d|aBoL|c sWeEtHeArT

:: And The Journey Begins ::

2011-11-27T13:35:00.003+08:00

hats off to our moms. they were truly the super moms.
recalling my mom's life:

wake up to prepare breakfast for the whole family.
wake the children and prep up for school.
chuck clothes in the washing machine.
get ready for work.
make sure the kids are all seated at the table for breakfast.
get the husband to come down and have breakfast together.
train the kids to slowly bring their own dirty dishes to the kitchen sink, and wait patiently as they wash.
send kids to school. go to work.
make sure bus driver picks up kids from school in the afternoon.
come home and do some cleaning - be it the floor, toilet, etc.
bathe, cook for family. dinner has to be ready before 8pm.
get everybody to wash up and ready at the table by 8.
clean up by 9pm. get children to do some school homework if they hadn't done much in the afternoon, or light revision.
do some ironing.
get the kids to bed by 10pm.
LIGHTS OUT.

despite my mom having a maid (or two at one point), most of the chores and cooking are done by her, as she believes women will always be women. they belong in teh kitchen, and they have to be modest enough to master the house chores.

i've been trying to do all that, but of course really drained myself out for the first few months. and that, given the fact that i dont have kids. i dont know how our mothers did it back then. i cannot imagine myself doing all those with kids around. alhamdulillah as time goes by, i kinda get the hang of things a little bit, and with the help of the husband, the house looks neat :)

i do not understand people out there who claimed themselves SUPERMOMS when all they did was taking care of the child, entertaining their husbands and doing business at home, in their own sweet time and pace, at the comfort and expense of their parents (STILL!). I mean come on, you barely get your hands on house chores, u LIVE still with your parents, you live LAVISHLY at their expense (whilst your husband sweats their bums off trying to "provide" for you and your expensive style of living) and you have people taking care of your child while you go off and have your husband-wife time off, girls night out, girls breakfast outing, girls retail outing, girls coffee break and girls mani pedi. and you have the balls to self-proclaim SUPERMOM? seriously? i'm sorry, but from what i see, you're nothing but a brat. on top of that, you have the guts to be telling people how greaatt and carefree life as a husband and wife is. knock knock, are u even real? stop giving people false expectations will ya? of course it's easy on your side, coz you've got "slaves" serving you.

but then again, what on earth are these self-proclaimed supermoms' parents doing? aren't they supposed to teach their children to manage their own lives? i mean, as a parent, you're supposed to teach your child how to fish, instead of bluntly giving them a fish, right? no wonder divorce cases plummeted over the years. these sort of married couples are the ones (to me) contributing to most of the cases. not just because maybe something bad happened and they couldnt cope on living below their usual par, but also maybe because they led people to become "victims" of translation, upon their exaggeratingly portrayed contented, carefree lives - which indirectly of course led the victims onto filing for divorce. u get my drift?

then comes juvenile cases. from rape to murder. what shall become of the future, our kids. it's so painful to see human intelligence being wasted. an outcome of simple and "harmless" injection of technology. the irony. how bad can things get over the years.

i had a somewhat contentment when i went for my 1-week leadership camp. a week in the jungle, sleeping in the camp, cooking my own meal the military way, drinking fresh water from the river, appreciating every bit of food and liquid that goes through this throat and keeping the tummy out of hunger. i felt that every part of my body were given turns to be appreciated. i, felt appreciated. and so i brought that vibe home. and i have since swore to aggressively minimize my complaints and do whatever i can to maintain a healthy home, and a healthy relationship with everyone around me. literally because i felt appreciated, out of my own efforts. my motto form now on is "just do it. complaint less, and enjoy everything that you do". insyaallah you'll be fine. well, alhamdulillah, i'm doing fine so far :)

as to the newly weds out there, there isn't anything specific for you as an advice. though my only advice is, once you've got involved into something, take new challenges as it is. live your life day by day, enjoy it. do it slowly, staggeringly. take your time. once u complaint, that's when negativity swoops in. smile, breathe, recite your bismillah, recite your alhamdulillah, recite your "istighfar" - astaghfirullahal'adzim. no matter what religion you are, try to thank god for everything, always. ask for forgiveness, ask for strength, ask for faith, ask for calm and peace. hopefully we shall all minimize the negativity around us.

:: The Good and The Awesome ::

2011-08-25T08:22:00.003+08:00

and so. I now pronounce myself, WIFE :)

June 25th saw me being married to this humble man i've dated for almost 5 years. Syukur alhamdulillah everything went well, and with Bob's endless support and not to mention patience on my countless rants, we are now the new Mr and Mrs Khairul Nizam :)

Some may already new, some may have not. The wedding reception was held at De Palma Hotel, Shah Alam. Yes, I was my own wedding planner. I was literally still running up and down, hotel room to dinner hall 3 hours before my wedding. Why 3 hours u ask? Because I had my hair done first for a solid hour, thanks to my ever-so-awesome hairstylist whom has been doing my hair for the past 8 years! Philip, no one understands this ridiculous hair more than you do! :) So, make-up was done by my very own sister Tina, and it took torturous 2 hours to get it done. Yes, was indeed a complete torture because I had to have my head up straight due to my nicely done hair. awesome possum. i had to deal with a stiff neck for the rest of the week!

Dresses. My solemnization (nikah) dress was by none other than Nazleen Noor. A close friend's sister whom treated me just as professional and as warm. She made my life soooo easy; she understood what sort of dress i wanted. Thanks also to Shafiza Azali for buying the super awesome cloth and lace for the dress back in 2008 (yeap, i kept it for 3 years!) in Bandung. I think Nazleen didn't have too much of a hassle anyway because I had the dress drawn in my head, it's just the matter of translating. Nazleen did just as so, just as I imagined it would be. I almost had tears in my eyes when I saw the dress done for the first time, paired with a custom-made shoe, and a very modest and subtle veil, and a very elegant-looking gold tiara to match my matte-gold dress. It was the PERFECT wedding outfit. just, perfect. And the Baju Melayu for Bob? Just as perfect! Nazleen went to get the cloth for his, and had it done very neatly, to go with a hand-sewn, Terengganu white with pastel coloured flowers "sampin" i bought for Bob as a wedding gift :)

As for the reception's dress and tux, we rented them out from Bridal House in SS2. It was white, with silverish embroideries, and comes along with a 3/4 sleeved- small jacket. Bob's tux was off-white, which came with a white cravat and off-white vest. We chose to have his shirt, cravat and napkin customized at a tailor in Summit USJ, and the final product was over the top. They were all very neatly done (and of course, cost us some great money :P) and goes so well with the rented tux. My sister Tina sponsored me an Enzo Angiolini pair to my surprise, and I sponsored Bob's :)

The Aussies came down for both events, and even had their share of Perhentian Island! Apart from being so supportive and helpful, they injected some massive cheap medicine into my days of stress and panic, soothing both Bob and I with a snap of a finger at times in need. I owe heaps to them, for adding so much joy to the wedding and the preps, and for spending so much money just to be there for me, with those lovely chiffon chili-red dress purchased on their own, just to walk with me down the isle as my 5 Bridesmaids.

And then there was Fiza and Emmy, my Master of Ceremony(s) for the night. They put in so much effort and had so many sessions with me on running through the scripts. They were also so very proactive in making sure that the dinner reception goes well. It indeed was, a very smooth-sailing, and QUICK wedding reception. With the help of my other friend Roudha and dear cousin Effendy as my floor and AV managers, the wedding was indeed a memorable one.

Hats off to the bridesmaids, the MCs, and the floor and AV managers for your excellence. Guests and family enjoyed the wedding so much, and my parents for the first time, was so care-free. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for everything. You guys will forever have a spot in this mental-archive of ours :)

I would like to apologize to so many friends that I either am not able to invite, or i bluntly forgot about. I hope you understand that my guest count was very limited (since it's a seating event), and I must admit, I was so tired and was so close to losing my mind on preparing for my big day. I truly am sorry. especially to my dear friend anas hazwan and family, I am sorry I didn't extend the invitations to you guys. I swear I wrote your names on my list, but I must've have accidently canceled them off when I had to filter more than 50 guests that night. Turns out that almost 5 tables were empty for the reception, due to traffic congestions and lack of parking space since there was a night market just behind the hotel that very same night.

But alhamdulillah, everyone was happy, the bride and groom were happy, the guests were happy, and the family; contented. Thank you so much everyone for making it happen :)

p/s: I have now officially worn my hijab. no, not because my husband told me to, but simply because i felt that it was the right time :)

Snippets of the wedding shall be uploaded soon.

:: June 3rd, 2011 ::

2011-06-02T20:47:00.004+08:00

so, anas hazwan is back on blogger. yeaaaaaaaaaaaayy! anas had a very strong effect on my frequency of writing (or more like typing in this case) back in those days. anas, a bit sad to say, that i still have not gotten the grrooovveee back. maybe u went missing too long yeah? probably :P

as usual, everytime i have things to write, reality steals me away. growing old with commitments isn't cool man. do u have any idea how much i had to share. man i can go on for pages!

Chapter 1: The Wedding

So. 3 more weeks, insyaallah, and I'll be wedded to the one i call my heart, my soul, my confidant, my home. yes, no one makes me feel as safe and as comfy. Just got hold of the Borang Nikah, and will start filling them up tomorrow with Bob dearest. Yes many would think we're crazy only to be filling those forms now, i can assure u, we're not. :) coz we've got the kadi booked since february :) alhamdulillah....thanks to dad and friends of course for making this a lot easier for us.

1st fitting - check. next one in 1-2 weeks' time.
Solemnization doorgifts - check
Reception doorgifts - received.
Tents - check.
Dowry - check.
Everything else - CHEEEECCCKKKK!

alhamdulillah everything's quite smooth-sailing now due to the super early preparations. the stress i'm facing now is pertaining my weight, and bodyshape. yes i am overly conscious on how i look like neck-down solely because i can't seem to fit any of my pants anymore. and because of that, i've dragged a friend to go jogging and short striding with me for 2 consecutive days, 10km each day. yeap that's how desperate i am, i'm really sorry if i sounded too pathetic :P

Chapter 2: The PMS

anyway, here's another a bitttt stressful issue i'm facing with. I actually have friends whom bluntly mocks me in social networks. well i think, if a person is able to do that ever so carelessly for the public to read, then i'm sure that this same person will have nil shame nor guilt in not just mocking, but also criticizing another like there's no tomorrow with the absence of electronics.

Chapter 3: The Ignorance

Ignorance is bliss, and so they say. no way, i dont find it blissful in any way. To me, ignorance is the perfect way to not develop and learn, what more to appreciate. Ignorance is a bit heartless, and ignorance may hurt another being.

Chapter 4: The Goal

Pray harder, ask for everyone's forgiveness, get everything ready in 14 days, get some teeth scaling done, have a spa/massage, cut and treat hair. Recite lots of Al-Fatihah, Bismillah, Hasbiyallah, 3 Kul, Ayat Kursi and Selawat til my throat gets dry, and until i am announced as Mrs Mohd Khairul Nizam. Insyaallah :)

Til I have better stories to tell, have a good friday, a good weekend, and a good night's sleep :)

:: Weekend On, Weekend Off. What.On.Earth? ::

2011-03-12T12:42:00.003+08:00

bummer didn't snap pictures just now.

Had a good breakfast with mom, and decided to buzz my darling neighbours Alya and Nadya! After soooo many years (although we live just 100 metres apart) of not catching up, we finally took the little time we have to update on the years lost. Alya and Nadya indeed have not changed at all; still the super sweet, fun, and joyful sisters we met 13 years ago :) And it was so fortunate of Alya to be around Malaysia with her kids at this time, given that Japan is badly hit by the quake and tsunami. Yup, Alya got married to a Japanese yo! and Nadya soon to be wed too! So off they went to the places I recommended in SS2 to get Nadya's wedding gown :) oh oh can't wait to be around to help Nad with her prep!

As for I, i'm off to get my wedding cards later on with Mr. Fiance! yeay! 300 cards are ready to be distributed, can't wait to see them!

On another note.

Supposed to be at work today, in Bangi for our SOP revamp. But don't think this moody body could stand the stress and coldness, AND, to be in focus for such long hours. Not only my fever's only coming to a subside, but my throat's getting itchier, and this nose is getting runnier, and my ovary decideds to give me a cold hard PMS. yes, i would like to share that my period has been on halt for 3 days due to my illness; or more maybe due to the antibiotics and other pills i had to take. reaaally distrupts my cycle i tell u! grrrrrrrrrrrrr

So what's new. Hmmmm probably nothing much.
Still working hard to lose all these CONCRETE fat, and tone up some muscles so that I'll look yummy for my wedding, and the days after. LOL. Of course you gotta be a yummy wife and mom okay ladies! Remember that Islam did stress on women having have to look good for the husband okay. So don't go all ugly or too carefree about your appearances, then blaming your husband for looking at others. You too have to play your roles well in maintaining a good and healthy family, yes? Indefinitely!

My wife-type idol hence this day forward will be the all famous Hana Tajima, my friends Ewa, Puan Nanako, Fiza Jai, and Salimah. Simply because they're super hot and slim, and working hard at the same time, AND they NEVER forget to be a better Muslim everytime :)

Hmm....maybe insyaallah when I decided to wear the hijab, i shall go for Hana's style? :P Well, u GOTTA look good yeah? LOL.

Til another day, have a good weekend off peeps. I'm off to another hectic one til March ends!

:: Geeewhiiizzzzz ::

2011-03-11T10:15:00.001+08:00

March's a month where I shall have endless rants.
I'm tired, i'm not well, and I have tons of work, courses, and outstations.

Wish me luck. i'm in deep s***.

p/s: uncle shaf, if ur reading this, please ignore my humble rants. LOL!

:: 107 Days ::

2011-03-10T20:12:00.002+08:00

Bismillah.

Has been 5 months since i last penned. FIVE months. not funny. nope. that's how little time i had to even THINK about expressing myself through the one and only medium that has served me so well over the past 6 years.

Updates. hmm. as per title mentioned, insyaallah it'll be in 107 days that i am officially wedded to the love of my life, the only person i've given almost all my time, strength, focus, heart and soul to for almost 5 years to date. Alhamdulillah, preparations have been smooth-going as we've not only planned and got almost everything done months before the day comes, but also because papa has been so supportive to help us through and booked us the hall. THAT, was the initiation stage. yup, after almost 2 years of both Bob and I talking and discussing in the air over matters relating to the lifetime commitment, we are finally counting days and sweating blood and tears in hopes for it to be the wrapping up of my family's wedding ceremonies, insyaallah. Correct, I am, the last in the family to get hitched, but I am not fretting, alhamdulillah, i am very pleased.

Still going strong with my job, with friends, mended the crooked ties with everyone dear to me, and trying very much to be a better person. I know i have not made progress in changing, i have no idea why. I would so love to blame the stressful job, and the average pay, and the not-slim-enough physique...and the ugly hair. maybe i'm not thankful enough to Allah for giving me soooo much, in actual fact. maybe i am too envious of those rich kids who live a good life, eating healthy food, having their weekly manicure/pedicure, bi-weekly hair treatments at the salons, having fancy dinners every fortnightly, driving expensive cars, not having the slightest hardship of getting money to get married or even to have kids of their own...and the list goes on.

and here i am, portraying that nothing bothers me, when all i'm left is just a third of the salary i get for my daily living, which of course includes food, toiletries, fuel, toll charges and bills. no, i'm not lucky enough like some of you who got hitched to rich kids or already rich and established men/women, in which leads you to zero worry onto thinking of what'll happen if you got into an accident etc? savings are nearly impossible with all these debts. what more to have a comfortable life? I guess this is the test Allah has lined up for me. maybe THIS will help me become a different person, a whole lot better one. simply because, i, have not been totally grateful for the things that came in my way. and because i did not save the tens of thousands i could've had for my future undertakings.

I shall learn to save more. I shall learn to listen and take my darling Bob's advices seriously. I, shall become a better Muslim. I, shall become a happy person.

And i forgot how good it feels like to write. It does take my burden away. :) Thank you Allah, for making us humans such geniuses, and having the thought of devicing and inventing this internet, and hence blogspot. And thank you readers, my loyal readers for stopping by and check out what I have to say, and probably argue here and there, for your arguments have helped me grow and see things in different perspectives - that I, am not alone in this world. and that harmony exists with the blend of tolerance, anger, perspectives, beliefs, culture, religion, self-righteousness, confidence, esteem, knowledge, science and logic, and not to forget, experiences. harmony is so complex, yet achievable in every way possible. God is great.

Need to list down songs for the band to play for the dinner reception, bi-lingual, yes, both Malay and English as my bridesmaids are Aussies, oh, and a Kiwi, and a Swedish. cool aye? :)

Now, which lucky songs will be in my list?. Head-throbbing session begins.

.107 days-counting begins.

