::To Dwell On Give-and-Takes::

Sometimes you just don't recognize who you are anymore.
You dont know who your friends really are.
You dont know who your family(s) are.
You dont know why you chose that profession as a living.

But one thing you know for sure is that you are breathing, and living. By what motivation, or whose order, you are left clueless. It isnt that I question what god has showered me with. It isnt that I am not thankful for what everyone has done for me. And it is surely isnt because I am living in my own world.

Questions flood my caved head for reasons I cannot explain. People have been saying that I question because I lack in iman. That is of no doubt, but really is that all there is to it? Can we ever stop blaming and punishing ourselves for the unfavourable things that happen to us, around us?

There was a time in life that we were all happy. INFINITELY HAPPY. now what was it that contributed to that, i question. Even if we were young, carefree, there were still problems lurking somewhere. BUT WE WERE HAPPY. A person's state of contentment varies amongst others of course, but what is it about being happy that made us want to continue living as if it never fades?

Could it be that the suicidal cases are profoundly linked to unhappiness? In which state one does not, or rather could not, deal with the period of happiness that weren't meant to stay forever?

People say that until one has truly found themselves that they are able to find contentment. Enlighten me.
How is it anywhere possible that when you've made that self-discovery and came to terms with it, you will eventually end up "believing" in that state of contentment? Then how does one retain such zone given the fact that variables change ever so quickly.

How will anyone understand anyone when we are all plain human beings seeking for some sort of "contentment" in our own terms? How will I, understand what makes my family happy, my friends happy, my colleague happy, whilst having a mutual level of happiness, all at the same time?.

How do I cope?....

It's Personal. Entirely that.

Well I have been blogging at tomboyjambu.blogspot.com for a while since it's my humble collaboration with my infamous bestie..until it came to a halt. I guess we were just too busy.

I guess i'll continue my rants, thoughts or whatever it is you call it here. My, personal space. Hey and look, i've changed the layout! Used to be quite good at editting the html myself but lost the skills over the years. Mind you, has been more than 5 years since i've practiced.

So Ramadhan is coming to an end. 3 days countdown to Syawal and here I am still not "feeling" it just yet. Probably because I no longer have grandparents...things haven't been the same eversince grandpa passed on 2 years ago, followed by grandma last year...They both passed away in January, just a year apart...

We used to have celebrations in Rawang, and Nibong Tebal.. Now it's solely Klang Valley. Which bores me of course and so I chose not to take any annual leave this year.

I gotta get my groove in writing back. This post is probably by far the lamest. As I speak as myself, not as a narrator.

Oh well. til then.