:: aN oLd wOrK... :) ::

I called U near, I held a packet,
For you to see what I’ve hid inside,
It's nothing much, it's just a sachet,
With calming smell of flowers dried...

Open the sachet and U will find,
The debris and dusts trapped inside,
Bring it home and clean it with air,
Let the dusts go away but the colour stays fair...

Pay a visit to your garden of eden,
And drag the sachet through the flowers,
Pick the daisies with the other hand,
Selecting with patience, even for hours…

When we meet up for English tea and scones,
Bring the sachet and daisies for me,
I am not of any type of Molly Jones,
Just the type U rarely see...

Diamonds are good, and good for life,
How about people who constantly strive?,
Despite 4 seasons that repeats itself,
There’ll never be the same books on the shelf...

If Men were to last and Women to extinct,
When will these ruthless wars ever end?
If Women were to last and Men to extict,
When will there be a cosmic blend?...

If both genders were to last,
Which reef will U pick to meet your fate?
Clock ticks and oh so fast,
Are U ready to cross the final gate?...

:: | LuV... ::

Wakin up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had it’s say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think, when I let it sink in
It’s all over me
I know you’re here, in the dark
I’m watchin you sleep, it hurts a lot

And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
And nothing less cuz you know I’d give you all of me

I’d give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I wanna make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come and do it right

All I wanted was to know (I'm safe)
Don’t wanna lose the love I found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don’t let me down

It’s not fair, how you are
I can’t be complete, can you give me more

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your lovin for me
We can’t escape the love
With everything that you have

:: 4 a.m. by Gwen Steffani, to Bobby with Love... ::

:: d|sCoNtEnTeD ::

people say, it is often best to just shut up and not saying anything when there's nothing good to say....

but is shutting the fuck up always best?
often times i get stepped on the head..no, more like SQUASHED on the head, just because i kept my bloody mouth SHUT.



I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF NONSENSE & PEOPLE CONTROLLING MY GODDAMN LIFE.

:: kEpAdA pArA pEn|pU ::

how do u FEEL kan...when somebody whom u trusted sooo f***ing much, whom also told u ALLLL these sweet SHITS about being honest la ape lan*** la kan, caught red handed on lying....

one fine day, someone really trustworthy and paling best, the person itself and the people related to the bullshit happened behind unrevealed the whole gruesome truth ACCIDENTALLY...

ok mmg la cite lame kan...tapi sakit hati tak? rase cam nak gi cekik, bunuh, ludah, u name it...
bengang nak mampos....xtau knape, but bengang nak mati...

I hope KARMA takes its path soon...like SUPER soon....tak sabar tgk orang2 camni kene balik...
SEDAP sial kalau kena....let me have the first laugh....i hope ur paths ahead will be filled with poison ivy....

B****!

oh ya, one more thing...THANKS for not prolonging the FAKE friendship and/or relationship...i don't think i could ever forgive myself if i were never to walk away.

:: cOnTeNt :) ::

blessed with tremendous friends, my 3 weeks at home so far have been such a blast...
went out every single day with bob and alia...eh chop, alia ade la 2-3 hari JE yang curang ngan i, die gi dating ngan A.J. heheh....

watched Shrek, Pirates @ OU with my sayang...this wed tgk Ocean's 13 plak! Triple date agi weehooo!!!

Had a superb dinner (SLASH "gathering") @ Alia's house...I made my first lasagne in Malaysia weih gile bangga! hahaha..AND my own mushroom gravy k! gile gempak...of course Alia tolong la kan...hehe...oh ya...FARRAH NAJWA tak datang, kurang aja nye minah, penat2 i masak tunggang terbalik smue! chis!....

Also went to Asiacafe to meet up with Alia, Farah and Emmy...Farrah AGAIN stood us up! kau mmg sial la weih! tunggu ar kau...

Went to Sakae Sushi @ Subang Parade for Father's Day...Papa was all smiles (dah kate die suke sangat ngan sushi and teppanyaki kan, nak buat camne! hehe)...at first papa wanted 2 just have dinner at Uncle Lim's...boleh tak? gile korok celebrate die, makan tempat camtu, haih bapak aku ni...nak simple pon bertempat la please...hehe

Oh ya...my 1st Sem, so far alhamdulillah....dapat 3As and 1B...hope to score straight As la kan next sem...Bismillah...pray for me please k u guys?....