:: The Chronicles of the English Vocabulary ::

2010-09-25T19:22:00.006+08:00

facts help us through most of the time. facts of life, of love, of science, and of relationships. but bare in mind that facts are meant to be adjusted, or adapted, to each circumstance. at the end of the day, facts, aren't solid after all, they are indeed subjective.

i have not lived as long as our great grandparents have, let's say my great grandpa whom died at 100+ years old. nor have i gone through sufferings or commotions as he had during the Malaya days. nor have i gone through the hardship that he went with great grandma prior to getting solemnized in the middle of the war/state of emergency and up in the hills. those are facts. but facts that lead to questionings, of which may lead to further alterations of one's initial fact of the story.

but when it comes to dealing with facts that people say about you, or your career, or your family, or anything significant to you in that matter, it often trails to emotions; negative, most of the time. imagine someone calling your family "a disturbed institution", eventhough it was a cold hard fact, wouldn't you want to express a little resentment, or disagreement? and somehow you would still want that person to inject a pinch of positivity somewhere along the line, because really, there were some good coming out of all that disturbances?

how about when someone says that you're so negative and ugly that u have no sense of "living"? doesn't it get to you, on how little the other person knows about you when they blurt things as such, because literally they didn't bother getting to know the other side of you?

poeple often make mistakes of judging others through facts that they see facade-ly. no, being BFFs doesn't mean you know them inside out. no, being friends for 50 years doesn't mean u know the other inside out. fact is, no one knows what the other person is like 100%, even if you were blood-related, or married, or were housemates for 10 years. you just don't know.

i have always been the sort of person who tells it to the face. yes i admit, when i'm with friends and family, i was very insensitive. i was vulgar, and i was an extro. some love me, most do not. but it hit me hard one fine day when i found out that a person i call my comfort spitted nasty criticism, of which was regarded as "a cold hard fact". I WAS A NASTY PERSON. and i was slumped. not because i couldn't take that "fact", but because despite the other's bad sides, i never said things like that so transparently. yes, ironic. eventhough i was said to be so transparent and insensitive, i still had morality and dignity. i do not, regard one as low, and so liquidly. the other reason i was slumped was because i prayed for the people around me, including this one. i prayed for Allah to guide us through, to give us good health to undertake our responsibility on earth and towards the preparations of the afterlife. i prayed for sense of forgiving, to forgive those who have made, is making, and will make sins to us. i prayed for everyone's wellbeing and blessed prosperity, and be humble of the good life Allah has granted. I prayed for all. and all I received were bad judgments and perceptions.

think about it. that someone that you just said nasty things about, or criticized about, intentionally or not, may just be the person who has been praying for your good health, and prosperity. you should be thankful that there are people doing it on your behalf, when you hadn't done the simplest good yourself. wallahu'alam.

:: Ramadhan, August 2010 ::

2010-08-19T09:17:00.002+08:00

aih i've been gone for quite some time haven't i? sorry. really not because i've had a miserable time whatsoever, but literally because i had such a wonderful time with family, friends, and of course the one and only. too many great agendas that i seem to neglect this space, of which had served me superbly well for the past 5 years. thank u blogspot :)

no, i'm not writing (or in this case, typing) again because i have the sudden mishap, no. i had spare time off of work :) yes, part of the good agendas were my work trips, and this time accompanied by my one and only mother. Truth is i've always had this love-hate relationship with mom, but eversince i turned 25, i realized that my mother will always always be a nuisance, BUT she will always be MY mother, and that I am forever her daughter. The trips drew us closer, and funnily she had a great time travelling with me. Sometimes it's kinda annoying that she treats me like a kid still, but then as i complaint to Bob, his replies made so much sense. my mother has only I left, the only child left single, unwed, for her to spoil, tease, control and all those that parents do.

* * * * * * *

makes me wonder what'll happen to me one day when i have my own. that is, if i get married. oh please i do not wish to become a spinster! i would love to have 10 kids with God's will, but the economy and the lifestyle of these final years of the Earth do not allow such "norm" anymore. I personally love watching Bob's family come together for dinners, parties, gatherings and such. yeap, there's 10 of them altogether. and it pleases my soul more than my eyes to witness such an institution.

now could this be signs of me wanting to have my own cool family soonest possible? i reckon. definitely. for to not have them would be a waste of sheer love and unconditional devotion.

* * * * * * *

today marks my 9th month here at this new environment, new office. so far has been hectic, but great. i've learnt, i've swore, i've cursed, i've loved, i've dreaded, i've complaint, i've joked and haven't yet cried. although it did took up most of my time, but it has drew me closer to the ones i dearly love, and i would not substitute this for anything else. last time, hectic work left me estranged, far from social reach, far from truth, far from reality. and God knows how that tore me up to pieces that are now left glued, but with minuscule spaces that the eyes cannot see, but only the heart could bear. i pray each day to help myself forgive; for to err is human, and to forgive is divine. life must go on and my love for myself, for the Almighty, for my family, friends, and those so dear to me shall grow within time, and i shall not practice hatred, nor jealousy, nor vengeance, as they are merely the traits of the satan and its accomplices.

* * * * * * *

Ya Allah.
murahkanlah rezeki kami.
bantulah kami mencari rezeki yang halal.
senangkanlah hidup dan mati kami.
panjangkanlah umur kami.
berilah kami kesihatan untuk menjalankan tanggungjawab kami kepadaMu, keluarga, dan masyarakat.
bantulah kami untuk sentiasa mensyukuri limpah rahmatMu.
bantulah kami untuk sentiasa redha dengan segala ketentuanMu.
jauhkanlah kami daripada terlalu taksub dengan harta keduniaan.
jauhkanlah kami dari perkara yang dilaknati olehMu, dan ciri yang dibenci olehMu.
jadikanlah kami orang yang mulia disisiMu.
kuatkanlah semangat dan keimanan kami.
kami insan yang lemah, banyak berbuat dosa padaMu setiap hari, terimalah abadat kami yang sedikit ini, itupun jika ada.

Ya Allah
jangan Kau matikan kami dalam kekufuran.
jika Kau matikan kami, matikanlah kami dalam keimanan, dan jangan Kau matikan kami di dalam kejahatan dan kemaksiatan padaMu Ya Allah.

Ya Allah
kami tidak layak memasuki syurgaMu, tetapi kami tidak mampu menghadapi api nerakaMu.
bantulah kami Ya Allah, bantulah kami seluruh umat Islam akhir zaman.

Amin, ya rabbal 'alamin.

:: Overwhelming Days ::

2010-06-05T13:42:00.003+08:00

last week has been terrible.
so many regretful agendas, so many heartbreaks, so many disappointments....

first there were, i may say hiccups on my little sister's reception. do not want to go into that again, ever.

then there was news on my buddy aref's uncle, whom carried so much joy to all those around him... and of course indefinitely to aref, sue and their family...uncle jamil was one of a kind, though i did not have the chance to really know him. few hours of meeting and chatting with arwah gave nothing but positive impressions and that he had one hell of a great heart. may he rest in peace.

then came the passing of the one whom i called my own...none other than my other buddy syazana's mother, Mak. she had always regard me as her other daughter, eversince year 2000. ten solid years of worthy advices, ten years of laughter and tears, and ten solid years of unconditional love. not only that she had been so motherly to me, but she had been my one of my own mother's greatest friends. both mom and i loved her so dearly, and i regret the fact that i couldn't get off work to bid my last goodbye...but i hope my last "i love you" to Mak was enough to let her know that i've always thought of her, and i have never turned my back against her. i still have a hard time coping with the fact that she is no longer around, and i regret every single day that i didn't pay a visit, everytime syazana mentioned how Mak misses me, solely due to my respect for some parties involved. you will always be in our hearts Mak.

Al-fatihah Jamil Abu Hassan, and my one and only, Saleha Hashim.
Moga roh dicucuri rahmat.
i will always love u Mak... :'(

:: Sedih v7.1 ::

2010-05-24T23:07:00.003+08:00

astaghfirullahul'adzim. ya allah kuatkanlah hati.

nothing has been easy, nothing.

honestly, THAT TV station i worked with really turned me onto someone utterly horrible. like seriously horrible inside out. i got messier each day, i smoked too much each day, i swear like one perempuan kampung, and the most important thing of all, i scewed up my relationship with the family, and my significant other.

it was so bad, that i wasn't invited to birthday celebrations.
it was so bad, that i didn't realize my own significant other was going all comfortable with his colleague of whom, personally to me, looked so much like his ex.
it was so bad, that i was made to choose between the person in the top management and my own mother, on mother's day.
it was so bad, that my world was just shikin, fiqa and her now-boyfriend shahrin.
it was so bad, that at night, i felt loneliest ever throughout the wee hours.

i wish i can be just as interesting-looking, slim/skinny, and rich, just as that girl.

yes i'm sleepy. i had the best idea to write, but i guess my little nephew wore me out.

goodnight, sleep tight :)

:: Sunday, 1:35am ::

2010-05-23T01:17:00.005+08:00

i don't know why, but i always get myself screwed up in my own comfort zone.
i've been the person people talk to, asking for advices, telling how sad or sorry they were that they got themselves into situations with others, but at the end of the day, i was left hanging, ALONE.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.

one minute this person is complaining to badly about the so-called close friend (subsequently making ME the next best thing) and that things have changed eversince, then comes another minute when i suddenly see pictures of them together, or witnessing the exchange of love, trust and comfort amongst themselves. suddenly EVERYTHING goes back to normal, and yet again, i lose my "significance". suddenly i'm outdated, and for the gezillionth time, felt STUPID.

Then another party comes to me and said "Well, they ARE the bestest of friends, FOREVER u know. Like, nothing can change that?"

then comes it's back to normal. all the bestfriends go out with each other, they told each other about my opinions and suggestions, they criticize me, and then i'm alone again.

what, is someone trying to tell me that I was born to simply comfort others around me?
yeap, still haven't learned from my mistakes. Again others told me "oh wake up, stop being so straight and naive. Stop thinking that everyone who came to you had 100% genuinely good intentions. Stop thinking that no one's gonna harm u."

Well said fellas, well said. Now i'm back to square one.
I DO NOT HAVE ANY BESTFRIEND.
they're all merely "close-friends", friends, or acquaintance.
I've been trying very hard to "befriend" my enemies and resolve issues i've had had with people. Now we're all practically talking.

Someone also said to me "Yang kau beriya2 sangat nak jaga hati orang and relationship/friendship orang lain ni kenapa? ade orang lain tu peduli ke to even jaga YOUR hati?"

hmmm....betul jugak.

Thanks to those concerned. U have contributed to my piggy-bank of reasons to NEVER trust anyone at all, ever again.

Thanks. A LOT.

:: Minda Kosong ::

2010-05-19T15:30:00.003+08:00

here i am, sitting in the office trying to catch a breath.
these few weeks have been hectic, with reports to be written and places to be observed and visited.
my sister is finally married to a friend and currently on their 12-day honeymoon in london.
my elder sister is finally coming home for a holiday this may 27th. oh how i miss my little nephew!

the other nephew is getting more attached to me. yes, he wakes me up every morning in the weekends with a melodic voice, calling my name. Nope, this voice doesn't stress me up at all. to me, his voice is the sound of joy and happiness. a voice that's full of hope. freaky, but i'm starting to feel that i should have one of my own now. hmmm let's see. savings = zero. forget about it.

plans plans plans.

june or july, was supposed to be the month that both bobby and i finally get to bury our feet onto the sands of perhentian, but doesn't look good now. somehow i gotta save more than 1k a month to realize my intentions of getting married next year and have a good honeymoon in land down under. yeah, daddy has summoned me to do so on the night my sister got hitched. so yeah, next year isn't far at all. gotta get myself ready aye?

hmm i'm getting boring by the day. oh well, wait til i get something juicy to share.
WAIT FOR IT!

:: Round of Celebrations! ::

2010-05-08T09:46:00.003+08:00

Today's my sister's BIG day, :))
Today's also my dear cousin Azree Zharif Ozair's 26th birthday!
and my stepmom Elly Azlin Abdullah's 36th birthday!

To Nadia Zainudin @ Yaya @ Adeq,
God bless, Selamat Pengantin Baru by 8.30pm insyaallah. Moga jodoh panjang selalu, dimurahkan rezeki, dan dipermudahkan segala urusan... U will always be the little sister i've been protective off eversince we said hello in babytalks :)

Azree Zharif Ozair @ Ajib, u may or may not be reading this, but Happy Birthday dearest cousin... Moga Allah murahkan rezeki, memanjang umur dan jodoh kamu berdua, dan permudahkan urusan dunia dan akhirat awak, wife Farra and little angel daughter Arissa :)

Aunty Elly Azlin Abdullah @ Yanti :P, semoga dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki, diberikan kesihatan, dan dipermudahkan urusan dunia dan akhirat...thank u for taking good care of my father!

LET'S ALL HAVE A JOLLY GOOD TIME TONIGHT SHALL WE!

:: Salam MoodSwing ::

2010-05-01T23:05:00.004+08:00

don't u ever dare walk away from your own sanity.
don't u ever dare play god.
don't u ever dare utter that i am living in denial, when you were the one who needed the constant wake-up-call all through your life.

no, i won't deny that things are easier said than done.
and no, i won't say that i've been through worse than you.
no, i won't say i've got it all.

many of us like to play the "adult entity" when conversing, and many too, have stumbled upon questions that even the self-proclaimed adults couldn't begin to comprehend, yet alone answer with any sort of alibi and/or anecdote, and/or quality-mental-archive. have u ever tried asking those same questions to a 5-year old, whom has zero biasness whatsoever, and whom will reply you without the manipulative emotions of guilt, sorry and egoism. try it, you'll be surprised of how dumb you may sound.

i'm amazed. and shocked, to be exact, on how ungrateful people can be, and of course not excluding myself. selalu2lah kita muhasabah diri, menurut ahli2 ilmiah islam. but the thing that bothers me most are those whom constantly question their lives, and the level of mishaps they've gone through, subsequently directing the blame indirectly to the One and Only Allah swt, and other persons with their respective Gods, with their usual phrase "WHY ME?!" while screaming their hearts out, with body well-postured as if they were inhaling deeply and "expanding their lungs", yoga style. absurd. totally absurd.

and i can't believe some even had the NERVE to ask for my pity, when all they did was lie, lie and LIE. simple, all they did was twisting the story and manipulating ME onto believing as i am so well known for being "so straight" and that i "trust people too much and too easily". thanks, please do take advantage of me as often as you can, godspeed on trying to break me down. smile, you're on candid camera - pitiful portraits slot. so, do expect me to treat you just as friendly too, because i'm GREATER at making you a mega-fool of yourself.

sigh i really am trying to break myself away from all these nonsense and negativity, but still a beginner at it! more seem to come crashing down on me. have mercy please?

i'm on my pms mode, and not in the mood.
nope, not a very good entry indeed.
i'm just uncomfortable.
need.a.good.long.hot.shower.

assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh walridhuanuhu wajannah walmaghfirah.

:: To Wife, or Not To Wife; Marriage and the Likes ::

2010-03-24T10:09:00.004+08:00

i've attended Kursus Kahwin some years ago with dearly wedded Farah Nadziah and Sofie, my love Mohd Khairul Nizam, 19 years-friend Ana, an acquaintance who shall remain unnamed, and a friend A.J.

'twas said that many married couples got it wrong in leading their daily lives as husbands and wives of Islam. The men actually had the idea that household chores including cleaning and cooking, in addition to taking care of the children have always been, a women's job; also of course satisfying the NEEDS of the husbands. The men then carries the idea that, their main responsibility was strictly at providing Nafkah Zahir, which includes providing basic necessities like money to buy food, clothes for children and a place of shelter. Many men also quoted, "well, you gotta be able to put food on the table!"

Now hold your horses!

Repeat that sentence please.
PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE.

And this is what the Ustaz said. According to Hadith (can't remember by whom!), men were supposed to provide for the family. and what it means here is that, not just providing money or raw ingredients, but COOKED FOOD on the table. dude, you can't serve your family raw food right? unless it's ULAM or SUSHI! and no, don't expect your family to binge on those everyday! wait, even sushi's sticky rice needs to be cooked! there u go! *grin*
was also said that men are supposed to do the housework! Ustaz said that, the thing with men is, they always take things for granted. (OH THANK YOUUUU USTAZ!) Once the wife helps around with the house chores, they start to think that "hey, she's doing it also, why not skip next week?!" gradually, it becomes "woman, it's YOUR JOB". u really need some serious knock on the head dear men!

And then comes the quarrels. simply because men were not aware of their duties, as per ISLAM. really, please concentrate during your kursus kahwin will u? no wonder divorce cases are inclining like mad! ish! it was also highlighted that, IF, by request, the husband asks the wife to help around, then YES, u better do it woman, else ur asking for trouble! now that's a happy family right there!

on another note, many young, married couples have trouble when they have no other financial support, i.e. wealthy parents. i realized that so many of them nowadays tell stories of how GREAT and WONDERFUL their lives are as married couples, hence planting the idea on others' heads that it's an easy thing! well of course for them u numbskulls, THEY COME FROM WEALTHY FAMILIES! If it weren't for their parents and families, u really think they can have great weddings, nice houses (some even stay with their parents still!), good cars, travel everywhere around the world like every quarter of the year, and have kids, without even having a STABLE JOB? u gotta be kidding me right? some even have SPONSORED maids to help around! the best thing is, some of these married couples even threw sarcastic remarks such as

"ey, lamenye bercinta! duit tu bukan isu la nak kahwin, unless masing2 takut nak commit, kot? tak ke?"

in addition to that, ade yang kate, "eh ok aje i jage anak..memang la penat skit, but takde la susah mane". AMBOI SEHEDAPNYE MULOOOTTT....if your parents are willing to support us and our families, takde hal wei, aku ok ajeeee! ye tak? memang la, as it is, you are not even sweating your bum off to earn a living, senang la hidup! ish geram pon ade dengan orang yang tak considerate langsung dalam percakapan.

subhanallah, bukanlah nak mintak benda buruk, tapi tgk la, Tuhan tu Maha Berkuasa, sekali die tarik kesenangan korang, baru terkial2 nak mintak tolong orang sekeliling. pastu kang bergaduh, bercerai-berai laki bini, all because you had no idea how hard it is to raise a family and earning on your own! oh i wish u all the best. kalau dah senang, jangan tindih2 orang sekeliling and bagi false hope, sebab KAMI BUKAN ORANG SENANG MACAM KAMU. thanks.

Bismillah, mari kita orang BIASA berusaha mencari rezeki yang halal untuk keluarga, dan memohon diringankan beban.

Hasbiyallahu laa ilaahaillahuwa 'alaihi tawakkaltu wahuwa rabbul 'arsyil 'adzim.
Allah yang mencukupi segala keperluanku, tiada Tuhan yang berhak disembah kecuali Allah, kepadaNya aku bertawakal. Dialah Tuhan Arasy yang Agung.
Amin, yaa rabbal 'alamin.

p/s: saya bukanlah orang yang beriman sangat, tapi saye akan sentiasa cuba memperbaiki diri dan bercakap dengan lebih sopan. insya allah.

:: :'(( ::

2010-03-22T16:34:00.004+08:00

Jangan lagi kau sesali keputusanku
Ku tak ingin kau semakin kan terluka
Tak inginku paksakan cinta ini...
Meski tiada sanggup untuk kau terima

Aku memang manusia paling berdosa
Khianati rasa demi keinginan semu
Lebih baik jangan mencintai aku dan semua hatiku
Karena takkan pernah kan kau temui cinta sejati...

Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini dan jangan kau tangisi lagi
Sekalipun aku takkan pernah mencoba kembali padamu
Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma... aaa...
Serasa ku t'lah mati untuk menyadarinya...

Tapi bukan aku...

Semoga saja kan kau dapati hati yang tulus mencintaimu
Tapi bukan aku...

:: And it continues ::

2010-03-19T09:30:00.002+08:00

Life, in this world we're living in, can be quite a scum.
But it's ok, we'll deal with it to our level best.

Smile, because our lives have yet to begin.
you know what i mean :)

:: Tweaks in my Rainbow ::

2010-03-17T11:18:00.003+08:00

i believe i've put too much pressure on myself and Bob.

TOO MUCH. luckily he has so far constantly kept his cool and did an awesome job on keeping mine too.

Mohd Khairul Nizam, u are blardy awesome. thank you for being my everything.

Tonight I shall go to the gym for aerobics class with Sue Khalid. kudos to sue whom has lost about 15 kilos over 60 days. yes people, 15 kilos!!! i shall lose my 5 within 30. discipline discipline discipline!

And tomorrow, I shall pay a visit to dear Farah, Sofie and Baby Sayf Irfan with Farrah Najwa, sisters Suhada and Suhana Fauzi, and Emmy Safina (hope u can skip ur class maybe? :P)

ok back to work!

p/s: i have no idea on what to write. but i shall write pretty soon as juicy gossips and hurtful events will be shared soon! huuubbaaa huubbbaaa!

:: E'en's Life, Take 3773! ::

2010-03-16T09:15:00.005+08:00

sigh i've been neglecting my blog for quite sometime. but have not been neglecting the reading of others' blogs ok :)

hmm.....

i've been hearing people giving advices to one another, on how important it is not to put personal and professional matters on the same plate, yet the same people have been "breaching" such principles.

is it really so hard to not mix those two? well to me it isn't, well, so far, hasn't been a problem. to tell u the truth, i've been trained to do so at as early as 12 years old. believe me, i have always been, THAT professional. and yes, my father did an awesome job at having me making my own decisions and critical thinking before i even reached puberty. man i have tons to learn from this man! simple example, i was super active in sports. was even up to state level and managed to score straight As for my PMR. yup, that's how great my father trained me onto being disciplined and focused. but one thing for sure is that, my father had always given us options: would u like to be someone with extensive knowledge, or would u like to be a pro in your area of sports?

somehow along the way, i'd put education as top priority. don't ask me why, but yes, somehow or rather i knew in my heart that a good solid layer of knowledge is essential. of course as a teenager, i could never really figure out why, but i still pursued it religiously. and the determination has not deteriorated to this present day, alhamdulillah. yes, i do hope to have my PhD soon, but money has always been a challenge. I even spoke to dear Bob on getting my second Master's, this time in Education, specifically in Special Education. i somehow grew interests in this line eversince i attended the Montessori course for Special Needs few months ago, as part of my job enhancement. and i am now super fond of children, regardless how the society categorized them as, for they are nowhere different from us all...Bob even had the hunch that I will someday have my own montessori or pre-school centre :) u are indefinitely a sweetheart Bob, i swear :))

as for now, I am happy on where I am. I'm learning a lot from this job, and looking forward to the coming years - although this is pretty challenging! but syukur alhamdulillah, Allah has given me so much, and i am truly blessed. amin!

great news came in last night, Farah Nadziah had given birth to a healthy baby boy (when i say healthy, i mean 3.6kg healthy okaaayyy!) at 8.02pm! *sofie, thank u for the precise time of birth!* hehehehehhe.....Farah's the first mummy of the clan y'all! woohooo! and suprisingly, the rest of us are still SINGLE! (as in not married ok, but dating. ehem.) LOL! insyaallah our turns will be soon, doakan kami! :) alhamdulillah both mom and baby are kicking butts! way to go Farah! we shall visit u guys soon okaaaayyy! yup, EDD was accurate! baby did launch on 15th March! hehehehhe..oh i still hadn't got a clue what the baby's name is! Farah, sila share dengan kami ye! 15.03.10 is a date to be calendered from this day forth *wink* we love u mama farah and papa sofie! (eh, mama dan papa ke masalahnye? ye, aku suka hati please. :P)

oh as for me, my body is ballloooonninnngggg like nobody's business! one day i'm ok, one day i'm bloated, and one fine day i'm all saggy. yekh. trying to get into an exercise routine now, hoping to stay in shape and strong til 2012! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! wish me luck people please, i sooooo need it!

p/s: FIZA FIZO, i miss u. :( please call me or text me soon.

:: The Great Mirror ::

2010-02-19T22:34:00.003+08:00

i have not learnt from my mistakes.
i dont know when will i ever.
i dont know why would i ever.

truth is i never think or perceive bad about anyone.
according to mr significant other and a few close friends, i TRUST people too much. which led me to thinking that no one's that big of a harm.

until of course it harmed me in every way possible.

i always OVERestimate someone's kindness. to me, they're just plain kind, no tricks, nada.
and i always think that people were dead honest to me, simply because everyone around seemed to be more of everything positive as compared to me.

until i was used in every term possible.

i know this, i do. but i keep on making the same mistakes again. solely because to me everyone is different, and everyone should be given a chance (maybe two...or three!) to bring out the most of their personality before any judgements were passed.

and i hope that one day, i will HAPPILY get rid of these nonsense!

again, goodnight and sleep tight.

:: Of Pimples and Scars ::

2010-02-19T21:57:00.004+08:00

kadangkala saye rase saye ni syok sendiri, kadangkala rase saya ni terlebih menyampah kat diri sendiri, kadangkala saya rasa macam semua benda tak elok yang jadi kat diri saye sebab saya mungkin dah banyak menyinggung perasaan orang throughout my life. but having said that, kadangkala terpikir jugak ape la jahat saya pernah buat kat orang, sebab setahu saya, saye tak pernah pon sibuk nak hancurkan hidup orang lain....melainkan orang tu buat taik kat saya of course. heh...

tapi has been few years since i ever gave a hoot about anyone other than my close friends. PON ade orang sibuk nak STIRRRR my happiness. eh pelik. oh papelah...

kadangkala tu duduk umah sendiri pon tak comfortable. sebab macam kene observe dalam pusat pemulihan. pakai jeans colour ni salah, pakai subang jenis tu salah, pakai converse shoes pon salah! ntah hape hape. bile la pulak masa bole dok umah and wear whatever i want, sit however i want, and have whatever ice cream i want?! yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhh!

muka saya tak pernah berjerawat sebegini rupa, skang dah naik geli. smue sebab bukan sahaja penat bekerja, kat umah pon macam2 hal. apahal la susah sangat. DUDUK DALAM BILIK BACE BUKU DIAM2 PON JADI MASALAH! apahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall! kang aku merayap, kene bising, tak pasal kene tuduh aku liar la ape la.

NOTHING SEEMED RIGHT, AND I'M GETTING SUPER ANNOYED.

on a different note.

my little sister is getting married this may 29th. time does fly, and i sometimes see myself as the pathetic one. don't know why, but however great i am at beating my siblings in terms of achievements, i still seem to be the black sheep. haih penat la hidup macam ni, seriously.

mungkin pasal sekarang dah kurang melafaz ayat2 suci al-quran, bukan seperti dulu, hari2... asyik outstation sampai lupa tanggungjawab kat tuhan. padan muka aku. thanks.

i'm off to yet again another seminar in johore. i shall start reciting the quran again for nothing brings more good luck to me than doing just that.

selamat malam, selamat menonton match MU esok. saye akan teriak sekuat hati bersama encik bob tersayang.

sekian.

:: twittwitmebum ::

2010-01-22T09:35:00.004+08:00

ok ok so i've been missing for quite a while. aiiihhhhh been busy busy busy.

work-wise, been forever on outstation duties.
love life-wise, been having short getaways with my dearest *wink
social-wise, been hooking up with aref, zana, farrah for meals and teas, and the usj clan for daytrips

other than that, been busy helping out with Bob's sister's significant days. this is what happened.

It was the day Bob and I arrived at his house from Bukit Tinggi. Quraisyah (Bob's second sister) came back with such anxiousness in her face, with tiptop level of determinations on cleaning the house. and i was left pondered. so i asked, and the reply was "oh my god, Wati didn't tell u?".

"What? what on earth am i possibly missing?!" (with absolute confidence that i was NEVER out of the loop of course).

"Heelloooo, Boy's family is sooooo coming tonight, nak merisik Wati la!"

with bulged out eyes, and voice box waiting to explode, "holy craaaaaaaaaappp! why didn't u tell me earlier?! look at how i'm dressed, u gotta be kidding me!"

note: i wasn't wearing anything flashy nor inviting. i was wearing a long-sleeved stripey body-hug and jeans.

"Hello, bukan u yang nak dirisik, buat pe nak cantik2?!"

"Eh hello balik, takkan i nak dilihat sebegini! at least i pakai la baju kurung gak ke ape kan, dah kate i akan dilihat di dapur dan tolong serve makanan!"

"Oh ya eh. ehehhehe...tak terpikir pulak. hehe!"

"Thanks. let me panic now."

and a pair of eyes stared at me for quiet sometime, then came movements from that set of lips.
"Sayang, u tak bawak baju spare eh?...pinjam baju diorg ke?"

"Bie, kita dari mane tadi? dari umah i ke dari bercuti? heh? speaking of pinjam, lebar-wise, yes i can fit into their clothes, but PANJANG-wise, hoi, are u blind? i'm like a freakin midget walking in this house!"

"Oh ya...lupe plak u pendek."

Then a huge laughter from the crowd.

"ha ha very funny ah boy. u wait."

then came a familiar figure.

"E'eeeeeeeeeeennnnn! Boy nak dtg merisik malam ni! tolong i pleeasseee?!!"

"Yes, and so i've heard. ha bagus bagi tau aku lambat2, dan aku berpakaian camni! cheeehh! fine, what r u guys serving? let me help"

And the rest was history. Adam (Bob's photocopy, but in a more youthful and darker version :P) was labelling the dish as "hotel-like presentation", very "semangat" gitu. ok, i'll take that as a compliment eh? :) Ceremony was quick, with Boy's side giving the ring in under 20mins upon arrival, followed by sounds of light clicks and bangs and screeches and knocks of cutlery and plates.

Everyone was happy. As for I, I was having a great time getting to know Bob's elder brother (from the first marriage) Abang Boy, and his girlfriend Dora (dora datang laagiii! hahahha), accompanied by tons of laughter in the kitchen, where we shared guilt-free moments of gobbling down fried rice-noodles, fried chickens, and two local kuihs.

note: Bob wasn't there the whole night, he was out watching Selangor vs KL Plus with friends. yes, has been a habit that his "representative" is seen at occasions like these. again, very funny ah u boy? u waaaaiiittttt!

But i'm not complaining...i had a great time :)

on a subsequent note, now that the Majlis Merisik is over, here comes the Engagement Day!
February 7th, 2010. Take note.

And we've been busy shopping and setting up the dowries, i.e. hantaran. and yes, i'm doing most of the decorations. :)

I FEEL HONOURED! :))

:: December December, yonkey doinks! ::

2009-12-23T15:35:00.011+08:00

Waazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappp....

Haih, where do I start..lemme see...Work is work, boring subject, don't wanna get too detailed in this, this time (watch me.) Been busy engaging myself with obligatory courses for the past 2 weeks, and as I get home from work, all I looked forward to was either my darling Bob, or coffee with friends, or the rectangular-huge-ass-hard "pillow" - THE BED. I've also purchased these two humongous books related to the service, and have only gone to page 117. and that's after quick flips and filters. yes yes i did extract the important ones ok. i'm still LEARNING the techniques of scheming through and focusing on the related info. well, not that anybody gives a hoot!

Ok moving along. Boyfriend has been on both upside and downside. What do u expect, we're both 25, still trying to get a stable income, and have been a couple for a little over 3 years. of course we choke on each other's neck sometimes! bwahahahahah. but the relationship is good. it's fun. and constructive. and good. and good. did i say great? yeap, great. yes yes u may be asking, WHEN. ok, give us maybe 2-3 years? we're getting there, we're getting there. stop pressuring pretty please? thanks.

I'm in a month's-salary-debt. yeap, 2 months of work without salary is no fun. thankfully they've wired my claims for November. sigh. And 4 days at the parliament is soooo not funny. thank god khair was on my side! and i bet feeza too..well u'd better be feezabelle! :)

Thousand apologies to everyone who had kindly invited me over for all sorts of celebrations. as u guys can see, my calendar forbids, and i'm left with frustrations too. :( Happy Birthday Kak Ija, Happy Birthday my little baby michelin Harith, Selamat Pengantin Baru Junainah, Congratulations Syed Munauwar, Congratulations little sister Nadia on ur engagement, Congratulations on the newborn son Iryana, and so many more...i'm sorry if i left anyone out, but this is really unintentionally yah?

I suddenly had the urge to visit Farah Nadz's old blog, since she mentioned about switching back to blogspot, and came across to the entry which brought sooooo many beautiful memories... it had all our pictures...all of us....when Farah was still "single", and Hydir too...and siblings Emmy and Hydir being a sport on tagging along with us "couples". And there was my birthday celebration, back when we were 23 *tears*, and the dinner session at the-person-who-shall-remain-unnamed's house, and the time when Farah got excited over her new Sony Ericsson (of which was a present from Sofie if i'm not mistaken!). and that got us jealous! hahahah...

Sigh...look at what a month could do to your life. and the people around u. and the relationships u've been holding on to. and the hopes and dreams that u've kept alive within u. and most importantly the faith that u held ever so tightly within your grasps...If only we had someone who leads, or maybe have led the same life we do. at least we could have someone to share with. the burdens, the heartaches, the joy, the sorrow, the gloom, the hype, the adrenalin. and maybe the experience. and ways of making life better each day without having to falter, or succumb to inauspicious fate.

CRAP is the word of the day. all together now:

.HOLY-MOTHER-of-CRAP.

:: December Reminder ::

2009-12-10T00:31:00.001+08:00

Beep!

Wait for iiiiitttt.....wait for iiitttt......

Give me a few days, and i'll be back in a jiffy!

:: When Cream Turns Sour ::

2009-11-30T15:28:00.002+08:00

and i thought i've got rid of IDIOTIC, IMMATURE "friends".

oh my god, GROW UP! no one harrased u in ANY way, and yet u SYOK SENDIRI, then started b****ing about everyone, as if they talked bad about u, when in fact they wanted NOTHING to do with u.

OH MY FREAKING GOD, GET A LIFE!

and i've known u like what, ALL MY LIFE? geez stop telling people to grow up, when u urself needed some teachings in ADOLESCENCE!

@%$@(*^$!_%(&~*^%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: The G Word ::

2009-11-24T21:22:00.003+08:00

things happen when we least expect.
things falter when we least expect.
people cherish us, when we least expect.
people BUG us, when we never had a tiny speck of expectation.

could this be a result of absolute ignorance? unfortunately for me, ignorance has never been a bliss. i could never ignore agendas, nor things, nor persons, and especially not heart-thumping words. i for one, has always been a light-sleeper. according to doctors and psychiatrists (not that i have been to one, mind u), light-sleepers are of those whom are constantly bothered by their surroundings. in other words, overly-conscious of whatever's happening around them, whatever's perceptions were being thrown at them, and whatever's happening behind that pair of visual aids. this is added up with a constant brain activity, of which occurs when one had too much to worry, and not letting the sounds of the calming night hibernate the tired soul. could this also be a sign of aging? neh, not that i know of. been a light-sleeper eversince i could remember!

enough about that. told u i can't ignore things. stories circling around my network hasn't been too great. no no nothing to do with my life, nor my significant other's, but merely on dear friends. i'm worried, i always am. it's so hard being nice, moreover being friendly and warm towards people. i'm complaining because it may very well lead me to decisions i could not comprehend, nor make peace with.i would love to love me, for who i am. don't u? so please, can i please please please have MY breather, and cope with this average life i'm living?. thanks.

sacrifice all u want. after all, we only live once, yeah? love all u want. care, all u want.
say it once, say it twice, say it out loud for all i care. i only live one life, and that's one chance in this earth-galaxy game.

i know this entry serves no meaning to you. but try to have a little "care", and "walk" my life. i seek no hatred, i seek no revenge, i seek no mercy, i seek no truth.

ALL I SEEK FOR IS HUMANITY, AND THAT, AT IT'S BEST.

in the end, we were all meant to say goodbye; just like what the lady on the radio said in such rhythmic tones.

*a toast to the CCD TV3 team; may the good times remain within our hearts. that was quite a team aye? :) chin up, god has better plans for us. *

:: tingaling aaa ling ::

2009-11-05T16:14:00.002+08:00

ok fiqa, u got your post, but i aint promising anything exciting okaaayy :)

alhamdulillah, i got THE job. yeap, am going for the government, for the creme de la creme of civil service, a.k.a. the administrative and diplomatic officer, better known with the grade of M41. Thank you, everyone for helping me, especially Papa whom i've bugged til 1 in the morning with questions i dont even know of the level of relevancy.

I'll be pushing off for my 5-day induction week in Kluang, Johor, this Saturday. Yeap it starts as early as 8.30am on Sunday and Subang Jaya will probably see my presence only on Thursday night, or Friday evening. If I was too tired, I might just drive by Subuh for duty on Friday, to wherever i'm posted to. hoping for Putrajaya of course :)

Ok what else is there...hmmm....Going broke as I've spent ALL my money these past 2 weeks with friends, and mostly with the significant other Bob. Funny this time, we look forward to seeing each other ever so often, eversince Alia Shafiza invited me to her open house on the 1st week of Aidilfitri. aaaaaa has been that long aye? Alhamdulillah...

I've also planted this habit of performing my Isha' and end my nights with Yasin, which has brought profound changes and meaningful agendas in my life....leading me to endlessly thanking Allah for everything that has happened, and not taking things super negatively everytime...I now seek for the "hidden messages" that Allah has been sending underneath those mishaps, subsequently having me to surrender and succumb to His decisions, willingly.

