a Master's background in marketing, Ahmad is no fool and would never take nonsense at any day.
A lil introduction on Ahmad. He is from Yemen and has been in Malaysia, living and making a living for 13 years to date. It is significant here that i mention, that he is one of the co-founder/partner of the famous Nasi Arab joint named Saba' Restaurant, whose huge chain is located in Cyberjaya. But just few years back he decided to start his own chain, named Ahmad Albab located in Seri Kembangan, near to Jusco and the pasar borong. Not only that, he was our humble caterer during our solemnization in Kota Damansara in 2011! I must say that of all the Nasi Arab i've tasted, hus is by far THE BEST!
So moving on, Ahmad saw the opportunity in Saudi. But he's giving it a trial run first; he will be consuming the Double Stemcell for two consecutive weeks to test whether or not it improves his health. The fact that he knows well about tge mentality and the market of Saudi, Ahmad has decided that IF everything goes well, he will opt for stockist mode, hence becoming Phyto's first Saudi distributor! He believes that good health and beauty product will go a looooonngg way in Saudi. And so, he has his own marketing plan within our marketing plan. GENIUS! Now it has been a week. Let's hope for some major good news the week after next, bismillah!
Thank you Ahmad for your time, and trust, and friendship. May this be a start of more business partnership to come!
Thursday, October 09, 2014
Irregular Income. So let's go!
So what is it that makes an income "irregular"?. How i see it is that it literally means an earning that's not periodic, nor constant, nor fixed, nor scheduled.
So how does this business help? Let's see the images below:
So that's what happens here. Bonuses are paid realtime, as soon as you as an introducer registers your new partner in! So no, it isn't your usual 9-5 job rate, it is per effort, per day, per time rate. Sounds difficult? What if i say that this entry of mine already captured the attention of at least 10 of you? Now to me that's enough to create a word-of-mouth and awareness about this super awesome business. You literally earn a 4-figure income with just ONE new partner, and watch this:
5-FIGURE INCOME WITH JUST FOUR NEW PARTNERS! Too good to be true? Let us enlighten you first, and you be the boss. No loss to anyone here, because remember,
KNOWLEDGE is POWER.
NETWORK is POWER.
Have a greaaaat day everyone! Remember, anyone is welcome in this business as it is globally possible!
Saturday, October 04, 2014
:: Let's Go October! ::
So my first prospect partner cum colleague gave it a new breather this month. LC and I finally met up after donkey years, last was probably 3 years ago. The fact that she was my FIRST friend in the current ejob I'm in flatters me because the majority of those within our circle are just like us; skeptical of all these MLM or MVM or whatever you call it.
But really, what made me smile and knew that we were at the same path was when she said something like this:
"In the world nowadays, though both husband and wife are working in our sector, the cost of living is still crazy high. Seriously, if we were to depend on our basic 9 to 5 job's salary, we probably will never have savings. Just money to keep us going day by day, that's it."
AndI felt warm. Not many of us felt the same way about not having enough to survive, but most importantly not having ANY for emergencies nor leisure, what more luxury.
So why not. WHY. NOT. So LC is in the midst of persuading her husband to be in this team too, and hoping that she too could make this a good source of side-income. But of course, just like with anyone who came to listen to my business proposal, I advised everyone to really sit back, relax, and think with a clear mind, because this is NOT one of those "get rich quick" scheme. It is, literally an investment that requires time, skill, effort and lil hardwork, in order for you to get lucky.
Nothing is impossible. It's all in you; whether or not you're willing to pump in some effort for the sake of a better living.
SO WHY NOT. Give me (Liyana a.k.a. E'en) a buzz at +60193383773 and give me the benefit of the doubt. There's no harm in giving me room to share. Be all sceptical as you please, I too am one. Remember, there's no boundaries in a good business, therefore there isn't with Phytoscience either.
Pick your package:
1) Silver : RM270
2) Gold : RM1,620
3) Mobile : RM5,400
And like every business, the more you invest, the more returns awaits!
Happy Eidul Adha to my fellow Muslims. And have a good 3-days long weekend Malaysians!
Thursday, October 02, 2014
:: The start of 3Tango88 ::
So here goes, my humble September efforts and returns! Oh, and a brief promo of the line of products that company produces (in which DOES NOT require us to sell, yeay!)
Circled is the income I made in USD *wink
The transaction wired to my personal bank account Alhamdulillah!
Certificate of authenticity and halal approval
The few products that the company offers, which I personally use too! Great for your health, inside out, no joke :) I'll give it til the end of this month to give you real testimonies from family members with health conditions that are currently consuming :)
STAY TUNED TO 3TANGO88!
The new money-making journey: The extra effort. The extra comfort.
and so i've started blogging with my bestie @ tomboyjambu. has been great, and i guess i do need to turn everything around and give it a fresh punch.
So i think from this entry forth, i'd be using my beloved, precious personal blog into my medium of pocket money-making. I've embarked in this new investment-like Multilevel Marketing (in which somehow has been rebranded as a Multi Volume Marketing) as it no longer carries the old MLM spirit: the upline gets richer while the downline makes all the hardwork. NO.
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I find this line of business rather intriguing. It spells "fairness" everywhere within its scheme and it gives back humble returns. Of course with effort. A lot of it. It isn't like any of those "quick rich scheme" nor is it the "sit back and relax while money comes in daily" kinda thing.
No, i'm the most skeptical person when it comes to these types of businesses for I, have embarked in MLM many many years ago myself, and have been disappointed with the returns. The business plan within this is nothing but clever and it encourages team spirit all throughout.
So the company i've joined on September 12th, 2014 is called Phytoscience. Product based marketing, but no sales required. I see this as pure investment slash networking. I find this worth it because i've actually tested the waters on the FIRST day itself. I came in threes; a triangle. Myself, my husband and my sister as investors. To really test to know if it were real, this is the only was possible. So there it is, i actually had ROI of 101% from initial, ONE-TIME investment. What's even more enlightening was that every transaction happened realtime, like literally. They registered me online, and then my account was automatically created, then I was given full authority to register my partners, i.e. my husband and sister, and voila! realtime returns. And then I acquired another investor; my own husband's friend, and there you go, i received my first 4-figure income. JUST.LIKE.THAT.
You think you got what it takes to be in it with me? You think you're ready to make that small yet significant move onto becoming my partner in this? Buzz me right up, no matter where you are across the globe. Seriously because this business is global, and i got paid in USD *wink! The company is as legit as your local financial institutions. If you are, interested, give me a buzz here, i'll be delighted to share :) I'll upload some photos as prove of the transactions of my September income. Or you can visit the company's website at
https://www.iphytoscience.com
Stay tuned, and come and join my team 3Tango88!
So i think from this entry forth, i'd be using my beloved, precious personal blog into my medium of pocket money-making. I've embarked in this new investment-like Multilevel Marketing (in which somehow has been rebranded as a Multi Volume Marketing) as it no longer carries the old MLM spirit: the upline gets richer while the downline makes all the hardwork. NO.
I find this line of business rather intriguing. It spells "fairness" everywhere within its scheme and it gives back humble returns. Of course with effort. A lot of it. It isn't like any of those "quick rich scheme" nor is it the "sit back and relax while money comes in daily" kinda thing.
No, i'm the most skeptical person when it comes to these types of businesses for I, have embarked in MLM many many years ago myself, and have been disappointed with the returns. The business plan within this is nothing but clever and it encourages team spirit all throughout.
So the company i've joined on September 12th, 2014 is called Phytoscience. Product based marketing, but no sales required. I see this as pure investment slash networking. I find this worth it because i've actually tested the waters on the FIRST day itself. I came in threes; a triangle. Myself, my husband and my sister as investors. To really test to know if it were real, this is the only was possible. So there it is, i actually had ROI of 101% from initial, ONE-TIME investment. What's even more enlightening was that every transaction happened realtime, like literally. They registered me online, and then my account was automatically created, then I was given full authority to register my partners, i.e. my husband and sister, and voila! realtime returns. And then I acquired another investor; my own husband's friend, and there you go, i received my first 4-figure income. JUST.LIKE.THAT.