Today was just simply special...made English breakfast for my Bobby, then we went out to Pyramid...he got himself a new pair of shirt..hehe cute sangat! then we bought tons of BREAD from Bread Story (Alia mesti gelak gile part ni, sebab die tau i hantu kedai tu hehe), then i bought crunchy popiah..oh best...pastu beli fruit juice, and all of a sudden, kandaku gile plak mengidam laksa...ape lagi, straight gi Laksa Shack (camtu eh eja? hehe) and die pelahap one whole bowl..ya rabi...
Pastu dua2 ngantuk, balik umah, layan DVD...we watched Next...was cool ass!...eh lupe plak..
before layan DVD tuh, i helped Mommy out with dinner...wash, cut all the meat, vege, shallots, garlic and ginger....pastu boil the egg noodle..pastu mami masak smue! hehehe...
My mom has this "thing" in her...she'll only tell u the ingredients of a dish, but NEVER really put into detail of how to cook it step by step...senang cite, my mom ni jenis GI BELAJAR SENDIRI...hehe...

oh, and AGAIN, i was supposed to go out yamcha with Farrah @ Melur, and about 20 mins later, she called to say that she couldn't make it, had to send the dad to the clinic la plak.. adeehh.. kau ni kang aku malas nak ajak gi mane2 dah merajuk plak? btol tak? hehehe

Anyway, I guess that's about it for today...am tired, me wanna get a shut-eye...nite!

aNd | tUrN 23... :)

30th May marked the anniversary of my birth...there wasn't much of a celebration, but my friends yg tengah sengkek gile pon sanggup kuar duit n arranged a lovely dinner and coffee/tea @ TTDI...
thanx u guys, so much....

i didn't snap any of the girls' picture though,just had the guys'...hehe...sorry...

and yes, 2 great gifts received...one from Mommy and Papa, my very own Olympus digital SLR!! weehhooo!!! yes aaahhhhh!!!!!

AND...paling x sangka...i received this super cute balloon + teddy bear from my sayang! now, why is that such an astonishing fact?... BECAUSE he doesn't celebrate birthdays!!! and he did that just for me coz he knows how much it means to me... :) now, how sweet can my baby be? yeehhaa!!!

I LUV MY LIFE!!!!

Learning the hard way..Is it always best?...

have u ever felt so shitty not having the power to make people change their minds for their own good?..like literally and unbiasly?

almost everyone of us has been or maybe had been hurt before..emotionally that is...
well...some of my friends are going through such a hard time deciding what's best for each, letting go of the past, moving on and gulping the hard truth...

it's so saddening to know that we dont't have the power to influence people's minds over matters which we may have more knowledge of...we tried, and tried...but eventually we let go, letting our friends take up the decision that we adamantly know, will hurt very much...

but then again..i guess everyone deserves to be hurt...why?
because most of the time, people think with their hearts, not brains...
and this happens especially when it comes to making decisions within relationships...
of course, we would not want to see our friends in pain...
but that's like stealing away their rights on being human beings...
they deserve to be hurt, and hence learn from mistakes...
that's what makes them stronger, wiser, more vibrant...if not as soon, they will be someday..
but at least we do not set paths for them...for they are just like how we were...

i know it gets pretty frustrating to just keep on giving advices..the very same one everytime...
but that's just it...we have to teach our friends to think for themselves...and taking up consenquences of each actions for themselves...

well, i guess learning the hard way is just best...look at me..i'm still standing tall and proud :)

:: |n mY pLayL|sT ::

Took a right to the end of the line
Where no one ever goes.
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know.
But the pain and the (longings) the same.
(Where the dying
Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help.)

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
There is an answer to the darkest times.
It’s clear we don’t understand but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you.
I believe that we’re in this together.
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax

:: Relax by Mika ::

:: Sm|Le My LuV... :) ::

Sayang...

I am aware of the fact that we're both not perfect to any extend... and I know that u've been through some pretty shit-ass relationships before..but that definitely didn't stop u from moving on...and I thank you for that..for giving me a chance to luv u, and for giving urself a chance to luv me...

Nothing is ever certain...like a saying, "We make our own plans and arrangements,but at the end of the day, it's God who makes the call"...