Friends have been great. My little sister got engaged recently, alhamdulillah...dont know when will her Big Day will be...Aimi's getting hitched this December 25th, and who are those monkeys all excited for that??? Yes, none other than us; Liyana, Fiza and Khair :) Yup, both Fiza and I went "kain" hunting few weeks ago for Aimi's wedding, and ended up buying lots more than we planned for :) Well, we both had GOOD reasons for it. Mine was "I need lots more baju kurung for the service ok!", and Fiza's was "One's for me momma, one's for me sista, and....".... hehehe.... Eventhough we were kinda in a rush, the time spent was SPLENDID. As for our not-so-little Khair, well she's in this love game of which is just waiting to come to climax. We're patiently waiting of course :) Aiman is starting to miss us... YESSSSS!!!!! hahahahhaha we will surely hang out soon ok aiman!

I'm happy with my life. and I sure will make it happy for the rest of my years as fated by Him :)

:: Let's Stay Together ::

2009-09-13T22:10:00.003+08:00

i wanted to wait for the weekend to end before i post my next entry. really because i had nothing much to share, hence bundling up events would be the most appropriate :)

Tuesday saw me havinga massive gossip session with dearest Fiqa, although we had our break-fast quite late due to "fully-reserved" restaurants. So there I was, munching on Shihlin's spicy XXL crispy chicken (which WAS super XXL). I couldn't eat much, literally had only a fifth of it, while Fiqa managed to gobble down her spicy fried seafood tempura... (i got that right, right Fiqa?) hehehehe....so yeah, we had our dinner later at Johnny's and it was a GOOD one! we should do this more often u know Fiqa, since Shikin and Shahrin are such arses, saying "steamboat isn't fulfilling"! they surely don't know how to appreciate food kan kan! hehehe...

Wednesday say me gathering up with the BUS STAND CLAN! weehooo! the annual e-commerce buka-puasa session was held at Marche, but this time missing Po (had to stay back for work!) and Zaza (alhamdulillah, was doing her umrah)...So yeah, there was just myself, Farah, Ana, Aiza, Alif and Raimi...also accompanying us were Aiza's hubby and his client :) It was quite an overwhelming one, with so much foooood! I pity Farah who couldn't stand the sight of blocks and chunks of food as she is expecting *wink*. Six more months and Farah+Sofie junior will scream HELLLOOOOOO worlldd! hehehe...Thanks a bunch to Raimi who paid my share, as I am broke AS HELL :) thank you thank you thank you Raimi!

Miss Liyana then went to Menara MPPJ for a family gathering on Saturday. This time, super pity me, because not only my PMS was so bad, I ate just the mee rebus and dessert! Bob really believes that this is due to me being "overly-conscious" of my weight. Well, not that I'm gonna deny that fact though, but no, it isnt because of that sayang, really...It's just the fasting month i guess...oh well, goodie goodie because i'm like 500 grams to 48kg! weehooo!

Sunday Sunday Sunday! The day i've waited for! Not only was I soooo happy that beloved boyfie Bob volunteers to accompany me for grocery shopping (which brings nothing back to him), my 3 beloved girlfriends came by for a massive masak-masak and buka puasa!!! *sorry, no pictures yet, will update soon*. And so, it started with me on my attempt to work on the fishes from SCRATCH. yes people, i had to scrape the fins (they were all over the kitchen, mind u) and chuck out the guts. I managed to fillet one of the fishes only, as i ran out of time! (crucial time management this one!)...then came my the two angels; Fiza and Khair, Khair's famous brownies, AND Fiza's infamous camera! hahahahhah! So yeah we got started until we realized that there were significant absentees - the chilli, the kailan, and THE daun limau-. Thank God for Fiza and Khair who were kind enough to get them at the nearby grocer while I fry my fish, neverendingly :P .....3/4 of the way, Aimi came with supper-yummy-licious strawberries and cream, and my Hari Raya cookies! yipppee!!! So yeah, not only we played award-winning-housewives, we too played mrs. darcy's-tea-and-dessert session! (we even had a change of tops!) hahahahha i just HAD to get that out! It was just awesome! It literally was the most care-free day i've had after soooooo many years....it somehow reminded of the MMU years we had together, where nothing else could make our day but the simple space for teh o ais and goreng pisang, the mopped tiles, the funky sling-bags, and US.

*background music: Lemar's Let's Stay Together, Robin Thicke's Ask Myself, KRU's Apa Saja, Texas's Say What U Want*

I wouldn't wanna trade anything for these moments. OUR moments.
I miss you guys already; Fiza, Khair, and Aimi...and Aiman, where art thou? missing you too, always :)

:: Taik Kerbau, part 2 ::

2009-09-06T23:23:00.002+08:00

Rase mcm nak penerajang diri sendiri.

Takpe, time to turn around and have a change of personality.

I shall do myself up super awesome-ly and make heads turn, not just due to physical facade, but also the charisma that i'm bringing with me.

Insya allah. In the meantime, save some money E'en. Farrah Najwa too.
We're going for holidays this December, and August next year. take note. anyone else is welcome to come along.

August itinerary: Melbourne + Brisbane (and maybe Adelaide too)

:: Peanut Butter Yoghurt ::

2009-09-06T11:53:00.002+08:00

some of u may have known.

I went for my PTD interview last wednesday. In a nutshell, it was horrendous. don't ask why, but most of my trusted government allies told me of how gruesome these panels could be, simply because of their intentions of massive provocation and aggravation. yes, leading to people storming out of the room, even breaking people into tears. honestly, i for one, whom has been quite a hard-head myself, was not ruled out by these possibilities. yes, i almost cracked, but luckily i got to hold my tears up. else, well, u know what happens if i do.

anyway, i dont wanna talk about work. has been super slow for me, despite having that curiosity and enthusias like a few weeks before i was officially employed. call me ungrateful, but nothing was right since day one. not only that i had no sense of drive in every aspect, but it got bad to the extent of colleagues sexually harrassing me. like, what the hell? not only one of them, who's bloody OLD and bloody SHORT held his arms around my shoulders on my FIRST event, but he and his f***ed up, childish, immature clique was talking about my breasts! what the hell weiii!!! u think i'm one freaking cheap b****? bloody hell, ur mentality and even educational background is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY below mine, and u had the guts to put me down to ur level? get a grip stupid old, married MEN. and to add salt to injury, i will be working hand in hand with these bastards for as long as i'm in this department! crap. if dato' knows about this i swear, u guys are sooooo losing ur jobs. ur freaking lucky i'm not exercising my loop of network. seriously, u think i LOVE to brag? f*** you i don't. if i do, then the whole media prima would've known who i am, and that bloody dato' would have lost his job months ago when i left! u bloody bastards are so lucky i kept my mouth shut and pretended i am nothing. DON'T TEMPT NOR CHALLENGE ME. man, i just yapped about work. shit.

On the other note, everything else remains stagnant. nothing's going greater nor is anything going worse. me and bob, still the same, going on our 3rd year this September 10th. yippie.
My little sister is getting engaged this October, and plans to get married by March. woohoo. Everyone in the family predicted accurately, that i'll be the last one standing, solo. oh well, guess my luck has never been great aye? will try to push it harder next time, just dont know when exactly. yeap, i'm losing my faith in "sky's awesome after rainy days", "there's nothing more wonderful that the exchange of love", blablabla. i'm a pessimist. nope, nothing new there. has always been. only managed to shrug it off for like 2 years or so, then i'm back to square one, due to people i'm attached with bombarding me with the same old attitude and story.

i am so giving up. i'm still quite sane, but having said that, insya allah i wont give up my life unwisely.

Congratulations to Nurul Mardziah Hamdan, a friend of 10 years who's getting married this 7th Syawal @ 27th September...thank you love for the invitation, I shall be there to witness your big day, before u fly off to land down under with dear husband :)

:: Idling ::

2009-08-29T11:17:00.001+08:00

super sorry for disappearing too long.
i have yet to get my writing groove, hence the outdated entries.

wait for it.

:: Untitled ::

2009-08-09T14:38:00.002+08:00

This week's awesome bestfriends:

Kleenex.
Minyak Cap Kapak.
Vicks.
Ubat Batuk Cap Ibu dan Anak.

........and more Kleenex for the broken heart.

:: Rants, part 10 ::

2009-08-09T12:44:00.002+08:00

Bismillah....

work so far has been ok-ok. nothing too much to be excited about.
this is my first attempt in Branding, and last week has been a bit confusing. not just with the people, but also the procedures.

things haven't been quite fair to me, and so i feel. maybe i'm not grateful enough to Allah for everything that came my way....maybe because i've not bow down to His Almighty for quite sometime....

Like recent years, i plan not to miss any of my Terawikhs. Australia has thought me that the effort on not missing my 5-times prayer a day had helped so much in excelling in mostly everything i do. and i tend to forget that once i step foot back in good ol Malaysia 2 years ago. why did this happen, i can't quite figure why. but i am mostly sure that the reasons are of those that i'm not really fond of.

in relations to other matters, i believe i'm jumping too quickly. which in the end, i myself created a whole lot of vomitting-mess which i am not really keen on cleaning....YET. maybe i'm too stressed up with my surroundings. well, i stressed myself up actually. i didn't need to, but i subconsciously wanted to. i'm going coocoo. looking at friends who constantly make achievements in their lives seem to bring my morale straight down. not to mention self-esteem: negative on any scale that has ever made in history.

someone told me i watch too much TV, and that i'm becoming more pathetic and melodramatic every passing day. of course, that's just BAD.

and now i wonder if i'll ever get back on my feet, and actually take the initiative to execute all these proposals and ideas i have in my head. great ideas and proposals, i mean.

Still struggling to breathe and keeping my head.

:: The First Pillar ::

2009-07-23T01:10:00.002+08:00

we tend to think too much, especially of a person you care for the most.

but have we ever try to stop and think, that most probably, the other person across that green green grass actually had always have us merely as a passing thought?

that's what makes us different. our hearts weren't the same. nor were our perceptions, assumptions, and level of tolerance AND honesty.

have you been honest to YOURSELF; first thing on the list.
it's about time we all do. i mean, who are we kidding, right?

honesty is the best policy; also the most horrendous act when it comes to applying to oneself.

ready, set, let's all hurt ourselves, then step back to reality and be great at it. :)

:: Di Antara Langit dan Bumi ::

2009-07-22T20:33:00.002+08:00

"Kadang2 Allah sembunyikan matahari..
Dia datangkan petir dan kilat..
kita menangis dan tertanya-tanya
kemana hilangnya sinar..
Rupa-rupanya.. Allah nak hadiahkan kita pelangi.."

Tatkala ku merenung nasibku yang saling berlawanan diantara baik dan buruk, berita penitis air mata datang menimbun...

My mother, a retiree, and the only one supporting my ill grandfather, received bad news from MARA...no, not that she's in debts, but indirectly, out of an act of random kindness on being a guarantor, she's now stuck with tens of thousands of breached loan-contract.

Making matters worse, my grandfather collapsed at his home in Seberang Perai last night... and got admitted to the hospital, with yet another clogged artery. and this isn't the NATURAL artery, but merely a replacement vein taken from his leg...yes, one is allowed to have this ONCE in a lifetime, and the replacement could only last up to 11 years...it has been almost that long, to date...Grandpa turns 79 this year, and in my mom's bloodline, that's quite a young age... My great grandma died at the age of 90, and her other half died at 114.

i'm not here to seek for attention, but i just dont know what to think...i've not seen my grandpa for almost 3 years now, due to my studies and employment....i know those aren't good excuses but really, how could I ever get myself a leave when i just started working at some place new?

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah hari2 keluargaku....dan berilah yang terbaik untuk kami.

:: A Descent Reply to Miss Lalamansor ::

2009-07-15T15:14:00.004+08:00

Dear all,

I think this Lalamansor is desperately seeking for our attention, via my blog. so i guess why not we contribute to satisfying her ego, ya? :)

Comment on post :: Doctor, anyone? ::

lalamansor said...

dpt masters from UNI mana? UNI sampah (i.e. not 100 world top uni) baik takyah bangga2.

well dear lalamansor,

again, why do u refuse to put up who you really are in the first place? so now u claim u know so much of the world and how things and everyone revolve around it? :)

uni sampah ke tak sampah, masih lagi di-recognize oleh kerajaan. bukan sahaja kerajaan malaysia, juga kerajaan negeri2 commonwealth.

haruslah saye bangga, sebab orang selalu ingat saye ni sampah, tapi sekarang everybody is happy i changed. so yes, master's was a big deal to me, and i believe i should be proud of it.

on top of that,i bangga sebab i made my father proud. this is what he has always hoped for; one of the daughters to go overseas, have a master's, and be an academician.

if u were my father, wouldn't u feel angry to have someone who has no idea whatsoever on what sort of life his daughter went through, before she got to where she is, judging his daughter as so? i could always go to world's top 100 uni with my results mind u, it's just that we're not that fortunate to have that much of money for the school fees and cost of living. on top of that, there isn't any other sources i.e. scholarships for master's. companies like petronas would only send their employees or their former degree scholar holders. don't think i've not done my research, i have. don't think i've not talked and seen many people in regards to this, i have.

so yeah, i believe everybody has their own 2 cents, and so would you. but if you believe you're so great, then be my guest :) i guess maybe people like you lack in attention and love, that's why u seek for them in every way u could. so here, u got my attention, and i hope you'll be happy now, ok? :)

peace y'all. i'm too a grown-up for this, and making enemies randomly is not what i call an ideal way of life. maybe it is for you, so until u realize that, i wish you the best, dear LALAMANSOR.

p/s: at least i want a better future for me, and doing something about it. thanks :)

editted:

oh apparently, a friend of mine found out about this Lalamansor. apparently, he/she (this case maybe it's a she due to the nature of the nickname, unless a trans :P) has been asking people around also about where to continue her master's/ phd. siap merendahkan orang lain bila org 'share' tentang "which university to pick", and highlighted so much on the FUNDING. clap clap dear lalamansor, and here you are, out of nowhere, judging me. u asked people via blogs? is that all the best that you could do? why not have the effort on going to all these FUNDING institutions and have a go urself? see, at least i've done a lot on my part. so before you say anything that may make you look even more pityful, better have your grounds and resources right next time yah? :)

:: Agro Calls... haba haba! ::

2009-07-13T16:11:00.006+08:00

Yesterday, Sunday.
8.30am to 11.30pm

The day started off with me buzzing Aud a gezillion times, in the attempt to wake her up off of her night snooze. Erin was punctual, and I was not. I "assumed" that she would be late herself as history has made it clear on how unpunctual most of my friends are. hehehehhee....

8.10am, Erin was on her way to meet me for breakfast and there I was, hussling myself onto getting everything chucked in my backpack and heating up the car engine. I knew I was screwed. 8.30am, as I was leaving the house, Erin texted: "Janji macam pariaaaaa weiiii. cepat skit! roti telur aku sedap ooooo!"

direct translation may cause misunderstanding and racial issues, UNINTENTIONALLY. hehehhehee.....

8.45am, I saw Erin at the mamak and ordered my Roti Sardin, taknak bawang :) we had a LONG breakfast, purposedly taking our own sweet time due to the still-snoozing Aud. 9.45am, Aud rang and called to join :)

10.15am and we're off to FRIM. Ayu called early in the morning to join, but decided to take a quick nap while waiting for Aud to wake up. Unfortunately her nap became a good sleep, hence did not realize I called. heheheh..sorry Ayu, blame Aud!

So yeah, got to FRIM, and amazed ourselves with tons of new stuff we got to learn. We also learnt that FRIM is huge. We walked and trail-trekked for a solid 2 hours OK! by the time we found the way out, our feet were so sore, that the sight of a bench was like ice-cold water on a hot sunny day! i sweaaarrrrr..... didnt take pictures except for these trees which impressed the hell out of us! hahahahaha.... After a good 15 minutes break, we walked back to the car and changed to a more comfortable gear - SLIPPERS! bwahahahhahaha! and had our good late lunch slash picnic before heading straight to SS2 for a superyummylicious SIX 'KAMPUNG' DURIANs! ooooo we were so bloated, and Erin had a hard time seating still and breathing LOL! by 4.30pm I reached home and had a warm bath before heading for the couch and watched TV til 9pm! :P oh did i forget to mention that my head was spinning as soon as I reached home? Yes I did. And that was the first sign of my beloved migraine :P

how cool is the first tree?! it's like painting! and it was cooling; speaking both metaphorically and literally.

this one is called Eucalyptus Deglupta, or better known as the Rainbow Eucalyptus, due to its rainbow-like bark. surf here for more info, or simply google them! i assure you'll be amazed by this rather unusual yet excitingly unique plant!

http://www.tradewindsfruit.com/rainbow_eucalyptus.htm
http://eucalyptusdeglupta.com/
http://www.worldagroforestrycentre.org/SEA/Products/AFDbases/AF/asp/SpeciesInfo.asp?SpID=770
http://eucalyptusdeglupta.com/aboutus.htm

oh see the "tumpang" tree an a random branch of this pine-like tree? cool aye? :P

Aaaa this is the great part. 9pm, I head out to Star Cafe to have dinner with Aud; spaghetti and chicken chop in tomato sauce. And that WASN'T ALL. 10pm, we found ourselves heading for ANOTHER ROUND of DURIAN at SS15! hahahahahha! this time, 4 KAMPUNG DURIAN for just the 2 of us! hahahahhahahahahha! oh, I had my huge share of Air Badak and plain water! thank god i did, else i wouldnt be able to sleep the whole night!

My Sunday was productive, and not to mention, AWESOME. Thanks Aud and Erin...we should do this again!

Oh oh during this lovely unemployment period, I also did some gardening :) I've planted the green beans (kacang hijau), solely because I've always wondered how it'll look like originally. Well, I've always planted it during my younger days, but they never really did grow. Now I know why; because they need a good space and very airy soil! Look at my babies now!

see the little pods jutting out? super cooooll!

I can't wait for them to grow more! yeeehhaaa!!!!

