:: Sedih v7.1 ::

astaghfirullahul'adzim. ya allah kuatkanlah hati.

nothing has been easy, nothing.

honestly, THAT TV station i worked with really turned me onto someone utterly horrible. like seriously horrible inside out. i got messier each day, i smoked too much each day, i swear like one perempuan kampung, and the most important thing of all, i scewed up my relationship with the family, and my significant other.

• it was so bad, that i wasn't invited to birthday celebrations.
• it was so bad, that i didn't realize my own significant other was going all comfortable with his colleague of whom, personally to me, looked so much like his ex.
• it was so bad, that i was made to choose between the person in the top management and my own mother, on mother's day.
• it was so bad, that my world was just shikin, fiqa and her now-boyfriend shahrin.
• it was so bad, that at night, i felt loneliest ever throughout the wee hours.

i wish i can be just as interesting-looking, slim/skinny, and rich, just as that girl.

yes i'm sleepy. i had the best idea to write, but i guess my little nephew wore me out.

goodnight, sleep tight :)

:: Sunday, 1:35am ::

i don't know why, but i always get myself screwed up in my own comfort zone.
i've been the person people talk to, asking for advices, telling how sad or sorry they were that they got themselves into situations with others, but at the end of the day, i was left hanging, ALONE.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.

one minute this person is complaining to badly about the so-called close friend (subsequently making ME the next best thing) and that things have changed eversince, then comes another minute when i suddenly see pictures of them together, or witnessing the exchange of love, trust and comfort amongst themselves. suddenly EVERYTHING goes back to normal, and yet again, i lose my "significance". suddenly i'm outdated, and for the gezillionth time, felt STUPID.

Then another party comes to me and said "Well, they ARE the bestest of friends, FOREVER u know. Like, nothing can change that?"

then comes it's back to normal. all the bestfriends go out with each other, they told each other about my opinions and suggestions, they criticize me, and then i'm alone again.

what, is someone trying to tell me that I was born to simply comfort others around me?
yeap, still haven't learned from my mistakes. Again others told me "oh wake up, stop being so straight and naive. Stop thinking that everyone who came to you had 100% genuinely good intentions. Stop thinking that no one's gonna harm u."

Well said fellas, well said. Now i'm back to square one.
I DO NOT HAVE ANY BESTFRIEND.
they're all merely "close-friends", friends, or acquaintance.
I've been trying very hard to "befriend" my enemies and resolve issues i've had had with people. Now we're all practically talking.

Someone also said to me "Yang kau beriya2 sangat nak jaga hati orang and relationship/friendship orang lain ni kenapa? ade orang lain tu peduli ke to even jaga YOUR hati?"

hmmm....betul jugak.

Thanks to those concerned. U have contributed to my piggy-bank of reasons to NEVER trust anyone at all, ever again.

Thanks. A LOT.

:: Minda Kosong ::

here i am, sitting in the office trying to catch a breath.
these few weeks have been hectic, with reports to be written and places to be observed and visited.
my sister is finally married to a friend and currently on their 12-day honeymoon in london.
my elder sister is finally coming home for a holiday this may 27th. oh how i miss my little nephew!

the other nephew is getting more attached to me. yes, he wakes me up every morning in the weekends with a melodic voice, calling my name. Nope, this voice doesn't stress me up at all. to me, his voice is the sound of joy and happiness. a voice that's full of hope. freaky, but i'm starting to feel that i should have one of my own now. hmmm let's see. savings = zero. forget about it.

plans plans plans.

june or july, was supposed to be the month that both bobby and i finally get to bury our feet onto the sands of perhentian, but doesn't look good now. somehow i gotta save more than 1k a month to realize my intentions of getting married next year and have a good honeymoon in land down under. yeah, daddy has summoned me to do so on the night my sister got hitched. so yeah, next year isn't far at all. gotta get myself ready aye?

hmm i'm getting boring by the day. oh well, wait til i get something juicy to share.
WAIT FOR IT!

:: Round of Celebrations! ::

Today's my sister's BIG day, :))
Today's also my dear cousin Azree Zharif Ozair's 26th birthday!
and my stepmom Elly Azlin Abdullah's 36th birthday!

