:: RaMbL|nGs... ::

love is an experience.
love is pervasive.
love is never obsolete.

love could create an obtrusive content, but most of the time, scar.

He...
a presence that permeated my heart with faith, love and dignity.
most of the time, i wish everyone could feel as lucky.

sometimes my life is just inspiring, impecable..sometimes too viscous and yucky.
someone once said that u shouldn't screw urself up just because ur miserable.
what if it's inevitable?
would that then mean that there are chances of u suffering from bipolar disorder?
how much is too much, how minimal is too minimal?

challenges could be horrendous.
driving absolutes to contemplations.
making one oblivious of own deviated principles.
could life be any much harder?

life is a continuum.
love is a continuum.
sanity is a continuum.
but sadly death is a one off.
people seek for an absolute answer.
but when given one, they want a continuum.
fickle.we are.always.

:: 2 tHe bRoKeN-hEaRtEd... ::

This song makes me weep at times..don't know why though...heh...

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love

I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

:: Happy Ending by Mika ::

:: tHe NeVeReNd|nG ::

we can never get what we want...
god has better plans for us...
everything happens for a reason...

The old, simple sayings...how i wish things could just be that simple...
would definitely make my life a hell lot easier...

Tomorrow's our final presentation day/Board Meeting/Industry Network proposal....
i've not rehearsed, therefore i should do it soon...
oh ya, daylight savings starts today, so i'm 3 hours ahead...boorriinnggg....

i've been a bit emotional today...overwhelmed i guess...
how i wish i could forward my life and not go through obstacles of adolescence and maturity...
how i wish i don't have to strive so hard for everything...
or maybe i was just overdoing it....

tuhan kuatkanlah semangatku...through highs and lows...ups and downs....
help me be thankful for what i have...
help me to embrace the paths that u've set for me...
help me to not become a fiasco...

:: SeLaMaT hAr| LeBaRaN ::

hey isn't it funny...
from the word "lebaran", it could mean "festive" (kot!), AND
LEBAR-an..hahaha mmg time ni la smue tiba2 jadi "lebar" balik sebab makan teruk2! hahahah... anyway, to my family and friends AND acquaintances, selamat hari raye, maaf zahir dan batin... saye mohon maaf atas segala benda yang might have hurt your feelings..yes, saye ni mulut laser skit, saye sedar... i'm really sorry...i have been giving stupid reasons for everything, and i realized that i'm a grown woman, and that's not what i was supposed to do....

thanks for everything, all of u...halalkan makan minum saye...Aunty Elly, please tell Papa that this is the only gift that I could offer him, which is of course my achievements, good behaviour and discipline...It all comes back to him, for he has provide me with unbias love, neverending support and guidance, and of course his wisdom..

have a safe journey balik kampung everyone...please be safe...looking forward to seeing u guys in November...

saye tak beraye...byk sgt assignments..adeh...well, i guess u gotta do what u gotta do ey!

Lotsa luv from Australia...Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh walridhuannuhu wajannah walmaghfirrah... :) byk sikit pahale saye..asyik buat dosa je.. hehehhe

p/s: Don't even think of NOT giving me angpaus! i DESERVE them! hahahaha...oh CHAOS, i'll be home for good soon!!! can't wait!!yeay!!!

:: aN aBsTrAcT mOmEnT ::

Have u ever felt so happy in your life that you felt like making friends with the people who screwed your life and self-esteem?

Have u ever felt so much hatred and jealousy that u just wanted to screw these people back?

Have u ever felt so calm that u wanted to just let go of everything, let the world age itself through time?

Have u ever felt that sudden rush of adrenalin and energy that u could actually change the world with a snap of a finger?

Have u ever felt so worthless, as a result of being so mad and angry at yourself for not making the right decision?

Have u ever felt so in love that the world just stops spinning and time stops ticking for u?

Have u ever felt a massive regret over doing something that was just a game of ur own heart?

Now...have i ever NOT tell you how grateful I am to be where I am, with what I have and who I share my happiness with? I have, haven't I..but sometimes it feels as if a lifetime of thanking and mentioning the people involved in my world just doesn't seem enough...I owe everyone that has walked in and outta my life, for helping me grow, making sense of everything, thinking wisely and maturedly and not being bias towards practically everything in life anymore...

Thank you..u know who u are...