:: When The Heart and Mind Collides ::

2009-07-10T22:10:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wonder why i'm out here, so far away from my comfort zone.
so far away from the people i grow up with.
so far from familiarity.
so far from my idea of a realistic and digestible life.

has it brought me good? fairly yes.
has it brought me negativity? partly yes too.
has it brought me out of the bad vibe i had in my own comfort zone? definitely yes.

then why am i complaining?
i don't know.

it's like having to explain why you still want that scoop of chocolate chip ice-cream after a heavy dinner. not that your fine dine sucked, but u just had to have it. not that the ice-cream would help in easing up your tummy, but u still wanna have it. not that ice-cream is healthy, it's fatty; but u still wanna have it.

could it be that this is a sign of me not thankful of what i have?
or is it a sign that i'm mentally depressed?
or is it a sign that i'm just growing older and have yet to accomplish what i had in mind?
or is it simply a sign of lacking in attention?

u tell me. because i just don't know.

and here i am, typing religiously, ignoring my surroundings. with reasons i'm still not sure of.
but one thing for sure is that..hell, i love to write.

maybe i'm an attention seeker. aaaaaa that's something else to ponder upon.

:: From KL, to the Highlands, to the East Coast ::

2009-07-05T11:22:00.006+08:00

cough cough.

been quite sometime since i updated, so here goes.

had a series of movie watching+genting highlands with Bob and family, also friends. was the best genting trip, throughout alllllll the trips i've made all my life, so i thank you everyone :)

heard so many good news from friends..with zana and aida in the europe, making great stops at the UK, Ibiza and Amsterdam (damn u people!). i think has been close to 2 weeks? oh how sometimes i wish i have THE priviledge of MAS people i tell u! envy, envy :)

just got back from INTAN Wilayah Timur in Kemaman, for what u say? for a ONE DAY assessment prior to me climbing to the next step on becoming an Administrative and Diplomatic Officer, or famously known amongst us, a PTD (Pegawai Tadbir dan Diplomatik). :) haa bocor rahsia..yes alhamdulillah i've passed the FIVE back-to-back exam papers in February, and only been called for this assessment last month. I think I did fairly well in 3 sections including the fitness test, but not so good in my Sahsiah Diri papers. blame the facilitator for not making clear cut instructions! gggrrrrrrrrr!!! But other than that, it was a GREAT trip, a bonding session between Papa and I :) I "burn" my flight tickets due to my really really bad cough, and decided to take the road. thank god i did, coz it turned out that Papa was alone, as i was assuming Aunty Elly would be tagging along..took us a good solid 4 hours to reach the hotel, just to realize that the place i booked SUCKED big time! So after a good lunch, Papa decided to gamble our way through, touring the city and scouting for more descent hotels, and voila, found one. it is called the Homestay Hotel. RM98 for a twin bed room, but super worth it! that sort of room in KL would've cost AT LEAST RM150 i swear! so yeah settled for that, and went out to get dinner and snacks. then off to bed. the next day (Friday) was THE day for me...toughened myself up for everything, despite coughing til i had tears, and almost lost my voice, but I didnt care, i had one goal, one determination. that is to succeed in this the best i could, and making my father proud, for he has sacrificed so much just to get me there. This is why, my father will always be, my life mentor, even after whatever that has happened, whatever disagreements we had, and even after all the sets of predicaments. me love me papa! oh yeah, the drive home could've been just 2.5 hours, but due to KL's massive traffic (i suppose everyone in KL goes out on Friday nights! damn u KL people!!!!), we took yet another 4 hours to reach home...and we got ourselves good keropok lekors, keropok ikan, and keropok ikan madu!!!! yuuummm!!!!

p/s: Papa sempat bersantai dan lepak ngan kawan lame from PKNS, terjumpa plak kat sane. from 7.50am (my drop-off), til 12.15pm, Papa lepak di tepi pantai depan INTAN itu sahaja, belasah borak dan teh tarik. nasib baik papa had fun! :)

moving away from that, life has been quite kind to me also. i've just been offered a Brand Exec position in yet another media company. this may sound a bit crazy, but this company is under the same media-integrated company i was with. yeap, the print media company under Media Prima. hehehehehe.... Alhamdulillah, i was recommended by a former colleague, (WITHOUT me knowing at the first place!) and hence had my first interview with the CEO himself, along with the company's Director of Brand & Marketing. i do feel lucky, i do :) so, discussion on my employment will be this Tuesday, bismillah, wish me luck on getting the big G y'aaalll!!! hehehehheheh....

Today, oh today. I'm off to watch Ice Age 3D!!!!!! yahoooo!!!! again, thanks to my father's credit card, i managed to get the tickets via online as all bookings are a NO GO. waahh orang Malaysia ni suka juga kartun ye! bagus, bagus.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAFIZA AZALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and SELAMAT BERTUNANG my loveee!!! woohoooo!!!! after how many years eh babe? 8? 9 years of relationship? myyyy goodness! cepat kawen please! hehehehe.... whatever it is, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! nanti update kaayy.. sorry sangat tak dpt turun ke selatan, sangat penat la yang :) takpe, nanti kite exchange mental pictures of our "engagement" rings k! hehehehehhehe

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND PEOPLE!

lotsa love,
Liyana ZZA

:: The Ultimate Prime ::

2009-06-23T22:31:00.001+08:00

TRANSFORMERS GETS MY 5 FREAKIN STARS!

i want to watch it again. i want i want i want!

:: The Long-Needed Date ::

2009-06-17T02:23:00.005+08:00

.the sky is literally, the limit to this bond we're both comfortably holding on to.

.even the van couldn't separate us.
and i would love for this to stay as it is, for the longest time, insyaallah :)

:: Happy Happy May and June! ::

2009-06-11T12:37:00.005+08:00

World of the unemployed has so far been nice to me :) hikkkk!
Not only that I got the chance to bring my mother out for hi-tea, i also got the chance to catch up with dear boyfriend and friends...my goodness, my outdated-self is unexceptable! roaaaarrr!

Oh well, guess everything happens for a reason. :) My birthday was a good descent one. With Bob splurging on food and entertainment for me @ Hard Rock Cafe, and close friends to sing our hearts out and dance the night away to the sounds of good ol' band from the Philipines :) As soon as I got home from KL, mom came up to me and......let the pictures do the talking aye? :)

aaaaaaaa....see the bling-bling? oops, please excuse the lack of cloth on me self yah. hehe...
Yeah so there it was...mom had it in a small cream-coloured box with a huge ribbon on it. It was very very unexpected because all my life, this is the first time that mom had bought me something, instead of the usual "here's some cash for u to splurge on". and so, as soon as i opened it, my heart dropped as my eyes focused on the familiar blue-box with silver ribbon. yeap, it's none other than...tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...Diamonds and Platinums baybeeeeee!!! AND, the best part was that this ring was the ring we both liked, and mom said that it would be the perfect engagement ring :) yeah, maybe some of u have heard, we were supposed to get engaged last January or February, but due to ME not having enough money for anything, we decided to cancel it off and save money for the BIG day. no no, it's not soon my dear friends, moreover that i'm now unemployed, i'd be kidding my parents if i do. hahahhahahahhah! back to where i was, mom wanted to surprise both Bob and I about the ring she bought for me, in other words, and engagement present of course, but since the plans were off, she decided to simply hand it as a good, descent, very adult birthday present. I literally had so much tears and of course, gave mommy a good bear hug for understanding me, and as person I really am.

No people, this entry is not about bragging the average wealth my family has, or the "fortunate events" that I get to experience, but merely on sharing my heartfelt joy and love for my family, and great friends whom I share my tears and laughter with throughout my rebellious years.

Thank you, so much.

:: Reason #1 : Why I hate to work ::

2009-05-27T15:36:00.002+08:00

my family's off to Prague tonight, to see my sister, her hubby, and most importantly my darling little nephew Danish. Then they're off to the UK. and my dad just told me that they'll be visiting OLD TRAFFORD.

UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! :'(

BENCI aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ni smue keje nye pasal!
#$*#$P^%@)^&@#%^(_@^_(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: Isi Hatiku Yang Kosong ::

2009-05-26T22:17:00.003+08:00

haruskah ku menangis.
haruskah ku berdiam.
haruskah ku hidup begini.

HARUSKAH SEMUA INI MENJADI REALITI?

:: Double Whoopedy Doo! ::

2009-05-24T00:42:00.004+08:00

No. 1.

My mom published her book. At just RM23, (without postage fee of course!), this book of more than 200 pages is yours! aiceehhh marketing sangat lame. yeah, anyone interested, just sms me or msg me here kaayy.... :) COD can be arranged, no problemo, pada yang dekat2, or "coincidentally" berada dekat2 ngan saye ye! hehehehe....thanks u guys!

No. 2.

Last Friday was my ever-so-sweating day. I was literally "brisk-walking" in and around One Utama, dragging dear Fiqa, in my attempt to grab the MU Asia Tour tickets. We got there at the Nike shop by 11am, and dear oh dear, the line was already up to 3/4 of the shop!!! The best part was, the promoter mentioned that CREDIT CARD USAGE is a NO GO. NO GO???? wtf? ok fine, maybe they were trying to make ticket sales fair across the nation. whatever. I got furiosed. With just RM200 in my wallet, u really think i could grab even ONE ticket? HELL NO. so. Plan B.

Handphone out, phonebook on, scroll-down..... PAPA.
I was just plain lucky that my father is an fan of MU too. oh and in relations to that, get this; My family's off to Prague and the UK this coming 27th, and my dad decided to visit OLD TRAFFORD. oh heartache! pity me, i had to work!!! blooddyyy heellllll!!!!! oh well, back to the story. yeah, so i kinda ASKED for ticket sponsor. heheheh....Since i couldn't come along, and it's my birthday just next week, Papa decided to give it a GO. He wired some cash for me to buy the oh-so-lovely-paper-ticket! yaahoooo!!!! and so, i quickly get my job done with fiqa at the banks, then split up; fiqa to the office, and me, back to the Nike shop. oh wait, before that, i withdrew a whole lot of $$$$! Panting and dropping sweats within my thin blouse, i quickly got myself to the shop, with utmost surprise that the line has now reduced to just 1/4 of the shop.

Suddenly by then my mind boggled. Why are there so few people? Is it because of the NO-NO usage of credit card? OR HAD THE TICKETS BEEN SOLD OUT? oooooo my heart was thumping so badly, it showed through my pale lips and frantic-like gestures. I keep hearing the supervisor mentioning "RM98 tickets are sold out for today, but bookings can be done la, just that u have to come collect the tickets next Monday. But make sure u pay la today!" OKAY, good sign, because that's not what i want. then i saw the list. holy crap. someone actually purchased NINE RM308 tickets. GILLEEE!!!! u brought THAT much of cash? geez. So, MY TURN. The supervisor put up a super grumpy look, and had his mouth half-open, ready to say the exact same words, when i suddenly say,

"RM308 tickets please? For 2?"

And his expressions turned sweet.
"Adaaaa adaaa....Of course we have, how many miss? Two? Ey you two, get the training passes and langyards ready for this miss. Two ah!"

And I....Oh I put up a BIG BIG SMILE and slowly handed over my money...

"Thank you very much sir", i said.

"You're very welcome miss", said the supervisor.

Indeed, Malaysians are quite pathetic. Whenever someone gets something RATHER expensive, they mutan-ated into something RATHER nice. Pathetic. whatever.

I was sooo happy that i smiled to every passer-by. Oh what a jolly good day!

Handphone out, text: Bob Sayang.

"I got the tickets sayaannggg! Weehoooo!!! Siap dapat training sessions lagi siot. AND AND, seating kite berNOMBOR okaayy..takde makne nak berebut seat! yesss laaaahhhh!!!"

and the rest is history. :)

CAN'T WAIT!

:: Doctor, anyone? ::

2009-05-18T23:09:00.003+08:00

Bismillah....

Harap Tuhan buka rezeki saya untuk plans ini. Telahku bercadang dengan encik-cita-cita-tinggi-dan-ade-determinations-tinggi-mcm-saye, yakni zack a.k.a. teman lelaki rusky a.k.a. faiza, untuk sit down and gather up all the options for SLAB/SLAI. Indeed, we are PLANNING to undergo that Skim Latihan Akademik Bumiputera/IPTA, since we both kurang ada duit untuk melanjutkan pelajaran dalam bidang "Permanent head Damage" ini. ye, cita2 kami berdua adalah untuk bergelar Doctor, sejurus kemudian Associate Professor, kemudian Professor, dan paling gempak of course, nak jadi Professor Emeritus (which is close to impossible, unless we have our own goddamn university!). Insya allah, jika ade rezeki kami di dalam bidang ini, kami akan pursue dengan sungguh2...

Saya sendiri tak percaya saye sedang berbicara tentang becoming a Prof, or even to have a freakin Master's at such a young age to begin with! Can u imagine, if I were to succeed within time frame (3 years in exact, insyaallah), i'll be bringing the title Dr. everywhere I go, at the age of 28 or 29!!! gileeeee weeiiiiiihh!!! and if all goes well, Prof. Dr. by the age of 40/45? DOUBLE GILE WEEEIII!!!!!

Ok kaum lelaki, sila jangan takut untuk mengambil isteri yg cita2 tinggi mcm saye. Kami baek hatiiii..betoolll....hehehhee...see see, Bob stayed! hahahhaahahaa!

To Encik Zaakir (saye tau die tak bace ni, so Faiza, tolong sampaikan pesanan ya! hehe),

Mari la kita same2 push each other untuk berusaha mencapai cita2 kita ya! Remember, we NEVER did want to go up to Master's but look at us now, look at WHERE we are. It's such an honour to have step up high on this pedestal, don't u think? :) Ape kate, just one more step, before we actually have the chance to publish our own academic, tertiary books, with OUR respective names, printed on it? Dude, it's just bloody wicked!!!

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim. Ya Allah, Tuhan Yang Maha Kuasa Lagi Maha Mengetahui, berikanlah yang terbaik untuk hamba-hamba mu ini. Amin. :)

:: To Whom It May Concern ::

2009-05-09T10:29:00.006+08:00

.PEACE.

:: A Round of Congratulatory Wishes ::

2009-05-05T08:41:00.005+08:00

setelah sekian lama saye mendiam, saya akan menghampakan para pembaca saye kali ini. bukan sahaja entry ini mungkin kurang menarik. akan tetapi, saye tahu bahawa ade segelintir pembaca yang akan excited dengan post ini, kerana ia melibatkan kawan rapat kita.

The other toast goes to my dear friend, whom I knew back when he was in the UK (what's with me and UK friends???), Anas Hazwan. 3rd May 2009 was his day of joy and the beginning of his great storybook on life. Anas Hazwan got engaged to Nina (whom i have yet to get to know hehe) and to date, Anas and I have been friends for 6 years now...which seemed like it was just yesterday that he picked me up from home, with him wearing his Man Utd jersey. hahahaha... dude, what happened to the jersey la wei...Tarikh perkahwinan Anas masih lagi tidak saye ketahui, maka haruslah kita ber-Starbucks sebelom kamu berkahwin ye Anas :) ehem, kenal2kan la saye ngan ur new fiance wei :)

I would like to also congratulate Amira Alim who got engaged to Hafeez Nazri quite recently too... Subhanallah ramai nye kawan saye yang dah bertunang ye! :) Fyi, I am just a DAY older than Amira, hehehe....which makes it relatively easy to have that constant alert when it comes to the month of May. Amira, i wish for a lifetime happiness and thank you, for keeping me in the loop, especially when it comes to celebrating the significant days of your life. :)

Oh MAY. 25 days and i turn 25. eeehh what a coincidence! hehehe..I wish ME a good life ahead. Bismillah...

:: Breather... ::

2009-04-06T23:28:00.002+08:00

ku sudah bisa terbit dari lembah kemurungan, setelah tujuh kali pusingan hari.

I'm OK. :)

quoting the emerging local singer, slash Amar's brother..

"...hanya engkau yang mampu, taklukkan hati ini..."

AKU CINTAAAAAAAA oOooOoOooOOOoo

:: E'en being emotional. this time, happily. alhamdulillah ::

:: Song of the Month ::

2009-04-05T00:09:00.001+08:00

The very first time that I saw your brown eyes
Your lips said hello and I said hi
I knew right then you were the one
But I was caught up in physical attraction
But to my satisfaction
Baby you were more than just a friend

And if you ever fall in love again
You must make sure that the lady is a friend
And if you ever fall in love so true
You must be sure that she feels the same way too

If I said that I would be your one and only
Promise that you'd never leave me lonely
I just want to be the one you need
I just want to be the one to serve you
Sometimes I feel as if I dont deserve you
I cherish every moment that we share

East 17 feat. Gabrielle
:: If You Ever ::

:: Like a Widow In Denial ::

2009-04-04T23:50:00.004+08:00

everything that i have hoped for, vanished.

kuasa Allah tiada bandingan. sekali petik, and u end up drowning in your own comfort zone. And now i wanna become everyone else around me. I really do.

i'm eating my heart out. i don't know how to change things for the better anymore. nothing impresses me anymore. i tried so hard...still trying to make myself happy, and simply be content with everything that i have.

the only thing that stalls me from taking a glance at my watch is work. u got it. i am officially a pathetic, no-life, workahlic.

and i'm slowly losing everything, and everyone around me.
thanks JOB. u've done a great JOB indeed.
my life is a joke. a BIG ass joke. let us all laugh, the more the merrier. and now i'm back to the negative me.

NOW THAT'S JUST GREAT.

:: Aku Yang Hilang, Juga Kehilangan ::

2009-03-22T22:13:00.002+08:00

As I was about to have that sweet serendipity....reality had to kick in and pull me out.
Bloody hell.

The last 3 months have not been so kind. This is the 1st weekend after three freaking months of serving my employment contract. And just when I'm about to breathe, Jom Heboh calls. Thursday til Monday people, i'll be burning my bloody skin and increasing the frequency of my migraine. Great.

Indeed I am lost. Lost in my own world. Even after countless moral support from practically everyone I am in contact with.

I am envious. Envious of my friends. Practically everyone is either enjoying their well-paying job, or just okay with their very-good-paying job. and where am i as compared to them? nowhere shit ass near, despite me having the highest fucking qualifications and most industrial exposure before i stepped into this thing called EMPLOYMENT.