To Nadia Zainudin @ Yaya @ Adeq,
God bless, Selamat Pengantin Baru by 8.30pm insyaallah. Moga jodoh panjang selalu, dimurahkan rezeki, dan dipermudahkan segala urusan... U will always be the little sister i've been protective off eversince we said hello in babytalks :)

Azree Zharif Ozair @ Ajib, u may or may not be reading this, but Happy Birthday dearest cousin... Moga Allah murahkan rezeki, memanjang umur dan jodoh kamu berdua, dan permudahkan urusan dunia dan akhirat awak, wife Farra and little angel daughter Arissa :)

Aunty Elly Azlin Abdullah @ Yanti :P, semoga dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki, diberikan kesihatan, dan dipermudahkan urusan dunia dan akhirat...thank u for taking good care of my father!

LET'S ALL HAVE A JOLLY GOOD TIME TONIGHT SHALL WE!

:: Salam MoodSwing ::

don't u ever dare walk away from your own sanity.
don't u ever dare play god.
don't u ever dare utter that i am living in denial, when you were the one who needed the constant wake-up-call all through your life.

no, i won't deny that things are easier said than done.
and no, i won't say that i've been through worse than you.
no, i won't say i've got it all.

many of us like to play the "adult entity" when conversing, and many too, have stumbled upon questions that even the self-proclaimed adults couldn't begin to comprehend, yet alone answer with any sort of alibi and/or anecdote, and/or quality-mental-archive. have u ever tried asking those same questions to a 5-year old, whom has zero biasness whatsoever, and whom will reply you without the manipulative emotions of guilt, sorry and egoism. try it, you'll be surprised of how dumb you may sound.

i'm amazed. and shocked, to be exact, on how ungrateful people can be, and of course not excluding myself. selalu2lah kita muhasabah diri, menurut ahli2 ilmiah islam. but the thing that bothers me most are those whom constantly question their lives, and the level of mishaps they've gone through, subsequently directing the blame indirectly to the One and Only Allah swt, and other persons with their respective Gods, with their usual phrase "WHY ME?!" while screaming their hearts out, with body well-postured as if they were inhaling deeply and "expanding their lungs", yoga style. absurd. totally absurd.

and i can't believe some even had the NERVE to ask for my pity, when all they did was lie, lie and LIE. simple, all they did was twisting the story and manipulating ME onto believing as i am so well known for being "so straight" and that i "trust people too much and too easily". thanks, please do take advantage of me as often as you can, godspeed on trying to break me down. smile, you're on candid camera - pitiful portraits slot. so, do expect me to treat you just as friendly too, because i'm GREATER at making you a mega-fool of yourself.

sigh i really am trying to break myself away from all these nonsense and negativity, but still a beginner at it! more seem to come crashing down on me. have mercy please?

i'm on my pms mode, and not in the mood.
nope, not a very good entry indeed.
i'm just uncomfortable.
need.a.good.long.hot.shower.

assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh walridhuanuhu wajannah walmaghfirah.

:: To Wife, or Not To Wife; Marriage and the Likes ::

i've attended Kursus Kahwin some years ago with dearly wedded Farah Nadziah and Sofie, my love Mohd Khairul Nizam, 19 years-friend Ana, an acquaintance who shall remain unnamed, and a friend A.J.

'twas said that many married couples got it wrong in leading their daily lives as husbands and wives of Islam. The men actually had the idea that household chores including cleaning and cooking, in addition to taking care of the children have always been, a women's job; also of course satisfying the NEEDS of the husbands. The men then carries the idea that, their main responsibility was strictly at providing Nafkah Zahir, which includes providing basic necessities like money to buy food, clothes for children and a place of shelter. Many men also quoted, "well, you gotta be able to put food on the table!"

Now hold your horses!

Repeat that sentence please.
PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE.

And this is what the Ustaz said. According to Hadith (can't remember by whom!), men were supposed to provide for the family. and what it means here is that, not just providing money or raw ingredients, but COOKED FOOD on the table. dude, you can't serve your family raw food right? unless it's ULAM or SUSHI! and no, don't expect your family to binge on those everyday! wait, even sushi's sticky rice needs to be cooked! there u go! *grin*
was also said that men are supposed to do the housework! Ustaz said that, the thing with men is, they always take things for granted. (OH THANK YOUUUU USTAZ!) Once the wife helps around with the house chores, they start to think that "hey, she's doing it also, why not skip next week?!" gradually, it becomes "woman, it's YOUR JOB". u really need some serious knock on the head dear men!