I know what u went through sayang..I was there..I was the one who comforted you...and I honestly had no intentions whatsoever to turn that into an opportunity...You know how I am,you know that I was never, and will never be, an opportunist...

I can't wait 2 go home...5000 miles is just too far...and months without you is just too long...thank you for shadowing me with your luv and affection...I am forever grateful...

I hope 2 years is soon enough...so soon that we didn't even realize that we've actually started living under one roof, sharing the same bed...and starting our very own life-long love story... I luv u Mohd. Khairul Nizam...and I won't let anyone come in between us...

hEaRt-MeLtEr...

Mungkin kau takkan pernah tahu
Betapa mudahnya
Kau untuk di kagumi
Mungkin kau takkan pernah sadar
Betapa mudahnya
Kau untuk di cintai

Akulah orang yang akan selalu memujamu
Akulah orang yang akan selalu mengintaimu
Akulah orang yang akan selalu memujamu
Akulah orang yang akan selalu mengintaimu

Karena hanya dengan perasaan
rinduku yang dalam padamu
Kupertahankan hidup
Maka hanya dengan jejak-jejak hatimu
Ada artiku telusuri hidup ini
Selamanya hanya ku bisa memujamu
Selamanya hanya ku bisa merindukanmu

:: Pemuja Rahasia by So7 ::

thank you khairul nizam sayang...

a Rad|caL cHaNgE?

hmmm.....
a friend told me that i've made some astonishing changes within myself...
apart from me putting more weight (which i find super annoying), friends said that i've actually learned to stand up 4 myself...and yes, despite me being obnoxiuos, i had not been the person i was supposed to be...

i found grace and self-worth throughout the years...not only does age plays an effect, but also circle of friends...although u might think that my friends are all crappy and childish, hey, look around you...aren't yours too?...

or perhaps you've been too in denial to face the fact that u ain't that worthy enough at playing the next Hitler...

moving away from that, and back to my topic of interest, ARE MY FRIENDS THAT CHILDISH?
i believe NOT...not at all...
you see..there's a fine line between being childish and playing smart...and the majority of my friends are definitely the latter..the fact that my friends have this great ability of creating a synergy between dreams and reality makes them wise people...and of course, we all learn from each other...we create WISDOM within ourselves...

my friends and I had this great deal of consensus, on motivating, supporting and encouraging each other, not only towards improvement, but also towards sensible and logical thinking... at the same time, being the optimistic pessimist, just to not let arrogance come in between... making ourselves transparent towards each other, and making our wisdom quite apparent amongst ourselves...

if u think i'm great..then thank you very much..but I owe it all to my friends...
and the person who turned my life around, successfully making radical changes upon me...
he's none other than my beloved boyfriend...whom insyaallah, with God's will, will soon become a part of my future... :)

I nEeD mY bObBy... :'( n eVeRyOnE eLsE...

i've not been well...
the temp s dropping below 10...
i've not had a good night sleep since i got back...
my blood pressure's dropping (coz my freakin ear hasn't stop ringing!)...
i'm getting fatigueness more often than i used to...
my heart beated tremendously out-of-pace...
i had trouble breathing...
i feel like vomiting almost every morning (NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT, THANK U!)...
all my muscles are pulling...
and my eyes don't seem to be fans of the sun anymore...
and the nerves at the back of my head are boxing each other on every other day...

help...please...anyone?....sayang?...where are uuuuuuuuuu!! uwaaaaaa!!!!

:: a WoRk oF aRt ::

i bet everyone of you who compiled this priceless (in a very good way) scrapbook could remember it like it was just yesterday...the book still makes me weep...

thank you so much...i am utmost grateful....

i have such wonderful friends...luv u guys so much...

:: m|nD-bOggLeR ::

there are 2 sides to a coin...cliche isn't it?

Well, i've learnt something new in Terry's class on our first day...and i've been relating it to practically everything that has been going on around me...

pick a coin...u know there are 2 sides to it..ok...
now, look at the coin closely...what do u see?... DETAILS...
next, hold that coin as far as ur arm could stretch...what do u see?... A COIN...
next, flip the coin, and bring it back closer, and what do u see?... NEW SET of DETAILS...

hah..ain't that worth thinking?...
new acquaintances?...new friends?...new boyfriend?...new business?...new car?
or simply the old ones that u haven't "analyzed"...

don't be judgemental..remember, there's just not only 2 SIDES to a COIN...
there's definitely more to it...