No, I AM NOT HAPPY. I can be sometimes, but most of the time, i hate it.
I hate for being "too smart". Not only I wasted hundreds of thousands for my bloody Master's, I've wasted my years in this stupid thing in companies called "seniority". A degree holder, who seeks for MY, I repeat, MY expertise gets paid higher. Fucking hell. I can get a senior exec's job done within hours yet that bloody person wasn't even aware of the details! AND gets paid almost double my salary! WHAT THE FUCK MAN? WHAT THE BLOODY ASS FUCK?

Another DISADVATAGE of being "too smart" is that (quoting my friends and relatives):
"Kau ni belajar pandai2 ni, nanti susah laki nak siot....Laki mane yg pandai mcm kau, nak level up with u. Kang mamat 'pandai' pon bole seems like a bloody 'katak bawah tempurung' sebab takleh keep up ngan ape terngiang dalam kepala kau". U see, pandai salah, bangang salah.

ANOTHER DISADVANTAGE:
"Erm, you have a Master's...It's a bit unfair if i offer u a junior level executive right? Coz we can't afford to pay for your level of qualifications..."

OR

"Hmmm....u have a Master's Degree...why wanna work here? There are tons of opportunities for you out there, which also could pay you waayyy better".

FACT:
No one wants to hire a Master's graduate.
Solely because companies are under strict budget. They dont have money to pay you, and if they do still hire you, their "credibility" could be questioned, as a result of not matching someone's qualifications with the basic, floor salary.

Lama-kelamaan saya hilang segalanya.
I slowly lose my hype, my confidence, my interest, my hope, my dreams, my self-esteem, my drive, my focus, my everything, towards my used-to-be goals.

I've got to find something new.
Shit.

:: Dream Job? ::

2009-02-23T21:09:00.002+08:00

Adding insult to injury.
I am complaining about my job; the job that most people would go.. WOooOoaAaaHhHHhh.....
but..i don't know....
I have not had a good, descent weekend for the past 2 months. God damn it, i've been working on every goddamn weekend!!!! Ingat dah terlepas from Jom Heboh in Malacca, sekali kene gi duty kat Shah Alam plak. hak elaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Now u tell me, is it really worth it? If I get paid AT LEAST RM300 a day in the weekends then fine, i'll do it. dah la bayar sikit, pastu replacement off pon takde! the best they could give was "come to work by 11am tomorrow ya!" ....WHAT THE?!!!!!

Tiap2 minggu dah keje weekend, habuk pon takde? agak-agak ar weeeiiiiiiii...ingat kitorg ni semua kuli batak takde life ke...ingat korang je yang ade family and life ke.......????!!!!

Bak kate Bob, "Gi makan taik ah!"

:: Bagai Menelan Duri Yang Manis ::

2009-02-23T20:04:00.003+08:00

how do u deal with people who are super addicted to having "split personality"?
i am speechless.
i am utterly disappointed.
i am having an enormous empathy, so enormous that i wish i could turn back time, and not grow up...and be accounted for every little teeny-weeny finger up-ping hair-flicking snorting gestures u make; which inevitably WILL back fire u.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

no, my dear loyal readers. i did not screw anything up. it's just the biggest ironic agenda to ever, and i mean EVER take place in my life, so far. having the truth to revealed has never been this hurtful. i mean, it didn't happen to me. but the fact that it happened to someone so so so close to me, and had ME revealing the truth FOR her..just..breaks...me....

ya allah...please help us be better in our judgements.
help us be the best in what we can be.
help us abstain from accommodating our desires too much and end up getting hurt too much, that getting back on our feet seem impossible.

i feel sick. i am sad. i am....i am....i think i just lost myself.

:: Message In A Bottle ::

2009-02-18T22:15:00.002+08:00

sorry No Doubt n Brandon Boyd of Incubus, for "borrowing" ur song title.

Dear Little One,

U have bluntly deceived me.

Worst still, I feel utterly deceived.

I can't believe you'd go to the extent of creating "fitnah" to a super holy man, whom taught us how to recite the Quran. The best part is, the "fitnah" was pertaining your own flesh and blood.

And off u go, indulging on the temporary bliss u gained from being all ignorant and arrogant, while u let the others gulping nails and thorns that you've camouflaged with our favourite strawberry shortcake.

And u still have the chicks to ask the holy man to persuade us onto blessing you on your social-encounter-that-turned-out-wrong? Good lord, what have you done?

That's why people call u the LITTLE ONE. your thinking capacity and maturity are too "little". You've just added insult to injury. Get a grip. Orang yang ingat Allah takde perangai macam ni, maka tak payah la nak berpura ingat tuhan walhal kamu hanya insan yang hipokrit.

Oh, if you're wondering why "Message In A Bottle"?. It's because I can't give it to the Little One straight in the face. I've just told you, Little One is such a hypocrite. So, the only resort left is this...having the "ocean" bringing the bottle to the rightful receiver.

........woaaaahhhhh..........

:: Plain Old Saturday ::

2009-02-14T11:14:00.002+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate. Me? As much as I would love to, have not been celebrating since...erm.....2005? Bob doesn't like the idea of us celebrating something that has to do with another religion..well, not that he's being all racial or religious, but yeah...He doesn't even celebrate birthdays! but i have to admit, that i'm simply thankful due to his efforts on still bringing me out for a simple, romantic dinner for my birthday, just because he knows it means a lot to me :)

And yeah, as much as we want to just relax and enjoy our saturday, today had to be the day of the lovers....which means traffic jam and tons of people everywhere. now that'll be the LEAST relaxing. plus, my boss just mentioned about me having to report for duty for the "Hutan Kita" event at Bukit Kiara. there goes my weekend, AGAIN.

Work has been good. i think. I've migrated from Planning unit to Government Relations. yeah, more outdoor stuff and CSR for me. mor exposure ain't it? good for my portfolio that's for sure!

Oh ya, the girls and I have made a point to have a weekly activity of Literati a.k.a. Scrabble, via online yahoo games :) It may sound a bit nerdish, but hell it has been fun! at least we're improving our vocabulary every week okaaayyyy :) my vocab is running shitier and shitier, so yeah, i NEED the exercise.

I'm thinking of another Master's. Media and Communication perhaps, with AIBD. But that'll mean forking up about RM40k (if i'm not mistaken) ON TOP OF getting the scholarship. Mane nak cari duit ah? Nak buat PhD lagi la mahal! grrrrr.....if only my dad was Warren Buffet or Donald Trump. I won't have to worry about money for education...or better still, not having to worry about getting super great education prior to getting a well-paying job! haaiiihhh.....

Ok enough. Liyana, sila bersyukur dengan ape yg kamu ade.
ALHAMDULILLAAAHHHHHHH.............

*beep* your battery is running low.

:: The Solemnization ::

2009-02-01T11:26:00.003+08:00

Thank u Farah for having me at your big day :)
And Khair, these are some of the pictures for u to see, nanti yg lain kene tunggu facebook la i guess :P

:: Farah Nadziah Md Yusoff ::

2009-01-29T21:48:00.000+08:00

i hope i spelt it right...

Farah, i'm blogging this right after i visited ur blog... As always, it came as a shocker, that the day we've been talking about eversince we shared our joy of ur engagement day, is finally coming in about 11 hours from now... And here i am, at kopitiam, typing ever so slowly with my small qwerty on my e90, with emmy beside, battling online scrabble with roudha and aud, pondering and anticipating about the amount of joy and buckets of tears we will all be pouring tomorrow...yes farah, taking an annual leave has never been as emotional as this, and i hope there will be more to come...

As i'm typing this, tears are already flooding my eyes, but of course, i gotta compose my macho-ness here.... :) sofie, if ur reading this, i not only wish farah all the happiness, but u too, and thank u for being part of her life, and for the great days to come, and the beautiful children u will both raise as a team....

Congratulations farah nadziah!
U are officially the first in our clique to get hitched!

Lotsa love,
E'en

:: Boeh Sun ::

2009-01-29T14:56:00.001+08:00

Saye nak spread my virus in the office.

I know ur reading this Fiqa, GET BACK TO WORK! :P
Fiza Jai, u too!
And u too Shikin!

ngahahahahahhahahahhahahhaha

- entry ini tidak membawa sebarang erti, sekian -

:: Sharifah Khairiyah ::

2009-01-28T00:12:00.002+08:00

I know i've not spent a lot of time with u, khair...
No, i'm not gonna use "work", or "health" or "boyfriend" as excuse(s)...
I know, has been my fault on not sparing that 2-quality-minutes of my time just to say hi or asking u out for an afternoon cuppa....

I hope Sydney will treat u well...
Please do sms me ur Aussie number a.s.a.p. ok?

Have fun, break a leg..eventhough it's work :) I'm sure you'll have tons of stories to tell us...
Hope to see u my little midget, soon, come April 24th...or maybe 6 months from now....

I will always miss u, and yes, I will always be there for u, just like how u were there for me during my times in Melbourne...

Thank you for being an angel...have a safe trip Khair.

I LOVE YOU TO BITS!

yours sincerely,
The one u guys nicked "SuperBrain" *wink*

:: Confessions of a Fat E'en ::

2009-01-24T09:47:00.002+08:00

Just a month ago, i realized that i've put on too much weight.
Yes, i eat and eat AND eat, when i'm stressed out. Tak masuk bile period lagi, lagi la byk makan!
So. I weighed myself. Subhanallah, i was 53.5kg!!!!! Mofo.

So. I started dieting. No nasi until i reach my used-to-be weight of 49kg. Ye kawan2, i put on 4.freakin.5 kg within 2 months. Smue salah tempat keje yg sgt stressful. ish!

So. diet punye diet, 2 days ago, berat dah turun 50.9kg..ya allah happy gile babi. I'm talkin that much of weight within a month's diet of NO NASI ok. erm, chocolates tu still byk la consumption nye, takleh buat ape :P

SEMALAM. saye pergi Zuup kat OU with dear Shikin, Shahrin n Fiqa. LEPAS TU. order la chicken confetti soup. AND fries. I wanted to order a starter-sized soup, tapi my colleagues ni kate "woi, kicik sgt la...agak2 laaa". so yeah, i then ordered REGULAR sized soup. Yg datang nye, bowl mcm DUA E'EN boleh makan. tapi, saye habiskan juga, kerana sayang bayar mahal2, DAN saye habiskan HALF of my Chips in Pail. ERK.

HARI INI. I weighed myself. Subhanallah.....I'm back at 52kg!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#W*^*%#_)*%@$(%@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After all the hardwork?!!!! Oh cmon man, cut me some slack!!!! Why can't i be like my friends? The type that losses appetite when in stress?! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh benci! All my friends are getting skinnier, and getting a whole lot more money, a whole lot prettier, etc etc, while i stay STAGNANT, and even worse, FATTER and FATTER?! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh not faiiirrr!!!!!

I'm depressed. Seriously.
I AM A FAT HUMAN. I AM 52KG and 159CM IN HEIGHT. AND I CAN NO LONGER FIT INTO ANY OF MY SIZE-24 JEANS.
I AM SUPER FAT.

:: Kerenah Manusia ::

2009-01-11T00:15:00.002+08:00

Macam smuorg kate, kite keje mane2 pon mesti ade politik.
To some, it's just minor, to others, might just be a good solid reason for suicide.

Me? i swallow thorns everyday.
My lepak hours have gone down so significantly. and that includes my weekends too.

I always wonder why people work so hard just to get proper living (which varies according to individuals of course). I get slighted most of the time, not only because so many amongst us (including your sincerely) do not get that "acknowledgement" for our work, but instead, adding insult to injury, our work is being "altered" by a few "touch-ups", subsequently having the "superior" party jumping and shouting hallelujah! How sick can the world be? Why must there be people such as these? Why can't anyone just be happy and accept the fact that there are others "smarter" than u?...oh c'mon, even with my Master's, i still consider myself an infant in every way.

Ade pula manusia yg suka cerita "gebang". Cerita letup2 bagai nak rak, seperti die tahu all the nitty-gritty details of the udang di sebalik the batu. orang lain tahu cume ade udang sebalik batu kan? die ni nak gempak, bole kate sbnarnye udang galah baru umur 3 minggu sorok blakang batu tu. yih!

I get so annoyed when someone brings up the conversation about work (and organizational culture of course), then tells the whole world how stressful it is,and then comparing others' experiences of which seems to be of a super minor component of his/her encounters with Mr Pressure. Eh hello, you think you're the only one ke yang bekerja and alami smue ni?

Emmy would know about this person. Person A ni tak habis2 cakap "ala, rilek ajeee" to me. Imagine this; i have been in the company for like 3 months ONLY, as compared to Person A who has been around for years. But, the funny thing is, i know sooooo much more, and deal with a wider scope of clients. Remember, i've only been there for 3 months, and i have a lot more beneficial contributions to the company than Person A. Worst thing is that I've found out 3 of the people before me, whom had the same job scope as I do, quit just after 2-3 months of service. Lots of people also have been mentioning how hard it is to be in my department, and that so far, i'm the most "cekal hati". Ok, we'll see how long this "cekal"ness can stay ahhh...

ok, i'm sleepy. gnite.
Ya Allah berikanlah umatMu kekuatan untuk menempuh cabaran dunia akhir zaman. Amin.

:: Hormones At Playgrounds ::

2009-01-01T03:53:00.005+08:00

In my mid 20s, my hormones has yet to stabilize, hence bringing chaos not just to my behaviour, but of course also to the quality of my judgements.

What happens when kids go to playgrounds? They have fun....and, they get hurt.
Dear friends would know what's up with me, and this entry.

Quoting songs.

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream

kuberanjak dari tidurku
mencoba melukis pagiku
berharap keajaibankan datang
daun tak bergerak
sang burung terdiam menanti senyuman

berdiri termangu membisu
apakah yang akan terjadi
akankah keindahan menyapa
rumput tak berpisah
tunduk tak bergoyang menanti sentuhan

berat tuk melangkah
memulai hari ini
namun semua itu sirna
kau kini ada

semua kecupan darimu cukup membuat duniaku terasa lebih terang
secangkir teh hangat darimu cukup tuk awali hari terindah dalam hidupku

Happy 2009.
A toast to us, the small, quite insignificant group of people striving for a good meal, and being promised a thousand roses; with thorns.

:: Peace Note ::

2008-12-29T21:38:00.002+08:00

My previous entry is to lepaskan kemarahan.
Coz i dont have the liberty to just shout it out in reality.

Sorry again, I feel so much better now :)
Thanks to Fiza. I love you Nur Hafizah A.P... sangat2.

:: Sakit Hati ::

2008-12-29T20:26:00.004+08:00

Kenapa kan, I have ZERO privacy and freedom on what i wanna do?
This is MY LIFE, MY BLOG, MY THOUGTS, MY FEELINGS. Comprehende?

Yang kanan report, yang kiri report.
Sedar tak, ade org lain dlm NETWORK terdekat i.e. the immediate family and friends yang JAUH LAGI BURUK perangai dan hati dari aku? Smue pon nak point finger kat aku, sebab ape? mulut aku laser. u wanna know why? u sendiri tau i was never this bad. YOU pushed me to become who i am. Dulu aku selalu diam, simpan dalam hati, senyum, and end up satu dunia menyakitkan hati aku, smue igt diorg bagus sgt and whatsoever.

Penat aku dok PROVE to everyone i'm good in AT LEAST one thing. tak cukup ke aku blaja skit nye hebat, keje baru beberape bulan org atas dah note my increasingly positive performance dan banyak lagi? Konon org yang menutup aurat, yang konon berbahasa lembut depan muke tu baik. Hati die taknak investigate pulak? how these people punye la kutuk, punye la menjerumuskan diri ke lembah haram lagi teruk dari aku, yang bermuka dua tu jugak yg tak habis2 dpt pujian. ade ke org camni dibuat benchmark against me? WHAT THE?

Btol la, dunia skang ni, org mmg suke judge a book by its cover. suke hati korang la kan?
Nak take my ugly words against me? fikir dulu seribu kali, u, and ur social network, and your family smuenye jauh lagi hebat ke? just because i don't say my prayers 5 times a day means i am horrible?

How about me reciting Quran everyday during Ramadhan?
How about me reciting Yaasin everytime after prayers, sedekahkan kat saudara-mara di alam barzakh?
How about me praying for my parents' neverending wealth in terms of money, knowledge, patience and health?
How about me reciting al-fatihah, ayat kursi and selawat nabi everytime i step in and out of my car, and before going into the house, for my protection and to sedekah to my deceased family?
How about me constantly praying for my sister's success in graduating after so many years of study?

Nak sangat brag about orang lain punye baik and my kejahatan kan?
Do all these people u claim to be BAIK do all of the above? like seriously?
I know for a fact that tons of my close friends are like me. Yes, we don't wear tudung, we don't tutup aurat sepenuhnya, we can be laser-mouthed, but sorry, the last thing we want is to hurt others around us, unless you fellas aggravate us to act as so.

........

Yes i admit. I don't have the looks, I don't have the accent, I don't have the charms. All I have is my superbrains. And yes, the boys and the mean girls have always called me "busuk" back in school. Solely because I've always had bad hair, no sense of fashion and no superbody. But one fact they all know is that i'm on of the school's top student and athlete. Full stop.

p/s: Maafkan saye jika terkasar bahasa. lama sangat pendam.

:: Liyana, bragging about her good qualities. Over and out! ::

:: The Normal Post ::

2008-12-29T15:47:00.003+08:00

like always, at this time around, everybody will be wishing everyone else happy new year, happy holidays, selamat tahun baru untuk umat Islam... and then the ever-so-famous statement will appear in everyone's social network site(s), saying "My New Year resolution is.........blablablabla". This is where everybody strive to prove to others that they could achieve what's likely to be UNachieveable SLASH IMPOSSIBLE for them to achieve,....where the fact remains that nothing that they say is the UN or IM because seriously, it's all up to YOU, u know?

Yes, i am the cynical, sarcastic, annoying bitch ur neighbour has been blabbering about. hey, do u really care that much? dont u have anything better to do, STILL?