:: Double Tag, Screw U Guys! ::

Thanks to my stepmom n uncle...I've been tagged by both, which is superbly APPALLING...
shit..how do i do this...i'd better combine both aye? Don't complain, i'm doing it!
and again, SCREW U GUYS... :P

5 things I have in my huge-ass black bag
1. Guess Wallet, with ZERO Aussie cash, but with RM9 (i thought i had RM19.. someone must've stolen my RM10..dammit!)

2. Sony Ericsson pink z610i mobile phone and HP iPAQ rw6815 PDA phone
3. Nivea strawberry flavoured Lip Balm and one cheap ass eye liner (which i've only used once)

4. Surf,Dive n Swim pencil case (saye student, terima kasih)

5. I know Aunty Elly won't approve this, but nak tau sangat kan, My oxygen "sticks" Marlboro Lights Menthol Malaysian Duty-Free ngahahhaahha

5 things in my wallet
1. RM9 cash

2. Cards - License, MyKad, Myers, HSBC-VISA supplementary credit card, AmBank prepaid Mastercard, Swinburne Student ID, HRC All Access, Commonwealth Bank, Maybank & CIMB ATM cards, Disney World (final access to Disneyland USA, unlimited period) & MAS Enrich.

3. Receipts - credit/debit cards, tuition fees, various goods purchases.

4. Pictures - Me and Alia, Papa

5. Business Cards - Abg Ebi's, Claudine's, Eddie's, Lorraine's dan sebagainya.

5 things in my favourite room

1. Marlboro Lights Menthol Malaysian Duty-Free carton..ngahhahhahahah

2. Pink and Red queen-sized bed

3. Stacks of handbags/slingbags

4. Collection of perfumes

5. Collection of watches

Five things I would like to do

1. Finish this semester with Distinction average

2. 1-week stay with sufficient cash in Mauritious Island

3. Bring Bob for a week trip to MovieWorld & DreamWorld in Gold Coast :)

4. Get a bloody good job, at the same time finishing my Master's with flying colours

5. Kumpul duit, maintain kete, bayar umah, KAHWIN. terima kasih.

Five things I'm currently on

1) Cracking my brains for my assignments

2) Defrosting chicken for tonight's buka puasa, mee hoon goreng basah n pedas! yaahooo!!

3) Saving money to pay up my soon-to-be Nokia E90 Communicator (1/2 sponsored by Papa!)

4) Saving money for next Wednesday's class trip to OCAV estate in Fitzroy, then Laksa lunch (ye, saya tak puasa time tu sebab period, hahha), and dessert at Max Brenner with Ewa n Eski after "buka puasa" at their house. weehhoo!!!

5) Ready, Steady, Cook show on TV...my favourite...been watching it religiously ok!

There you go Aunty Elly and Abg Ebi...DON'T PULL THIS "TRICK" AGAIN ok?!
To others out there, this will be my last "TAG" session..screw u..penat ok nak list! hahahah

Next up, I'm tagging NURHAFIZAH, KHAIRIYAH, AIMAN SYA'ABAN, ARIEF and RIENA...
kahkahkahkah...

:: UpDaTe ::

Sorry u guys..
My iPAQ has already been grabbed by Farrah...
heheh thanx babe!
c u in november!

:: HP iPAQ rw6815 ::

For sale, at RM1,500, negotiable...
Bought in January 2007, original HP set, comes with all the default items in box.
Storage card upgraded to 1 gig.
Still in good conditions, no scratch whatsoever.
To enquire, do leave a comment or e-mail me at liyana7@msn.com

Thanks!

:: QuEst|oN oF tHe dAy! ::

I was talking to my dear cousin, Fendy on MSN this morning..
He asked me a question (in which he was just being dumb la kan)...

"E'en, why do we go to sleep?"
"Because we're tired of REALITY"

it was freakin spontaneous, funny and yet very true at some point, don't u think? hahahah
and of course, Fendy answered "No, because beds don't come to us"...
hahaahah Fendy, tuh jawapan budak tadika please...hahahahah

i guess this is what philosophical studies do to u..hahahhahaha
i think i should take up Master of Philosophy..heh..quite interesting aye? heheheheh

oh ya, shoot me..i think i wanna continue my PhD, let's say in 5 years to come? ngehehehe
Papa will be soooo flattered i swear...hahahah..but yes, he did warn me..

"I'm not gonna pay any of your school fees anymore after this Master's course ok?"

sorry papa....hehhhehehe

:: sEpTeMbEr uPdAtE ::

firstly, thanx Chaos for listening n taking my words into considerations...i love my team! nyehehehehhe....

secondly, just an update of your dear friend in the cold cold land of Melbourne...