You think you got what it takes to be in it with me? You think you're ready to make that small yet significant move onto becoming my partner in this? Buzz me right up, no matter where you are across the globe. Seriously because this business is global, and i got paid in USD *wink! The company is as legit as your local financial institutions. If you are, interested, give me a buzz here, i'll be delighted to share :) I'll upload some photos as prove of the transactions of my September income. Or you can visit the company's website at
https://www.iphytoscience.com
Stay tuned, and come and join my team 3Tango88!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
a new turn
i now blog with my bestie here.
http://tomboyjambu.blogspot.com
i needed a new air. i needed a friend.
i. need. to. break. away. from. that. old. shell.
happy reading, and thank you so much for being loyal readers.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
:: And The Journey Begins ::
hats off to our moms. they were truly the super moms.
recalling my mom's life:
wake up to prepare breakfast for the whole family.
wake the children and prep up for school.
chuck clothes in the washing machine.
get ready for work.
make sure the kids are all seated at the table for breakfast.
get the husband to come down and have breakfast together.
train the kids to slowly bring their own dirty dishes to the kitchen sink, and wait patiently as they wash.
send kids to school. go to work.
make sure bus driver picks up kids from school in the afternoon.
come home and do some cleaning - be it the floor, toilet, etc.
bathe, cook for family. dinner has to be ready before 8pm.
get everybody to wash up and ready at the table by 8.
clean up by 9pm. get children to do some school homework if they hadn't done much in the afternoon, or light revision.
do some ironing.
get the kids to bed by 10pm.
LIGHTS OUT.
despite my mom having a maid (or two at one point), most of the chores and cooking are done by her, as she believes women will always be women. they belong in teh kitchen, and they have to be modest enough to master the house chores.
i've been trying to do all that, but of course really drained myself out for the first few months. and that, given the fact that i dont have kids. i dont know how our mothers did it back then. i cannot imagine myself doing all those with kids around. alhamdulillah as time goes by, i kinda get the hang of things a little bit, and with the help of the husband, the house looks neat :)
i do not understand people out there who claimed themselves SUPERMOMS when all they did was taking care of the child, entertaining their husbands and doing business at home, in their own sweet time and pace, at the comfort and expense of their parents (STILL!). I mean come on, you barely get your hands on house chores, u LIVE still with your parents, you live LAVISHLY at their expense (whilst your husband sweats their bums off trying to "provide" for you and your expensive style of living) and you have people taking care of your child while you go off and have your husband-wife time off, girls night out, girls breakfast outing, girls retail outing, girls coffee break and girls mani pedi. and you have the balls to self-proclaim SUPERMOM? seriously? i'm sorry, but from what i see, you're nothing but a brat. on top of that, you have the guts to be telling people how greaatt and carefree life as a husband and wife is. knock knock, are u even real? stop giving people false expectations will ya? of course it's easy on your side, coz you've got "slaves" serving you.
but then again, what on earth are these self-proclaimed supermoms' parents doing? aren't they supposed to teach their children to manage their own lives? i mean, as a parent, you're supposed to teach your child how to fish, instead of bluntly giving them a fish, right? no wonder divorce cases plummeted over the years. these sort of married couples are the ones (to me) contributing to most of the cases. not just because maybe something bad happened and they couldnt cope on living below their usual par, but also maybe because they led people to become "victims" of translation, upon their exaggeratingly portrayed contented, carefree lives - which indirectly of course led the victims onto filing for divorce. u get my drift?
then comes juvenile cases. from rape to murder. what shall become of the future, our kids. it's so painful to see human intelligence being wasted. an outcome of simple and "harmless" injection of technology. the irony. how bad can things get over the years.
i had a somewhat contentment when i went for my 1-week leadership camp. a week in the jungle, sleeping in the camp, cooking my own meal the military way, drinking fresh water from the river, appreciating every bit of food and liquid that goes through this throat and keeping the tummy out of hunger. i felt that every part of my body were given turns to be appreciated. i, felt appreciated. and so i brought that vibe home. and i have since swore to aggressively minimize my complaints and do whatever i can to maintain a healthy home, and a healthy relationship with everyone around me. literally because i felt appreciated, out of my own efforts. my motto form now on is "just do it. complaint less, and enjoy everything that you do". insyaallah you'll be fine. well, alhamdulillah, i'm doing fine so far :)
as to the newly weds out there, there isn't anything specific for you as an advice. though my only advice is, once you've got involved into something, take new challenges as it is. live your life day by day, enjoy it. do it slowly, staggeringly. take your time. once u complaint, that's when negativity swoops in. smile, breathe, recite your bismillah, recite your alhamdulillah, recite your "istighfar" - astaghfirullahal'adzim. no matter what religion you are, try to thank god for everything, always. ask for forgiveness, ask for strength, ask for faith, ask for calm and peace. hopefully we shall all minimize the negativity around us.
recalling my mom's life:
wake up to prepare breakfast for the whole family.
wake the children and prep up for school.
chuck clothes in the washing machine.
get ready for work.
make sure the kids are all seated at the table for breakfast.
get the husband to come down and have breakfast together.
train the kids to slowly bring their own dirty dishes to the kitchen sink, and wait patiently as they wash.
send kids to school. go to work.
make sure bus driver picks up kids from school in the afternoon.
come home and do some cleaning - be it the floor, toilet, etc.
bathe, cook for family. dinner has to be ready before 8pm.
get everybody to wash up and ready at the table by 8.
clean up by 9pm. get children to do some school homework if they hadn't done much in the afternoon, or light revision.
do some ironing.
get the kids to bed by 10pm.
LIGHTS OUT.
despite my mom having a maid (or two at one point), most of the chores and cooking are done by her, as she believes women will always be women. they belong in teh kitchen, and they have to be modest enough to master the house chores.
i've been trying to do all that, but of course really drained myself out for the first few months. and that, given the fact that i dont have kids. i dont know how our mothers did it back then. i cannot imagine myself doing all those with kids around. alhamdulillah as time goes by, i kinda get the hang of things a little bit, and with the help of the husband, the house looks neat :)
i do not understand people out there who claimed themselves SUPERMOMS when all they did was taking care of the child, entertaining their husbands and doing business at home, in their own sweet time and pace, at the comfort and expense of their parents (STILL!). I mean come on, you barely get your hands on house chores, u LIVE still with your parents, you live LAVISHLY at their expense (whilst your husband sweats their bums off trying to "provide" for you and your expensive style of living) and you have people taking care of your child while you go off and have your husband-wife time off, girls night out, girls breakfast outing, girls retail outing, girls coffee break and girls mani pedi. and you have the balls to self-proclaim SUPERMOM? seriously? i'm sorry, but from what i see, you're nothing but a brat. on top of that, you have the guts to be telling people how greaatt and carefree life as a husband and wife is. knock knock, are u even real? stop giving people false expectations will ya? of course it's easy on your side, coz you've got "slaves" serving you.
but then again, what on earth are these self-proclaimed supermoms' parents doing? aren't they supposed to teach their children to manage their own lives? i mean, as a parent, you're supposed to teach your child how to fish, instead of bluntly giving them a fish, right? no wonder divorce cases plummeted over the years. these sort of married couples are the ones (to me) contributing to most of the cases. not just because maybe something bad happened and they couldnt cope on living below their usual par, but also maybe because they led people to become "victims" of translation, upon their exaggeratingly portrayed contented, carefree lives - which indirectly of course led the victims onto filing for divorce. u get my drift?