And then comes the quarrels. simply because men were not aware of their duties, as per ISLAM. really, please concentrate during your kursus kahwin will u? no wonder divorce cases are inclining like mad! ish! it was also highlighted that, IF, by request, the husband asks the wife to help around, then YES, u better do it woman, else ur asking for trouble! now that's a happy family right there!

on another note, many young, married couples have trouble when they have no other financial support, i.e. wealthy parents. i realized that so many of them nowadays tell stories of how GREAT and WONDERFUL their lives are as married couples, hence planting the idea on others' heads that it's an easy thing! well of course for them u numbskulls, THEY COME FROM WEALTHY FAMILIES! If it weren't for their parents and families, u really think they can have great weddings, nice houses (some even stay with their parents still!), good cars, travel everywhere around the world like every quarter of the year, and have kids, without even having a STABLE JOB? u gotta be kidding me right? some even have SPONSORED maids to help around! the best thing is, some of these married couples even threw sarcastic remarks such as

"ey, lamenye bercinta! duit tu bukan isu la nak kahwin, unless masing2 takut nak commit, kot? tak ke?"

in addition to that, ade yang kate, "eh ok aje i jage anak..memang la penat skit, but takde la susah mane". AMBOI SEHEDAPNYE MULOOOTTT....if your parents are willing to support us and our families, takde hal wei, aku ok ajeeee! ye tak? memang la, as it is, you are not even sweating your bum off to earn a living, senang la hidup! ish geram pon ade dengan orang yang tak considerate langsung dalam percakapan.

subhanallah, bukanlah nak mintak benda buruk, tapi tgk la, Tuhan tu Maha Berkuasa, sekali die tarik kesenangan korang, baru terkial2 nak mintak tolong orang sekeliling. pastu kang bergaduh, bercerai-berai laki bini, all because you had no idea how hard it is to raise a family and earning on your own! oh i wish u all the best. kalau dah senang, jangan tindih2 orang sekeliling and bagi false hope, sebab KAMI BUKAN ORANG SENANG MACAM KAMU. thanks.

Bismillah, mari kita orang BIASA berusaha mencari rezeki yang halal untuk keluarga, dan memohon diringankan beban.

Hasbiyallahu laa ilaahaillahuwa 'alaihi tawakkaltu wahuwa rabbul 'arsyil 'adzim.
Allah yang mencukupi segala keperluanku, tiada Tuhan yang berhak disembah kecuali Allah, kepadaNya aku bertawakal. Dialah Tuhan Arasy yang Agung.
Amin, yaa rabbal 'alamin.

p/s: saya bukanlah orang yang beriman sangat, tapi saye akan sentiasa cuba memperbaiki diri dan bercakap dengan lebih sopan. insya allah.

:: :'(( ::

Jangan lagi kau sesali keputusanku
Ku tak ingin kau semakin kan terluka
Tak inginku paksakan cinta ini...
Meski tiada sanggup untuk kau terima

Aku memang manusia paling berdosa
Khianati rasa demi keinginan semu
Lebih baik jangan mencintai aku dan semua hatiku
Karena takkan pernah kan kau temui cinta sejati...

Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini dan jangan kau tangisi lagi
Sekalipun aku takkan pernah mencoba kembali padamu
Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma... aaa...
Serasa ku t'lah mati untuk menyadarinya...

Tapi bukan aku...

Semoga saja kan kau dapati hati yang tulus mencintaimu
Tapi bukan aku...

:: And it continues ::

Life, in this world we're living in, can be quite a scum.
But it's ok, we'll deal with it to our level best.

Smile, because our lives have yet to begin.
you know what i mean :)

:: Tweaks in my Rainbow ::

i believe i've put too much pressure on myself and Bob.

TOO MUCH. luckily he has so far constantly kept his cool and did an awesome job on keeping mine too.

Mohd Khairul Nizam, u are blardy awesome. thank you for being my everything.

Tonight I shall go to the gym for aerobics class with Sue Khalid. kudos to sue whom has lost about 15 kilos over 60 days. yes people, 15 kilos!!! i shall lose my 5 within 30. discipline discipline discipline!

And tomorrow, I shall pay a visit to dear Farah, Sofie and Baby Sayf Irfan with Farrah Najwa, sisters Suhada and Suhana Fauzi, and Emmy Safina (hope u can skip ur class maybe? :P)

ok back to work!

p/s: i have no idea on what to write. but i shall write pretty soon as juicy gossips and hurtful events will be shared soon! huuubbaaa huubbbaaa!