I've been going out quite a lot...been SHOPPIN'..nyeheheh neh, not really for like FUN shopping but merely for BUSINESS attire shopping...argh...a Board Meeting with the company that we're consulting for will be up somewhere on the mid/end of next month...sucky sucky...more workload for us!...haiiihhh....and i don't know why, but my brain refuses to halt even during bedtime, which constitutes to lack of sleep and bulging panda eyes... and that's just faaarr oouuutttt!!! damn it....

Assignments have drained quite a considerable amount of energy I have within me, moreover that i'm fasting presently...not really a good contributor if i may say...:P well, I guess just 6 more weeks and i'll be off this country for malaysia..hooray!!

oh ya, so much drama have taken place, and yes, as usual, i've been actively taking the role of Dr. Love, not so much that i wanted to, but hey, you can't just close an eye about stuff when it comes to your close foreign-friends, right? they've done so much for me here...they're the ones who keep me sane please :)

i'm just keeping my fingers crossed here, hoping that i'll get a job by January...yes, i believe that i've been bugging Abg Ebi quite reasonably in the past few days nyeheheh...Sorry encik, I'm probably just too interested in what you're doing hahahahha...and u won't believe this, but it's an airline company...DING! u guessed it right! hahahahhah

oh well, hopefully all goes well...i am really looking forward to working with my dear dear step uncle... :P don't think i really wanna end up working in KL yet in either one of the 3 oil n gas company that i've applied for...hahahha rase macam wishful thinking plak.. ngahahahah

ok, subuh just kicked in...time to go! :)

p/s: i miss my other half and friends... :(

:: kEpAdA pArA cHaOs ::

sila ambil perhatian...
korang tak penah tgk or dgr aku serious kan?..
skang aku btol2 serious...

KENAPE..everytime aku fly je, MACAM2 masalah timbul dalam team kita?
adeeeeeee aje salah sangka la, kaki kritik on each other la ape la...
u guys wanna hear me out? ok skang aku bukak mulut...

biase la, kita smue satu team mulut masing2 bole tahan celupar...
but is it really NECESSARY to be freakin shouting at each other, pointing fingers at each other in the freakin field?...
korang tak malu ke team lain tgk how POOR our commitment, cooperation and tolerance are towards each other?...
honestly, aku sendiri BANYAK sangat terase bile korang dengan sedap hatinya menjerit suh aku kejar bola la,cakap aku tendang cam bodo la, malas nak lari la...bukan aku nak berlagak, tapi aku tau, sekali aku tendang kat muka korang, ade yang lebam satu kepale kang...pernah korang dengar aku maki hamun korang dalam field? aku slalu marah main2 ade ah sebab aku tau, kalau aku start marah, ade yang nak balas balik nanti...and i'm sorry i had to say that...aku tgh marah sangat ni...
most of the time, i was just playing SMART....there's no need to play HARD and waste ur freakin energy everytime...smuorg ade kelemahan sendiri, but there's no need to be shouting at each other...jangan fikir bagus, please....kita semua masih blajar, ade yang tendang bagus, ade yang tak reti nak passing, ade yang tak pernah nak mengalah jadi goalie..aku cukup marah...

mase aku kat malaysia, smue ye ye ah cakap baik ape smue..skang aku dgr asyik2 conflict, serupa nak pecah team...korang sedar tak sbnarnye team kita BAGUS?....
cuma kadang2 tu, (aku malas nak sebut name, kang korang kate aku plak kaki tuduh) ade some of us yang tak habis2 cakap nak main rotate, nak backup la ape lancau la..last2 terbawak2 sangat, takde langsung rotate within the field..tau nak duduk kat post masing2 je... korang tgk team yang bagus ade buat camtu? this doesn't mean aku suh smuorg lari turun naik, guna otak skit la please....smue pandai2 belaka, takkan benda simple pon tak boleh figure out?

tolong jangan jadi childish please?...kite smue umur dah serupa bole kawen...dan tolong la separatekan ur personal lives from futsal and work...nih tak abis2 terbawak2 mood n perangai bile ade game....so much for everyone nagging at each other for being professional...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reconsider what ever it is that you've said to one another... and tolong la jangan terjerit2 maki kesalahan team members dalam padang...bile u buat camtu, u jatuhkan air muka n maruah orang...sendiri tau kan macam mane rase die? kalau taknak rase camtu, jangan buat kat orang...kalau orang buat jugak, kau DIAM, and TALK nicely, ckp kau terase at the END of the game...tak payah kutuk belakang la ape la...aku dah FED UP nak cakap kat smuorg...why can't we just play FUTSAL ah? tak habis2 politics...it's just a game for goodness sake!!! and it serves as our weekly exercise...tak sedar ke this is a test for all of us on tolerating with one another...no matter where u are...at work, at play, in MARRIAGE... bende kecik bodoh pon takleh nak selesai, tak payah fikir jauh la ok....please?....