then comes juvenile cases. from rape to murder. what shall become of the future, our kids. it's so painful to see human intelligence being wasted. an outcome of simple and "harmless" injection of technology. the irony. how bad can things get over the years.
i had a somewhat contentment when i went for my 1-week leadership camp. a week in the jungle, sleeping in the camp, cooking my own meal the military way, drinking fresh water from the river, appreciating every bit of food and liquid that goes through this throat and keeping the tummy out of hunger. i felt that every part of my body were given turns to be appreciated. i, felt appreciated. and so i brought that vibe home. and i have since swore to aggressively minimize my complaints and do whatever i can to maintain a healthy home, and a healthy relationship with everyone around me. literally because i felt appreciated, out of my own efforts. my motto form now on is "just do it. complaint less, and enjoy everything that you do". insyaallah you'll be fine. well, alhamdulillah, i'm doing fine so far :)
as to the newly weds out there, there isn't anything specific for you as an advice. though my only advice is, once you've got involved into something, take new challenges as it is. live your life day by day, enjoy it. do it slowly, staggeringly. take your time. once u complaint, that's when negativity swoops in. smile, breathe, recite your bismillah, recite your alhamdulillah, recite your "istighfar" - astaghfirullahal'adzim. no matter what religion you are, try to thank god for everything, always. ask for forgiveness, ask for strength, ask for faith, ask for calm and peace. hopefully we shall all minimize the negativity around us.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
:: The Good and The Awesome ::
and so. I now pronounce myself, WIFE :)
June 25th saw me being married to this humble man i've dated for almost 5 years. Syukur alhamdulillah everything went well, and with Bob's endless support and not to mention patience on my countless rants, we are now the new Mr and Mrs Khairul Nizam :)
Some may already new, some may have not. The wedding reception was held at De Palma Hotel, Shah Alam. Yes, I was my own wedding planner. I was literally still running up and down, hotel room to dinner hall 3 hours before my wedding. Why 3 hours u ask? Because I had my hair done first for a solid hour, thanks to my ever-so-awesome hairstylist whom has been doing my hair for the past 8 years! Philip, no one understands this ridiculous hair more than you do! :) So, make-up was done by my very own sister Tina, and it took torturous 2 hours to get it done. Yes, was indeed a complete torture because I had to have my head up straight due to my nicely done hair. awesome possum. i had to deal with a stiff neck for the rest of the week!
Dresses. My solemnization (nikah) dress was by none other than Nazleen Noor. A close friend's sister whom treated me just as professional and as warm. She made my life soooo easy; she understood what sort of dress i wanted. Thanks also to Shafiza Azali for buying the super awesome cloth and lace for the dress back in 2008 (yeap, i kept it for 3 years!) in Bandung. I think Nazleen didn't have too much of a hassle anyway because I had the dress drawn in my head, it's just the matter of translating. Nazleen did just as so, just as I imagined it would be. I almost had tears in my eyes when I saw the dress done for the first time, paired with a custom-made shoe, and a very modest and subtle veil, and a very elegant-looking gold tiara to match my matte-gold dress. It was the PERFECT wedding outfit. just, perfect. And the Baju Melayu for Bob? Just as perfect! Nazleen went to get the cloth for his, and had it done very neatly, to go with a hand-sewn, Terengganu white with pastel coloured flowers "sampin" i bought for Bob as a wedding gift :)
As for the reception's dress and tux, we rented them out from Bridal House in SS2. It was white, with silverish embroideries, and comes along with a 3/4 sleeved- small jacket. Bob's tux was off-white, which came with a white cravat and off-white vest. We chose to have his shirt, cravat and napkin customized at a tailor in Summit USJ, and the final product was over the top. They were all very neatly done (and of course, cost us some great money :P) and goes so well with the rented tux. My sister Tina sponsored me an Enzo Angiolini pair to my surprise, and I sponsored Bob's :)
The Aussies came down for both events, and even had their share of Perhentian Island! Apart from being so supportive and helpful, they injected some massive cheap medicine into my days of stress and panic, soothing both Bob and I with a snap of a finger at times in need. I owe heaps to them, for adding so much joy to the wedding and the preps, and for spending so much money just to be there for me, with those lovely chiffon chili-red dress purchased on their own, just to walk with me down the isle as my 5 Bridesmaids.
And then there was Fiza and Emmy, my Master of Ceremony(s) for the night. They put in so much effort and had so many sessions with me on running through the scripts. They were also so very proactive in making sure that the dinner reception goes well. It indeed was, a very smooth-sailing, and QUICK wedding reception. With the help of my other friend Roudha and dear cousin Effendy as my floor and AV managers, the wedding was indeed a memorable one.
Hats off to the bridesmaids, the MCs, and the floor and AV managers for your excellence. Guests and family enjoyed the wedding so much, and my parents for the first time, was so care-free. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for everything. You guys will forever have a spot in this mental-archive of ours :)
I would like to apologize to so many friends that I either am not able to invite, or i bluntly forgot about. I hope you understand that my guest count was very limited (since it's a seating event), and I must admit, I was so tired and was so close to losing my mind on preparing for my big day. I truly am sorry. especially to my dear friend anas hazwan and family, I am sorry I didn't extend the invitations to you guys. I swear I wrote your names on my list, but I must've have accidently canceled them off when I had to filter more than 50 guests that night. Turns out that almost 5 tables were empty for the reception, due to traffic congestions and lack of parking space since there was a night market just behind the hotel that very same night.
But alhamdulillah, everyone was happy, the bride and groom were happy, the guests were happy, and the family; contented. Thank you so much everyone for making it happen :)
p/s: I have now officially worn my hijab. no, not because my husband told me to, but simply because i felt that it was the right time :)
Snippets of the wedding shall be uploaded soon.
June 25th saw me being married to this humble man i've dated for almost 5 years. Syukur alhamdulillah everything went well, and with Bob's endless support and not to mention patience on my countless rants, we are now the new Mr and Mrs Khairul Nizam :)
Some may already new, some may have not. The wedding reception was held at De Palma Hotel, Shah Alam. Yes, I was my own wedding planner. I was literally still running up and down, hotel room to dinner hall 3 hours before my wedding. Why 3 hours u ask? Because I had my hair done first for a solid hour, thanks to my ever-so-awesome hairstylist whom has been doing my hair for the past 8 years! Philip, no one understands this ridiculous hair more than you do! :) So, make-up was done by my very own sister Tina, and it took torturous 2 hours to get it done. Yes, was indeed a complete torture because I had to have my head up straight due to my nicely done hair. awesome possum. i had to deal with a stiff neck for the rest of the week!
Dresses. My solemnization (nikah) dress was by none other than Nazleen Noor. A close friend's sister whom treated me just as professional and as warm. She made my life soooo easy; she understood what sort of dress i wanted. Thanks also to Shafiza Azali for buying the super awesome cloth and lace for the dress back in 2008 (yeap, i kept it for 3 years!) in Bandung. I think Nazleen didn't have too much of a hassle anyway because I had the dress drawn in my head, it's just the matter of translating. Nazleen did just as so, just as I imagined it would be. I almost had tears in my eyes when I saw the dress done for the first time, paired with a custom-made shoe, and a very modest and subtle veil, and a very elegant-looking gold tiara to match my matte-gold dress. It was the PERFECT wedding outfit. just, perfect. And the Baju Melayu for Bob? Just as perfect! Nazleen went to get the cloth for his, and had it done very neatly, to go with a hand-sewn, Terengganu white with pastel coloured flowers "sampin" i bought for Bob as a wedding gift :)
As for the reception's dress and tux, we rented them out from Bridal House in SS2. It was white, with silverish embroideries, and comes along with a 3/4 sleeved- small jacket. Bob's tux was off-white, which came with a white cravat and off-white vest. We chose to have his shirt, cravat and napkin customized at a tailor in Summit USJ, and the final product was over the top. They were all very neatly done (and of course, cost us some great money :P) and goes so well with the rented tux. My sister Tina sponsored me an Enzo Angiolini pair to my surprise, and I sponsored Bob's :)
The Aussies came down for both events, and even had their share of Perhentian Island! Apart from being so supportive and helpful, they injected some massive cheap medicine into my days of stress and panic, soothing both Bob and I with a snap of a finger at times in need. I owe heaps to them, for adding so much joy to the wedding and the preps, and for spending so much money just to be there for me, with those lovely chiffon chili-red dress purchased on their own, just to walk with me down the isle as my 5 Bridesmaids.