Ok, my NEW YEAR RESOLUTION is........(drum rolling, skaters crashing on each other, dogs reaping the trash plastics, engines starting....???)....to get rid of the negative vibes around me! oh yeah..a friend of mine bluntly told it to my face, on how so many of my so-called friends have been scorning me, criticizing me and bad-mouthing about me, when they themselves are the real culprits and attitude-criminals. Surprisingly, some of them who were so busuk hati towards me, remained still, busuk hati, and were so bad at keeping it underwraps that it took me less than 5 minutes to see what they've done behind my back. Ya Allah, mmg Tuhan Maha Kuasa, nak tunjuk orang2 mcm ni....and those friends whom i've kept distant with, has been nothing but NICE to me, and thank you so much..coz that's all that i ever asked for :)

A dear friend, also a mother-figure to me, has said this time and time again, and I will try to patch this on my already JAHAT attitude.

"Don't say anything about a person, if u have nothing good to say about him/her."

True, coz at the end of the day, that does nothing but to project who u really are in the eyes of others. Agree?. u should :)

Wawa's getting married this January 1st, then it's Farah Nadziah's, January 30th...elok lah tu, sekor awal bulan, sekor akhir bulan. Congratulations in advance, and NO, my turn is nowhere soon, thank you.

:: Persoalan ::

2008-12-17T21:51:00.001+08:00

I am a superwoman.

am i really?

then how come, ..........

:: 0100 hours ::

2008-12-17T01:27:00.006+08:00

It's 1 a.m. and i just got back from Seri Pacific KL. Yes, the hotel beside PWTC. What was I doing there u ask? mcm biase la, bukan untuk bersuka ria, but merely untuk bekerja. Majalah 3 won the Anugerah Penerbitan TV (Dokumentari) Terbaik, for the entry "The Other Life of Japan", awarded by the Ministry of Agriculture.

Aaaa so now u know where I work. heh. I don't know the significance of mentioning where I'm attached to...and I'm still wondering why...I blame this on my superior, whom asked "Do your friends know where ur attached to now?". I bluntly said, "No, why? Penting ke?...I like to just keep it low..rase tak cukup penting untuk sesape lagi nak tahu i ni keje mane...bole?"

Ok, since I can't shut my eye, due to 2 straight cups of black coffee and excessive sugar, Faiza, here's the "questionnaire" u tagged. Damn u woman! Wait, i'll tag first aaahh...
haaaa besar2 daku bagi naaa...ok, ready, set, GO!

1) Do you think you're hot?
I've always had this super low self-esteem. Nope, i'm dead boring.

2) Upload your favorite picture of you!

3) Why do you like that picture?
Emmy snapped it, with Alia and Farrah (or was it Farah Nadz? ya allah, tak igt!). It was December 24th, 2006. It was our quality time together before I flew to Melbourne.

4) When was the last time you ate pizza?
Shyzers. Last month maybe?

5) The last song you listen to?
Sultans of Swing by Dire Straits.

6) What are you doing right now besides this?
Texting Mr. Bob goodnight. He worries so much about me..which is very comforting :)

7) What name you would prefer besides yours?
Aira. That'll be my future daughter's name, insyaallah :)

Tagged peeps:

Feezabelle
Khair
Aiman
Fiza Jai
Anas Hazwan

8) Who is number one?
The girl with the swirly-background Swatch, who drove a black Kembara, and constantly bitched about me to her midget friend and "bengkok" mutant. hehe. Apart from that, she has always been my confidant, the one who soooo understands who i am, where i come from, and the rocky roads i've skated through. yeah skated, coz it was a bloody slow journey and had me suffer with tons of bums and bruises; and again, apart from the other two donkeys mentioned beforehand.

9) Number three is having a relationship with?
Oh, this one cannot say. He'll come himpap my face with his bum! :P But I am sooooo glad that he was who he was, is who he is, and will be, whom I strongly believe he will be...a great man with a great heart, apart from A-class sense of humour and sarcasm.

10) Say something about number five?
I knew him through Myspace, back in 2003 tak silap, right before he took off for Nottingham, UK. He was my long-distance bestie..He called me at least once a week from UK, not to flirt, never..but purely of great friendship. We were friends via Myspace, MSN and phone for a year before we actually met and had supper at Uptown. He is very protective of me, and will do almost anything to keep me away from those who have hurt/is hurting me. Yeap, he is the one and only, jambu Anas Hazwan.

11)How about number four
My bestie at BMW :) I love her for her selamba-ness, and the fact that she sells nice Bajoo online hehe. Dan die kurus, saye jeles ngan die ni sbb badan tak naik2 gak, walaupon setelah saye naik 5 kilo. grrrrrr. We like to consult each other on our career paths. Tak tahu kenape, but it seems to be helping A LOT! :)

12)Who is number two.
The midget I was talking about. Correct. She's my shoulder to cry on, apart from Fiza and Aiman that is...she is walking on that gewy and greasy thread of life..where if she pulls too hard, she may slip so quickly, she couldn't even remember how she got down there. She never, i mean never gives up on someone that easily. Yes, she holds strong faith on everyone, especially those she really cares about..because to her, life shouldn't be easy... at the same time shouldn't be too harsh.

Just because I didn't tag u, does not mean that I dont love u...
It's really because of the "quota" of this tagging session..else i would've tagged EVERYONE in my list!

Nite world. Work awaits me at 1000 hours.

:: Calendar ::

2008-12-14T23:37:00.005+08:00

:: Media Prima's Television Network Screenings 2009 ::
- with Marlia -

:: Muzik - Muzik Separuh Akhir ::
- with bestie at work, Shiks -

:: Aquaria, KLCC ::
- Khairul Nizam with the huge arse fishes -

:: One Utama Shopping Centre, PJ ::
- with the smallest Merry-go-round ever -

Work has not allowed me to spare more time for Bob and friends...
and yes Fiza, I do miss u, khair and aimi too...this is heartbreaking...
I managed to spend some time with Aref n Zana last Thursday...and we've missed each other so badly already :(
I'm still waiting for THE results; some of you are already aware of what's this about.
I'd better keep it under wraps first.
I don't wanna put too high on hopes. Bismillah...

It's 12am and I'm still staring at the box lined with LEDs, and hands pushing ever so lightly on this square, plastic PVC-like plank scattered with boxy pop-up buttons.

I need coffee. tomorrow, indeed.
Shit. Training n meeting tomorrow.
That's it. WORK IS GETTING TO ME.

I NEED A MIRACLE

:: HoLLow ::

2008-12-10T10:46:00.002+08:00

I was alone on eid adha.
No food, no mom, no bf, no friends, no one, no-thing with me.

I was also alone yesterday...and will be again today...
Where has everyone gone, i ask.
There is nothing but mere silence.

Guess no one's answering my call.
Nobody's coming to my rescue anymore.

:: Memoir of the Heart ::

2008-12-08T16:40:00.002+08:00

you're the first thing that crosses my mind.

and you're the last thing i want to be recorded in my mind...

Inevitably true, i have an abundance of brain cells, neurons and storage capacity to record everything that has happened since September 10th, 2006, 'til the day God decides to part us...

:: Kentang Demam ::

2008-12-03T21:03:00.003+08:00

I am, the all brown, stemmy-firm, juicy couch potato, recovering from fever.
Yes, I spent the whole day, i.e. from 10.30 a.m. to now, and still on-going 9.10p.m., staring and blinking thousands of times, in front of my mom's flatscreen, jumping between channels 411, 412, 413, 703, 707 and 711. I could press the buttons without even looking at the remote; yeap, i'm getting skillful at this!

Oh well, it's not always that i get to do this. everyday is work work work. supposedly 9-6, but the "normal" people at my workplace would stay at least til 7, and especially on fridays, we'll be at places til late at night. yup, my work is hectic, but i ensure u, i am still thankful that it's not as hectic as Boe's or Syak's, which lasts up to 11.30pm everyday. so ya, i'm still thankful.

Boss just broke it up to us, unlike the past years, next year's bonus would only be a max of 2 months, in contrast to the normal 8 months. babi, aku bawak malapetaka ke? recession it seems next year.great. now i have to make more side income don't i?! *grin*

I miss Bob. I miss Bob. I miss Bob.
Illness does this to me. everytime.
I want Bob. I NEED BOB.

oh, panjang umur! my cell's ringing! :)

:: Serba Tak Kena ::

2008-12-03T15:16:00.002+08:00

dah dua hari saye takgi keje...demam, batuk, selsema sangkut kat blakang tekak. annoying.
malam tadi tak sempat nak bermimpi pon...tido tak nyenyak, badan tak selesa. minda juga berceramuk (pegi la mampos kalau takde perkataan tu kat kamus dewan bahasa, BM saye cam cipan).

the past few weeks nothing has been quite like it seemed. i was practically too much in love, then my habit of going into "deep thinking" has not done anything good to me. I really have no idea how Bob tolerates me, seriously. He seems to be the only positive-minded human being right now. well, apart from my besties khair, fiza n aiman of course, just that i've not been in touch with them for quite a while now...

Lyn's getting married this December. So is my Uncle Nafi.
Then comes Farah Nadz's turn in January, along with another Lynn, and my buddy Wawa.
Then it's Hawa's in June, and also Erin. Aimi's somewhere in that time frame too.
Then comes the big news. Dad says my little sister, Nadia is getting hitched next year too. My reluctant Papa said she has been pestering so much that he couldn't say anything to stop her anymore. He told her to wait for her sister (me of course) to "jalan dulu", but Nadia being Nadia, insists on making her decisions a reality. Well, if she has to wait for me, would mean that she'll have to wait for 2-3 more years aye? Guess she "dah tak tahan"? :P
Alia is also seeing someone, and giving it a year. Yes, if all goes well, she'll get hitched too. As for Emmy, well, I guess she's just waiting Muneeb to propose. Farrah, hmm...this one is far too rebellious. And both Farrah and I are so sure that "it's still too early". hehe.

See, everyone around me is getting married. Ewa and Nana are already 5 months pregnant. While Riena is counting the days, anytime now, to give birth to a lovely baby boy. *tears*
Nak kate our relationship tak bagus, tak juga. kami sangat happy. cuma duit menjadi issue, coz it's a pity we're not as fortunate as everyone around us. Yeap, Papa expects both of us to fork up our own money for the "hantaran", and wedding dress AND "tolong sikit2 untuk jamuan makan". I don't need to worry about make-up though coz my sister's an artist herself. But the hantaran itself...*faint* will mean a 5 figure "present" consisting of money and stuff. Bob already has a few thousands with him, and me... I only have a few hundreds for now. How the hell am I supposed to get those thousands in time? shit ass. There's car installment, servicing, insurance, food, fuel, toiletries...then in about 5 years time I gotta build my own house. yes, BUILD ok. peluh nak cari duit. mmg andartu la saye camni. uwaaaaaaa!!!!

Does it always have to be THIS HARD to make money and be happy?... :'(

:: Of Mumbai and 9/11 ::

2008-11-30T12:06:00.002+08:00

And they had the guts to claim themselves MUSLIMS, when they had no idea of the basics and teachings of Islam?

You no-brainers are the reasons why the world is against Islam. Morons.
I hope u rot in hell.

And u fellas out there who has no idea about Islam have the chicks to say Islam is "not setting a good example". F off. U shitheads have no idea what the Quran contains. So go fucking study it before u say anything nasty about Islam and generalizing the religion for ur own fucking comfort.

:: Sahabat Sejati ::

2008-11-02T18:08:00.003+08:00

Sharifah Khairiyah, Nur Hafizah and Aimi Shazana...

Thank you for today, years ago, and years ahead,
I was so close to being socially dead,
For all its worth, I would love to say,
Forever I wish for you to stay... :)

Love,
E'en

:: Pathetic Off-Days ::

2008-10-26T13:24:00.002+08:00

Read the title over and over again. I am frustrated.

Since i've started working at the new place, my weekends have been dedicated to "homeworks".
Yes, again, for the second consecutive weekend, I am here at home, complaining and whining about having to finish my goddamn translation shytes.

Aku nye jobscope "translator" ke?..if u must know, it is ONE of the responsibilities man. But, weekends being spent with this? god help me. mampos aku nak claim overtime.
If my boss don't rate my KPI with at least 4, i'm gonna go berserk. Ye la, eventhoug gaji yg dibayar tak setimpal ngan my qualifications, tapi benefits yg lain berlambak. When i say tons of benefits, i will state this, Who on earth would wanna miss 6-8 months worth of bonus and salary revision YEARLY?! Kau dah gile?! mesti la aku nak seyh!

Ok, stop complaining Liyana. Get on with it. Bonuses are waiting.
Shut up. I'm trying to motivate myself here.

:: Book Club ::

2008-10-21T00:03:00.005+08:00

I think I want to start sharing ideas/feedback on books that I've read, or currently reading.
Maybe u guys could drop in a comment or two, and share your picks on books aye? :)

Latest Book to be read: WHO SPEAKS FOR ISLAM?

I saw this book few months ago with hubby, as we walked pass by MPH in Alamanda, Putrajaya. I don't know why, but to me, books that talk about the many dimensions of Islam, and how people of different background sees/interprets Islam, fascinates me. I believe this is MY way of learning more about my religion, taking into account of the ever-changing, modernized world we're living in. I've read bits of it, and I am glad someone actually took the initiative to write something as great as this. As I was telling hubby, this is what I call a humble, honest and the right Islamic way of Jihad. :)

Only 2 copies of this book left in MPH Alamanda, priced at RM90 each, with hardcover. Fyi, they had stacks of these books back when I first saw them. I guess it is a good book after all :P

:: Purple in my Rainbow ::

2008-10-17T23:25:00.003+08:00

Now, who would have thought that I would end up in the world of media and entertainment?
gile. It was obviously a super huge jump(s) for me. From and academician, to an IT Security trainee, to now a Corporate Communications executive. The knowledge and experience - priceless.

My syukur to Allah for giving me all these great opportunities to learn, and be good at what I do. Now, all I want is to be nothing more than GREAT at what I do :)

Corporate Comm is a very fun...and tiring job.

1st day - became the balachi, did media clippings, and made new friends.
2nd day - went for induction, was ok. made more new friends, and bumped into old friends.
3rd day slash today - aha, here comes the huge chunk of work. Translations, and hence press release (PRESS RELEASE?????), and photo selections for this year's annual report.great.

3. 3/4 day - HOMEWORK. more translations for press release. EVEN GREATER.

And here I am, wanting to post up entries on Hari Raye but have yet to do so due to time constraints. grrrr. here i am also, making a phone call to aref, asking for help on press release write-ups, complaining to shik about THE homework, and asking aen for the bloody url for internet webmail access. both via sms. why am i going into details? don't know. probably it's the concurrent and life-long after effects of corporate comm.

People, please refrain from asking me out next Wednesday and Thursday as such actions WILL make me go berserk. Yes, I will have to stay back at the office til midnight on Wed, be in the office by 8am the next day, and spend 12 to 13 more hours for the upcoming event. *faint*

Wish me luck people. I really, really need it.
.snooze.

:: Sangsi ::

2008-10-14T21:08:00.003+08:00

My ego-ozone has just been depleted with 2 slashes of conservative-minded rays...and i'm all scarred.

The place(s) I called home has now turned to yet another strange new place.

The only person who I thought I knew was me. Thought, is the key word.

I'm all nervous about my 1st day at the new place tomorrow..but here I am, having jumbled up emotions which may just lead me to the ultimate blackhole.

I need to find my sacred place and 5-star retreat again, for this one is diminishing.

If ur thinking what ur thinking, then ur probably thinking wrong. We're fine.

Now I'm even more determined to leave the country. Hello Australia, I'll see u in a couple of years..and this time, most likely for good.

:: Ayat Penyata ::

2008-10-11T23:28:00.001+08:00

.I LUV HIM SO MUCH.

:: 207th Entry ::

2008-10-10T09:33:00.002+08:00

Yeap, this is, my 207th post since i started blogging back in 2005.
Some of u may just be so bored and tracked me back through time, learning who i am and what my past has done to me.
Never was it a total disaster nor was it a total pleasure to be reading my past. Faiza's bold move on deleting her past entries made me realize about how I've not really erased that part of me.

I wanted to keep the entries.

I wanted them to stay with me.

I wanted to remember.

Solely because, I didn't want to end up in the same world again.
I didn't want to not remember how hurtful, or joyful my love endeavour was; not just with past partners, but also with friends and family.

I am keen on everything that I do nowadays, and I am thankful for that attitude.

I am keen on getting a good job that pays well.

I am keen on creating sources of income.

I am keen on channelling my resources appropriately.

I am keen on learning many things and be great at it.

I am keen on being the best in what i do best.

:: Selamat Tinggal ::

2008-10-09T21:28:00.005+08:00

In less than 24 hours, I'll be bidding BMW Asia Technology Centre farewell, as I have made up my mind to pursue the job of my choice; the job that i've been wanting to get my hands on since I graduated from MMU, back in 2006.

Yes, Corporate Communications was what I wanted. I applied to so many places, including the local airline oh-so-established company. :P

So, Hello Hello new company! It's an integrated media company, located in Bandar Utama.
Yeah, U should well guessed it by now, ding ding! :)

A million thanks to Hawa for "forwarding" my applications. How great was this, applied on Sunday, being called for an interview the next morning, filled up the personal particulars form, a set of long-arse questionnaire, 40 minutes interview with THE GM :P, and a one-page speech for an imaginative CEO within 10 minutes.

Total interview duration: approximately 2 hours. gile, tapi sangat berbaloi! yahooo!!!
Syukur alhamdulillah.

:: Tada! ::

2008-10-07T00:25:00.001+08:00

A very bimbo-ish entry of course. It's my new hair! hehehhehe

:: Mayday! Mayday! ::

2008-10-03T22:31:00.003+08:00

HELP!

I'm having my hair done tomorrow. but i still have yet to have a clue on the style!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thinking of going soft curls and white streaks. aaa gile tak?

IDEAS? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: Syawal Blessings ::

2008-10-02T11:53:00.003+08:00

thank you god for the courage on facing reality, confessions and confrontations. i have found the ultimate solace and peace.

I am so contented with what had happened. This is by far, the most memorable Hari Raya i've ever had in my life. Thank you everyone. Syukur alhamdulillah.... Segala puji bagi Allah, mmg ternyata kuasa tuhan yang maha Esa lagi maha mengetahui.