I beg u guys to consider everything that i've just said...who ever that has read my entry, please do spread it to everyone in the team..and PLEASE tak payah tanye "sape yang report macam2 kat e'en?"....aku nak tgk smuorg settle, baik n main cun macam biase by the time aku balik in november...PLEASE....aku nak team aku, dan aku nak main futsal....

Alia, Aud, Raudha, Riena, Erin, Lyn, Jamy, Leni, Wan...tolong tolong tolong... TALK to each other...and stop SHOUTING at each other...aku sayang korang smue...

:: OnE oF tHoSe rAnDoM mOmEnTs ::

i feel blessed...
i just realized that there are more people that actually care for me, and love me for who i am... thank u...all of u... u know who u guys are...

u made my world less bitchier...a whole lot less...hehe :)

yeah, i bet u could guess by now...

i'm on cloud nine... heeeeee....... :P

:: hApPy rAmAdHaN! ::

yup, the time of the year is here again!
and yes, i am puasa-ing sorang2 kat sini..sangatlah sedih...
takde pasar ramadhan..lagi sedih..
oh well...i guess that's what u get for being ambitious...heh... :P

i've just "ordered" kurma from Ewa...nyehehehehhe
thanks Ewa dear!

to my friends and family...
Selamat Berpuasa!

...i miss pergi terawikh...uuhhuuu....

oh ya..a little update...
Last weekend, I forced myself to GO OUT and LET LOOSE...
so, I called Sai and Ewa for an outing to the city..and SUCCESS! yeehaaa
went to the city with Sai from Lilydale, then picked Ewa, Eski and Hawa up at Melbourne Central...then off we went to Laksa King in Flemington..weehoooo
Laksa sangatlah sedap, tasted just like our very own original Asam Laksa... oh yeah...
After that, we went to Max Brenner...ya rabi, tuhan je tau betape sedapnye the chocolate stuff...
Ewa, Eski and I had Belgian chocolate waffle with ice-cream and streaks of melted chocolate..yuuummm...Hawa had the same waffle but with strawberries..hehe
Sai had the ultimate shyte...Chocolate Souffle....(camtu kan eja? hehe) gile babi sedap...
ha nak puase ni laaa terliur sane sini hahahahaha....hot chocolate die pon best..ah smue best la!

Next up, Cocoa Bar! weehooo!!!
Me and my classmates are off to the city again somewhere next week...
Since i'm the only muslim, we're planning to go after 5pm, so that sampai2 tuh dah ngam2 time nak buka...
Lygon street, the best street EVER...you can get all the halal food, name it, Italian to Indian, they're all there...After berbuka, we're gonna go to Cocoa Bar for dessert! yeehhaaaa bring on the chocolates!!!

anyway, gotta finish up my freaking assignment before the outing...heh...
1 month and 3 weeks to go and i'm done in Melbourne!!! bismillaaaaahhhh...

:: aNoThEr nEw bOrN! ::

Dear Sue, Abg Adeq, Arief and the rest of the Khalids,

Congrats on the new born baby!!!! uweeeeee!!!!
Sue just gave birth to a baby girl, Sept 6th, 2007....
Heeeerrreee's a Virgo! hehehehehhe

Arieeff nak baby pics pleeassseeeee....
Blog it up babe! thaaannnxxxx

Happy happy happy!

:: OuR 1st YeAr aNn|vErSaRy!!! ::

yes, today marks our very first anniversary...
happy sangaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt!!!
love u so much khairul nizam!!!

tak sabar nak baliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikk!!!

:: rOcKeRs...dEf|n|t|oN pLeAsE ::

The "rock" bands (or so they call themselves) nowadays have no sense of good lyrics, if i may say...
but that excludes one of my favourite bands, Incubus, of whose lyrics are somewhat metaphoric, even their "swears" were being said in bombastic, or i'd rather say classic English words.