And then there was Fiza and Emmy, my Master of Ceremony(s) for the night. They put in so much effort and had so many sessions with me on running through the scripts. They were also so very proactive in making sure that the dinner reception goes well. It indeed was, a very smooth-sailing, and QUICK wedding reception. With the help of my other friend Roudha and dear cousin Effendy as my floor and AV managers, the wedding was indeed a memorable one.
Hats off to the bridesmaids, the MCs, and the floor and AV managers for your excellence. Guests and family enjoyed the wedding so much, and my parents for the first time, was so care-free. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for everything. You guys will forever have a spot in this mental-archive of ours :)
I would like to apologize to so many friends that I either am not able to invite, or i bluntly forgot about. I hope you understand that my guest count was very limited (since it's a seating event), and I must admit, I was so tired and was so close to losing my mind on preparing for my big day. I truly am sorry. especially to my dear friend anas hazwan and family, I am sorry I didn't extend the invitations to you guys. I swear I wrote your names on my list, but I must've have accidently canceled them off when I had to filter more than 50 guests that night. Turns out that almost 5 tables were empty for the reception, due to traffic congestions and lack of parking space since there was a night market just behind the hotel that very same night.
But alhamdulillah, everyone was happy, the bride and groom were happy, the guests were happy, and the family; contented. Thank you so much everyone for making it happen :)
p/s: I have now officially worn my hijab. no, not because my husband told me to, but simply because i felt that it was the right time :)
Snippets of the wedding shall be uploaded soon.
Thursday, June 02, 2011
:: June 3rd, 2011 ::
so, anas hazwan is back on blogger. yeaaaaaaaaaaaayy! anas had a very strong effect on my frequency of writing (or more like typing in this case) back in those days. anas, a bit sad to say, that i still have not gotten the grrooovveee back. maybe u went missing too long yeah? probably :P
as usual, everytime i have things to write, reality steals me away. growing old with commitments isn't cool man. do u have any idea how much i had to share. man i can go on for pages!
Chapter 1: The Wedding
So. 3 more weeks, insyaallah, and I'll be wedded to the one i call my heart, my soul, my confidant, my home. yes, no one makes me feel as safe and as comfy. Just got hold of the Borang Nikah, and will start filling them up tomorrow with Bob dearest. Yes many would think we're crazy only to be filling those forms now, i can assure u, we're not. :) coz we've got the kadi booked since february :) alhamdulillah....thanks to dad and friends of course for making this a lot easier for us.
1st fitting - check. next one in 1-2 weeks' time.
Solemnization doorgifts - check
Reception doorgifts - received.
Tents - check.
Dowry - check.
Everything else - CHEEEECCCKKKK!
alhamdulillah everything's quite smooth-sailing now due to the super early preparations. the stress i'm facing now is pertaining my weight, and bodyshape. yes i am overly conscious on how i look like neck-down solely because i can't seem to fit any of my pants anymore. and because of that, i've dragged a friend to go jogging and short striding with me for 2 consecutive days, 10km each day. yeap that's how desperate i am, i'm really sorry if i sounded too pathetic :P
Chapter 2: The PMS
anyway, here's another a bitttt stressful issue i'm facing with. I actually have friends whom bluntly mocks me in social networks. well i think, if a person is able to do that ever so carelessly for the public to read, then i'm sure that this same person will have nil shame nor guilt in not just mocking, but also criticizing another like there's no tomorrow with the absence of electronics.
Chapter 3: The Ignorance
Ignorance is bliss, and so they say. no way, i dont find it blissful in any way. To me, ignorance is the perfect way to not develop and learn, what more to appreciate. Ignorance is a bit heartless, and ignorance may hurt another being.
Chapter 4: The Goal
Pray harder, ask for everyone's forgiveness, get everything ready in 14 days, get some teeth scaling done, have a spa/massage, cut and treat hair. Recite lots of Al-Fatihah, Bismillah, Hasbiyallah, 3 Kul, Ayat Kursi and Selawat til my throat gets dry, and until i am announced as Mrs Mohd Khairul Nizam. Insyaallah :)
Til I have better stories to tell, have a good friday, a good weekend, and a good night's sleep :)
as usual, everytime i have things to write, reality steals me away. growing old with commitments isn't cool man. do u have any idea how much i had to share. man i can go on for pages!
Chapter 1: The Wedding
So. 3 more weeks, insyaallah, and I'll be wedded to the one i call my heart, my soul, my confidant, my home. yes, no one makes me feel as safe and as comfy. Just got hold of the Borang Nikah, and will start filling them up tomorrow with Bob dearest. Yes many would think we're crazy only to be filling those forms now, i can assure u, we're not. :) coz we've got the kadi booked since february :) alhamdulillah....thanks to dad and friends of course for making this a lot easier for us.
1st fitting - check. next one in 1-2 weeks' time.
Solemnization doorgifts - check
Reception doorgifts - received.
Tents - check.
Dowry - check.
Everything else - CHEEEECCCKKKK!
alhamdulillah everything's quite smooth-sailing now due to the super early preparations. the stress i'm facing now is pertaining my weight, and bodyshape. yes i am overly conscious on how i look like neck-down solely because i can't seem to fit any of my pants anymore. and because of that, i've dragged a friend to go jogging and short striding with me for 2 consecutive days, 10km each day. yeap that's how desperate i am, i'm really sorry if i sounded too pathetic :P
Chapter 2: The PMS
anyway, here's another a bitttt stressful issue i'm facing with. I actually have friends whom bluntly mocks me in social networks. well i think, if a person is able to do that ever so carelessly for the public to read, then i'm sure that this same person will have nil shame nor guilt in not just mocking, but also criticizing another like there's no tomorrow with the absence of electronics.
Chapter 3: The Ignorance
Ignorance is bliss, and so they say. no way, i dont find it blissful in any way. To me, ignorance is the perfect way to not develop and learn, what more to appreciate. Ignorance is a bit heartless, and ignorance may hurt another being.
Chapter 4: The Goal
Pray harder, ask for everyone's forgiveness, get everything ready in 14 days, get some teeth scaling done, have a spa/massage, cut and treat hair. Recite lots of Al-Fatihah, Bismillah, Hasbiyallah, 3 Kul, Ayat Kursi and Selawat til my throat gets dry, and until i am announced as Mrs Mohd Khairul Nizam. Insyaallah :)
Til I have better stories to tell, have a good friday, a good weekend, and a good night's sleep :)
Saturday, March 12, 2011
:: Weekend On, Weekend Off. What.On.Earth? ::
bummer didn't snap pictures just now.
Had a good breakfast with mom, and decided to buzz my darling neighbours Alya and Nadya! After soooo many years (although we live just 100 metres apart) of not catching up, we finally took the little time we have to update on the years lost. Alya and Nadya indeed have not changed at all; still the super sweet, fun, and joyful sisters we met 13 years ago :) And it was so fortunate of Alya to be around Malaysia with her kids at this time, given that Japan is badly hit by the quake and tsunami. Yup, Alya got married to a Japanese yo! and Nadya soon to be wed too! So off they went to the places I recommended in SS2 to get Nadya's wedding gown :) oh oh can't wait to be around to help Nad with her prep!
As for I, i'm off to get my wedding cards later on with Mr. Fiance! yeay! 300 cards are ready to be distributed, can't wait to see them!