I got my dream job, alhamdulillah...I'll be reporting as an Executive within the Corporate Communications division, in one of the nation's top integrated media company :)

Thank you Abg Ebi for the 'heads up' on what to expect of the career path of my choice.
Thank you Papa for endlessly supporting my decisions to leave my current employer.
Thank you Mommy for taking all the effort to help me get a condo near my workplace.
Thank you my sisters for comforting me.
Thank you my sayang for walking with me through my decision-making process.
Thank you my friends for constantly making me feel good about myself.
Last but not least, thank you my soon-to-be employer for taking me in only 2 hours after the long-arse, worth-going-for 2 hours interview :)

To my uncle who's in Minneapolis.
Uncle Shaf, i know you'll be reading this. Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir batin...Eventhough we've never met throughout my life, but your pictures and e-mails have kept ur presence dearly in my heart. And I've always had my hopes high on meeting you one fine day. Everytime I read your mails I cried, because distance have kept us far apart. And I know that if u were to be here with us, you would definitely become my favourite, for I've been superbly comfortable upon discussing everything with u, be it personal or work.

I want you to be here on my wedding day.
I want you to be here for my first born child.
I want you to be here for my child's first birthday.
I want you to be here to celebrate my ever-long successful career.
I want you to be here to see the progress of my own, built-from-scratch home.
I want you to be here for the Kenduri Kesyukuran of my new house.
Basically, I want you to be here for every occassion that will take place in my life.

Please come home soon Uncle Shaf. :(

:: I Like Joe Morrison, haha ::

2008-09-22T11:50:00.003+08:00

All not lost against Chelsea

By Joe Morrison

Say what you want about Manchester United's current form, they know as well as we do that as long as they are in touching distance come February, they stand the best chance to win the title.

So when they travel to Stamford Bridge this weekend for that gigantic game against Chelsea, things aren't looking too good with central defender Nemanja Vidic suspended after his red card against Liverpool.

So while I can’t see United winning this weekend, neither can I see Chelsea inflict the second consecutive league defeat for Sir Alex Ferguson’s boys. United are too tough mentally and a draw seems the most likely result at the moment.

Don’t ever, ever question Ferguson’s desire. This guy has got so many years of experience on his back and he has seen all the permutations of winning the league. You think he is panicking right now, and do you think he will be even if he loses this weekend? Not at all. The man has seen it all.

I remember not so long ago, Ferguson’s teams always got off to terrible starts but once its autumn, they’ll win every single game in sight.

It’s not about how many points they are behind but to realistically, take a look at the other teams and predict how many points they’ll drop. Will Chelsea drop too many points this season, I think not many.

Then again, to put things further into perspective, Chelsea haven’t lost at home for almost five years and more than 100 domestic games have gone at Stamford Bridge and still, nobody can beat the Blues at that ground.

Chelsea have looked pretty good since the start of the season but the real big talking point was over John Terry’s red card picked up against Manchester City last weekend.

Ferguson was annoyed when they overturned the red card decision and why shouldn’t he? But, I actually think that’s a blessing in disguise.

The way Terry is playing right now, he is more a liability than an asset. If United can get Nani and Rooney running at the Chelsea defence, Terry will give away a free-kick in a good position for United.

Don’t tell me United deserved to lose against Liverpool. Nobody beats a lucky manager and nothing I’ve seen of Liverpool this season suggests to me they are a team that is, or capable of, playing flowing football.

Liverpool were lucky in their games against Middlesbrough and Sunderland, then against Manchester United and Marseille.

And by the way, John Burridge shaves his armpits and waxes his legs. He is not the most hygienic guy around and I suspect he secretly wants to be a cyclist in the Tour de France. I hate to think what he’ll look like in lycra shorts.

Well indeed, results for Man U and Chelsea came to a draw of 1 all....sooooo?
Man U lost to Liverpool....soooooo? (after 4 years kot?)
Man U and Villa, draw....soooooo?

One source also stated that Torres isn't cooperating well with Keane...seems that there's no mutual understanding and chemistry? Ape yg sedang terjadi? ~pause~

And commentators are already talking about Berbatov performing as well as, and living up Cantona's glory days.
*chin up high*

Like Morrison said, wait til autumn comes. nyeh!

:: Quote of the Day Part I ::

2008-09-16T10:37:00.004+08:00

Growing Older is Mandatory. Growing Up is Optional.

We make a Living by what we Get, but we make a Life by what we Give.

So let's give back to society, just like what Oprah's practicing. It's gooooooooooood!

:: Lompat si katak lompat! ::

2008-09-16T09:23:00.004+08:00

my dear friends,

PLEASE update your blogs. I've been so bored at the office staring at the same alerts and waiting for reply(s) from the supposedly-responsible personnel, which is so far, neverending.

Therefore, i've been blog hopping ~ toink! toink! ~ like nobody's business, reading everyone's great and pathetic lives, of which does not appear to be of a concern to me anymore since i've got my own that i'm superbly thankful for. Yet i still want to read for the purpose of vocabulary enhancements and KILLING TIME ~ mainly.

One thing I find funny about bloggers is that, they make their blogs public, yet criticize people (whom they don't like, most of the time) who read their blogs. I mean, c'mon, what are u? I don't wanna say much, coz it's Ramadhan for sure, but yeah, think about it. Why do you people have to have such negativity towards others? Have you not learnt that such attitude only pushes you away from all the good things in life? Grow up, smile, and stop thinking that every "bad" incidents/persons were "designed" to be attached to you. Stop being so full of yourselves aye?

C'mon people let's sing Barry Manilow's...
Oh i caannn't smiilleee withooouuttt youuuuu!
Now, don't u feel good already?...hehhehehhe

:: Recap ::

2008-09-12T23:44:00.005+08:00

....sweep sweep....

yes i know, my blog's getting all dusty and boring, so, here's a quick recap of my boring life for the past month.

1. Goodbye Kak Ija and Family

yeah, my sister and family (of course, that includes my sayang nephew Danish) flew off to Prague, for a little over 2 years, as my brother-in-law is being posted there to "watch over the students". Bob and I got Danish the mini-swimming pool! hahahahha the lil guy loves pools! And so,

Goodbye my love... *heartache*

2. Bob's early birthday celebration

Of course this will be my favourite entry. I brought my significant other to Ole Ole Bali in Sunway Pyramid for dinner. He got all excited that he kept asking me the same sets of questions about the place; from his crib, to the restaurant itself. Cozy i must say, and the portion was bloody huge! *faint* Price = portion, therefore, SO WORTH IT.

The place.

First glimpse of the starter.

Acting all cool as per request. :P

And there he goes!

And what's a birthday without ice cream or cake ey? Too bad i didn't take a picture. I bought him a pint of Haagen Dazs' Belgium Chocolate! subhanallah, he ate 3/4 in one go! and i kept the rest hostage and made my own "let's-go-fat" programme...heheheh

2.a.
aaaa i almost forgot...20th July was the day that I first went cycling at Bukit Cerakah, with Aud, Raudha and Chi Kin. Majority of the bikes for rent sucked, but ours were good :) And so, only 10 mins on the trail, Chi Kin cleverly dared Raudha and Aud to climb up this super steep, rocky hill. Yes, we stopped like 3 times??? 'Twas really bad. heh. But weeks later Aud and I went again and we did quite well! I'm a proud woman!

When was the last time u saw this "burger shack"? hahaha

Aud and Raudha, attempting to regain stamina by smoking their lungs out.

And Chi Kin, disappointed because Graeme ditched him. hahah kidding!

....crack!

My back just cracked. I need to ~~rest~~ sleep.
Nite u guys!

:: Contented ::

2008-09-10T12:11:00.001+08:00

Happy 2nd Anniversary Sayangku.

Looking forward to having more years ahead :)

:: Spin, spin ::

2008-09-08T12:43:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought that love would lessen with given time.
I was wrong.
I fell in love all over again :)

Thank you sayang.

:: Buka Puasa ::

2008-09-03T11:47:00.004+08:00

ok, help.
i don't know what to cook for buka today.
crap.

i'm thinking chicken and potatoes. hmmmm....
tolong!

lasagne?
sitrfry?
stew?
roast chicken?
STEAK?
uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...hmmmm...

:: Need vs Want ::

2008-09-02T11:58:00.001+08:00

I need a CAT.
I want a CAT.
Sesiape nak kasi or jual anak kucing kat saye? pleeaseee... :(

Tapi,
mom hates cats. she'll penggal my head if she sees one.
aaa wait...kite tunggu mami pindah..then the house is all mine!
and i can have a cat!!! yaaaahoooooooooooooo!

:: Coklat Cair ::

2008-08-29T14:45:00.003+08:00

Princess
Gorgeous
Sayangku
Baby
Bie
Budak pandai

Now, how can I not melt? These are the names Bob has been calling me, regardless of during happy, sad, unfavourable, melancholic moments. How can I not be happy? :)

:: eXpOnEnt|aL X ::

2008-08-26T09:12:00.007+08:00

ye, saye tahu title agak cody, memandangkan saye ni math freak. tapi jika di kaji, di dalam risalah matematik, 'exponential x' ini byk meng-neutral-kan keadaan, seperti jika digunakan bersame hukum logaritma....

Ok, i'd better stop. hahahahha...

About Exponential X.

Ladies and gents, I will put up a website dedicated specially for this.
Exponential X is our new wedding planner slash event management company.
The team consists of people with experiences and background in respective fields.

Bob and I will be the first contact points, where u guys seek for information, enquire services, prices, etc.

Tina will be the face designer, providing make-up services, hair design and even accessories. Tina has been trained by the all-famous Saadiah (Ella's sister).

Fendy and Fahrul are the appointed photographer and art persons, and of course that explains it all already.

Alif will be every girl's favourite when it comes to design as he's the one in charge of 'hantaran' or dowry, 'pelamin', also other creative designs associated with events, such as tea parties!

Sue will provide you with all sorts of door gifts, e.g. for traditional malay weddings, the 'bunga telur' or sachets containing chocolates.

Aimi is the appointed "baker", providing all sorts of cakes; from 3-tier, to normal, to large square, to cute cupcakes...even cookies and brownies!

Last but not least, what's an event without food aye? So, our caterer will be Aunty Ina and Uncle Zul, whom has been in the food industry for over 15 years, specializing in Malay kampung food. Of course, tents, tables are also provided!
U need something more English? Yeap, we do provide pastries, condiments, tea and loads of coffee for u coffee lovers! Chinese or Indian food? You name it, we'll provide them for u :)

Services are provided for pax of 30 to 1,000 only. As to 'live up' the name Exponential X, we prefer for everything to remain more "subtle" and affordable, yet above the average services. With high inflation rates, we know how suffocating it is for everyone, especially the youngsters with tight pocket. :)

We are open for any enquiries, orders and reservations. Don't hesitate to e-mail or contact us!
The official website will be up soon, PROMISE! :P

E-mail to: liyana7@msn.com or masterkians@hotmail.com
Contact number: Liyana at 019 338 3773

Hope to hear from u guys soon! and thanks a lot for reading!

:: Kelemahan Diri ::

2008-08-21T10:25:00.003+08:00

I need to flush out my calories, which are in fact, in absolute abundance.
Tolong, badan saye dah berlipat.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah damn it. harus berjogging semula ni. HARUS!

camane ni...January dah dekat....toloonnggg!!!
Tips people please. I need to shed 5 kilos within 4 months! crap!!!

Note: tolong jgn bagi tips yg akan meng-involve tak makan atau makan oats dan vege sahaja.
sekian.

:: Mengidam ::

2008-08-20T12:14:00.002+08:00

I'm depressed, and tak sihat.
I need my Starbuck's hot chocolate.

I'm blaming this on Riena, sbb gatal pi cakap pasal chocolates on her blog.
Ok, hubby! Starbucks jom pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!

p/s: Yes, i am getting bulat-er. Don't care anymore...YET! :P

:: Grammar Attack ::

2008-08-15T10:02:00.004+08:00

I've been a grammar freak all my life, questioning every single goddamn grammar, especially those pertaining British English (as in NOBLE and GOOD English) vs American English (of which I regard to be more "thrashy" and informal). Not to offend anyone, it's just ironic and funny that we Malaysians actually practice writing British-English, yet speaking American-English.

It all started with the all famous Centre vs Center. Dudes, why do you guys have to make English so difficult anyway? Bloody hell, in Malaysia, we also have our respective "slangs" when talking in Bahasa u know, but not to the extent of having different spellings and meanings! God damn it.

Ok, here's the deal.

I've been studying English all my life, of course everyone else too. The thing that irritates me currently is this:

Till vs. Til vs. Until

Oh, I browsed through few sites, including dictionary.reference.com....Apparently all the sites i've visited are of American's. OKAY~.

I've attended this Advanced English course 2 years ago, and also a few other Grammar and English courses throughout my life (yes, u can see what an insecure freak I am when it comes to getting it right in English, yet, I still do not sound as great as Shakespeare). In the course, they said people have mistakenly used Till and Until interchangeably. WHY?.

Ok. Til, actually with an aposthrophe; 'Til is an informal, shortform of the word Until. Ok, acceptable. Apparently 'Til has been used by advertising media blablabla just to create that "trend" or ""coolness" of English. Ok, whatever.

Then comes Till. According to the American sites i've visited, Till has been around for like freaking 800 years already and not until later that they came out with the word Until, to describe "up to". What i've learnt in the classes i went is that, we shouldn't get confused between Till and Until. Why?...They say, we should always practice PROPER English, because that's what English is all about. A proper language with great manners. Here's what I've learnt.

Till is the bloody squarish compartment that is situated at the bottom of a bloody Cash Register. What does it do? It bloody pops out upon keyed-in transactions. In English (proper, that is) Till means specifically that, nothing more.

Therefore if one were to use Until, they should opt for the whole word for proper, mannerly speaking (regardless verbally or written) to describe "up to", and could use 'Til when speaking informally.

I think PROPER English makes more sense, don't u think?

What is the happened to our England?! Hah!

--> see, i even colour-coded them for ease of comparison. how considerate. :P

p/s: this entry is open for creative discussions. i like opinions! :)

:: Melbourne, Revisited ::

2008-08-09T22:36:00.007+08:00

Boarded a flight to my great city of memories, Melbourne on July 12th, 2008 with Mommy dearest. At first I thought it was just gonna be mom and I, but turns out that Papa, adeq n Elly also went. The former, of course came along to celebrate MY day, but the two latter(s) came along for a relatively short holiday.

My convocation fell on July 15th, 6.30pm at Camberwell Centre, surrounded by houses, small shops and a small church. The place was just pleasing. The ceremony went so smoothly, despite the fact that none of us graduands were called for any rehearsal prior to the event. They are, I salute, the total experts.

I cried to tears when I found out that Papa was gonna come for the ceremony, purely because I gave away the tickets to Mommy, and my two dear friends, Sally and Claudia. Papa came to my surprise...From far, I could see him smiling...The same smile I saw when I held my Bachelor's scroll back in 2006. The smile filled with joy, pride and fulfillment. I couldn't help but to beg the ticket collectors to let me purchase just ONE additional ticket for my loving father...and so they decided to gave it to me for FREE. I couldn't wait to share my joy that I ran through the crowd, eagerly trying to find Papa, ignoring the fact that I had my robe on and tucked perfectly. As I got to Papa, I was in quite a mess...it didn't cross my mind even on how I looked like, because my heart was just pumping with excitement. Papa indeed, was VERY very happy.

And so, we set a "date" to meet in the hall, me and papa. I've never seen him that ecstatic in my life...he had such a pretty smile, and he held that smile from the minute he arrived til the last time I passed by him upon walking towards the stage. Papa didn't miss a single moment. NOT A SINGLE MOMENT. As I exit the hall with fellow achievers, all I could do was to scan through every corner of the lobby, trying to find Papa.I wasn't too worried about Mommy though, coz she had Sal and Claud sticking by her all the time. Then I felt my phone vibrating...text message from Papa, and 8 missed calls from daddy dearest. Apparently he called to tell me that he had left...and didn't want to "steal" me away from my mother and friends....In his text, he said the most wonderful, heartfelt words a daughter would ever long for.

"E'en, Papa dah balik. I am so proud of you. Every cent of my money, was all worth it. I did not regret spending so much for you because you've made Papa a very proud father. I love you and I miss you very much"

and the text goes on. I burst into tears. After that, it was just endless text messages and calls between me and Papa. The heartache we caused each other just recently, didn't matter at all. Our love and mutual understanding grew so much more than it was before....and i'm glad shit happened, because if it didn't, then I doubt things would turn out this way....

To all; my Papa, Mommy, Kak Tina, Kak Ija, and my dearest friends, thank you, for your endless support, especially when I was at the verge of giving up.

Not to forget Ewa, Eski and Amar. Thank you so much for letting me and mom stay over. Amar, thank you for the 5 star hospitality. We really really appreciate it.

Oh, gambar ni saje je letak. I cooked EVERYTHING ok! :)
It was sort of a "present" dinner for Amar coz he took us everywhere on getting stuff for the house and going around the city. Amar balik2 je "waaaaahhh! lapar, lapar" hahahahahha
Of course, after dinner, me and Amar had our share of Tim Tam. Mine's original, and his is caramel. Oh sedap. Mesti la i curik his sikit kaaann..mane bole elak caramel ok! :P

Dan semestinya, kalau dah sampai Melbourne, haruslah pit-stop at Max Brenner!
hehehehhe...Mommy and I are such chocolate freaks. aaaaaaa rindu!

Anyway, had tons of fun...
I LOVE MELBOURNE!

:: What's It Worth? ::

2008-08-01T15:37:00.002+08:00

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later>and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told>us>all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.>Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse.

And so the saying goes,

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

I know this story could've been one creative idea of a person; even so, it did make me hold back tears.

This story was e-mailed to me by dear friend Arief, dated 30th August 2006, just few weeks after my Bachelor's Degree convocation. My friends indeed played a huge part of my life, and I shall not let the sacrifices, efforts and everything there is to a friendship be forgotten. Thank you, Boe. :)