:: E'en's Life, Take 3773! ::

sigh i've been neglecting my blog for quite sometime. but have not been neglecting the reading of others' blogs ok :)

hmm.....

i've been hearing people giving advices to one another, on how important it is not to put personal and professional matters on the same plate, yet the same people have been "breaching" such principles.

is it really so hard to not mix those two? well to me it isn't, well, so far, hasn't been a problem. to tell u the truth, i've been trained to do so at as early as 12 years old. believe me, i have always been, THAT professional. and yes, my father did an awesome job at having me making my own decisions and critical thinking before i even reached puberty. man i have tons to learn from this man! simple example, i was super active in sports. was even up to state level and managed to score straight As for my PMR. yup, that's how great my father trained me onto being disciplined and focused. but one thing for sure is that, my father had always given us options: would u like to be someone with extensive knowledge, or would u like to be a pro in your area of sports?

somehow along the way, i'd put education as top priority. don't ask me why, but yes, somehow or rather i knew in my heart that a good solid layer of knowledge is essential. of course as a teenager, i could never really figure out why, but i still pursued it religiously. and the determination has not deteriorated to this present day, alhamdulillah. yes, i do hope to have my PhD soon, but money has always been a challenge. I even spoke to dear Bob on getting my second Master's, this time in Education, specifically in Special Education. i somehow grew interests in this line eversince i attended the Montessori course for Special Needs few months ago, as part of my job enhancement. and i am now super fond of children, regardless how the society categorized them as, for they are nowhere different from us all...Bob even had the hunch that I will someday have my own montessori or pre-school centre :) u are indefinitely a sweetheart Bob, i swear :))

as for now, I am happy on where I am. I'm learning a lot from this job, and looking forward to the coming years - although this is pretty challenging! but syukur alhamdulillah, Allah has given me so much, and i am truly blessed. amin!

great news came in last night, Farah Nadziah had given birth to a healthy baby boy (when i say healthy, i mean 3.6kg healthy okaaayyy!) at 8.02pm! *sofie, thank u for the precise time of birth!* hehehehehhe.....Farah's the first mummy of the clan y'all! woohooo! and suprisingly, the rest of us are still SINGLE! (as in not married ok, but dating. ehem.) LOL! insyaallah our turns will be soon, doakan kami! :) alhamdulillah both mom and baby are kicking butts! way to go Farah! we shall visit u guys soon okaaaayyy! yup, EDD was accurate! baby did launch on 15th March! hehehehhe..oh i still hadn't got a clue what the baby's name is! Farah, sila share dengan kami ye! 15.03.10 is a date to be calendered from this day forth *wink* we love u mama farah and papa sofie! (eh, mama dan papa ke masalahnye? ye, aku suka hati please. :P)

oh as for me, my body is ballloooonninnngggg like nobody's business! one day i'm ok, one day i'm bloated, and one fine day i'm all saggy. yekh. trying to get into an exercise routine now, hoping to stay in shape and strong til 2012! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! wish me luck people please, i sooooo need it!

p/s: FIZA FIZO, i miss u. :( please call me or text me soon.

:: The Great Mirror ::

i have not learnt from my mistakes.
i dont know when will i ever.
i dont know why would i ever.

truth is i never think or perceive bad about anyone.
according to mr significant other and a few close friends, i TRUST people too much. which led me to thinking that no one's that big of a harm.

until of course it harmed me in every way possible.

i always OVERestimate someone's kindness. to me, they're just plain kind, no tricks, nada.
and i always think that people were dead honest to me, simply because everyone around seemed to be more of everything positive as compared to me.

until i was used in every term possible.

i know this, i do. but i keep on making the same mistakes again. solely because to me everyone is different, and everyone should be given a chance (maybe two...or three!) to bring out the most of their personality before any judgements were passed.

and i hope that one day, i will HAPPILY get rid of these nonsense!

again, goodnight and sleep tight.