On another note.
Supposed to be at work today, in Bangi for our SOP revamp. But don't think this moody body could stand the stress and coldness, AND, to be in focus for such long hours. Not only my fever's only coming to a subside, but my throat's getting itchier, and this nose is getting runnier, and my ovary decideds to give me a cold hard PMS. yes, i would like to share that my period has been on halt for 3 days due to my illness; or more maybe due to the antibiotics and other pills i had to take. reaaally distrupts my cycle i tell u! grrrrrrrrrrrrr
So what's new. Hmmmm probably nothing much.
Still working hard to lose all these CONCRETE fat, and tone up some muscles so that I'll look yummy for my wedding, and the days after. LOL. Of course you gotta be a yummy wife and mom okay ladies! Remember that Islam did stress on women having have to look good for the husband okay. So don't go all ugly or too carefree about your appearances, then blaming your husband for looking at others. You too have to play your roles well in maintaining a good and healthy family, yes? Indefinitely!
My wife-type idol hence this day forward will be the all famous Hana Tajima, my friends Ewa, Puan Nanako, Fiza Jai, and Salimah. Simply because they're super hot and slim, and working hard at the same time, AND they NEVER forget to be a better Muslim everytime :)
Hmm....maybe insyaallah when I decided to wear the hijab, i shall go for Hana's style? :P Well, u GOTTA look good yeah? LOL.
Til another day, have a good weekend off peeps. I'm off to another hectic one til March ends!
Had a good breakfast with mom, and decided to buzz my darling neighbours Alya and Nadya! After soooo many years (although we live just 100 metres apart) of not catching up, we finally took the little time we have to update on the years lost. Alya and Nadya indeed have not changed at all; still the super sweet, fun, and joyful sisters we met 13 years ago :) And it was so fortunate of Alya to be around Malaysia with her kids at this time, given that Japan is badly hit by the quake and tsunami. Yup, Alya got married to a Japanese yo! and Nadya soon to be wed too! So off they went to the places I recommended in SS2 to get Nadya's wedding gown :) oh oh can't wait to be around to help Nad with her prep!
As for I, i'm off to get my wedding cards later on with Mr. Fiance! yeay! 300 cards are ready to be distributed, can't wait to see them!
On another note.
Supposed to be at work today, in Bangi for our SOP revamp. But don't think this moody body could stand the stress and coldness, AND, to be in focus for such long hours. Not only my fever's only coming to a subside, but my throat's getting itchier, and this nose is getting runnier, and my ovary decideds to give me a cold hard PMS. yes, i would like to share that my period has been on halt for 3 days due to my illness; or more maybe due to the antibiotics and other pills i had to take. reaaally distrupts my cycle i tell u! grrrrrrrrrrrrr
So what's new. Hmmmm probably nothing much.
Still working hard to lose all these CONCRETE fat, and tone up some muscles so that I'll look yummy for my wedding, and the days after. LOL. Of course you gotta be a yummy wife and mom okay ladies! Remember that Islam did stress on women having have to look good for the husband okay. So don't go all ugly or too carefree about your appearances, then blaming your husband for looking at others. You too have to play your roles well in maintaining a good and healthy family, yes? Indefinitely!
My wife-type idol hence this day forward will be the all famous Hana Tajima, my friends Ewa, Puan Nanako, Fiza Jai, and Salimah. Simply because they're super hot and slim, and working hard at the same time, AND they NEVER forget to be a better Muslim everytime :)
Hmm....maybe insyaallah when I decided to wear the hijab, i shall go for Hana's style? :P Well, u GOTTA look good yeah? LOL.
Til another day, have a good weekend off peeps. I'm off to another hectic one til March ends!
Friday, March 11, 2011
:: Geeewhiiizzzzz ::
March's a month where I shall have endless rants.
I'm tired, i'm not well, and I have tons of work, courses, and outstations.
Wish me luck. i'm in deep s***.
p/s: uncle shaf, if ur reading this, please ignore my humble rants. LOL!
I'm tired, i'm not well, and I have tons of work, courses, and outstations.
Wish me luck. i'm in deep s***.
p/s: uncle shaf, if ur reading this, please ignore my humble rants. LOL!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
:: 107 Days ::
Bismillah.
Has been 5 months since i last penned. FIVE months. not funny. nope. that's how little time i had to even THINK about expressing myself through the one and only medium that has served me so well over the past 6 years.
Updates. hmm. as per title mentioned, insyaallah it'll be in 107 days that i am officially wedded to the love of my life, the only person i've given almost all my time, strength, focus, heart and soul to for almost 5 years to date. Alhamdulillah, preparations have been smooth-going as we've not only planned and got almost everything done months before the day comes, but also because papa has been so supportive to help us through and booked us the hall. THAT, was the initiation stage. yup, after almost 2 years of both Bob and I talking and discussing in the air over matters relating to the lifetime commitment, we are finally counting days and sweating blood and tears in hopes for it to be the wrapping up of my family's wedding ceremonies, insyaallah. Correct, I am, the last in the family to get hitched, but I am not fretting, alhamdulillah, i am very pleased.
Still going strong with my job, with friends, mended the crooked ties with everyone dear to me, and trying very much to be a better person. I know i have not made progress in changing, i have no idea why. I would so love to blame the stressful job, and the average pay, and the not-slim-enough physique...and the ugly hair. maybe i'm not thankful enough to Allah for giving me soooo much, in actual fact. maybe i am too envious of those rich kids who live a good life, eating healthy food, having their weekly manicure/pedicure, bi-weekly hair treatments at the salons, having fancy dinners every fortnightly, driving expensive cars, not having the slightest hardship of getting money to get married or even to have kids of their own...and the list goes on.
and here i am, portraying that nothing bothers me, when all i'm left is just a third of the salary i get for my daily living, which of course includes food, toiletries, fuel, toll charges and bills. no, i'm not lucky enough like some of you who got hitched to rich kids or already rich and established men/women, in which leads you to zero worry onto thinking of what'll happen if you got into an accident etc? savings are nearly impossible with all these debts. what more to have a comfortable life? I guess this is the test Allah has lined up for me. maybe THIS will help me become a different person, a whole lot better one. simply because, i, have not been totally grateful for the things that came in my way. and because i did not save the tens of thousands i could've had for my future undertakings.
I shall learn to save more. I shall learn to listen and take my darling Bob's advices seriously. I, shall become a better Muslim. I, shall become a happy person.
And i forgot how good it feels like to write. It does take my burden away. :) Thank you Allah, for making us humans such geniuses, and having the thought of devicing and inventing this internet, and hence blogspot. And thank you readers, my loyal readers for stopping by and check out what I have to say, and probably argue here and there, for your arguments have helped me grow and see things in different perspectives - that I, am not alone in this world. and that harmony exists with the blend of tolerance, anger, perspectives, beliefs, culture, religion, self-righteousness, confidence, esteem, knowledge, science and logic, and not to forget, experiences. harmony is so complex, yet achievable in every way possible. God is great.
Need to list down songs for the band to play for the dinner reception, bi-lingual, yes, both Malay and English as my bridesmaids are Aussies, oh, and a Kiwi, and a Swedish. cool aye? :)
Now, which lucky songs will be in my list?. Head-throbbing session begins.
Has been 5 months since i last penned. FIVE months. not funny. nope. that's how little time i had to even THINK about expressing myself through the one and only medium that has served me so well over the past 6 years.
Updates. hmm. as per title mentioned, insyaallah it'll be in 107 days that i am officially wedded to the love of my life, the only person i've given almost all my time, strength, focus, heart and soul to for almost 5 years to date. Alhamdulillah, preparations have been smooth-going as we've not only planned and got almost everything done months before the day comes, but also because papa has been so supportive to help us through and booked us the hall. THAT, was the initiation stage. yup, after almost 2 years of both Bob and I talking and discussing in the air over matters relating to the lifetime commitment, we are finally counting days and sweating blood and tears in hopes for it to be the wrapping up of my family's wedding ceremonies, insyaallah. Correct, I am, the last in the family to get hitched, but I am not fretting, alhamdulillah, i am very pleased.