Have a pleasant sleep!

:: |nSeRt T|tLe ::

i don't know why..
i feel so..gloomy today...
maybe it's the weather..or maybe it's the workload...or maybe it's the food that i've been eating...
or maybe because i miss someone...no...i miss everyone...

i wanna go home........

i don't know what 2 feel...i just wanna go home..........

A sWeEt mEmOrY...

Sunday, 12:30 a.m. Australian time...

I was just browsing through my posts..and never realized that i've written so much, for so long...
I couldn't stop smiling and shed a few tears when i read my own writs, and the comments from my dear friends...

The loyal readers and commentors (ade such word ke?! hehe) have always been Fiza, Khair, Aiman, Aref, Syak, Balee, Fadhil, Aliya, Farah Nadz, Farrah Najwa, Aimi and Emmy..and oh ya, Mr. Anonymous...Lately Alia and Evie started reading n commenting too..hehe

I honestly feel happy and oftenly moved by these comments...i don't know why..but they all seem to find a very efficient and fast way to get 2 my heart...

I've read back on my heartaches, my internship, my convocation, the birth of my nephews and the day I met the guy who stole my heart...I couldn't believe it has been almost a year that we've known each other..hehe...

I believe that these agendas have helped shape me to the person I am now...the achievements i've made...the things that failed to break me and thus made me stronger...the endless attention and love i've been poured with by my family, friends and khairul nizam...

Seriously...I would repeat this again...I will never, ever wanna lose any of you...no one could EVER replace any of you...you've been a significant part of my life, the food when i starve and the sun when i'm in darkness...thank you so much...endless...endless gratitude...

I'm HaPpY.. :)

Bob dah keje..yeeesss!!!! yes my dear friends, die dah keje k!
My results so far have been of straight As..alhamdulillah!!!!! 3 more assgmts to go! bismillah...

I'm happy to hear that my friends are all doing well back home...
Aref, brand exec @ DDB...i told u u could do it!
Anas, keje kat spore...lagi gempak...
Alia, 3 more sems to go kan?! u go girl! dah la pandai nak mati minah ni...nyampah!..hehe
Emmy, hold on to ur new love, he's a great guy... :)
Farrah, cepat masuk uni balik please...hehehe
Farah, ni lagi gile, siap dah tuka keje! i blaja tak sudah2! hahaha
Khair n Fiza, half month to go and u guys are DONE!!!!! weehoo!!!!
Aiman, cmon babe, skit je lagi....cmon cmon!!
Zana, train, jgn tak train..jgn sedut byk sgt habuk from kipas babi besar kapal terbang tu! hahah

Riena and Lyn, elok2 keje n prepare for wedding..tak sabar k! jgn clash plak! hehe
Erin, jgn meronggeng je keje, tau la happy si lyn dah ade sane kan.. :P
Aud, blaja elok2...kau dah nak abis kan..hehehe
Roudha, work smart girl..look at how u've achieved..i'm proud of u :)
Jamy, Lily, keje takyah lebih2 sgt weih...futsal tetap futsal! hehehe kiddiinnn!

Last but not least....SAYANG I LOVE YOU!!!!
i miss u guys so mucchhh!!! i'll be home soon ya! muah muah!

No Appropriate Title

i wanna get married soon..
i wanna have kids...
i want a home that i go back to n cook 4 my hubby n have dinners together...
i wanna argue with my hubby over which channel is better to watch...
i wanna go travelling with hubby...
i wanna go for breeze walks and/or evening jogs with hubby...
i wanna have a marriage that lasts at least for 30 years...

so...ANY TAKERS?...
pfft...

Another Soul Spared...Another Life Starts...

A friend at school..a junior..very bubbly, famous among the girls back in Seaport High...he was the captain for our house, just after we stepped down and said our goodbyes to our daily uniforms...

I've always heard of his personal problems..they were just neverending..not that i'm annoyed, but it really hits me hard to see his sorrow and the effort of not revealing it...i know how hard it is,really i do..coz i've been dealing with it for the first 17 years of my life...moreover that it concerns family...