:: Of Pimples and Scars ::

kadangkala saye rase saye ni syok sendiri, kadangkala rase saya ni terlebih menyampah kat diri sendiri, kadangkala saya rasa macam semua benda tak elok yang jadi kat diri saye sebab saya mungkin dah banyak menyinggung perasaan orang throughout my life. but having said that, kadangkala terpikir jugak ape la jahat saya pernah buat kat orang, sebab setahu saya, saye tak pernah pon sibuk nak hancurkan hidup orang lain....melainkan orang tu buat taik kat saya of course. heh...

tapi has been few years since i ever gave a hoot about anyone other than my close friends. PON ade orang sibuk nak STIRRRR my happiness. eh pelik. oh papelah...

kadangkala tu duduk umah sendiri pon tak comfortable. sebab macam kene observe dalam pusat pemulihan. pakai jeans colour ni salah, pakai subang jenis tu salah, pakai converse shoes pon salah! ntah hape hape. bile la pulak masa bole dok umah and wear whatever i want, sit however i want, and have whatever ice cream i want?! yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhh!

muka saya tak pernah berjerawat sebegini rupa, skang dah naik geli. smue sebab bukan sahaja penat bekerja, kat umah pon macam2 hal. apahal la susah sangat. DUDUK DALAM BILIK BACE BUKU DIAM2 PON JADI MASALAH! apahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall! kang aku merayap, kene bising, tak pasal kene tuduh aku liar la ape la.

NOTHING SEEMED RIGHT, AND I'M GETTING SUPER ANNOYED.

on a different note.

my little sister is getting married this may 29th. time does fly, and i sometimes see myself as the pathetic one. don't know why, but however great i am at beating my siblings in terms of achievements, i still seem to be the black sheep. haih penat la hidup macam ni, seriously.

mungkin pasal sekarang dah kurang melafaz ayat2 suci al-quran, bukan seperti dulu, hari2... asyik outstation sampai lupa tanggungjawab kat tuhan. padan muka aku. thanks.

i'm off to yet again another seminar in johore. i shall start reciting the quran again for nothing brings more good luck to me than doing just that.

selamat malam, selamat menonton match MU esok. saye akan teriak sekuat hati bersama encik bob tersayang.

sekian.

:: twittwitmebum ::

ok ok so i've been missing for quite a while. aiiihhhhh been busy busy busy.

work-wise, been forever on outstation duties.
love life-wise, been having short getaways with my dearest *wink
social-wise, been hooking up with aref, zana, farrah for meals and teas, and the usj clan for daytrips

other than that, been busy helping out with Bob's sister's significant days. this is what happened.

It was the day Bob and I arrived at his house from Bukit Tinggi. Quraisyah (Bob's second sister) came back with such anxiousness in her face, with tiptop level of determinations on cleaning the house. and i was left pondered. so i asked, and the reply was "oh my god, Wati didn't tell u?".

"What? what on earth am i possibly missing?!" (with absolute confidence that i was NEVER out of the loop of course).

"Heelloooo, Boy's family is sooooo coming tonight, nak merisik Wati la!"

with bulged out eyes, and voice box waiting to explode, "holy craaaaaaaaaappp! why didn't u tell me earlier?! look at how i'm dressed, u gotta be kidding me!"

note: i wasn't wearing anything flashy nor inviting. i was wearing a long-sleeved stripey body-hug and jeans.

"Hello, bukan u yang nak dirisik, buat pe nak cantik2?!"

"Eh hello balik, takkan i nak dilihat sebegini! at least i pakai la baju kurung gak ke ape kan, dah kate i akan dilihat di dapur dan tolong serve makanan!"

"Oh ya eh. ehehhehe...tak terpikir pulak. hehe!"

"Thanks. let me panic now."

and a pair of eyes stared at me for quiet sometime, then came movements from that set of lips.
"Sayang, u tak bawak baju spare eh?...pinjam baju diorg ke?"

"Bie, kita dari mane tadi? dari umah i ke dari bercuti? heh? speaking of pinjam, lebar-wise, yes i can fit into their clothes, but PANJANG-wise, hoi, are u blind? i'm like a freakin midget walking in this house!"

"Oh ya...lupe plak u pendek."

Then a huge laughter from the crowd.

"ha ha very funny ah boy. u wait."

then came a familiar figure.

"E'eeeeeeeeeeennnnn! Boy nak dtg merisik malam ni! tolong i pleeasseee?!!"

"Yes, and so i've heard. ha bagus bagi tau aku lambat2, dan aku berpakaian camni! cheeehh! fine, what r u guys serving? let me help"

And the rest was history. Adam (Bob's photocopy, but in a more youthful and darker version :P) was labelling the dish as "hotel-like presentation", very "semangat" gitu. ok, i'll take that as a compliment eh? :) Ceremony was quick, with Boy's side giving the ring in under 20mins upon arrival, followed by sounds of light clicks and bangs and screeches and knocks of cutlery and plates.