Still going strong with my job, with friends, mended the crooked ties with everyone dear to me, and trying very much to be a better person. I know i have not made progress in changing, i have no idea why. I would so love to blame the stressful job, and the average pay, and the not-slim-enough physique...and the ugly hair. maybe i'm not thankful enough to Allah for giving me soooo much, in actual fact. maybe i am too envious of those rich kids who live a good life, eating healthy food, having their weekly manicure/pedicure, bi-weekly hair treatments at the salons, having fancy dinners every fortnightly, driving expensive cars, not having the slightest hardship of getting money to get married or even to have kids of their own...and the list goes on.
and here i am, portraying that nothing bothers me, when all i'm left is just a third of the salary i get for my daily living, which of course includes food, toiletries, fuel, toll charges and bills. no, i'm not lucky enough like some of you who got hitched to rich kids or already rich and established men/women, in which leads you to zero worry onto thinking of what'll happen if you got into an accident etc? savings are nearly impossible with all these debts. what more to have a comfortable life? I guess this is the test Allah has lined up for me. maybe THIS will help me become a different person, a whole lot better one. simply because, i, have not been totally grateful for the things that came in my way. and because i did not save the tens of thousands i could've had for my future undertakings.
I shall learn to save more. I shall learn to listen and take my darling Bob's advices seriously. I, shall become a better Muslim. I, shall become a happy person.
And i forgot how good it feels like to write. It does take my burden away. :) Thank you Allah, for making us humans such geniuses, and having the thought of devicing and inventing this internet, and hence blogspot. And thank you readers, my loyal readers for stopping by and check out what I have to say, and probably argue here and there, for your arguments have helped me grow and see things in different perspectives - that I, am not alone in this world. and that harmony exists with the blend of tolerance, anger, perspectives, beliefs, culture, religion, self-righteousness, confidence, esteem, knowledge, science and logic, and not to forget, experiences. harmony is so complex, yet achievable in every way possible. God is great.
Need to list down songs for the band to play for the dinner reception, bi-lingual, yes, both Malay and English as my bridesmaids are Aussies, oh, and a Kiwi, and a Swedish. cool aye? :)
Now, which lucky songs will be in my list?. Head-throbbing session begins.
.107 days-counting begins.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
:: The Chronicles of the English Vocabulary ::
facts help us through most of the time. facts of life, of love, of science, and of relationships. but bare in mind that facts are meant to be adjusted, or adapted, to each circumstance. at the end of the day, facts, aren't solid after all, they are indeed subjective.
i have not lived as long as our great grandparents have, let's say my great grandpa whom died at 100+ years old. nor have i gone through sufferings or commotions as he had during the Malaya days. nor have i gone through the hardship that he went with great grandma prior to getting solemnized in the middle of the war/state of emergency and up in the hills. those are facts. but facts that lead to questionings, of which may lead to further alterations of one's initial fact of the story.
but when it comes to dealing with facts that people say about you, or your career, or your family, or anything significant to you in that matter, it often trails to emotions; negative, most of the time. imagine someone calling your family "a disturbed institution", eventhough it was a cold hard fact, wouldn't you want to express a little resentment, or disagreement? and somehow you would still want that person to inject a pinch of positivity somewhere along the line, because really, there were some good coming out of all that disturbances?
how about when someone says that you're so negative and ugly that u have no sense of "living"? doesn't it get to you, on how little the other person knows about you when they blurt things as such, because literally they didn't bother getting to know the other side of you?
poeple often make mistakes of judging others through facts that they see facade-ly. no, being BFFs doesn't mean you know them inside out. no, being friends for 50 years doesn't mean u know the other inside out. fact is, no one knows what the other person is like 100%, even if you were blood-related, or married, or were housemates for 10 years. you just don't know.
i have always been the sort of person who tells it to the face. yes i admit, when i'm with friends and family, i was very insensitive. i was vulgar, and i was an extro. some love me, most do not. but it hit me hard one fine day when i found out that a person i call my comfort spitted nasty criticism, of which was regarded as "a cold hard fact". I WAS A NASTY PERSON. and i was slumped. not because i couldn't take that "fact", but because despite the other's bad sides, i never said things like that so transparently. yes, ironic. eventhough i was said to be so transparent and insensitive, i still had morality and dignity. i do not, regard one as low, and so liquidly. the other reason i was slumped was because i prayed for the people around me, including this one. i prayed for Allah to guide us through, to give us good health to undertake our responsibility on earth and towards the preparations of the afterlife. i prayed for sense of forgiving, to forgive those who have made, is making, and will make sins to us. i prayed for everyone's wellbeing and blessed prosperity, and be humble of the good life Allah has granted. I prayed for all. and all I received were bad judgments and perceptions.
think about it. that someone that you just said nasty things about, or criticized about, intentionally or not, may just be the person who has been praying for your good health, and prosperity. you should be thankful that there are people doing it on your behalf, when you hadn't done the simplest good yourself. wallahu'alam.
i have not lived as long as our great grandparents have, let's say my great grandpa whom died at 100+ years old. nor have i gone through sufferings or commotions as he had during the Malaya days. nor have i gone through the hardship that he went with great grandma prior to getting solemnized in the middle of the war/state of emergency and up in the hills. those are facts. but facts that lead to questionings, of which may lead to further alterations of one's initial fact of the story.
but when it comes to dealing with facts that people say about you, or your career, or your family, or anything significant to you in that matter, it often trails to emotions; negative, most of the time. imagine someone calling your family "a disturbed institution", eventhough it was a cold hard fact, wouldn't you want to express a little resentment, or disagreement? and somehow you would still want that person to inject a pinch of positivity somewhere along the line, because really, there were some good coming out of all that disturbances?
how about when someone says that you're so negative and ugly that u have no sense of "living"? doesn't it get to you, on how little the other person knows about you when they blurt things as such, because literally they didn't bother getting to know the other side of you?
poeple often make mistakes of judging others through facts that they see facade-ly. no, being BFFs doesn't mean you know them inside out. no, being friends for 50 years doesn't mean u know the other inside out. fact is, no one knows what the other person is like 100%, even if you were blood-related, or married, or were housemates for 10 years. you just don't know.
i have always been the sort of person who tells it to the face. yes i admit, when i'm with friends and family, i was very insensitive. i was vulgar, and i was an extro. some love me, most do not. but it hit me hard one fine day when i found out that a person i call my comfort spitted nasty criticism, of which was regarded as "a cold hard fact". I WAS A NASTY PERSON. and i was slumped. not because i couldn't take that "fact", but because despite the other's bad sides, i never said things like that so transparently. yes, ironic. eventhough i was said to be so transparent and insensitive, i still had morality and dignity. i do not, regard one as low, and so liquidly. the other reason i was slumped was because i prayed for the people around me, including this one. i prayed for Allah to guide us through, to give us good health to undertake our responsibility on earth and towards the preparations of the afterlife. i prayed for sense of forgiving, to forgive those who have made, is making, and will make sins to us. i prayed for everyone's wellbeing and blessed prosperity, and be humble of the good life Allah has granted. I prayed for all. and all I received were bad judgments and perceptions.