Just look at these lyrics from a song called Nutshell by Alice in Chains...

We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight
And yet I fight
This battle all alone
No one to cry to
No place to call home

My gift of self is raped
My privacy is raked
And yet I find
And yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I cant be my own
Id feel better dead

Now u tell me, can u actually find rock bands that has actually composed such good lyrics?
This is like a freakin classic poetry! hah! kudos to the old-timers! now, that's Rock...

:: dOubLe eVeNt ::

happy merdeka to my dear Malaysians....
oh how i wish i was home...
mesti gi tgk fireworks with my dear friends.. :(

happy 6th year anniversary to my darling Farah Nadziah and Sofie...
have a great one, can't wait for ur wedding day! weeeee!!!

:: MeLaNcHoLy ::

In my life I don't mean much to anyone
I've lost my way can't go back anymore
Once I had everything now it's gone
Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before
Some people say that i'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try

I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never
and I'll try to remember who i used to be

I've got one last chance to get myself together
The time has come for me to change again
I can't carry on like this, I will lose my friends
don't say that you have given up on me.

Just give me the time and space to heal my head
I don't wanna be misunderstood
I've got to take this chance and make it into something good

:: James Morrisson, One Last Chance ::

:: sAk|t... :( ::

so much for being healthy... i fucked my ligament...
sprained it to be more precise...
the attempt of jogging everyday just didn't work for me, thanks to my last knee injury caused by the stupid tackle by the dumbass pengkid during futsal tournament last year...babi babi babi....

other than that, assignments have been ok la...got 2 assignments out of the way, 5 more to go...
oh ya, thanx aref for the constant sms...and a thousand thanx to my sayang n papa for the smses and phone calls from time to time...love u guys so much...and yes, thank u anas for calling me last night...sorry for the stupid "lagging"ness in our conversation...blame vodafone man...not my baby sony ericsson...heheheh

well, 2 weeks to ramadhan...a part of me is excited, and a part of me is worried...tatau ape nak makan for sahur..and if my tummy could take it...the weather has been making my life miserable, jap sejuk, jap panas....has been around 8 to 21 degrees...tak bagus...mmg tak bagus...

anyway, wish me luck for i have 2 months to go..and i'll be home! tak sabaaaarrrrrr....

:: Po|nTs |n mY L|fE, A pO|nt Of L|v|nG... ::

Papa, aunty Elly, me...Summer '07, Lilydale, Victoria

listening to the latest song dedicated to yours truly, by the everloving sweetheart Bob... :)

reminiscing to the old days of MMU Malacca *all smiles*...and Cyber *sigh*...
Remembered how i made friends to my lovely girlfriends, the times that they've been there for me...regardless of the hours...
And i remembered how i made friends with Anas Hazwan, Syed Shahzli and Che Mohd. Nizar... hehe...funniest shit-ass agendas...hahahah

Also something that hasn't failed on making me burst into laughter is the windsurfing outing with MMU's OARS club...hahah takleh bla, i joined recreational club just to forget my so-called "pain"... heheheh...yang best nye time tu baru start rapat ngan Alif, n baru knal Muntz...tiba2 buddy2 terus...and plus time tuh tiga2 tgh crisis..kuar la masing2 nye tanduk kaaaannn....hahahahahah

the things that we do when we were young...just SWELL... :) Well, not to say that i'm THAT old la kan...but just think about how time flew...oh gosh....

and now i'm at the peak of my studying period...maintaining the pace, not wanting to fall out of course, and wanting to head back to Malaysia with flying colours, finishing my final semester by May 2008 while searching for a career...i can't wait to make Papa proud...the smile on his face brings me tears of joy, a very welcoming, warm, fuzzy and humble feeling...a feeling i call CONTENT...

nothing makes me a prouder than being Papa's daughter... being the 1st, the one and only daughter that has made it overseas, with the intention of fulfilling his wishes, to become an EDUCATOR...wanting to earn that self-respect, being looked up by others...becoming Papa's pride and glory...nothing makes me happier than this...(besides getting married though! hehe)

Papa, eventhough you're not reading this (not in the near future i hope :) ), i would want u to know that i am very thankful for this opportunity, to prove to you on who i really am, and who i could become...and thank you very much for all the support and advices in self-discipline...

I am who i am, because u wanted me to choose for myself, on what to become, who to become and when to become...and i thank u again, for the trust and respect that u have for me...
and that's the best gift a daughter could ever ask for...for eternity... :)