Everyone was happy. As for I, I was having a great time getting to know Bob's elder brother (from the first marriage) Abang Boy, and his girlfriend Dora (dora datang laagiii! hahahha), accompanied by tons of laughter in the kitchen, where we shared guilt-free moments of gobbling down fried rice-noodles, fried chickens, and two local kuihs.

note: Bob wasn't there the whole night, he was out watching Selangor vs KL Plus with friends. yes, has been a habit that his "representative" is seen at occasions like these. again, very funny ah u boy? u waaaaiiittttt!

But i'm not complaining...i had a great time :)

on a subsequent note, now that the Majlis Merisik is over, here comes the Engagement Day!
February 7th, 2010. Take note.

And we've been busy shopping and setting up the dowries, i.e. hantaran. and yes, i'm doing most of the decorations. :)

I FEEL HONOURED! :))

:: December December, yonkey doinks! ::

Waazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappp....



Haih, where do I start..lemme see...Work is work, boring subject, don't wanna get too detailed in this, this time (watch me.) Been busy engaging myself with obligatory courses for the past 2 weeks, and as I get home from work, all I looked forward to was either my darling Bob, or coffee with friends, or the rectangular-huge-ass-hard "pillow" - THE BED. I've also purchased these two humongous books related to the service, and have only gone to page 117. and that's after quick flips and filters. yes yes i did extract the important ones ok. i'm still LEARNING the techniques of scheming through and focusing on the related info. well, not that anybody gives a hoot!




Ok moving along. Boyfriend has been on both upside and downside. What do u expect, we're both 25, still trying to get a stable income, and have been a couple for a little over 3 years. of course we choke on each other's neck sometimes! bwahahahahah. but the relationship is good. it's fun. and constructive. and good. and good. did i say great? yeap, great. yes yes u may be asking, WHEN. ok, give us maybe 2-3 years? we're getting there, we're getting there. stop pressuring pretty please? thanks.




I'm in a month's-salary-debt. yeap, 2 months of work without salary is no fun. thankfully they've wired my claims for November. sigh. And 4 days at the parliament is soooo not funny. thank god khair was on my side! and i bet feeza too..well u'd better be feezabelle! :)




Thousand apologies to everyone who had kindly invited me over for all sorts of celebrations. as u guys can see, my calendar forbids, and i'm left with frustrations too. :( Happy Birthday Kak Ija, Happy Birthday my little baby michelin Harith, Selamat Pengantin Baru Junainah, Congratulations Syed Munauwar, Congratulations little sister Nadia on ur engagement, Congratulations on the newborn son Iryana, and so many more...i'm sorry if i left anyone out, but this is really unintentionally yah?




I suddenly had the urge to visit Farah Nadz's old blog, since she mentioned about switching back to blogspot, and came across to the entry which brought sooooo many beautiful memories... it had all our pictures...all of us....when Farah was still "single", and Hydir too...and siblings Emmy and Hydir being a sport on tagging along with us "couples". And there was my birthday celebration, back when we were 23 *tears*, and the dinner session at the-person-who-shall-remain-unnamed's house, and the time when Farah got excited over her new Sony Ericsson (of which was a present from Sofie if i'm not mistaken!). and that got us jealous! hahahah...




Sigh...look at what a month could do to your life. and the people around u. and the relationships u've been holding on to. and the hopes and dreams that u've kept alive within u. and most importantly the faith that u held ever so tightly within your grasps...If only we had someone who leads, or maybe have led the same life we do. at least we could have someone to share with. the burdens, the heartaches, the joy, the sorrow, the gloom, the hype, the adrenalin. and maybe the experience. and ways of making life better each day without having to falter, or succumb to inauspicious fate.

CRAP is the word of the day. all together now:

.HOLY-MOTHER-of-CRAP.

:: December Reminder ::

Beep!

Wait for iiiiitttt.....wait for iiitttt......

Give me a few days, and i'll be back in a jiffy!

:: When Cream Turns Sour ::

and i thought i've got rid of IDIOTIC, IMMATURE "friends".

oh my god, GROW UP! no one harrased u in ANY way, and yet u SYOK SENDIRI, then started b****ing about everyone, as if they talked bad about u, when in fact they wanted NOTHING to do with u.