think about it. that someone that you just said nasty things about, or criticized about, intentionally or not, may just be the person who has been praying for your good health, and prosperity. you should be thankful that there are people doing it on your behalf, when you hadn't done the simplest good yourself. wallahu'alam.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
:: Ramadhan, August 2010 ::
aih i've been gone for quite some time haven't i? sorry. really not because i've had a miserable time whatsoever, but literally because i had such a wonderful time with family, friends, and of course the one and only. too many great agendas that i seem to neglect this space, of which had served me superbly well for the past 5 years. thank u blogspot :)
no, i'm not writing (or in this case, typing) again because i have the sudden mishap, no. i had spare time off of work :) yes, part of the good agendas were my work trips, and this time accompanied by my one and only mother. Truth is i've always had this love-hate relationship with mom, but eversince i turned 25, i realized that my mother will always always be a nuisance, BUT she will always be MY mother, and that I am forever her daughter. The trips drew us closer, and funnily she had a great time travelling with me. Sometimes it's kinda annoying that she treats me like a kid still, but then as i complaint to Bob, his replies made so much sense. my mother has only I left, the only child left single, unwed, for her to spoil, tease, control and all those that parents do.
makes me wonder what'll happen to me one day when i have my own. that is, if i get married. oh please i do not wish to become a spinster! i would love to have 10 kids with God's will, but the economy and the lifestyle of these final years of the Earth do not allow such "norm" anymore. I personally love watching Bob's family come together for dinners, parties, gatherings and such. yeap, there's 10 of them altogether. and it pleases my soul more than my eyes to witness such an institution.
now could this be signs of me wanting to have my own cool family soonest possible? i reckon. definitely. for to not have them would be a waste of sheer love and unconditional devotion.
no, i'm not writing (or in this case, typing) again because i have the sudden mishap, no. i had spare time off of work :) yes, part of the good agendas were my work trips, and this time accompanied by my one and only mother. Truth is i've always had this love-hate relationship with mom, but eversince i turned 25, i realized that my mother will always always be a nuisance, BUT she will always be MY mother, and that I am forever her daughter. The trips drew us closer, and funnily she had a great time travelling with me. Sometimes it's kinda annoying that she treats me like a kid still, but then as i complaint to Bob, his replies made so much sense. my mother has only I left, the only child left single, unwed, for her to spoil, tease, control and all those that parents do.
* * * * * * *
makes me wonder what'll happen to me one day when i have my own. that is, if i get married. oh please i do not wish to become a spinster! i would love to have 10 kids with God's will, but the economy and the lifestyle of these final years of the Earth do not allow such "norm" anymore. I personally love watching Bob's family come together for dinners, parties, gatherings and such. yeap, there's 10 of them altogether. and it pleases my soul more than my eyes to witness such an institution.
now could this be signs of me wanting to have my own cool family soonest possible? i reckon. definitely. for to not have them would be a waste of sheer love and unconditional devotion.
* * * * * * *
today marks my 9th month here at this new environment, new office. so far has been hectic, but great. i've learnt, i've swore, i've cursed, i've loved, i've dreaded, i've complaint, i've joked and haven't yet cried. although it did took up most of my time, but it has drew me closer to the ones i dearly love, and i would not substitute this for anything else. last time, hectic work left me estranged, far from social reach, far from truth, far from reality. and God knows how that tore me up to pieces that are now left glued, but with minuscule spaces that the eyes cannot see, but only the heart could bear. i pray each day to help myself forgive; for to err is human, and to forgive is divine. life must go on and my love for myself, for the Almighty, for my family, friends, and those so dear to me shall grow within time, and i shall not practice hatred, nor jealousy, nor vengeance, as they are merely the traits of the satan and its accomplices.
* * * * * * *
Ya Allah.
murahkanlah rezeki kami.
bantulah kami mencari rezeki yang halal.
senangkanlah hidup dan mati kami.
panjangkanlah umur kami.
berilah kami kesihatan untuk menjalankan tanggungjawab kami kepadaMu, keluarga, dan masyarakat.
bantulah kami untuk sentiasa mensyukuri limpah rahmatMu.
bantulah kami untuk sentiasa redha dengan segala ketentuanMu.
jauhkanlah kami daripada terlalu taksub dengan harta keduniaan.
jauhkanlah kami dari perkara yang dilaknati olehMu, dan ciri yang dibenci olehMu.
jadikanlah kami orang yang mulia disisiMu.
kuatkanlah semangat dan keimanan kami.
kami insan yang lemah, banyak berbuat dosa padaMu setiap hari, terimalah abadat kami yang sedikit ini, itupun jika ada.
Ya Allah
jangan Kau matikan kami dalam kekufuran.
jika Kau matikan kami, matikanlah kami dalam keimanan, dan jangan Kau matikan kami di dalam kejahatan dan kemaksiatan padaMu Ya Allah.
Ya Allah
kami tidak layak memasuki syurgaMu, tetapi kami tidak mampu menghadapi api nerakaMu.
bantulah kami Ya Allah, bantulah kami seluruh umat Islam akhir zaman.
Amin, ya rabbal 'alamin.
Ya Allah.
murahkanlah rezeki kami.
bantulah kami mencari rezeki yang halal.
senangkanlah hidup dan mati kami.
panjangkanlah umur kami.
berilah kami kesihatan untuk menjalankan tanggungjawab kami kepadaMu, keluarga, dan masyarakat.
bantulah kami untuk sentiasa mensyukuri limpah rahmatMu.
bantulah kami untuk sentiasa redha dengan segala ketentuanMu.
jauhkanlah kami daripada terlalu taksub dengan harta keduniaan.
jauhkanlah kami dari perkara yang dilaknati olehMu, dan ciri yang dibenci olehMu.
jadikanlah kami orang yang mulia disisiMu.
kuatkanlah semangat dan keimanan kami.
kami insan yang lemah, banyak berbuat dosa padaMu setiap hari, terimalah abadat kami yang sedikit ini, itupun jika ada.
Ya Allah
jangan Kau matikan kami dalam kekufuran.
jika Kau matikan kami, matikanlah kami dalam keimanan, dan jangan Kau matikan kami di dalam kejahatan dan kemaksiatan padaMu Ya Allah.
Ya Allah
kami tidak layak memasuki syurgaMu, tetapi kami tidak mampu menghadapi api nerakaMu.
bantulah kami Ya Allah, bantulah kami seluruh umat Islam akhir zaman.
Amin, ya rabbal 'alamin.
Saturday, June 05, 2010
:: Overwhelming Days ::
last week has been terrible.
so many regretful agendas, so many heartbreaks, so many disappointments....
first there were, i may say hiccups on my little sister's reception. do not want to go into that again, ever.
then there was news on my buddy aref's uncle, whom carried so much joy to all those around him... and of course indefinitely to aref, sue and their family...uncle jamil was one of a kind, though i did not have the chance to really know him. few hours of meeting and chatting with arwah gave nothing but positive impressions and that he had one hell of a great heart. may he rest in peace.
then came the passing of the one whom i called my own...none other than my other buddy syazana's mother, Mak. she had always regard me as her other daughter, eversince year 2000. ten solid years of worthy advices, ten years of laughter and tears, and ten solid years of unconditional love. not only that she had been so motherly to me, but she had been my one of my own mother's greatest friends. both mom and i loved her so dearly, and i regret the fact that i couldn't get off work to bid my last goodbye...but i hope my last "i love you" to Mak was enough to let her know that i've always thought of her, and i have never turned my back against her. i still have a hard time coping with the fact that she is no longer around, and i regret every single day that i didn't pay a visit, everytime syazana mentioned how Mak misses me, solely due to my respect for some parties involved. you will always be in our hearts Mak.
so many regretful agendas, so many heartbreaks, so many disappointments....
first there were, i may say hiccups on my little sister's reception. do not want to go into that again, ever.
then there was news on my buddy aref's uncle, whom carried so much joy to all those around him... and of course indefinitely to aref, sue and their family...uncle jamil was one of a kind, though i did not have the chance to really know him. few hours of meeting and chatting with arwah gave nothing but positive impressions and that he had one hell of a great heart. may he rest in peace.
then came the passing of the one whom i called my own...none other than my other buddy syazana's mother, Mak. she had always regard me as her other daughter, eversince year 2000. ten solid years of worthy advices, ten years of laughter and tears, and ten solid years of unconditional love. not only that she had been so motherly to me, but she had been my one of my own mother's greatest friends. both mom and i loved her so dearly, and i regret the fact that i couldn't get off work to bid my last goodbye...but i hope my last "i love you" to Mak was enough to let her know that i've always thought of her, and i have never turned my back against her. i still have a hard time coping with the fact that she is no longer around, and i regret every single day that i didn't pay a visit, everytime syazana mentioned how Mak misses me, solely due to my respect for some parties involved. you will always be in our hearts Mak.