I was on my way back to my lovely apartment in Lilydale with Sai, Sandy and Malin, when suddenly an sms from home came in..it was from aref, and again, a sobbing story... First it was arwah hani...and just a week ago, dear nicholas...i just couldn't believe what i read...it was a suicide case...rumours had that he jumped off a building...and another said he slitted himself in the toilet, and bled to death... friends also said that he converted to islam just a few days before the incident...

why nicholas...whhhhhyyyyy????.....there are soo many ways to deal with problems..ya allah...i went blanked and stumped...i still can't believe it happened..
i just can't....
may ur soul rest in peace...

Ian Nicholas...1985-2007

melbourne part II

Yup there u go..the memorable events...i miss everyone so much...
i'm so stressed up...banyak sgt keje..i have like daily assignments, and 12 major ones which is like dued a week apart from each...ya allah bagi la semangat..padan muke, buat masters lagi...

sayang, i miss u so much...tunggu i balik k...pastu kite gi futsal k?! uwaaa...
i was so emotional when papa left...he was giving me all these "kata2 semangat" which led me to tears..yes sayang, i will be strong...mami, thank u so much for your prayers..i'm sorry i had to leave u all alone at home..i luv u mami...sayang, i dok dgr so7 ngan satu hati..bagi i semangat ari2 nak gi class... :)

i've gained weight i believe...makan tak sudah2 sebab sejuk nak mati...i spent like 500 freakin dollars on shopping, oh MADNESS! hahaha...gile spoilt..whatever!...i need the therapy ok haha..
summer just said its goodbyes 3 days ago..autumn is kickin in..mati aku...
during summer, i've witnessed sumthin beyond my imagination...CLEAR BLUE SKY...
during the day, it's all BLUE..nothing else..it's like a beautiful painting...at night, its sooo beautiful, stars shone so brightly...my place is just picturesque..perfect...i'm all burnt, summer nye pasal...

oh ya...it's like a jungle down here..there's kookabura, which is a bird that laughs like a monkey, LITERALLY, babi terkejut everytime jln gi class ya allah..there are wild rabbits running around, fox pon ade ok! AND paling BEST..one morning, i was having breakfast, and there were two beautiful parrots at my balcony! one red+blue, the other green+blue..ya allah jakun gile tgk binatang tuh terbang sekali ngan buruk gagak sini (gagak sini besar nak mampos, warna putih atas n hitam bawah)...ya allah memang pelik...petang2 best, sebab i can go jogging around the lake...tapi baru buat sekali..hehe..i'm too occupied man.. hari2 pon exhausted...

i made freinds with sooo many people..so far paling rapat are Nicole (local, my housemate, the one in pink stripes in the pic), Jess (a Kiwi, somehwhat local,my housemate, the one in red hood), Pumi (Sri Lankan, the first who met me and showed me around, also my housemate), Sai (Singaporean guy, best sebab bole kutuk in BM haha), Soo Young (Japanese, been residing in OZ for like 3 years).. then there are a few others..Amanda, Sally, Daisy, Utaka, Sayaka, Edel, Sandi, King, Kid, Raven dan ramai lagi..hehe.. Jaycee (Malaysian, woohoo!) and Jeff (Chinese) are my coursemates (yes, kitorg 3 org je), Joy, Oak, Bharav(kot?) and Alice are my seniors in the same course...they're all helpful..
My lecturers are freakin cool..There's Terry (an English guy who has been residing in OZ for a lil over 20 years), his wife, Carole, Jill (super cool), Marg (a bit strict) and Yvette (the funkiest lecturer ever!)...Terry is super cool..he lepaks with me mase break, siap bole isap rokok with me kat luar dan duduk atas tiles sambil borak2 ok! hahaha...the others smue best la basically.. they want us to call them by their first names, buat cam member...mmg best...

oi panjangnye entry..i guess that's about it...hope to go through my first semester well and try as much to save up on my allowances...nak simpan duit dalam bank and accumulate interests banyak2 nak mati so that banyak duit extra boleh balik! woohooo!! tapi lambat sgt lagi la kan, unfortunately..oh well...time passes by...i won't let papa and mami down, insya allah...
pray 4 me u guys...much luv...alhamdulillah for all these opportunities...i should start my coming days with bismillah...ya allah, help me through...