OH MY FREAKING GOD, GET A LIFE!

and i've known u like what, ALL MY LIFE? geez stop telling people to grow up, when u urself needed some teachings in ADOLESCENCE!



@%$@(*^$!_%(&~*^%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: The G Word ::

things happen when we least expect.
things falter when we least expect.
people cherish us, when we least expect.
people BUG us, when we never had a tiny speck of expectation.

could this be a result of absolute ignorance? unfortunately for me, ignorance has never been a bliss. i could never ignore agendas, nor things, nor persons, and especially not heart-thumping words. i for one, has always been a light-sleeper. according to doctors and psychiatrists (not that i have been to one, mind u), light-sleepers are of those whom are constantly bothered by their surroundings. in other words, overly-conscious of whatever's happening around them, whatever's perceptions were being thrown at them, and whatever's happening behind that pair of visual aids. this is added up with a constant brain activity, of which occurs when one had too much to worry, and not letting the sounds of the calming night hibernate the tired soul. could this also be a sign of aging? neh, not that i know of. been a light-sleeper eversince i could remember!

enough about that. told u i can't ignore things. stories circling around my network hasn't been too great. no no nothing to do with my life, nor my significant other's, but merely on dear friends. i'm worried, i always am. it's so hard being nice, moreover being friendly and warm towards people. i'm complaining because it may very well lead me to decisions i could not comprehend, nor make peace with.i would love to love me, for who i am. don't u? so please, can i please please please have MY breather, and cope with this average life i'm living?. thanks.

sacrifice all u want. after all, we only live once, yeah? love all u want. care, all u want.
say it once, say it twice, say it out loud for all i care. i only live one life, and that's one chance in this earth-galaxy game.

i know this entry serves no meaning to you. but try to have a little "care", and "walk" my life. i seek no hatred, i seek no revenge, i seek no mercy, i seek no truth.

ALL I SEEK FOR IS HUMANITY, AND THAT, AT IT'S BEST.

in the end, we were all meant to say goodbye; just like what the lady on the radio said in such rhythmic tones.

*a toast to the CCD TV3 team; may the good times remain within our hearts. that was quite a team aye? :) chin up, god has better plans for us. *

:: tingaling aaa ling ::

ok fiqa, u got your post, but i aint promising anything exciting okaaayy :)

alhamdulillah, i got THE job. yeap, am going for the government, for the creme de la creme of civil service, a.k.a. the administrative and diplomatic officer, better known with the grade of M41. Thank you, everyone for helping me, especially Papa whom i've bugged til 1 in the morning with questions i dont even know of the level of relevancy.

I'll be pushing off for my 5-day induction week in Kluang, Johor, this Saturday. Yeap it starts as early as 8.30am on Sunday and Subang Jaya will probably see my presence only on Thursday night, or Friday evening. If I was too tired, I might just drive by Subuh for duty on Friday, to wherever i'm posted to. hoping for Putrajaya of course :)

Ok what else is there...hmmm....Going broke as I've spent ALL my money these past 2 weeks with friends, and mostly with the significant other Bob. Funny this time, we look forward to seeing each other ever so often, eversince Alia Shafiza invited me to her open house on the 1st week of Aidilfitri. aaaaaa has been that long aye? Alhamdulillah...

I've also planted this habit of performing my Isha' and end my nights with Yasin, which has brought profound changes and meaningful agendas in my life....leading me to endlessly thanking Allah for everything that has happened, and not taking things super negatively everytime...I now seek for the "hidden messages" that Allah has been sending underneath those mishaps, subsequently having me to surrender and succumb to His decisions, willingly.

Friends have been great. My little sister got engaged recently, alhamdulillah...dont know when will her Big Day will be...Aimi's getting hitched this December 25th, and who are those monkeys all excited for that??? Yes, none other than us; Liyana, Fiza and Khair :) Yup, both Fiza and I went "kain" hunting few weeks ago for Aimi's wedding, and ended up buying lots more than we planned for :) Well, we both had GOOD reasons for it. Mine was "I need lots more baju kurung for the service ok!", and Fiza's was "One's for me momma, one's for me sista, and....".... hehehe.... Eventhough we were kinda in a rush, the time spent was SPLENDID. As for our not-so-little Khair, well she's in this love game of which is just waiting to come to climax. We're patiently waiting of course :) Aiman is starting to miss us... YESSSSS!!!!! hahahahhaha we will surely hang out soon ok aiman!