Al-fatihah Jamil Abu Hassan, and my one and only, Saleha Hashim.
Moga roh dicucuri rahmat.
i will always love u Mak... :'(
Moga roh dicucuri rahmat.
i will always love u Mak... :'(
Monday, May 24, 2010
:: Sedih v7.1 ::
astaghfirullahul'adzim. ya allah kuatkanlah hati.
nothing has been easy, nothing.
honestly, THAT TV station i worked with really turned me onto someone utterly horrible. like seriously horrible inside out. i got messier each day, i smoked too much each day, i swear like one perempuan kampung, and the most important thing of all, i scewed up my relationship with the family, and my significant other.
yes i'm sleepy. i had the best idea to write, but i guess my little nephew wore me out.
goodnight, sleep tight :)
nothing has been easy, nothing.
honestly, THAT TV station i worked with really turned me onto someone utterly horrible. like seriously horrible inside out. i got messier each day, i smoked too much each day, i swear like one perempuan kampung, and the most important thing of all, i scewed up my relationship with the family, and my significant other.
- it was so bad, that i wasn't invited to birthday celebrations.
- it was so bad, that i didn't realize my own significant other was going all comfortable with his colleague of whom, personally to me, looked so much like his ex.
- it was so bad, that i was made to choose between the person in the top management and my own mother, on mother's day.
- it was so bad, that my world was just shikin, fiqa and her now-boyfriend shahrin.
- it was so bad, that at night, i felt loneliest ever throughout the wee hours.
yes i'm sleepy. i had the best idea to write, but i guess my little nephew wore me out.
goodnight, sleep tight :)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
:: Sunday, 1:35am ::
i don't know why, but i always get myself screwed up in my own comfort zone.
i've been the person people talk to, asking for advices, telling how sad or sorry they were that they got themselves into situations with others, but at the end of the day, i was left hanging, ALONE.
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.
one minute this person is complaining to badly about the so-called close friend (subsequently making ME the next best thing) and that things have changed eversince, then comes another minute when i suddenly see pictures of them together, or witnessing the exchange of love, trust and comfort amongst themselves. suddenly EVERYTHING goes back to normal, and yet again, i lose my "significance". suddenly i'm outdated, and for the gezillionth time, felt STUPID.
Then another party comes to me and said "Well, they ARE the bestest of friends, FOREVER u know. Like, nothing can change that?"
then comes it's back to normal. all the bestfriends go out with each other, they told each other about my opinions and suggestions, they criticize me, and then i'm alone again.
what, is someone trying to tell me that I was born to simply comfort others around me?
yeap, still haven't learned from my mistakes. Again others told me "oh wake up, stop being so straight and naive. Stop thinking that everyone who came to you had 100% genuinely good intentions. Stop thinking that no one's gonna harm u."
Well said fellas, well said. Now i'm back to square one.
I DO NOT HAVE ANY BESTFRIEND.
they're all merely "close-friends", friends, or acquaintance.
I've been trying very hard to "befriend" my enemies and resolve issues i've had had with people. Now we're all practically talking.
Someone also said to me "Yang kau beriya2 sangat nak jaga hati orang and relationship/friendship orang lain ni kenapa? ade orang lain tu peduli ke to even jaga YOUR hati?"
hmmm....betul jugak.
Thanks to those concerned. U have contributed to my piggy-bank of reasons to NEVER trust anyone at all, ever again.
Thanks. A LOT.
i've been the person people talk to, asking for advices, telling how sad or sorry they were that they got themselves into situations with others, but at the end of the day, i was left hanging, ALONE.
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.
one minute this person is complaining to badly about the so-called close friend (subsequently making ME the next best thing) and that things have changed eversince, then comes another minute when i suddenly see pictures of them together, or witnessing the exchange of love, trust and comfort amongst themselves. suddenly EVERYTHING goes back to normal, and yet again, i lose my "significance". suddenly i'm outdated, and for the gezillionth time, felt STUPID.
Then another party comes to me and said "Well, they ARE the bestest of friends, FOREVER u know. Like, nothing can change that?"
then comes it's back to normal. all the bestfriends go out with each other, they told each other about my opinions and suggestions, they criticize me, and then i'm alone again.
what, is someone trying to tell me that I was born to simply comfort others around me?
yeap, still haven't learned from my mistakes. Again others told me "oh wake up, stop being so straight and naive. Stop thinking that everyone who came to you had 100% genuinely good intentions. Stop thinking that no one's gonna harm u."
Well said fellas, well said. Now i'm back to square one.
I DO NOT HAVE ANY BESTFRIEND.
they're all merely "close-friends", friends, or acquaintance.
I've been trying very hard to "befriend" my enemies and resolve issues i've had had with people. Now we're all practically talking.
Someone also said to me "Yang kau beriya2 sangat nak jaga hati orang and relationship/friendship orang lain ni kenapa? ade orang lain tu peduli ke to even jaga YOUR hati?"
hmmm....betul jugak.
Thanks to those concerned. U have contributed to my piggy-bank of reasons to NEVER trust anyone at all, ever again.
Thanks. A LOT.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
:: Minda Kosong ::
here i am, sitting in the office trying to catch a breath.
these few weeks have been hectic, with reports to be written and places to be observed and visited.
my sister is finally married to a friend and currently on their 12-day honeymoon in london.
my elder sister is finally coming home for a holiday this may 27th. oh how i miss my little nephew!
the other nephew is getting more attached to me. yes, he wakes me up every morning in the weekends with a melodic voice, calling my name. Nope, this voice doesn't stress me up at all. to me, his voice is the sound of joy and happiness. a voice that's full of hope. freaky, but i'm starting to feel that i should have one of my own now. hmmm let's see. savings = zero. forget about it.
plans plans plans.
june or july, was supposed to be the month that both bobby and i finally get to bury our feet onto the sands of perhentian, but doesn't look good now. somehow i gotta save more than 1k a month to realize my intentions of getting married next year and have a good honeymoon in land down under. yeah, daddy has summoned me to do so on the night my sister got hitched. so yeah, next year isn't far at all. gotta get myself ready aye?
hmm i'm getting boring by the day. oh well, wait til i get something juicy to share.
WAIT FOR IT!
these few weeks have been hectic, with reports to be written and places to be observed and visited.
my sister is finally married to a friend and currently on their 12-day honeymoon in london.
my elder sister is finally coming home for a holiday this may 27th. oh how i miss my little nephew!
the other nephew is getting more attached to me. yes, he wakes me up every morning in the weekends with a melodic voice, calling my name. Nope, this voice doesn't stress me up at all. to me, his voice is the sound of joy and happiness. a voice that's full of hope. freaky, but i'm starting to feel that i should have one of my own now. hmmm let's see. savings = zero. forget about it.
plans plans plans.
june or july, was supposed to be the month that both bobby and i finally get to bury our feet onto the sands of perhentian, but doesn't look good now. somehow i gotta save more than 1k a month to realize my intentions of getting married next year and have a good honeymoon in land down under. yeah, daddy has summoned me to do so on the night my sister got hitched. so yeah, next year isn't far at all. gotta get myself ready aye?
hmm i'm getting boring by the day. oh well, wait til i get something juicy to share.
WAIT FOR IT!
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