I'm happy with my life. and I sure will make it happy for the rest of my years as fated by Him :)

:: Let's Stay Together ::

i wanted to wait for the weekend to end before i post my next entry. really because i had nothing much to share, hence bundling up events would be the most appropriate :)

Tuesday saw me havinga massive gossip session with dearest Fiqa, although we had our break-fast quite late due to "fully-reserved" restaurants. So there I was, munching on Shihlin's spicy XXL crispy chicken (which WAS super XXL). I couldn't eat much, literally had only a fifth of it, while Fiqa managed to gobble down her spicy fried seafood tempura... (i got that right, right Fiqa?) hehehehe....so yeah, we had our dinner later at Johnny's and it was a GOOD one! we should do this more often u know Fiqa, since Shikin and Shahrin are such arses, saying "steamboat isn't fulfilling"! they surely don't know how to appreciate food kan kan! hehehe...

Wednesday say me gathering up with the BUS STAND CLAN! weehooo! the annual e-commerce buka-puasa session was held at Marche, but this time missing Po (had to stay back for work!) and Zaza (alhamdulillah, was doing her umrah)...So yeah, there was just myself, Farah, Ana, Aiza, Alif and Raimi...also accompanying us were Aiza's hubby and his client :) It was quite an overwhelming one, with so much foooood! I pity Farah who couldn't stand the sight of blocks and chunks of food as she is expecting *wink*. Six more months and Farah+Sofie junior will scream HELLLOOOOOO worlldd! hehehe...Thanks a bunch to Raimi who paid my share, as I am broke AS HELL :) thank you thank you thank you Raimi!

Miss Liyana then went to Menara MPPJ for a family gathering on Saturday. This time, super pity me, because not only my PMS was so bad, I ate just the mee rebus and dessert! Bob really believes that this is due to me being "overly-conscious" of my weight. Well, not that I'm gonna deny that fact though, but no, it isnt because of that sayang, really...It's just the fasting month i guess...oh well, goodie goodie because i'm like 500 grams to 48kg! weehooo!

Sunday Sunday Sunday! The day i've waited for! Not only was I soooo happy that beloved boyfie Bob volunteers to accompany me for grocery shopping (which brings nothing back to him), my 3 beloved girlfriends came by for a massive masak-masak and buka puasa!!! *sorry, no pictures yet, will update soon*. And so, it started with me on my attempt to work on the fishes from SCRATCH. yes people, i had to scrape the fins (they were all over the kitchen, mind u) and chuck out the guts. I managed to fillet one of the fishes only, as i ran out of time! (crucial time management this one!)...then came my the two angels; Fiza and Khair, Khair's famous brownies, AND Fiza's infamous camera! hahahahhah! So yeah we got started until we realized that there were significant absentees - the chilli, the kailan, and THE daun limau-. Thank God for Fiza and Khair who were kind enough to get them at the nearby grocer while I fry my fish, neverendingly :P .....3/4 of the way, Aimi came with supper-yummy-licious strawberries and cream, and my Hari Raya cookies! yipppee!!! So yeah, not only we played award-winning-housewives, we too played mrs. darcy's-tea-and-dessert session! (we even had a change of tops!) hahahahha i just HAD to get that out! It was just awesome! It literally was the most care-free day i've had after soooooo many years....it somehow reminded of the MMU years we had together, where nothing else could make our day but the simple space for teh o ais and goreng pisang, the mopped tiles, the funky sling-bags, and US.

*background music: Lemar's Let's Stay Together, Robin Thicke's Ask Myself, KRU's Apa Saja, Texas's Say What U Want*

I wouldn't wanna trade anything for these moments. OUR moments.
I miss you guys already; Fiza, Khair, and Aimi...and Aiman, where art thou? missing you too, always :)

:: Taik Kerbau, part 2 ::

Rase mcm nak penerajang diri sendiri.

Takpe, time to turn around and have a change of personality.

I shall do myself up super awesome-ly and make heads turn, not just due to physical facade, but also the charisma that i'm bringing with me.

Insya allah. In the meantime, save some money E'en. Farrah Najwa too.
We're going for holidays this December, and August next year. take note. anyone else is welcome to come along.

August itinerary: Melbourne + Brisbane (and maybe Adelaide too)